Disclaimer: Disclaimer: Same as before…. Vala means 'Chosen' in old English. The poems that are from Pelagius and Dagonet are actually fairly modern and come from a poem site on the internet, but I thought they would fit here.

Sorceress Misha: Just to stop you going daft and trying to head off the death threats here is the next chapter a little quicker….and no cliffies this time! Aren't I nice! LOL Tristan's shock will be explored a little in this chapter but will come out more in further ones, and one will be do to with Devon….though that will be told my Merlin to them. I know, poor old Lance, it wasn't like it was his fault, I mean someone says 'I'm right behind you' what you going to do? My sodding laptop has lost the bookmark of you site addy, can you send it again – or just stick it in your review (if it'll let you and I definitely will come and have a look-see!) :O)

Calliann: I know he is a naughty boy, but trust me he has major grounds for this and all will become clear soon. They had to be together, at least in my view of what the 'hereafter' (for want of a better term) is like. Don't apologise for ranting, listen you're not threatening me with death which is a plus! And to have you rant must mean it made an impression, which is good too. :O) I thought I wouldn't make this big thing of it yet, but Devon will and will be so chuffed for him. I knew you'd like the Jols bit! Did I get it right though? I wasn't sure it was right…. Vanora had to lose her rag though didn't she? I mean there is her best friend lying at death's door and this bloody Woad is going on about destiny….I'd have lamped him one if it were me! Well, I've tried to update quickly as being hoarse is no fun….especially if you wish to shout at aught else muchly! ;O) I know poor Dag, but even he couldn't remain calm at that could he?

Aelia O'Hession: I am aren't I, and I did didn't I! OOhhh, I am so naughty! However, purely because I like you muchly, this story is more for you than anyone else and you scare me most of all (and trust me I have been getting loads of death threats, so yours have to be good to better the others) I have made this a non cliffy! Also I think you'll like it….hopefully! LOL BTW, I hope you don't mind but I used the 'realm of Shades' in this chapter….is that alright? If not I can change it…. Additionally, TRUST ME WOMAN – there will be no deluges…and even this shower is passing to let in the sun now….read on…..and have faith! VBG

SpectralLadyOh I am….think of me as a female wolverine when it comes to the temper stakes! I reckon I could Devon a run for her money! LOL And you were, very threatening – even without the growl:O) Well, hopefully you'll this non-cliffy muchly fluff chapter….hopefully…if you don't I can tell you I live in a cave on high mountain in Kathmandu!

WARNING: BAD LANGUAGE AND VIOLENCE, SO READ AT YOUR OWN PERIL.

All reviews, and constructive criticism, gratefully received – but no flaming please; and I will try to update regularly.

'—' signifies thoughts.

"—" signifies speech.

Anyway…chapter Twelve!

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Heart & Soul

Chapter Twelve – The Realm of Shades

Dagonet continued to hold Devon's hand and tell her she would not leave him, but the conviction in his voice was faltering. He would wet her lips and drip water into her mouth, and do the same with Tristan; but his shoulders sagged and his movements was slower now, almost defeated.

All were worried about him, he looked like a wraith; he refused to leave her unless he absolutely had to, he was barely eating or sleeping and the worry was now taking it's toll on the large man.

He barely spoke to anyone, his large brown eyes fixed on the still form before him. He would speak to Tristan; but only to demand, in no uncertain terms, that he return and with his Devon.

As he had done before, he recited a poem he knew from when he was a boy; one he thought would make her understand how he felt about her. Maybe, this time, it would be what would finally bring her back:

I was sort of hoping,
That you would come along,
Like the answer to a prayer,
And the music to a song.

Like the kind of thing that happens,
At a special place and time,
That will change our lives forever,
Like a fantasy of mine.

The fantasy was there before,
I ever knew your name,
And now that I have found you,
We will never be the same.

So, pardon, if I look at you,
Forgive me, if I stare,
At the fantasy I knew before,
I saw you standing there.

For I was always hoping,
That you would come along,
Like the answer to a prayer,
And the music to a song.

Whenever I day dream,
and day dream I do,
in my secret garden,
I day dream of you.

I day dream of you,
in a faraway land;
embracing me tight
and holding my hand.

Holding my hand,
and touching my face.
Just you and me,
in this peaceful place.

In this peaceful place
a pristine river flows.
Where the unicorns run,
a breeze always blows.

A breeze always blows
and sings of a song;
our love in a place
where you're never gone.

Where you're never gone
is as it would seem,
from dusk until dawn,
whenever I day dream.

And whenever I day dream,
and day dream I do,
in my secret garden,
I day dream - of you.

But once again it failed to have any effect; he sighed and continued to hold her hand…and whisper his love to her.

The others came in and would talk to her too; Lancelot, now recovering, would speak to her, but little – until one day, 3 days after he woke up.

Dagonet had gone to the latrine once more; Lancelot had said he would watch them for him. The two had become firm friends over the last 3 days, their mutual concern for their sick friends now a common bond.

The dark knight had got painfully out of his bed and knelt in-between Devon and Tristan. He held one of their hands in each of his and turned to the scout "I know you're sad Tris and she comforts you there; I know it was a shock and you are heartsick, but so are we….we need her, we do – and you. What will we do without our scout to guide us?

But Dag is beside himself without her….it's cruel to keep her there…you must come back. She won't leave you; you know how bloody stubbornly loyal the demon is, so you must come back. It's not like they were even letting us in!"

He then spoke to the young woman lying so still beside him "You said you were right behind me Devon…you did. But you're not back….why? You can't leave us….you can't. You said…you were right behind me, you had his hand in yours and you were following me….what happened?

I have nothing to prove if you are not with me; no one would believe I could be a better man without you to tell them, to defend me as you have before." He sighed and hung his head "I should never have left you…I shouldn't. I could see, could see Tristan's face…I knew….knew he was struggling to accept what had happened…

Dagonet needs you Devon…..he does; so does Lucan, so does the herd, and the rest of us….even that old woman, Aida, needs you. Arthur needs you too; I know, I know a Roman Christian needing a pagan demon like you" he smiled "with the rage of Hades in her heart - but he does.

But most of all our Dag needs you; heneeds you like I need the air to breath. His heart is dying Devon ,and you above all others knows what that feels like; you know how it feels to have a scarred soul – I saw that. Don't do this to us all, but most of all don't do this to him…..please…I beg you….don't." There was no response from either body.

"My fault," he muttered, his shoulders slumping in defeat "All my fault….I should never have left them…"

He felt the tears sliding down his cheeks, but this time he did nothing to stop them; he cared naught to whomever saw him cry, he cared naught as to whether they ridiculed him…he was about to lose two of the best people he knew, and he hadn't even told them how much he cared.

A hand rested on his shoulder and he looked up to see Arthur standing next to him "I do not believe it is your fault Lance….neither do the others." Lancelot scrubbed at his face. Arthur smiled "She made me cry too….once…..she is good at reading us deep inside, event the parts we try to keep hidden, and telling us the truth. No wonder Pelagius liked her so."

Lancelot smiled sadly at him and rose stiffly "I'd best get back to bed…"

"Aye, you had…or else Aida will have your hide!"

"Do you think she is related to Devon?"

"No, why?"

"She cares so much for her, and seems to like her….yet she barely knows her."

"So do we, and we didn't know her all that well; yet here we all are coming to see her, worrying about her, loving her" he gestured to the door Dag had gone through. He sighed "I am worried about Dagonet, he speaks of fetching her himself…I hope he does not do aught stupid…."

"Tell her…."

"What?"

"Tell Devon…" Lancelot had an idea and spoke loudly, raising an eyebrow at Arthur who understood and did likewise, his commanding voice moving round the room "tell her you fear Dag will harm himself to go fetch her…tell Tristan the same. They are both fiercely fond of that great ox and I know they would not wish it…though I think Tristan would rather put out his own eyes than admit it!" the knight smiled at his commander.

He looked across at Devon "If anything will bring her back it is her rage, and nothing will make her angrier than that great oaf harming himself for her sake. After all, he is doing that now anyway, is he not?" he raised his voice a little more, though it fatigued him to do so. This was one way to fetch them back, anger, and they both had it in spades! "He is barely eating, sleeping or anything…..even I, not the most observant of men, can see him wasting away."

Devon began to fidget. She did not wake, but it was the first movement she'd made for 11 days. Tristan turned his head her way, though his eyes were tight shut…..a tear slid out from the edge of one eye and rolled down the side of his face and into his pillow.

Arthur had never seen the scout cry…never. Not when he had had to kill his first horse because it's leg was broken – and God he had loved that beast, not when Percival had died - a native from his village too and his last link to home, not even when he heard his betrothed had been killed coming to find him. The scout never cried; it was an emotion, and Tristan did not do emotions.

The commander turned to Lancelot "What in the name of God has happened to him?" he asked, concern thick in his voice. Before the dark knight could speak, they both watched as Devon stretched out a hand and grasped the scout's, whose arm was reaching for her.

Her eyes fluttered open "Arthur, I will tell you one day…not now. Dagonet? I want Dag….." The slits of honey closed again, but she held fast to Tristan….Arthur realised the hands they were holding were the ones with the cut palms…

"I wanted to stay…but she would not let me…" muttered Tristan groggily.

Arthur ran from the room "DAGONET! DAGONET! FOR GOD'S SAKE - DAGONET!"

Lancelot leapt up, cursing the pain in his shoulder and rounded on the two before him "DON'T YOU EVER BLOODY DO THAT TO ME AGAIN! I couldn't believe you let me come back on my sodding own!"

Brother and sister smiled at him "Our goodbyes were longer…." Devon whispered and held out her free hand to him.

He fell by her bed and hugged her tightly "I missed you, you little demon….and you, you bloody great lump!" he grinned a little tearily at Tristan, who regarded him with a small smile.

"Hmmm….it was certainly quieter when you'd gone…." Was all the scout said.

0-0-0-0-0

The large knight was just returning, wiping his face so none would see the tears of frustration and anguish that he had shed whilst retreating briefly to his room. He could not let her see him like that, but neither could he hold back now the secret fear that she had gone….at least in spirit. Her body was there; breathing, living, showing him how tantalisingly close he had been to happiness – but her soul was gone. She was gone.

He heard Arthur yelling for him, almost anger in his voice 'Oh Goddess, don't let her have passed without me there to say goodbye.' He thought as he ran to his commander.

"ARTHUR! What is it?" he gasped as he ran up "she hasn't….?"

Arthur beamed at him "SHE IS AWAKE DAG!" he yelled "She is awake and asking for you…so is Tristan…"

Dagonet was a blur as he passed, and all the others came running "Is she?" Van asked "Is he?"

"Aye Vanora she is and so is he – why would I lie?" Arthur smiled.

The small redhead flung herself at Arthur and he swung her round "oh, she's back, she's back and so is that bloody ghost of a scout! Thank the Goddess, thank your God, thank every bloody deity in the Heavens….she's back, we've got our little demon back and our scout!" She laughed, cried and kissed the large man all at the same time.

Galahad and Gawain were clapping each other on the back, each time a little harder until they'd all but knocked each other over, laughing.

Jols had tears in his eyes and a big grin on his face, Aida was openly weeping but laughing too. Bors stood quietly muttering "Bloody little maid….I shall be havin' words I shall…scarin' us all like that, and that bloody scout!" but he was smiling too.

The herd, including Lucan, were dancing round.

Guinevere looked to her father "So it continues?"

"Aye…it does, thank the Goddess…I thought destiny had suddenly lurched onto a different path."

"You think so much of her father?"

"Aye…she avenged Wolf, she avenged the good roman she liked and she avenged her parents. She even went for a third time to the realm of shades and brought back the knights they need. She is all the prophecy spoke of…..they will need her, especially the large one. He would have followed her soon after; hearts broken like his would have been, do not beat on for long."

"I hope she likes me now." Guinevere sighed.

"She will if you behave, and stop playing your 'games', daughter. But she will keep you in check either way." He smiled, pulling her into a brief embrace.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Dagonet raced into the room; Devon had let loose Tristan's hand and was struggling to sit up. Her face lit up as she reached out her arms to him, her eyes swimming.

He was on her in a moment, and had swept her up into a bear hug so tight she could not breathe…but she hugged him back, despite the pain and the fatigue that gripped her even now.

"Don't do that to me…Devon…I…..thought I'd lost you…I thought…you'd gone…that your family…that you…" he could not speak, could not put into words the fear he'd held in his heart.

She pulled his lips to hers "that I was Vala…" his head flew up "I saw her, she came and said to say she was sorry she left you.

Dagonet, I would not leave you…..it just took a little longer to say goodbye.

I am not going to die on you any time soon. That was made clear to me in no uncertain terms….it is just as well I do not wish to anymore" she smiled "or I could have been quite cross!"

She kissed him again and hugged him. "Oh, how I've missed you my gentle warrior…." She rubbed her cheek against his and then pushed their foreheads together "you would not let me be, I could hear you…..and not asking; nay, telling me to come back!" she grinned "I had no idea you could be so bossy!"

He grinned at her, hardly daring to believe she was here and real – still breathing and still loving him. His eyes darkened as he looked at a sleeping Tristan, she pulled his face back to her and brushed her lips to his, lips he never thought to kiss again "Nay Dag –do not be vexed so at him, it was a terrible thing he learnt there. I cannot speak….it was bad…it took time to accept and let go.

He begged Dag…." She closed her eyes as the tears came then "proud man that he is, he did just as I have in the past; he begged them entry, reached through those cursed gates to beg them let him enter…but they would not yield.

He - stubborn ass that he is - swore he would not leave until they did. I could not leave him, he told me go – to follow Lance….but I would not forsake him, he's my blood kin now. I knew we'd come back…but has it been long Dag? You look bad, Lancelot was saying you would harm yourself to fetch me, you were wasting away before them." she looked concerned and sad.

"Aye, you've been gone 11 days Devon; 11 days my heart has ached for the sight of your eyes on mine, of feeling the touch of your skin to mine. 11 days of praying to any God that would listen to let you return to me. 11 days of thinking you lost in spirit, if not in body, to my soul that has cried for you every night. I cannot bear to think how I missed you…." she rubbed the tears that had run onto his cheek with her thumbs.

"I had no idea….none; it is not so long there….an hour there must be a day here…before I have always been alone, so never knew how long it was."

She touched his cheek with her hand and he pressed his mouth into the palm and kissed it hard "How long I've waited for you to do that my lady….how long I've dreamed of your touch once more. But….but I thought it lost to me…I thought you happier where you'd gone…..."

"Dagonet, Dagonet…I would not be happier anywhere but here now…..even Heaven is not as golden as it seemed a few short days ago without you in it. This hell we live in is Heaven to me now, only because you are here…." She stared deeply into his eyes, something she did not do often "I love you Dagonet the Aorsi….I love you my dear, gentle bear of a knight.

You are the best man I have ever known…you hold me Dag; heart, body and soul you hold me. You are the most fearsome warrior, the gentlest man and the noblest and kindest knight. You have a pure heart and a good soul….all men in the world should aspire to be you…." she broke down at the end, tears spilling down her cheeks "Vala told me I was lucky, but I already knew that…."

"Vala….how did…?"

"The Land of the Dead is where we go when we die…Heaven, basically. Others would know it as the Realm of Shades. There are large gates that only open for those that should be there, whose time has come. Ours hadn't, and so the gates remained shut; but our loved ones came and saw us….and others too….Vala was one. The others for Tristan…." she stopped "I will tell you of it all one day Dag…I promise. But not now, it is too bad and he is so heartsick at it." She nodded at Tristan.

"Is it so bad for him?" all anger at the knight had dissipated; if he was suffering some terrible news or loss, the large knight would not worsen it – he liked the scrap of a scout too much.

"Aye…it is bad Dag….so very bad….more because it was not expected…." She found it difficult to keep her eyes open, but just as they began to flutter shut once more she said one word that filled his heart "Stay?"

"Where else would I go, if not with you?" he whispered. His soul finally thawed and her heart began to beat as one whole as she drifted into a restful slumber, their hands clutched tight together…each refusing to let loose the other.

0-0-0-0-0

A while later, as she slept, Tristan awoke "How fares my sister?" he asked groggily.

"Better…you?" Dagonet, still holding Devon's hand, glanced at the rumpled scout.

"I feel a large wagon has run over me, and then come back to do it again….but I'll live." He sounded almost disappointed at the last.

"Aye you better Tristan, for I'll not lose her for the want of her brother…." Dagonet said darkly.

"I know…I know…she would not leave me…though I told her to…"

"Aye, but then she would not be the woman we love if she had just abandoned you."

"Nay, mayhap you're right….she is the reason I live now…only she…." He said sadly.

"Nay…you live because we are your brothers full as much as she is your sister…..and we are your tribe now; just as we are hers." Dagonet spoke forcefully.

Tristan peered at him "What has she told you?"

"She told me nothing. But I know it would be a big thing that would make Tristan the Sarmatian killer beg for anything. The only thing that would make you wish to stay dead is the death of all you love….." he held a hand to stay the scout's reply "You do not have to speak of it Tris; I do not wish to distress you further – but mark me, you are as much to me as you are to her….and I do not doubt the others feel the same; so you are not alone, alright?" he said emphatically.

Tristan merely nodded; not trusting himself to speak until he got a rein on his feelings again, and so slowly and painfully rolled to face the wall. But not before Dagonet saw the emotions in his brown eyes – acceptance and belonging, mixed with terrible grief.

A short while later, when he was sure the scout was asleep once more, Lancelot sat up and looked at Dagonet "Will they be alright?"

Dag nodded "Aye I think so. Lancelot, what in the name of all the deities happened?" he was confused "I mean….you've got the scout apparently begging to stay dead, my dead wife speaking to Devon, and the Goddess only knows what happening to you."

"Dead wife?" Lancelot looked shocked "I never knew you married?"

"It was a pagan ritual….kept very quiet; you know how the Romans are about it. But I loved her very much. It had been difficult to keep our love a secret, creeping around…" he smiled "but we were happy. She died in childbirth whilst I was away on a mission; she and the babe both perished." He sighed.

"I am sorry; I had no idea." The younger knight looked thoughtful "That was about 10 years ago was it not? I remember you looking ill for some months and not even keeping with Bors and Van. Plus it had gone from being bloody difficult to find you, to knowing exactly where you were."

"Aye that's right. I missed her something dreadful, but it was hard with Bors and Van and the herd…..though they only had One and Two then. But they reminded me of all I'd lost."

"Did they know?"

"No, I told no one – though I think they'd guessed. But they never said….I never spoke of any of it, until now…..until Devon mentioned Vala's name."

"I see…."

"So what happened?"

"I cannot say…I saw my grandfather…..I talked with my older sister who died of a fever. Devon saw her parents and spoke with them, about you.." Dag smiled and raised an eyebrow "It was all good by the way…but I'll leave Devon to tell you…" smirked the knight, for the first time feeling like he could laugh again.

"She met this young woman, who I assume is Vala then…and there was this young man stood a way off who waved to her, but he never approached. I assumed that was wolf, though I was not sure.

A roman came to her, and she cried and hugged him through the bars – he was a bit cross at her, but hugged her back and kissed her cheek, he spoke of Arthur warmly and so I think that must be Pelagius." Arthur was stood at the door and stiffened at the name of his surrogate father.

"And what of Tristan?" asked their commander as he entered.

"I cannot speak of it Arthur…I cannot." Lancelot's face darkened with sadness and his voice hitched "it was bad, I will never forget the look on his face for as long as I live, and that is enough to say."

"I think all he loved are dead." Dagonet spoke sadly "and I do not think he knew."

"Then that is indeed bad…." Arthur nodded, slightly stunned. "Where were you?"

"The Realm of Shades Tristan called it. The Land of the Dead it would have been to my tribe and Devon's….I suppose you Christians would call it Heaven." Lancelot shrugged.

"Aye he would…for it is a lovely place Arthur." Devon murmured opening her eyes "Dag, could I have a few minutes with Arthur?"

Bearing in mind what Lancelot had said, Dag nodded – knowing what she wished to speak of.

"I saw him" she began as Arthur sat down next to her, Dagonet moved over and sat the other side and checked on Tristan; who shuffled over in the bed so he could sit and lightly knocked the large knight's shoulder with a sad smile, as he struggled to sit up.

"Pelagius?"

"No…your God - who do you think, oaf!" she smiled.

He smiled back glad to see the old Devon returning. "And?"

"He was mad at me….said I shouldn't have been so idiotic. But then he hugged and kissed me, as best he could through those bloody gates, and wished to speak of you." she sighed and struggled to remember all her friend had told her. It was difficult as it was already fading in her mind, almost as if it had all been a dream.

"He said you were as a son to him, that you should not be ashamed that I did this thing alone. That he was proud of you as a boy, but he is the most proud of you now you are a man.

He told me this rhyme; he said it would mean much to you…" she paused as she tried to remember it exactly as he'd told her, she knew that somehow it was most important she get it right:

I would be true, for there are those who trust me;
I would be pure, for there are those who care;
I would be strong, for there is much to suffer;
I would be brave, for there is much to dare;

I would be friend of all--the foe, the friendless;
I would be giving, and forget the gift;
I would be humble, for I know my weakness;
I would look up, and laugh, and love and live.

I would be faithful through each passing moment;
I would be constantly in touch with God;
I would be strong to follow where He leads me;
I would have faith to keep the path Christ trod.

Does it? He seemed to think it would."

Arthur nodded, fighting back the tears that swam in his eyes, vainly attempting to swallow the large lump in his throat.

He had been sceptical at first of what had been said….but this. There was no way that Devon could know this poem that Pelagius had taught him as a boy, shortly after his father had died, not being a Christian why would she? But it was one he held dear and endeavoured to live by – it had also been Pelagius' favourite.

Devon reached her arms up and said softly, though the others heard her "He watches over you; but he misses you muchly Arthur….very muchly." Dag caught his breath knowing what the word meant; as did Arthur now, after the children used it so much he had made it his business to find out – and Lucan had been more than willing to tell him the story.

That one word was Arthur's undoing….unheeding of those around him, the great Roman commander -friend and brother to the knights, hero to the serfs outside, and the future legendary king of the Britons –gathered the small young woman into his arms, the woman who up until this moment had been his sworn enemy for her part, and sobbed into her shoulder as she shushed and comforted the large man.

Her own tears were falling for the gentle roman; the kind man and rare friend she had had to leave behind, with the others she had loved and lost, in the Land of the Dead…in Heaven.