Home Sweet Home

IX.

I was dreaming. Even while I was, I was aware it was not reality. I was stuck inside the circle of fire once again, but I wasn't running out this time. My fear clouded good judgment, and I wanted nothing more but for Death to put me out of my misery. Unfortunately, Death was taking his dear old time in claiming me. I was suffering and didn't wish to wait any longer.

I saw Brago on the other side of the fire, seeming as though he knew what my choice was. He was simply watching…being there for my demise.

I wanted to die, but I also wanted to reach out for him one more time. With both situations in mind, I moved my hands forward, jabbing my hands into the fire. I was focusing on Brago, and didn't feel any of the pain I should have felt.

Why wasn't he reaching out for me? I just wanted him to hold my hand as I left this world. I just wanted someone to hold me…just this once.

Why!

I know I looked pitiful, but still, I kept screaming the same question at him over and over.

Finally, he looked down at my hands and shook his head. No? I looked down, and only then did I begin to feel the pain. My skin had all burnt off, only a black gooey substance remained on my bones. The gunk dripped into the fire, making it stronger and stronger. I pulled my hands away, but it was too late. The circle had closed in on me and was now rising above my head. The rest of my body would have the same fate as my hands.

That's when I realized…I didn't want to die. It was a shame I didn't. Because of my want to live, Death wasn't willing to take me. I was to live the rest of my life as…nothing.

At least Brago's okay…

My eyes snapped open when I felt something warm touching my fingers. It felt like someone else's fingers and I pulled my hand away in surprise. I held my hands together, but I didn't see anyone near me. It was dark. My eyes happened to catch the clock; it was a little after midnight.

Though I knew I should have felt exhausted, I felt wide awake and alert. I looked down at my hands and realized they were partially covered in bandages. My fingers and thumbs were free, but my palms and the backs of my hands were hidden.

I blinked. Was the only scars I got on my hands? I really got away basically uninjured? I shifted my legs, but stopped quickly as I tried to hold in a scream. No…my legs must have got some of the heat. They wouldn't feel this sore otherwise.

My eyes shifted to the right. Only when I saw Brago sitting on my window seat did I recognize that I was in my bedroom. The moonlight shone in, the light bright enough for it to be a full moon. He was looking out the window that had been replaced since the last time we were here. He seemed to be in his own mind. One of his legs was pulled to his chest while the other was hanging over the side.

I allowed myself the luxury to simply stare at him for a few moments. He wasn't wearing his overcoat…or his shoes for that much. Over the time we spent together, he grew a little more. He was only about an inch or two shorter than me now, but looking at him now, he seemed so small. He looked lost, something I never thought he could be.

Carefully, I threw the blankets off my legs and swung my feet to the fluffy carpet. I stood slowly and walked even slower to him. He must have been out of it, for he didn't realize I was there until I was standing right in front of him.

Right away, his lost look disappeared and was replaced by his usual glaring gaze, "What are you doing up?"

I shrugged, getting goose bumps when I noticed how low his voice was, "I just woke up."

I wrapped my hands around the material of my dress at my legs before sitting down next to him. I had somehow been changed into my nightgown, but I didn't bother to question how. Everything that was done for me was done to help me.

I quickly recalled a moment when Brago first got me home. I was still dazed, not aware of my surroundings that well. My butler had greeted him right inside the door and gave a shocked exclamation about my appearance. With glazed eyes, I remember seeing him rush over to us, but stopped short and looked horrified before he could reach me.

"I'll take care of her," Brago said. His voice was much deeper when he said it, but maybe that was just my ears hearing nothing but jumbled up words.

Then I passed out again.

"Why are you out of bed?" Brago questioned, giving me that scrutinizing stare.

I leaned my head gently against the window, loving how cool the glass felt against my skin, "I needed to stretch."

His look said he didn't believe me, but he simply turned to look outside again. I looked out also, smiling gently when I saw that the moon really was full. It looked closer than usual, it's size astonishing. I looked at Brago from the corner of my eye and couldn't help but ask, "Are you hurt at all?"

"No," he said quickly and abruptly, marking that I shouldn't ask anymore on it. His glare tightened.

I wrapped my arms around myself, carefully running my hands over my bare arms. I couldn't help but sense his confusion, which in turn made me confused.

I lowered my voice a little more, "Are you mad at me?"

He didn't answer. He acted like he didn't even hear me, but I know he did. I sighed quietly, squeezing myself before I went on, "I understand. I should have never dropped the book. I don't know how I didn't realize I wasn't holding it. I got that feeling something was missing, but I didn't have time to--."

"I'm not mad because of that," he interrupted. The way he said it left me even more perplexed. I wasn't sure if there should be an exclamation point, an ellipsis, or a period at the end of his sentence.

I swallowed. Then there was only one other reason, "I know I didn't fight very well. After all that training…and you were so looking forward to fighting the Fire Mamodo. I didn't--."

"It's not that, either," he said in the same tone as before.

I raised a brow upon this. He still wasn't looking at me, but his glare once again deepened.

I felt the anger rising inside me now…or maybe it was just frustration. I couldn't tell, but either way I felt just a bit aggravated, "Well, how am I supposed to know why you're mad at me if you won't tell me? Truthfully, I can only think of a couple reasons why, but you said they weren't it. So tell me, what's the reason?"

He was silent, my questions hanging in the air. Finally, he said, "You're an idiot."

I was slightly surprised by this comment. I narrowed my eyes, "I'm sorry if I can't read your mind, Brago."

"No," he said, turning his eyes toward me only for a moment, "You're an idiot."

I stared at him blankly for a few seconds before it finally dawned on me, "You're mad at me because I'm an idiot?"

"Precisely," he responded in monotone.

My mouth hung open. Unbelievable! I can't believe he had the nerve to say that to me! I leaned toward him slightly, making sure not to hurt myself, "Why am I an idiot? I don't think that's any way to talk to someone who put their life on the line for you," even though I didn't like to brag about it or feel he owed me something for it, I couldn't help but bring it up.

Slowly, he finally turned toward me, "And that's exactly why you're an idiot."

Again, I was left speechless for a moment. He didn't have the patience to wait for me this time and continued, "You put your life second. Never do that. You should always think about your personal well-being before even considering helping others."

Still, no words were coming. I know I must have looked like an idiot with my mouth just hanging open, "How…how can you say that?" I questioned in disbelief, my voice going to a harsh whisper. He didn't answer, but at least he didn't look away.

"I…wanted to help you," I emphasized, placing my hands flat on the seat in front of me, "I knew these burns would be well worth it in the end if I was able to save your book from being burnt." I felt hot tears come to my eyes when strong emotion began to build inside of me, "You know as well as I do that I have nothing to live for! If you were to leave, what would I be left with? It's not like I could go after Koko and Zophise on my own!"

Still, his expression did not change.

My chest began to heave when I really did become angry, "If you left, I wouldn't have anyone. I still need you!" I was glad only my butler lived in the mansion with me, and he was way on the other side. No one would intrude on us, wondering what all the yelling was about. My emotions got the better of me, and just like I always do when that happens, I react without thinking.

Just like the invisible force that pushed me out of the fire, it pushed me forward on the window seat and threw my arms around his neck. I was shuddering and holding onto him as tightly as the day before. Only after I did it, did I realize that this was the first time I ever held him from the front.

I sucked in an unsteady breath, releasing it with an almost inaudible, "I need you…"

Of course, this confession should have come to no surprise, for we always told each other how much we needed the other to get what we wanted. Even so, I knew it held a different meaning this time. And that's what made me so nervous.

In other words, I confessed that…

My stomach twirled when I felt him wrap his arms around me also. He got a solid grip on me before lifting me off the seat and carrying me over to the bed. He was going to tell me to go back to sleep…tell me that I was delirious.

Maybe I was delirious…but I was going to take a big chance while I was. I had less chance of getting blamed for my actions. As soon as my back hit the bed, I grasped my hold around his neck just a little tighter.

"I couldn't let your book get burned…" I whispered, wanting him to know what had been going through my mind, "Your dream is to become king…I didn't want to be held responsible for--."

His hand that held me on the back of my thigh tightened, causing me to gasp involuntarily. His hand slid around to the front of my thigh, sliding up to my hip and resting just below my stomach.

"Brago…?" Both of his hands then came up to grab my arms. He pulled to free himself from my grasp, but my determination made me strong and I held on firmly.

"Sherry," he said, telling me to let go just by saying my name.

I shook my head and buried my face deeper into his neck. For some odd reason, I felt that same terrified feeling I had that night at the motel.

"Don't want to let go…" I paused, "Don't go…"

He gave a sound that could have possibly been a sigh before replying, "I'm not."

My eyes slowly opened from having been clenched shut. Something in the way he said it made me believe him, so when he tugged on my arms again, I released his neck. I laid my head back on the pillow and stared up at him. I was a little surprised he had his eyes closed, but even more surprised when he began to slide down my body.

At first, I thought he was getting up, and my hands instinctively reached down for him. His left hand gripped my upper thigh again, causing me to pause. His right hand slid down the front of my leg until he reached my knee, before turning his hand until it was placed on the inside of my leg.

"Brago?" I whispered again, wanting to look down but finding that I didn't have the strength to lift my head, "What are--."

He squeezed my thigh again and I closed my mouth.

His right hand began sliding up…

My eyes widened even more. Was this really…happening?

"Brago, I don't--."

He squeezed my thigh.

"But I just--."

Again.

Finally realizing that he didn't want me to say anything at all, I gave up and closed my eyes, "I'll shut up now."

As his right hand slid even further up the inside of my leg, I couldn't help but wonder what he was doing. Why was he doing it in the first place?

His hand got higher, touching sensitive skin. I squirmed not by my choice and gripped the sheets underneath me. He had moved my nightgown up to my thigh and, though I wanted to pull it down, I couldn't tear my hands away from the sheet.

Just as his hand was about to touch me in a place I was never touched before, he went back to the top of my thigh. I released a breath between my teeth, feeling his hand now move to my hip, my pelvis, my stomach. He stopped, then stated lowly, "I'm only doing this to repay you…"

Repay me? I wanted to tell him that he didn't have to repay me but got my breath caught in my throat when he moved his hand all the way up my side, his fingers just barely touching the side of my breast.

He lowered his head to my stomach, causing me to suck it in at the unexpected warmth of his breath. Okay…now I was positive I was dreaming. There was no way…this was happening too fast. Then again, I know in the deepest part of my heart that I had been wanting this ever since he began training me over a month ago.

"I'm only doing this to repay you…"

At first, I thought I was just repeating his line in my head, but when he said it once again, I knew I wasn't imagining it.

His right hand moved down again, resting flat on the spot on my stomach beside his head. He moved his whole body down further, making my body squirm around even more. I was trying my best to keep quiet, but when I felt him blow a long breath just below my stomach, an unexpected moan escaped my lips.

This made him pause, and I hoped against hope that it didn't stop him from continuing.

"Only to repay you…"

The more he began to chant the sentence, the more I began to believe that he wasn't trying to convince me he wasn't doing this for any other reason.

He was trying to convince himself.

For what seemed like hours, he continued to touch me like I've never been touched. Of all the romance books I've read, nothing helped me prepare for the real thing. Every sound that emitted from my throat came unexpectedly, and every feeling he awoke in me was bliss. He never once touched my in a sacred area, only coming teasingly close before redirecting his hand.

His left hand never loosened its grip on my right thigh.

"Only to repay you…"

My mind zoned in and out of consciousness when I began to realize how much more I wanted from him. A couple time, I barely caught myself from saying it aloud. It became harder to think and I became afraid of saying something that might drive him away.

This lasted well into the morning, until his touch and my moans drifted me off to sleep, my body still exhausted from everything it went through.

When I woke up that afternoon, he wasn't lying beside me. It was a disappointment, but I expected nothing less. His only words from earlier kept repeating just as he had.

"Only to repay you…"

See, now that wasn't too bad, was it? Sorry I didn't update sooner. I was busy for awhile and when I checked on this story, I realized I was down to my last chapter! See, I always liked to stay a few chapters ahead so in case something did come up where I wouldn't be able to write for awhile, I'll still have chapters to post for you guys. So I had to write chapter 10 before posting this. Hope you enjoyed!

Enula