Disclaimer: Last time I'm gonn type this in this story, i don't own RD as you all know

Thanks Boogle for reviewing, so here's a treat - hope you like it and plz ppl review chapter 2 as well as 3, i want as much constructive feedback as possible! (I might put chapter 4 up in the early hours depends how awake I am and if I've done much of the work I've got left to do) (Chapter 4 will be called Invasion)

Waking Reality

His head was ringing with pain and Dani was crying loudly somewhere to his right. He opened his mouth to yell for Cat – then it hit him – he had traded himself for Dani, he was no longer on Starbug, but on a murky GELF vessel with his "wife" Then another thought struck him – Why in smegs's name was Dani still aboard? Surly she should have returned by now?

He jumped in fright as he heard a gruff female voice address him from the shadows. "Hi Dave." He looked up to see his "wife" standing over him fluttering her eye lids in a way that she thought was provocative. Lister resisted the overwhelming temptation to throw up and tried to stay calm.

"How can you -?" He began, but she cut him off sharply.

"Translation mind thingys, Daddy got the doc to put one in your head so you understand me." She moved closer for a moment then retreated and picked up Dani who cried even harder at the smell and feel of this terrible monster who was not her mother or father, as she cried she sensed her body temperature begin to drop, but having no grasp of the English language she could not communicate with her uncle so continued to cry till Lister staggered forward and took her in his arms, her crying quietened from the comfort of him though Lister and Dani both knew she couldn't survive without the bond from Cat or Kira.

"You said you'd give her back." Lister reminded as he cradled his adoptive niece in his arms.

"I changed my mind." The GELF replied simply as if it didn't matter what she did.

"CHANGED YOUR MIND? This isn't a "Pick-A-Partner" or "Nick-A-Kid" you know, it's not like shopping you can't go, "I think both specimens are lovely daddy, and I know I said I only wanted one, but I think the American Express card can stretch." Lister erupted in anger, looking round in desperation for an escape route but seeing nothing.

"But Dave, we can be a family – you, me and Ackechackichalack" The GELF insisted, pressing her body against Lister's, he hugged Dani closer to him and backed away in disgust.

"Me and Danielle Alegra Kristina Catrina Olivier already have a family of sorts – on Starbug." Lister said pointedly as he moved round putting a counter between him and the horny, family mad GELF.

"You'll accept me in time – both of you, maybe even love me, you'll forget all about your past life." The GELF tried to sound seductive and swayed in a way she thought would be appealing but of course all this was lost on Lister who was still stepping backwards towards the furthest wall from the GELF, praying for a way out.

"Dani is repulsed by the scent of your smegging presence and I accept my athlete's foot, it doesn't mean I'm gonna claim undying love for it." Lister scoffed as loudly as he could whilst still sounding brave. "Anyways you gotta give Dani back, she's part feline – she'll die without her parents for the bond alone, and what kind of parent retard are you?" He asked pointing at a plate of raw meat. "She's too young for that she need's Kira's milk." Lister shook his head in disbelief and carefully reached down and picked up the animal fur Dani had been laid on, he wrapped Dani in it for the extra heat and held her close making soft shushing noises, glad she was wearing his hat on her head so almost her entire body had some extra insulation. He then closed his eyes and leaned against the wall, sliding down till he sat on the floor, he sensed the GELF's eyes burning into him and he just used Dani's crying to try and block out the claustrophobia that was beginning to take effect. He heard his "wife" stomp towards the door, he opened an eye to see her gazing at him angrily.

"I don't believe you – you're trying to trick me, - I will NOT be tricked!" She stormed out, locking the door behind her." Lister closed his eye again, wishing it was a trick, still trying to block out the claustrophobia, and to calm Dani he started to sing "To Ganymede & Titan" hoping for a rescue or anything, he yawned as Dani did between screams and felt himself drift into unconsciousness, Dani's crying becoming fainter by the second as he seemed to drift further away from reality.