Mutsumi knows - Part 5. Tiredness kills - take a break.
I'm in the bar, where Kei-kun and Naru-chan are sitting together. It would be so easy to join them now, but I can't bring myself to do it. So many years since I last talked with them! What if they have both changed completely? What if we have nothing in common now?
No, that's ridiculous, I know that they're both striving hard to keep the promise to get into Tokyo U together. I know that all three of us can share our disappointment that this isn't the year when our promises will finally be fulfilled. We also have our happy memories of childhood to share, and back then we had so much in common, we must surely still be alike. People don't change all that much, not even in fifteen years!
Still, I can't bring myself to go up to them. Perhaps if I had inside me some of the liquid courage, that people all around me are downing in large quantities, it would be different. But I daren't drink on an empty stomach. So I order a bar meal, and try to position myself in an alcove close to Kei and Naru, but the place is crowded, and the only free tables are on the other side. The meal arrives, and I eat it quickly.
Now what? Keep drinking until I feel brave enough to go up to them? No, I don't think that would create the right impression. So I have one of those thoughts that seems like a good idea at the time. I go to the man behind the bar, the one who is obviously running the place, and I spin a yarn about being an investigator, keeping tabs on an eloping couple. I ask if I can become a waitress, just for tonight, and he agrees in return for a small amount of cash. Well, it ought to work. Nobody ever pays much attention to the people serving them, do they? So, in a minute I am in a waitress uniform, and trying to find people in the vicinity of kei-kun and Na-chan who want serving.
The snag in my idea is soon obvious. Nobody near Kei-kun wants to be served. Lots of people on the other side of the room want to be served. Na-chan is ordering drinks, lots of drinks, but she is only interested in being served by one of the male waiters, who she calls "the hottie with the hops". It doesn't matter that he is on the other side of the room, she will shout out loudly for him, until he goes over to serve her. In the meantime I am being run off my feet elsewhere - this must be the busiest night of the year for this bar. The bar owner probably couldn't believe his luck when somebody actually offered to pay for the privilege of working for him tonight, it's no wonder that he leapt at the chance.
Soon, though, I don't have to be near to get the gist of what is being said. The drink is having its effect, and the voices are getting louder.
"You've been struggling for fifteen years to keep your promise to some girl you don't even know - that's dumb!"
"Wh-what's your problem? If I even breathe wrong you punch me!"
"If you didn't deserve being hit so much, I wouldn't punch you so much! Okay? Ugh, just looking at you makes me want to sock ya! You're a clumsy, lecherous fool, you're a whole three years older than me but you whine and bitch like a petulant child! You are a grade A, numero uno loser! I am nowhere near shocked that someone like you couldn't pass that test!"
By this stage, other people have stopped drinking and all over the room attention seems to be focussing on the one spot, the crowd anticipating some action. Unfortunately, they aren't disappointed. Calling him a pervert, Naru smashes her fist into Kei-kun's face, the hardest punch I have ever seen delivered by anyone, ever! He collapses onto the floor, and Naru stands over him.
She adds "And you know what? Even if a complete loser like you through some divine providence miraculously made it into Tokyo University, there's no way that girl would ever be happy with you!"
Oh, my Kei-kun, Naru is wrong, so wrong! You will make it, and I will be happy with you, I swear!
And now Kei-kun gets up, and he looks angry. It looks like it's his turn to say something hurtful. Oh, if only I could have had the courage to go up to them, before any of this happened! I don't want to see them hurting each other, but it seems like there's nothing I can do now except watch.
"Oh yeah? well you burned out your eyes so bad studying that you had to wear big ole' coke-bottle glasses and you still couldn't pass! Ha! And even if you had gotten into Tokyo U I doubt that certain person would even give you the time of day!"
What does he mean by "that certain person"? Is he talking about me? Why do they both seem to assume that I wouldn't want to be with them? I do want to be with them, it's only my stupid nervousness that's stopping me from saying so now! But my line of thought is interrupted by Naru. Her eyes are brimming with tears. I'm hoping she'll break down and hug Kei-kun and there'll be tearful apologies on both sides for what is really just a stupid beer-induced misunderstanding. But I'm afraid that something else is coming instead.
"Screw you!" she screams as she swings her handbag forcefully down onto the top of his head. "I loathe you! I never .. I never .. I never want to see your face again!" And with that she storms out, slamming the door of the bar behind her.
Oh, my! My poor Kei-kun, how you must be hurting inside! The place has suddenly become a lot quieter. It seems to be closing time, nearly everybody has either gone already or is heading for the exit. While one of the waiters is attending to Kei-kun, I take the opportunity to slip out and change out of my waitress guise. When I return, Kei-kun is still lying on the floor. The waiter is trying to get him to pay his bill, but I don't think he'll have much luck. I take a good look at Kei-kun, hoping he'll be all right, but the feeling stealing over me is one of deja vu.
I am able to bring kei-kun to his feet, but there is no awareness in his eyes. Again! It is exactly like the morning of the last exam. And the bar owner wants him to pay, but I don't think it would be safe to wake him up. "Well, if you don't want him to pay, then you can pay for him" the man says.
I agree, even though I think I've already given the bar owner enough, with my unpaid waitressing. But then I'm presented with a totally outrageous bill. "Ara!" I say, "I didn't say I'd pay everybody's tab!"
"This is what those two drank! It's all itemised! They had sake with their meal, then the girl had every aperitif on the menu, then there's all these beers ..."
And now I am angry. "Na-chan is underage! She's only seventeen! You had no right serving her all those drinks, and you made her say all those things she didn't mean, I bet if I mentioned it to the law they'd look carefully at your license!"
"Oh, er yes, my apologies. I think we have brought you the wrong bill by mistake. Yes, the girl did only drink iced oolong tea, now I come to think of it! Lots and lots of oolong tea, yes! And she didn't get drunk at all, of course, because she wasn't drinking! Please forget about our mistake, and we'll forget all about this bill, and we'll all be much happier, yes?"
And so a minute later, with history having been more-or-less amicably rewritten, I'm out in the street with a sleepwalking Keitaro. "Oh, Kei-kun!" I say, "I know you won't remember this when you wake, but at least I do get the chance now to talk to you, and maybe it will register at some level. You will make it into Tokyo U, I know you will, and I will too, because I am your promise girl! And I will be happy with you, I swear! I hope that somehow we will all be happy together, all three of us, with all the rash words forgotten!"
"I don't know why Naru has changed so much, but during the exams you said that she was always there for you, keeping the promise. I'll admit I felt jealous when I heard you say that, because I haven't always been there for you. I thought I might have lost out to Naru, through being away for so long. But I will be there for you in the future! I'm here for you now, if you could just wake up and see me!"
"What should I do now? I'd take you to your home, but I don't know where home is. Oh, now I see, there really isn't any choice is there? I'll lead you to my apartment, and you can sleep there, and when you wake up I can tell you all these things for real!"
I take his hand, and lead him gently in the direction of my rented apartment. There's not a lot of furnishings there, but I'll sort something out. Perhaps he can sleep under the kotatsu, the heated table? No, I'll do that, because it'll be warm enough but the floor under the kotatsu will be hard. He can have the futon.
I can't stop a sense of mounting excitement. Not only am I with my Kei-kun, I'm holding his hand, leading him towards my apartment, where we will spend what is left of the night, and then he will wake and I will introduce myself, and we will be properly together at last! So much, all at once! It's like a romantic novel! Of course, I tell myself, I'm not really making a move on Kei-kun. I'm just helping him out, the way any friend would. And then, there's what Naru said. I know it was in the heat of the moment, I know it was drink-fuelled, but still, perhaps it means that I don't have to worry about the fateful promise that I once made to her, the one promise that I regret. It seems strange, on one level I want to forgive Naru, and be friends with her again like when we were little, and I want Kei-kun to be friends with her too. But on another level she is becoming Naru, not Na-chan, in my mind. I'm finding it hard to think of her as the sweet, fragile but very determined Na-chan of my childhood.
Too many thoughts. I know what sometimes happens when my mind is filled with too many thoughts, but it mustn't happen now. I'm so close to my apartment, I mustn't have a blackout at the last minute. I must be calm, clear away the rising storm of thought which is threatening to engulf me. I close my eyes, and force myself to be calm.
"Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppppppp!"
Oh my, there is so little traffic around at this hour of the night, I had forgotten that there is still some. I had forgotten that I was crossing the street! Suddenly I am wide awake, my eyes fully open, but there are no other vehicles to worry about, just the one car receding into the distance. Kei-kun seems to be stirring too. At first I'm not sure if he's awake or not. He has a determined look in his eye, instead of the vacant stare of a minute ago, but he shows no sign of recognising my presence beside him. He sets off at a brisk walk, fortunately not too brisk, so I am able to keep up with him. Unfortunately he is walking away from my apartment. Ara, ara! My dream, the dream that was so close, is getting further away!
And now we are at the train station. There's very few trains running at this time of night, though, and Kei-kun is just sitting on a bench. I'm sat on another bench nearby, watching him for signs of wakefulness. Presumably when things get busy again he will catch a train home. Perhaps I should just follow him there, and find out where home is, before I make any other moves. Actually, I'm still nervous about approaching him when he is awake.
Finally, Kei-kun does stir. He goes to the ticket booth and buys a ticket. Fortunately there isn't a queue at this time in the morning, so when I go up to the ticket booth shortly after Kei-kun has left it, I'm hoping to be the very next customer, but in fact there is one girl who gets to the kiosk just before I do. After she has been served I say to the attendant there, "excuse me, but my friend - not the girl you just served but the young man who was just before her - he was supposed to buy tickets for both of us, but he forgot and only bought one for himself".
"So that's yet another single to Kyoto, then?"
"Er, yes", I say, reaching for my wallet and praying that there's enough money in it. I wasn't anticipating a long journey, so I've come out with no credit card, and only enough money to tide me over for a short while. Fortunately I have enough for the ticket, and maybe for a night's stay in Kyoto if necessary, but after that ... well, I've never tried to get by without money before, I hope it won't come to that.
I debate the notion of dashing back to my apartment to at least get my credit card, but there isn't time, the train will be here any minute. I see Kei-kun standing on the platform waiting for it to arrive. He's fully awake now, obviously he had to be to buy the ticket. I could go up to him and talk to him, but I'm so nervous! And then, just as the train arrives he glances in my direction, and my heart leaps, but he doesn't seem to recognise me. There was a sudden gust of wind which blew my skirt up at that instant. Maybe he was distracted by the sudden wind, or by the arrival of the train - he did suddenly walk into the door of the train before it was opened, with quite a loud crash, making me worry that somehow he might still be sleepwalking; but of course, there's still no reason why he should recognise me anyway, and people can be clumsy in the early morning after a restless night. I know I just want to sleep now! It's such a long time since I slept!
Inside the train, I'm just across the aisle from Kei-kun and the girl who bought a ticket just after he did. Kei-kun has the same idea as me about wanting to sleep - he's leaning against the window, with a book covering his face.
And then I notice, the girl who I thought was a stranger ... isn't! Somehow she's changed her hairstyle and her outfit, making her look very different, but looking closely I can tell, it's Naru. Strange, I had thought she would be hung over and fast asleep at home now, but instead she is here, apparently wide awake.
Shortly after the train set off, Naru got up and went to the end of the carriage, maybe to make a phone call, or maybe to visit the lavatory there. A minute later, Kei-kun got up and headed in the same direction. I couldn't resist following, to see if they would meet up, and what would happen if they did.
They were making phone calls, Naru with a mobile phone and Kei-kun with the public phone that was installed in the train. I saw Naru hand Kei-kun a phonecard so he could use the public phone, which was card-only. I couldn't hear what was said, but presumably they were just letting friends and family know what they were up to.
They finish their calls, but then a waitress barges through with a trolley, and manages to knock them both over. She doesn't even stop to see if they are OK. After they have been down for a few seconds I step forward to check that they aren't hurt, but I can see that they are fine, they're just looking for their glasses which they've both dropped. I realise that if I don't do something they'll maybe recognise me, from the exams or from the bar or whatever, and they'll think I've been stalking them. well I suppose maybe I have, but ... Thinking quickly, I notice that the serving-trolley has been left just beside me. Maybe I can do my waitress impersonation again! It does seem to be true, that nobody notices a waitress. I grab the trolley, and run with it, and I succeed in knocking Kei-kun and Naru down a second time. Ara! I abandon the trolley, and, shouting "sorry" , I run back to my seat before my clumsiness and tiredness can make matters any worse.
I lie back in my seat with my hat covering my head, trying to sleep but there's no way that I can. The next few hours are just a blur. Since the giving of the phone card Naru and Kei-Kun seem to have made up their differences, and to be getting along very well. I suppose I should be happy about that. I just wish I wasn't so tired, and that I could understand what is happening. Can such a simple gift really make so much difference?
When we get to Kyoto, separately but almost together, they both go to the same hotel, presumably to check in. They then explore the city, with me shadowing them. Sometimes they seem to separate, and I have to follow just one of them, but they always meet up again at the next landmark.Finally they return to the hotel where they checked in earlier.
I enter the hotel shortly afterwards and try to book a room.
"I'm sorry, everything's taken. We're fully booked up!"
"Oh please check again. Ara, but I'm just so tired, if you have anything at all, I'll be very grateful!"
"Oh my, you do look beat!" says the little old lady who runs the place. "Just wait here a little while and I'll see what I can do."
A few minutes later, she returns with some good news.
"There was a couple who were in separate rooms, I've persuaded them to share, I really don't know why they weren't sharing in the first place, and so now there's a room free. And I have some special food too, which I'm sure you will like, which should help take that tiredness away!"
The food really was special, maybe a bit too special. I had to turn down the snapping-turtle's blood, and I could tell from the way my bag was rising up into the air that Tama-chan was upset and I'd have to spend some time trying to soothe her. But the sleep afterwards, when it finally came, was most welcome. First, even though I was desperately tired, I made sure the alarm was set for early, so I wouldn't miss the departure of Kei-kun and Na-chan (if they've reconciled their differences, maybe she should be Na-chan again), and then I hit the bed and went out like a light.
The next day, Kei-kun and Na-chan did a little more sightseeing, then headed for Kyoto train station. Where to next? I wonder. But wherever it is, the moment of truth has arrived for me. I can't put it off any longer, no matter how nervous or unprepared I am. I have to introduce myself properly to Kei-kun and Na-chan, if only because I don't have enough money on me for any more train journeys, or for anything else.
This is the moment I've waited so long for, but somehow I'm dreading it. I know that since they haven't seen me for so long, this will be like a first impression. First impressions count for so much! I have to be calm, and act natural. Say something sensible.
"My goodness, this place is huge, much more so than I imagined! Even wider than in the pictures!"
Was that my voice? Did I really say that?
"Miss Otohime, is that you?"
That was Kei-kun's voice!
"Yeah, hi!" I reply.
Do I have a really goofy grin? I think so, but there's nothing I can do about it. The smile is unstoppable, it is taking over my face. He knows my name! How is that possible? He's waving, and smiling at me. He knows my name! Excuse me, but you've had that thought already. He knows my name! Didn't you hear me? I said ... He knows my name! He knows! My! He knows! He. H...
We apologise for this interruption. Normal brain operations will be resumed as soon as possible.
To the reviewers:
To Liber Logaeth: Hi. I forgot to explain about the "protectress". Sorry about that. She's only mentioned briefly in the Manga, near the start of book 7. Motoko is trying to exorcise Mutsumi's bad luck when she discovers that Mutsumi has "a goddess for a guardian", the "peaceful vision of the bodhisattva". But the Manga dosn't expand any further on this. Strictly speaking, a bodisattva is not a god or goddess, but is a person who is destined to become a Buddha. However, there are celestial bodhisattvas which in East Asia are treated almost the same as gods and goddesses. The female bodhisattva is also known as the goddess of mercy, and in Japan she is called Kannon, or Shokanzeon Bosatsu.
To Shinji: I'd like Mutsumi to be the winner this time, but I can't promise anything, sorry. I haven't plotted this story out in advance in every detail, and I suspect it might end up taking me in a direction where I don't want to go. My Mutsumi (and, I think, the "real" Mutsumi) is smart, knowledgeable and determined, but she is still saddled with a childhood promise to Naru that she now regrets, and she takes all her promises very seriously.