Great news you have discovered chapter 12. Now be careful it bites when hungry.
"Carey please leave me alone, I just need some space." I am refusing to move. I won't allow any amount of time to pass without me here because she'll just use the minutes to convince herself from stopping her feelings. I walked her to the edge of emotional turmoil and I'll wait here until she either jumps off the cliff or climbs down to the bottom again. Staying at a stalemate is not an option in my book.
"Molly may I ask you one more question?" She waits a few seconds before providing me an answer.
"Yeah sure but only if you promise to leave afterwards."
"We'll see we'll see. You just told me a few minutes ago that the main reason my letter did scare you was because you found yourself agreeing to it. Now my question is what's holding you back?" Molly is right about one thing I am not idiot, I am perfectly aware I will not be receiving a sunshine cheery happy response with that one. I have come so far! Further than I would ever imagine myself touching, I refuse to walk away. Fear is a distracter in many things in life; this will not be one of those times.
"What's holding me back? What's holding me back? Well let's see here Carey. Let's begin with the fact this entirely stupid. I am twenty-one years older than you, twenty-one Carey. Jesus Christ I am older than your mother you realize that right?" No I had no idea I thought you were only two years older than me! I wanted to spit back that reply to her.
"I don't care."
"Oh you don't care do you? It's perfectly peachy happy for you? And how do you think your parents will react? Do you think that they won't care either? Or my kids for that matter? Yeah Carey don't forget about them. I have kids that are practically the same age as you. Do you think they'd throw us a party of celebration? No. God damn it! Okay I won't lie to you or try to make an excuse for my feelings; I think I might like you as well. But what I realize is the one thing you're forgetting, and that's this cannot or will never happen. So just move on." Just move on huh? That's like telling a fish to survive above the waters surface. Or telling all the stars to fall from the sky with a single command. Simply put they are all impossible.
"Never. If you truly want me to leave you alone I will, I said so in the letter and I did mean that. However I will not move on or find a way to conceal my feelings."
"Carey I know what it's like to be trapped and held down by something that you want but are not allowed to have, it's horrible. I don't want to see you go through that." While she was speaking I carefully stood from the desk and joined her side on the bed. She had paused to look at me a well-mixed emotion of annoyance of being so close and appreciation.
"Than don't allow me." I whisper quietly as if the words were terrified of leaving the safety of my mind.
"There isn't anything that I can do, I am sorry." No I wasn't going to allow this to happen! I gently take a hold of her beautiful face pull her towards me ever so slightly, while ignoring the anxious look of what I can only best describe as fear, I kiss her. And to my surprise and joy she kisses me back.
Knock knock. We pull apart roughly and stare at the door and the noise coming from it as if it were an alien and any second would break it down and kill us both slowly and painfully.
"Hey mom? Irene says she wants to talk to you." Jack's voice creeps into the room. Molly looking absolutely flustered and stuck in a totally different dimension just continues staring at the door.
"Okay honey I'll be right there!" She finally tells him, turns to me as if to say goodbye, or something, I really don't know because I didn't receive anything before she yanked the door open quickly walking down the hallway.