Disclaimer: same as all the other ones
Chapter Four
She stayed in the kitchen for a long time. Nearly an hour passed before she got up from the table. Her thoughts were like a rushing river through her head. She sat and thought through as much as she could, but her thoughts always came back to Gibbs and how much her feelings were growing to levels she didn't know were possible. Being in the house with him, knowing he was in the basement made it worse. She had the urge to go down and just tell him everything on her mind, but she knew he couldn't deal with that right now. His mind was preoccupied and with good reason. Finally she got up and headed towards the stairs leading to the basement. She didn't like the fact that he had left mad at her.
When she opened the door to the basement she could her him working on the boat. Sawdust filled the air. She came down the stairs quietly and his back was too her. He appeared to not notice her presence. He had changed out of the suit and was now in a pair of dark blue jeans and a white t-shirt with NCIS on the front. She sat down on the steps and remained quiet, watching him work. She was captivated by him and she was content to just watch.
She watched him for a good fifteen minutes before he stopped to get a drink of coffee. As he turned to reach for his cup he noticed her on the steps and Kate thought she saw him jump a little. But he recovered quickly and pulled the coffee cup up to his lips. He took a few sips before putting it back on the bench. He turned around to face her and leaned against the boat.
They were both silent, just staring at each other. They were trying to figure the other one out. Kate was baffled. She had no idea that Gibbs had this side to him; he hid it well at work. Her physical attraction was quickly becoming a deep emotional one and she couldn't hit the breaks. She new it was a bad idea, but falling wasn't your fault. Its not like she had control over the matter. He stared back at her with intent blue eyes. His expression was unreadable, the look he used so often around her.
Gibbs looked at Kate sitting on his steps and started to try to deflate the feelings inside him. One look from her and he was gone. He couldn't explain it. In the past he was sure he would never act on it. It would never work, he always told himself. Today he wasn't as sure. He knew he was destined to fail the relationship and it would cause complications in his life. Like he needed another complication anyway. He managed to keep his breathing even and his face emotionless as he watched her study him. Finally she broke the silence.
"I'm sorry about upstairs, I didn't mean to upset you," Kate said softly as her eyes left his and studied a spot on the stairs by her feet. Gibbs watched her for a moment longer and Kate could feel his gaze on her. It made the hair on her neck and arms stand at attention. She couldn't shake the feeling.
"It wasn't your fault," Gibbs replied. Kate looked up at him briefly before returning her gaze to the floor.
"How come you never told anyone?" Kate blurted out before she could stop herself. Gibbs was a little taken a back by the question, but then he thought about it.
"I don't know really. It's a private thing I guess," he said, inwardly kicking himself for sounding like a bumbling idiot. Why couldn't he speak around her?
"You said you heard his name and new he was your son, what did you mean?" Kate asked. Gibbs smiled from ear to ear at her question. Kate looked at him with a questioning look.
"Jethro Evan Brock," Gibbs replied softly. Kate nodded. "My other son was Jacob Alan Graham." Kate just nodded. They sat again in silence. Kate had no idea what to say again. In all honesty she wanted him to work on his boat again so she could watch. She hadn't realized how much she was enjoying that until he stopped.
Gibbs picked up his coffee cup again and took another drink. He had no idea what to say either. He knew he had to limit how much he said because he was having trouble submersing the emotions he was feeling. He noticed Kate watching him intently.
"What?" He asked. Kate shook her head. She couldn't just tell him what she was thinking. She had been thinking about what Jeb had told her, about being special. She wondered how much the young man knew and how much Gibbs talked away from work. They were silent again and Gibbs wondered why he didn't feel uncomfortable.
"You can tell me," he said gently after she didn't reply. Kate was shocked by his tone and softness.
"It's all just so much," Kate said, trying to think quickly to what she could tell him. He nodded. He then rested his chin on his chest and closed his eyes. Kate could see the stress on his face now. And for the first time that day realized how much stress Gibbs had been feeling, and hiding for that matter.
"You're worried," Kate said. Gibbs just smiled, his eyes still closed.
"Yes, I always worry about them," Gibbs replied quietly. He lifted his head up to look at Kate. "His mother still lives in California, but Jeb prefers to stay out here. Close to me."
"I never would have guessed. You don't even have pictures on your desk."
"They are in my wallet," Gibbs replied with a smile. "I worry that Jeb still works for the CIA. Still takes these dangerous missions," Gibbs continued now staring at the wall.
"Kind of hypocritical isn't it?" Kate asked. Gibbs looked at her quickly, the emotion flashing through his blue eyes like a tidal wave. Kate looked down at her feet.
"Why do you say that?" Gibbs asked softly after he settled the initial emotion. Kate looked up to see the genuine softness in his eyes.
"You're job isn't exactly a cakewalk," Kate said.
"It's different."
"Is it?" Kate asked looking him in the eye. He held her gaze and studied her. He saw the concern in her eyes, the worry on her face for the first time that day. He saw something he hoped was true, or was he just imagining things.
"Doesn't matter," Gibbs replied. "Jeb's a good kid," Gibbs continued trying to again divert attention from himself. Kate was beginning to see the tactic and couldn't help but smile. The look on his face made the smile bigger until she was actually laughing at him. He was so confused that he leaned back against the boat and crossed his arms over his chest, covering most of the NCIS on the front of the shirt.
Kate's mind was wandering now. Her thoughts and feelings were jumbled in incoherent fragments racing through her mind. She couldn't take her eyes off the man in front of her.
Gibbs could see Kate processing through her eyes. He watched her think as she gazed at him. He wasn't sure what she was thinking but he thought he saw it in her eyes. He swallowed hard and pushed up from the boat. He was moving on instinct now, not thinking about the consequences of his actions, or her actions. He had just stopped fighting his feelings and emotions.
He walked towards her and saw the emotions flash across her eyes: desire, love, want, and finally fear. He relaxed as he got to her as she sat perfectly still on the steps. She was high enough that he barely had to bend over. He laid a hand on either side of her on the step she was sitting on and leaned in closely. He watched her carefully for any kind of sign, forward or stop.
He saw neither and he hesitated, his mind starting to take control again. She had not reacted to his movement in any way except to sit rigid on the step. His heart won out in the end, shutting his mind down for the moment. He leaned in even closer and saw the fear in her eyes but she didn't pull away. He put his forehead against hers and stopped.
He watched as she closed her eyes and relaxed against him. He couldn't stop the emotions he was feeling now. This was right his heart felt, but his brain began screaming no at him. He was torn.
Kate was in shock at his expression of emotion. He had laid his forehead against hers and she closed her eyes. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest, as the emotions took hold. But she knew this was a bad idea no matter how right it felt to her. He was her boss.
"Rule 12," she whispered with her eyes still closed. She felt him slump his shoulders. She felt him let out a sigh. But he didn't move. He didn't break the contact between them. She felt the tears building in her eyes and she fought with all her strength and control to keep them from falling.
Gibbs pulled his head back when he heard the door at the top of the stairs start to open. Kate immediately missed his contact and opened her eyes to see why he had pulled away. She fought hard to keep the tears from falling but he wasn't looking at her. He was staring up towards the top of the stairs.
"Papa," Hunter said sleepily. Kate sat still as Gibbs went up the steps around her. She kept her back to the boy at the top of the steps. She sat watching his boat.
"Yeah, Buddy?"
"I'm thirsty."
"Ok, come on let's get something to drink," Gibbs said leading the boy out of the basement and towards the kitchen. Kate sat for a moment on the steps and the tears escaped. She wiped them away as quickly as they fell but they didn't stop, and she eventually gave up. She got up and moved down the rest of the stairs and walked to his boat. She touched the wood and then walked around it, inspecting it. She ran her hand along the board. She heard the door creak at the top of the steps and she turned so he couldn't see her as he came down them. She hurriedly wiped the tears from her face but she felt the sawdust smear in the tracks and knew she couldn't hide them. She could feel him walking up behind her now. His approach slow and deliberate.
Gibbs noticed right away after coming through the door that Kate had moved. He frowned. He continued down the stairs searching for her, finally spotting her on the other side of the boat. He slowly made his way down the stairs and around the side of the boat towards her back. She was standing so he couldn't see her face. His feelings surged again and he chastised himself for letting his heart do the leading, but his brain lost again.
He came up slowly behind her and laid a hand on her shoulder; he felt her tense. He sighed and let his hand lay lightly until he felt her relax a little. He put his other hand on her other shoulder and just stood for a moment. He wasn't sure what he wanted or how to go about it. He was extremely confused. The dam on his emotions was gone and he longed to touch her, hold her, and protect her. But he was her boss. This would be too complicated his brain argued. His heart fought back and won.
"Look at me," he whispered leaning close to her ear. She shivered when his breath hit her neck. She hesitated then turned, his hands coming up so she could turn then going right back down to her shoulders. He saw the tear runs on her checks, and noticed the sawdust smeared in them where she tried to wipe them away. Concern flooded him at that moment.
"What's wrong," he asked. Kate looked down at the floor. She was embarrassed by her tears. She didn't want him to see her like this. "Kate," he said as his hand slipped under her chin and pulled her head up to look at him. She didn't resist.
"This can't work, Jethro," she said quietly, her voice cracking. Her use of his given name shocked him but after it wore off he smiled. He closed his eyes and again put his forehead on hers. She again fought back the tears. After a moment Gibbs lost all control over his brain and gave into temptation. He leaned in and touched his lips to hers.
Kate felt his lips come into contact with hers and she couldn't help but respond. The kiss deepened and became passionate, as the emotions the two had been holding captive were suddenly free.
Gibbs broke off, in need of air and pulled back. Kate opened her eyes to see Gibbs smiling at her. She couldn't help but smile back. But then reality hit her again and she looked away. Gibbs felt his stomach knot and a headache start. She wouldn't look at him. His hands moved to her jaw and slowly pulled her head up so she had to look at him. His blue eyes stared into her brown ones and she felt her stomach knot. How could something so good be destined to be so horrible?
"Gibbs," she whispers, not trusting her voice. The look on his face makes her want to cry again but she wills herself to be strong. He is confused, hurt, and afraid. Three things she has never seen in his eyes before, all because he bared his heart to her and now she is going to tear it out. "We…can't."
Two words, but they shot through his heart like a bullet. He had not experienced this kind of pain before. Not even through three divorces. He let go of her and leaned back against his boat. He struggled to breathe as his chest constricted. He fought for control his brain screaming at his heart for laying it all on the line. He had played with the fire and he had gotten burned. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. The tears were falling again from Kate's eyes, but she hadn't made any move to get away from him. That was a plus Gibbs thought.
"Why?" he asked in a whisper, his voice cracking. He hated how weak he sounded but he couldn't help it.
"Rule 12? Remember? You're my BOSS, Gibbs," she replied. Back to my last name he thought.
"Look, Kate, I don't know if I can…go back," he said and looked away from her. She understood. She didn't think she could either and her brain was telling her it would be impossible. Her heart said step forward and lose yourself in his arms.
"I know," she whispered and reached up to touch his face. The contact was electric and he fought not to respond to it. Instead he closed his eyes. The moment was shattered as Kate's cell phone rang and pierced the silence. She closed her eyes and removed her hand from his face. The phone continued to ring until she reached in her pocket and yanked it out, flipping it open as she did.
"Yeah," she said roughly into the phone. Gibbs cringed at her tone and moved away towards the other side of the boat. He listened to her side of the conversation.
"No, I haven't been home…yeah I'm ok…no he's ok too…yeah I should be in tomorrow I don't know about Gibbs…no I'm fine…thanks…goodbye," Kate finished and flipped her phone shut. Gibbs looked at her.
"Abby," she said softly and pushed the phone into her pocket. Gibbs nodded. He didn't move and neither did she. Finally Kate couldn't take the silence anymore. "What do we do now?"
"Try, Kate," Gibbs said, half statement, half question. His eyes were an open window for Kate at the moment, and she could see the deep compassion and caring that he had for her. She took a deep breath and nodded. She moved around the boat and came up in front of him.
"Ok," she whispered. She saw the tension lift from him. He cracked a smile but she could still see he was uncertain. "On one condition."
"Ok," Gibbs said willing to tell her anything at this point.
"Tell me about your sons," Kate said looking up at him. Gibbs thought a moment and then nodded. It was the first time that he wanted to share his story about his sons with someone. He wanted her to be a part of his life as well as Jeb's and Hunter's.
"Jeb found me when he was 12. I was working at NCIS at the time. He tracked me down with my name and the fact I was a marine. That was what he knew. I was at work when he found me. He was actually sitting at my desk when we came back from the field. I don't know how long he had been there or how he got in for that matter, he never did tell me.
"I asked him what he was doing at my desk and he just looked at me and stared. He couldn't speak. I really looked at him then and started to wonder. He then started to tell me the story. But as soon as he started I took him into another room to let him finish. I was shocked. I had no idea. Then he dropped the bomb; he was a twin. Jake. It was a few weeks before I met Jake, but they were identical and just like their mother. I stayed in constant contact with them, mail, phone calls, the works.
"When they were 17 they graduated from high school, one went into the marines and one the army. You already know Jake was a Ranger so I guess that leaves Jeb in the marines. You know that Jake…died on the training mission. He was 21. Had seen some special ops missions. Was a damn good Ranger. He went up on a night jump for a training mission and his chute malfunctioned. It never opened. Jeb took it hard. He was no longer a marine at the time."
"What happened to Jeb?" Kate asked softly. They were still standing facing each other.
"When Jeb was 19 he was in a car accident. It had nothing to do with the marines. A drunk driver stuck him. It was a bad one. He had to have multiple surgeries. He has metal rods in his body to keep him sturdy."
"That explains why you were worried."
"More than you know. His mother called me and told me the news. I took a vacation and went to California. It is the reason Ducky knows about my sons. I had to tell someone the real reason.
"Jake was 19 when he called me and told me about him being a dad. I never expected to be a grandpa, it really hit me. I made an extra effort to see my grandson as much as possible. Jake was stationed in Virginia so it made it easy. When Jake died, Jeb immediately petitioned for custody."
"Where is Hunter's mother?"
"Poor kid was orphaned when Jake died. Hunter's mother was killed when Hunter was only 8 months old. She fell asleep driving home from work one night. She died on impact," Gibbs said softly. When he didn't say anything more Kate looked up at him. She decided he was done. They held each other's gaze for a moment.
"What now?" Gibbs breathed as he put his arms around her. Kate felt his strength and warmth envelop her. She could stay like this her heart said. It will never work her brain screamed.
"I don't know," Kate replied. But before she could continue Gibbs' attention was drawn away. His arms fell loosely off her shoulders and he looked up the steps. The look on his face was that of Special Agent Gibbs, not the man who had just shared the intimate details of his life. Gibbs let go of Kate and turned slightly. Kate noticed for the first time his sidearm was laying on the table, as he snatched it up. Kate tensed.
TBC…………………..