Mutsumi knows - Part 12. Deja Vu.
Where am I? I was in a tree, with Kei-kun, then I slipped and I was falling. That feels like it was ages ago, but what has happened since then?
Oh I remember now! Kei-kun's aunty was standing under the tree, and I hit her head with my head, and we both had to go into hospital, so I must be in the hospital now. But there's another memory too, of a different person standing under the tree instead of Haruka-san. A pretty lady that I didn't recognise. And there was yet another person, a magical lady surrounded by light, who talked with me about a little girl I'm going to meet some day. It's all very confusing! Maybe I only dreamt about the pretty ladies. Yes, that would make sense.
There's an old man with a white coat on, and he's looking into my eye. "Are you a doctor?" I ask.
"Yes, don't you remember, Mutsumi-san? I'm doctor Harusaki, and I've been your doctor for quite a while now."
But I don't remember him. Maybe I'm going a bit scatter-brained, like mommy. I ask the doctor if I'm going scatter-brained like mommy, but he just writes something down and doesn't say anything.
"Is Kei-kun's aunty all right?" I ask. "I think I hit her head with my head."
"Oh, she'll be OK, I think, but ... I don't think she's his aunt. She doesn't look old enough."
Ara, lots of people say that. Haruka is just a girl still, and she doesn't like being called aunty, but I'm sure she really is Kei-kun's aunty. I'm glad she's going to be all right.
Then Kei-kun joins us in the doctor's room, and I'm so happy! I know mommy isn't here on the island yet, because the house isn't ready for her yet, but I really want to be with somebody I know, somebody who will play with me. Having Kei-kun here is perfect. "My li'l Kei-kun!" I say, giving him a big hug.
The pretty lady is with him, the one who might have been under the tree instead of his aunty. My memory about that still isn't very clear. Anyway, they both talk with the doctor about me, using big words like amneesuh so I don't understand what they're saying. Why won't they play with me? Even Tama-chan is just flying around without saying anything. All of them look worried, but I'll cheer them up! I just love to cheer people up!
Even mommy is here now. Wow, maybe that means the house is finished! That would be great! She takes us home, and it really is finished, and it's very nice. I tell mommy that daddy must have worked really, really hard to get it like this, and I take her inside and show her the bits I did, where I collected seashells and stuck them to the wall so it could be just like princess Otohime's palace.
She says "I remember .. yes .. such a long time ago .. when I heard that you'd had a bad fall I came straight away, as fast as I could, even though I knew this house wouldn't be finished. And the house was a lot more beautiful than I imagined it would be. Yes, your daddy and Kei-kun's daddy must have worked really hard. And I especially like your sea-shell decorations, Mu-chan. I think that even if we re-decorate the house I'll always keep your seashells there in the wall, to remind me that this really is a palace, because of you!"
It's nice to have mommy, and to see her happy, and it's nice the way other things are going, but something is missing. My Liddo-kun! I haven't seen him since I fell out of the tree! Did he fall with me? Was he hurt by the fall? I drag mommy to the climbing tree, and the others come too, daddy and Kei-kun and the lady I don't know, and I get them to look, but there's no sign of Liddo-kun anywhere! I start to cry.
"Please don't cry, Mu-chan," says mommy, "I'm sure that some nice people will have found him, and will have given him a good home."
"But he's my friend!"
"Don't worry Mutsumi", says daddy, and I notice he's winking at mommy, but I don't know why. "I can guess what happened. I bet Liddo-kun fell when you did, and I bet he's still in hospital. Let's go home and I'll phone and see."
And we go home, and daddy makes a lot of phone calls. Then he says that Liddo-kun is fine, and he just needs to go out and collect him. He drives away, and is gone for a very long time, so I start crying again, but when he comes back Liddo-kun is with him. Yay! But Liddo-kun has a bandage around his head.
"Is he all right?" I ask.
"Oh yes, the doctors have looked after him very well, and the bandages are ready to come off now."
"Oh, please say thanks to the doctors for me, daddy. And please be careful in the future, Liddo-kun. You had me worried! And thank you, daddy, for finding him and bringing him home."
"You're welcome, Mu-chan."
I take off the bandage. "Oh, but he's different!" I cry. "Look, his eyes are closed! My Liddo-kun has beady round eyes that are open!"
There's a few seconds of silence, then dad says: "I bet he's got his eyes closed because he's afraid of opening them and finding that he's high up in a tree. You'd better not take him up into any trees in the future, Mu-chan. You don't want to scare him any more!"
"If it's okay," he adds, "I'll just do something to help make sure we don't lose him again. I've got a permanent marker here - this won't wash out at all. I'd like to write your name on the Liddo-kun, so that if he ever gets lost then the people who find him will know who he belongs to."
"Yes please, daddy."
And he writes "Mutsumi Otohime" on my Liddo-kun, in big letters. As he writes, I get the strangest feeling, that all of this has happened before with just slight differences. Did I once have a Liddo-kun with closed eyes, that changed one day into one with open eyes? Did daddy once say "he's keeping his eyes open to make sure he doesn't fall again"? Ara, what is wrong with my memories?
Never mind, I have my mommy with me, and daddy, and Kei-kun, and Liddo-kun. Everything is perfect! We can play now. I play at being mommy, and Kei-kun is daddy, and Liddo-kun is our little baby. I want to give Kei-kun a bath, but the pretty lady won't let me. She's actually a lot like Kei-kun's aunty. Haruka-san is always stopping us from doing things. But who is this lady? She doesn't say.
Mommy asks: "Tell me, Mutsumi-chan, do you like Kei-kun?"
"Yup! I love him!"
"Oh me, oh my! I'm so happy for you both."
Yay! Mommy is happy for me and Kei-kun, and I'm happy for everybody. I hope that nothing ever comes to spoil our happiness, so we can stay like this for ever!
Where am I now? Na-chan is here, so I can't be on mommy's island. Na-chan never came to mommy's island. I must be at Hinata house. And Na-chan looks so adorable! I can't help getting excited, it's such a long time since I've seen her.
"Na-chan? Is it really you? When'd you get back to Hinata house?"
"Just now I did! Yep! Yep!"
Wow, she's talking so well too!
"Lookie!" I say, "Kei-kun's here too! Now we can all play together!"
What fun! Now Na-chan can be the baby, instead of Liddo-kun. Now we have a real baby! We can maybe give her a bath, and feed her, and change her nappy. I remember Mr. Narusegawa showing me how to change Na-chan's nappy once. "You should learn this for when you're grown up" he said. "But don't actually do it until then, because safety pins are really only safe when they're closed, and they aren't for children to play with". That was a while ago, though, when he first came to Hinata house. I think I must be nearly grown up by now.
But then Na-chan gets into one of her bad moods, and nothing I do will make her happy. "Calm down, Na-chan," I say, "it'll be okay! Remember you'll make yourself sick again if you keep that up."
And she does make herself sick, so that she does have to lie down, just like I said. I'll stay with her to make sure she's all right, and Kei-kun says he'll go and tell the doctor.
Eventually Na-chan opens her eyes.
"How are you feeling, Na-chan?" I ask. "You know you can't keep on over-exerting yourself like that. You are sick, after all. Kei-kun went to get you some medicine, He'll be back soon".
"Please, Mu-chan" she says, "you've got to tell me. You still liked him. You love him, even. So why did you give up and simply cheer the two of us on?"
I don't understand that. I still play with Kei-kun, whenever he's around at Hinata house, and we have some great times. Oh, maybe she's talking about Liddo-kun. Yes, that must be what she means.
"Silly, it's because you get so worked up that you have those fits."
And then I remember what the magical lady said when I was falling from the tree, such a long time ago. I can use my special magic to make Na-chan better! The lady did say that it would mean me being ill, but it's only till I'm grown up. I feel like I'm nearly grown up already, so maybe it won't be for long.
"Here", I say, "why don't I give you a little good luck charm to make all that sickness go away?" And I give her my special kiss.
And Na-chan does feel better, straight away, like I knew she would. But I feel really hot, and uncomfortable. I hope that I can grow up quickly. I don't want to be like this for a long time.
Na-chan puts her hand on my forehead.
"M-Mutsumi, you're .. you're burning up! You had that high of a fever and ... and you still took care of me!"
"Na-chan ... I love Kei-kun ... but I love you just as much as I love him. And that's why..."
but then I fall down, before I can finish.
I'm in Hinata house, in the middle of the night. I must have woken up and not been able to get back to sleep, so I wander around the corridors until I see a room with a door that is slightly ajar, and I hear a noise coming from the room. I look inside and I see Mr. Narusegawa, sat at his desk, writing.
"Oh, hello, Mu-chan. It's nice to see you again! I'm just here for a few days, and I've brought Na-chan for you to play with. I think you've probably seen her already. She isn't very interesting at the moment though, because she's sleeping, and that's what you should be doing too. Don't worry, she'll be awake when you see her tomorrow! Oh, are you all right? You look ill."
"Mr. Harusegawa", I say, "I have something important to tell you. About Na-chan."
"What about Na-chan?"
"The doctors are wrong about her. She will be all right, and she will live until she is all grown up."
"That's nice to hear, Mu-chan, but who told you this?"
"Oh, I met a magical lady, a long time ago, before I ever saw Na-chan. It was on my mommy's island. I fell out of a tree, but before I could hit the ground this lady told me I would meet a little girl one day, and that this girl would be very ill, but that she would be all right in the end. I think she must have been talking about Na-chan".
"That sounds ... encouraging. But, how can I know that what this lady said was right? Think carefully - did she look a little bit like Na-chan, maybe?"
"No, she was very pretty, but not the same as Na-chan. But there was another lady who I saw at the same time, who did look a lot like Na-chan! She was at the bottom of the tree that I fell out of, and I think she stopped me from hurting myself when I landed, and I saw her a few times after that, but she never said who she was."
"Thank God! And thank you, Mu-chan, for telling me this! I think I know who that second lady must have been. You know that Na-chan's mommy went to heaven not long after Na-chan was born, but she did promise that she would look down on us from heaven, and that she would be with us when we needed her. I think she must have stopped you from hurting yourself when you fell, because she knew that you would be a friend to Na-chan. And the first magical lady you saw, the one who told you what was going to happen, I have an idea ... but no, I daren't speculate..."
"Mu-chan", he continues, after a few seconds, "I know you have a friend, Kei-kun, is it? You like him a lot, don't you?"
"Ara, yes, I love him! We even got married once - oh, only it wasn't real. It was in our climbing tree, the one I fell out of later. We pretended that my Liddo-kun was the minister, and we both said 'I do'. And I want to grow up so we can say it again, only this time it will be real!"
"Well then, Mu-chan, I want to tell you about a special promise. A promise that I made when I was little, with Mrs Narusegawa ... only, she wasn't Mrs. Narusegawa then. She told me that if two people who love each other go to Tokyo University together, they will live happily ever after."
"... and we will live happily ever after, because she isn't really gone. She is looking down on Naru from heaven, and I will too, when the time comes."
I want to say that he won't need to look down on Naru from heaven, because he can stay on Earth, but something stops me. Instead I just say "I'm sure you will".
"Thank you, Mu-chan. I knew you would understand."
A really strange memory comes to me then, and I have no idea where it came from, or why I ask:
"Was it really an accident? I mean, when you died?"
He looks straight at me, with a surprised look in his eyes, and I feel a chill run down my spine.
"Oh yes, it wasn't a deliberate suicide. I was just careless, which you can't afford to be when you're a deckhand. But, maybe it was wilful carelessness. Maybe a part of me didn't mind whether an accident happened or not. The worst part was being in the sea, and remembering that I had used a false name, and realizing for the first time that nobody at home would know why I wasn't coming back. Please tell them, Mu-chan! Tell them I'm sorry!"
"Don't worry, I will!"
"Thank you, Mu-chan. I will never forget your kindness. Goodbye!"
And the scene fades.
I wake up with a terrible fever. I'm in my sickbed, the one I've spent such a lot of time in. If only growing up didn't take so long! But Kei-kun is here, looking after me.
"Kei .. Kei-kun ... I, I..."
"What is it, Mu-chan?"
"Would you.. would you please ... would you marry me, Kei-kun?"
"Yes I will! I'll do whatever you want, just get better!"
Wow! I don't think I expected that to be as easy as it was..
But Na-chan is here too, and she looks very upset by what Kei-kun is saying. And the doctor is here too. They all talk together, and I don't hear what they're saying, but I do catch the doctor saying "once she reverts, her short term memory will be wiped clean". I wish I knew more words. I think reverts is a kind of game, but I don't understand the rest.
"No go?" I ask.
But Kei-kun says "okay, let's go tie the knot! Mu-chan, you're gonna make me the happiest man alive!"
Yaaay! I'm gonna be a bride!
And suddenly I do feel a lot better. Maybe that means I'm finally grown up, and so I won't have to be sick any more! But if I'm grown up, that means the wedding will be a real wedding! I want everything about it to be perfect, so I ask mommy if we can have it in the top of our special tree, and if we can have lots of watermelon at the reception.
Soon I'm well enough to stand up, and I don't need other people looking after me. I'm able to be in my room, on my own, and to look in the mirror. Every day, if I'm well enough to get out of bed, I look in the mirror to see if I am grown up. Usually I'm disappointed, but I really am grown up this time! Wow! I don't think it's possible to be more happy than I am now. And I imagine what I'll look like with a pretty wedding dress on, and I know that Kei-kun really will be the happiest man alive, just like he said.
Everybody has pitched in so hard, they've built an amazing platform around our climbing-tree, with room for all the congregation. And they've given me a book full of pictures of wedding dresses to choose from. I see one dress that looks like the one I imagined wearing when I looked in the mirror, and I know that's the one to wear. Suddenly it hits me: This is real! It isn't like getting Liddo-kun to pretend to be a minister, it's much more than that. I'm sure I couldn't just imagine all the work that everybody is doing. But then I see Kei-kun talking to Na-chan. I get the impression that there's something going on between them, something secret. I'll need to ask Na-chan about that.
"Na-chan? Do you like Kei-kun also?"
"Of course not! Where'd you get that idea from?"
"So you don't mind if Kei-kun and I get married then?"
"Of course I don't mind! After all, I hate that idiot!"
Again I have a feeling that I've asked that question before before, but with a very different answer from Na-chan last time. How can she hate him? He's our friend! Still, what matters is what's happening now, and surely every last obstacle has gone now. It's really going to happen!
And now everything is ready, and it's the big day. The dress is beautiful, the tree is beautiful, everything is beautiful! Kei-kun is as handsome as I have ever seen him, in a really smart suit. The priest conducts the ceremony, just like I imagined. Kei-kun puts the ring on my finger, the priest pronounces us man and wife, and says "you may now kiss the bride". I bring my lips towards Kei-kun's.
"Nooooooooooooooo!"
That was Na-chan! She really does like Kei-kun after all! I knew it!
I can't help feeling sorry for Na-chan. She doesn't have a mommy like I do, and she has been ill for nearly all her life, and so much of the time she doesn't have anyone to play with. And I know she really loves Kei-kun, and maybe it wasn't fair for me to take him all for myself without giving her a chance. So:
"How about we settle this over a game of Janken? Winner gets to marry Kei-kun, and the loser has to give up on him completely. Well, whaddya say?" I ask.
"You gotta deal, sister!"
Janken ... that's rocks, paper, scissors.
First round, we both throw scissors. A draw. And I remember, Na-chan always throws scissors. Stone blunts scissors. I can win! All I have to do is throw stone! But ... Na-chan is only a little girl. She looks so sad and worried. She knows she always loses this game, but she isn't old enough to know why she loses. And she would be so very happy if she won, just this once. Can I really take that away from her?
Second round, I throw paper. Scissors cut paper. And I see the little girl, looking so cute in her kimono, with tears of happiness streaming down her face, and I know that I've done the right thing. But it's so hard! It's the hardest thing I've ever done! Why does there have to be just one winner? And once again a wave of sickness sweeps over me, and I fall to the floor.
This time, when I come to, my father is with me.
"Hello Mu-chan. Can you tell me how old you are?"
"Yes, I'm twenty-one."
"And do you remember the events of the last few days?"
"You mean the wedding? Yes, I remember everything."
"That figures. The doctor was sure you'd forget, when your main memories came flooding back, but he's been wrong lots of times before."
"It was all a fake, wasn't it? I mean, the priest wasn't a real priest, and Kei-kun didn't really think he was marrying me?"
"I'm afraid so. The doctor said that you would get better if you could fulfill the deepest wishes of your younger self. And as for the priest - yes, he's actually the fishmonger. Your mother tried to get a real minister, but they all got suspicious and asked too many questions about the very short notice. It didn't matter how much we tried to bribe them - only kidding, Mu-chan. Sorry, it isn't funny, I know."
"Still", I reply, "it all seemed real at the time, so all the memories I have of it will be like memories of a real event. I just wish they weren't all that I have."
"Oh, there's the album from the official photographer, and lots of people made videos. You'll have more than just your memories to remind you, Mu-chan. And of course there's the platform around the tree. It's very well built, and we won't take it down. It'll still be there when you want to do it all again for real!"
"Thanks dad, but I can't see myself ever using the platform for a real wedding. Not after that game of janken!"
"Why not, Mu-chan?"
"Na-chan was always bound to win. She dressed up as a child, didn't she, to become a part of the action? I didn't recognise her until she did that, I thought she was a lady that I'd never seen before. But when she became a baby she was so cute I just couldn't resist playing with her, and I think I would have given her anything she wanted. Especially at the end, when she was in that kimono. Then I suppose I really did give her everything!"
"I don't understand, Mu-chan. Naru-san did dress up as a child, yes, to help you get your memories back. But she was never dressed in a kimono."
"What about when we played that game of Janken, and I lost ..."
"She wasn't dressed in a kimono then, and you won that game."
"What? I can't believe it!"
"You played paper, and she played stone. Paper wraps stone. If you don't believe me, the whole thing will have been captured on a few videotapes. You can check them all out."
Ara, I won! I can hardly bring myself to believe it, but it must be true, dad might make bad jokes sometimes, but he would never lie to me about something like that. I won! I don't know how it can have happened, but I won! Winner gets to marry Kei-kun, and the loser has to give up on him completely!
But what will Kei-kun have to say about that? He isn't really just a prize, to be handed over like a toy. And what will Na-chan say?
Responses to reviewers.
AntarcticTiger: thanks for the very positive comments. I will be putting more stuff in, on top of what I originally planned. I'll try to keep a good balance, so that the story will be long enough without being repetitive. Please let me know if I err in any direction.
Trent Easton: Your wish is my command :-). There will be a date, and living together, and stuff like that.
This current chapter has some elements from vol 10 of the manga, so it might seem at first glance like I'm just repeating those elements, but I hope that on reflection readers will agree that I've put enough of a different spin on them to create a different story altogether. Similarly the date will probably involve a boating lake, unless reviewers tell me that would be a really bad idea.