A/N: This is a songfic that revolves around 'My Immortal' by Evanescence. Its pretty sad. Anyway, read it. You'll see.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this. Other then the plot. But it sort of came from Eoin Colfer, so not really. If I did own it, then Julius wouldn't be dead. But he is. So Eoin Colfer shall perish! As soon as I'm done mourning.

Not Nearly Strong Enough

I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all of my childish fears

She walked into her apartment. Ever since Commander Julius Root had died, everything had changed. Without him nothing was the same. His replacement could never amount to his level. Never. Inside the work place or out. Sool couldn't replace her Julius.

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

She tried to forget him, but she just couldn't. He had been a part of her. She sighed and walked into her bedroom. The same room he had come to so many times. Just to make sure she felt alright. Everyone thought, being Wing Commander, she could take care of herself. That she didn't need anyone. They were wrong. She needed him, as he needed her.

Because your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

She shred her uniform and stared at her strong frame in the mirror. Her coffee-brown skin that bore the scars and burns of so many missions. Of so many shuttle crashes. She was no longer the young LEP cadet she had once been. Now…now things had changed.

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

She lay down on her bed, and stared at the ceiling. Her entire three foot frame shook for the first time in so long. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks. Tears. She was crying. It had been so long since she had cried. Everyone expected her to be so strong. But no. Not without Julius. Without Julius…she was lost.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

She used to be as strong as everyone thought. Ever since the academy. That was the only way she had made it to the council. She had worked so hard, because the very first day of the academy was the same day her life changed. The day she met Julius Root.

And I've held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

The tears came harder as she remembered that day. She had fallen in love at first sight. He was so strong. Number one in the class. She didn't mind always being second best. But somehow she ended up on the council first.

You used to captivate me

By your resonating light

He was happy for her. They became close friends, and she made sure he was made Commander. He deserved it, really. He would have gotten it without her help. They were always there for each other. She thought of him day and night. And soon she began to think of him as more then just a friend.

But now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

The day his elder brother betrayed the LEP was a sad one. Julius let him go. She understood. He could not send his only brother to jail like a common criminal. She was there for him. To comfort him. And for that he was grateful.

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

He trusted her, and she trusted him. One day, not a year ago, though it seemed so far away, he came into her apartment unannounced. This shocked her. Julius never came barging in to anywhere unless it was an emergency. He walked across the room and held her in his arms. She did not resist. Then he said four words that changed her life forever. "Orchid," he whispered. "I love you."

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

From that day on things were different. They had to hide their relationship from the rest of the council. It would not seem proper. But they managed. It was worth the risk. At least once a week he would come to her house. Just to talk. Sometimes he would stay the night. Those nights she cherished more then any other memory. But no. Not now.

And I've held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

"Julius!" she cried out through her sobs. "Julius…" his name echoed around the empty room. His name. "Julius." She buried her face in her pillow and wept. Julius. He was gone. He was never coming back. Her Julius. She would never see him again. He left to soon. He had just stopped drinking. He had just promised to try to stop smoking. Everything was going to work out. If only for Koboi. "Julius."

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

And though you're still with me

I've been alone all along

The video-phone rang. She didn't want to pick it up. She wanted to let it ring. To never come out of her room again. Her Julius was gone. What was the point in living without him? She was so alone. She wasn't strong enough to go on without him. If only this had never happened. If only Koboi had died along with Briar Cudgen. If only…if only…

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears

She pulled herself out of bed. After wiping her eyes and throwing on a bathrobe, she pressed the talk button. Foaly's head appeared. "Commander Vinyaya." He said. "The mind wipe is all ready. You can come in now."

"Thank you, Foaly." She breathed. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

He stared into her eyes. "It'll be okay, Orchid." He whispered. "We'll all miss him. We'll learn to live without him. Somehow…"

She nodded, and ended the call.

And I've held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

A/N: This is the sadist thing I've ever written. I cried writing it. :(. Please review. Right now this is a one-shot. But if enough people review, I may add on a few chapters.