Chapter 4 – Hurtful Times

Authors Note: Wow. It has truly been a long time for updating this story. Sorry guys and thank you so much for the reviews. If it wasn't for your support, I don't think I would have urged myself to finish this chapter. Thanks again to everyone for the reviews.

Later that night…

Tifa was home and was thankful that she had survived the intense gazes from the city people along the streets of Midgar. It seemed that there was nobody left in Midgar who didn't know of the incident that happened earlier. Who were they to stare and pass judgement on her? They don't even know the whole friggin story behind the reason for the incident that occurred at the bar.

It frustrated Tifa that people were so quick to pass judgement over things that may not even concern them. Sure Cloud was a hero for having a large hand in saving the world, but that doesn't necessarily mean he is a great person overall. If only they could see who Cloud really was… a lying bastard who couldn't even hold a promise to his childhood friend, no actually, they were far more than that and he knew it.

Lying in bed with her hands behind her head, Tifa gazed into the darkness of her room. It was a good way to sum up Tifa's life so far, a life of darkness. Why couldn't she have been blessed with an easier life? She wanted everything as much as any other girl wanted out of life… loving parents, comfortable living, a great job, money, success… yet, these things could not compare to what Tifa really wanted. Tifa never doubted that love was complicated, but to endure the pain of love she experienced had been overbearing for far too many years. Why couldn't she forget? Why was Cloud the only man she could ever love? What made him so goddamn special? As much as she thought about it, she assumed she didn't know any of the answers… or rather she believed she didn't care in knowing the answers. But deep down, Tifa knew it was either Cloud or nobody at all… and for how her heart felt at the moment, she definitely preferred the latter choice.

As memories came flooding back into her mind, she was once again brought back to the event that has been constant in her mind for over five years. It was that day, the day Cloud left, that made her world crumble around her. The day he made quite clear that Tifa was not worth a thing to him… or so Tifa thought.

Flashback>>

It had been two months since the intimate kiss that Cloud and Tifa shared and things had really changed since then. Cloud had distanced himself from her almost to the point where Tifa would barely see him anymore. At first she thought that maybe Cloud was a little shy about the kiss and needed some time too get over it, but as the weeks went by, Tifa began to worry. What if Cloud thought it was a mistake? 'No,' she thought. There was something there, he must have felt it.

Today felt the same as any other day now, seeing Cloud was a scarce event and it would only happen by chance. He was always out by morning and late coming home so it was hard to catch Cloud at a good time to talk. Even if she did so, the conversation was kept at a minimum where Cloud would try to find a way out so he could leave. This puzzled Tifa and really made her curious to know where he would go all the time.

She had followed Cloud, a number of times, but it was always the same. He would be under a tree on the plains outside town or up in the mountains sitting near a cliff, just sitting and staring, completely oblivious and in a world of his own. She never did go to him and see how he was for the fact that she thought that he just wanted time to himself.

This hadn't bothered her at first but Tifa didn't expect it to go for this long. Cloud was hardly around and she had missed his company dearly. Snapping out of her thoughts and convincing herself that Cloud will tell her when he was ready, Tifa noticed she had been sitting in the shed for over an hour. She had only come in there for wood for the fireplace, but again she seemed to get sidetracked and lose herself in thoughts. This wasn't her job anyway, Cloud used to bring the wood over every night but ever since his late night strolls, it's been Tifa's job to chop, store and gather the wood.

Grabbing a large portion of wood into her arms, Tifa went back to the house and placed half of the portion of wood in her arms next to the fireplace. The other half she would take over to Cloud's house and leave it next to the door, her real motive being that she hoped that Cloud would be home so they could hang out. As Tifa went next door expecting a dark empty house, she was surprised to see that a light was on in the house. Seeing as she barely sees Cloud anymore, she thought he may be willing to talk or hang out.

Juggling the wood in her arms, she managed to open the door with one hand while holding the bundle of wood with her other arm. Peering inside, Tifa could see Cloud down the hall packing things into a backpack on the floor. Tifa took a few steps inside until curiosity got the better of her and she stopped to ask him what was going on. "Cloud I brought over some wood over for you since it has been colder these last few days…" Tifa trailed off her sentence with a confused expression, but before she could think, she unconsciously found herself asking Cloud a question. "Ummm, what are you doing?"

Glancing up at Tifa, Cloud took a deep breath before looking back down. He had really hoped he didn't have to face Tifa. "What's it look like I'm doing? I'm leaving."

'What?' Tifa's mind raced. Hopeful that Cloud only meant leaving for a short while, her mind had already gone into panic state. "What do you mean, as in leaving for a few days?"

Cloud shook his head calmly before answering, "No. I can't stay in this town, too many bad memories. I'm leaving for good."

As soon as Tifa heard her fears confirmed, her body became numb and limp. The wood she held made several loud thuds as they made contact with the floor. Not looking at Tifa, Cloud sighed and continued to pack the last of his possessions into his backpack.

An uncomfortable silence grew between them as all Tifa could do is just stare bewildered by Cloud's words. When he finally finished packing, he managed to gather the courage to look at Tifa. He could see that Tifa was shocked as well as upset, but it was Tifa who broke the silence between them. "Well fine then, I'm coming too!"

Almost immediately, Cloud forbid Tifa from coming with him. "No, you can't come. I need to do this on my own."

A sharp piercing feeling swept through her body as Cloud brought these words upon her. She gazed at the floor as tears began forming and dropping next to her feet. Tifa didn't understand why he was acting so cold to her. Why did he change from that kiss? Tifa didn't understand but she still needed to know where she stood in Cloud's life. Still looking down, Tifa asked in a soft gentle whisper, "What about us Cloud? What happened a few weeks ago?" This time she looked up at him, tears still falling uncontrollably down her face. "Did that kiss mean nothing to you?"

Cloud couldn't respond. He wanted to tell her it was something he would never forget. He wanted to tell her that it was wonderful. He wanted to tell her it's the only thing that's been on his mind for since it happened. But he couldn't tell her for it would make things even harder for him. "I'm sorry about that Tifa, it was a mistake."

Tifa took a step back in shock, she had to steady herself as her legs almost gave way. "A mistake?" Her mind began to scream, 'No, No, No, the bastard is lying.' "No! That's bullshit Cloud, you felt something." Tifa knew she was losing the battle, she could see it in Cloud's eyes. Yet she still continued again in the cracked soft voice as before, "… you must have felt something."

She continued to stare at Cloud waiting for some sort of explanation, but instead Cloud just averted his eyes away from Tifa and stared at the floor to the side of him. Tifa didn't know what to do, but she knew she had to think of something fast. There wasn't really anything she could do but maybe prove Cloud wrong.

They stood like this for a few minutes. Tifa continued to stare for answers and Cloud continued to look at the floor, not knowing what the hell to do. Tifa stood waiting, waiting, waiting… finally it came to the point where she could not wait any longer. Taking a deep breath, Tifa gathered all the courage she possibly had that moment and slowly walked up to Cloud until she was only an arm's length away from him. "Look at me Cloud." He continued to look away. Tifa tried again but this time in another softer tone, "Please look at me." Cloud couldn't resist that soft voice, as his head slowly turned to meet face-to-face with Tifa's, it happened just as he suspected, an immediate feeling of guilt and pain stung his heart as he saw Tifa's eyes all red and with tears still forming within them. Yet even so, he still could not get over how beautiful she is. Slowly her arms circled around his neck and her face slowly came closer and closer to Cloud's. Her lips tenderly touched his with a kiss that had as much desperation as it did for desire. Her eyes searched deeply into green mako eyes pleading for some sort of emotion to show. Instead, his eyes stared back at her emotionless which made Tifa even more determined to unlock the Strife's heart. She couldn't lose him, not after everything they had been through, not now god damn it! Tifa closed her eyes and deepened the kiss. Her arms tensed and she brought Cloud closer to her until their bodies pressed against each other. Gently, she forced her tongue into Cloud's mouth and flicked her tongue across his which seemed to create an even more desirable spark every time she did so. 'Mistake! I'll show him if it was a mis…," Tifa didn't finish her thought. Her breathing had become heavy and her mind full of passion. But it was not only Tifa who was losing herself in the moment, Cloud's mind had finally succumbed to that of Tifa's overwhelming dominance. He found that his hands unwillingly found themselves on the now exposed groove of Tifa's hips. Her skin was so soft to touch, it felt so smooth and delicate. This was something he had dreamt of ever since he was a little boy… to have Tifa Lockhart. Was he really going to give in for his own selfish reasons? The whole point he was leaving was for her but… why did she have to make it so damn hard for him?

Half his mind was battling the debate over if he was doing the right thing and the other was there lost in thought with Tifa. His hands had now encircled around Tifa's waist and brought her even closer to the point where practically he was nearly lifting her up to him. Cloud was now taking control as his tongue found its way into Tifa's mouth now, where it circled and massaged her tongue in a rhythmic movement. Slowly, bit by bit, Cloud was losing himself into Tifa. He couldn't believe how wonderful something could be in his arms. Just the same as their first kiss, they were now breathing erratically and passion was consuming them both.

Tifa didn't want this to end. She would even go further than just kissing with him, but not to make him to stay, but for the fact she loved him. She loved him so much. There was really no one else she would spend her life with other than Cloud.

Suddenly, without thinking, Tifa whispered something to Cloud between kisses, which she had wanted to say to Cloud for the longest time. "I love you so much…"

That's all it took for Cloud's eyes to spring open again. He now knew that this was going to be a lot messier than what he first thought it was going to be. His lips had become motionless and shut tight, which Tifa who was still lost in the passion was still trying to access. It wasn't until Cloud raised his arms and slowly unhooked Tifa's arms from around his neck that Tifa realised that something was wrong.

They stared again in silence again before Tifa spoke in a soft voice. "What's wrong Cloud?"

Cloud didn't say anything, there was nothing he could say that would make this any less hurtful. So instead of saying any comforting words, Cloud chose to say nothing. He looked beside him and picked up his backpack and walked past Tifa.

Tifa, who was wide eyed in shock and disbelief of Cloud's behaviour, couldn't believe how Cloud was acting at the moment. Realising that Cloud was just going to walk out of her life without a word, Tifa immediately spun around and grabbed Cloud's arm, restricting him from walking away.

"Please Cloud, don't go. If it's what I said a few moments ago, I swear I'll never say it again," Tifa pleaded as tears were trickling down her face uncontrollably. Cloud couldn't take it. He tried yanking his arm away but Tifa held strong. This was too hard for Tifa, Cloud was the only person left in her life and losing him… after everything they had been through… it just couldn't be possible.

With Cloud still trying to set his arm free, Tifa pleaded through teary red eyes again to Cloud to reconsider his decision. "Please Cloud, I don't want you to go.

With a final hard yank of his arm, Cloud finally managed to pull his arm away from Tifa's grip. Losing all weight from her legs, Tifa fell onto her knees and held her hands over her face crying. Cloud didn't like seeing her like this, but he had to let her know. Taking a step forward and putting one hand on her shoulder, Cloud spoke very softly. "I'm sorry Tifa but I can't do this right now."

Knowing that no words could comfort Tifa or even explain his actions, Cloud turned once again and walked towards the door.

Tifa who was still on the floor, looked up at Cloud walking away. In a barely audible voice she whispered, "You promised." Realising that Cloud had not heard her, she yelled it again to Cloud who was only meters away from the door. "You promised!"

Upon hearing this, Cloud froze in his place and continued to stare at the door. He wasn't silly enough to not realise what Tifa was talking about but he knew he would be reminded of it any moment. For Tifa, she knew this was her last stab at keeping Cloud, even though her mind told her that there was no point, it was her heart that did not want to accept defeat.

Still looking at Cloud through now bloodshot eyes, Tifa continued talking in desperation for Cloud to change his mind. "You promised me Cloud. You promised me that whenever I need you, you would be close by…" Tifa trailed off and looked at the ground before continuing. "I need you now Cloud…"

With fresh new tears pouring down her face, Tifa knew it was now up to Cloud to make his decision. Cloud turned around to face Tifa, who also looked up at him. Still crying, Tifa stared at Cloud waiting for his decision. She was hoping Cloud was going to tell her that he wasn't going anywhere, that he would stay with her because she was his best friend… Instead Cloud gave his decision in the simplest way he knew, "I'm sorry Tifa."

Tifa stared in shock, her mouth open but unable to respond. Her throat felt choked and all she could do was watch Cloud leave from her life forever. Turning and walking to the door, he again heard Tifa pleading for him to stay. "I want you stay Cloud, please don't leave me…" This time Cloud did not respond and opened the door. Halfway out the door he heard Tifa again scream out his name. "Cloud!"

Without a response, Tifa screamed his name again even louder. "Cloud!" Cloud ignored her plea again closed the door behind him. He stood there for a few seconds before closing his eyes. Suddenly a loud screeching and painful scream came from inside the house "CLOUD!" Startled, Cloud reopened his eyes in shock. Never in his entire life had he heard Tifa scream so loud and with so much hurt. It wasn't very long until Cloud heard Tifa sobbing loudly from the house.

It hurt Cloud so much to leave Tifa like this, but in the end knew it was best for Tifa's sake. Even so, his defences had given up on him and now it was him who found tears forming in his eyes. "I'm so sorry Tifa… but everyone who I care about end up being taken away from me. I can't let that happen to you."

Accepting his own decision, Cloud walked towards the barn and grabbed his golden chocobo. He led it out and then mounted himself on top of it. Looking back at the house, he again expressed his sorrow. "I'm so sorry…" Wiping away tears, Cloud urged the chocobo on and finally left Nibelheim.

With her final battle lost, Tifa believed that the war to win Cloud's heart was now over. She had lost. Tifa wrapped her arms around her knees and sobbed uncontrollably into them. It was this day that soon became a heart breaking, reoccurring, recollecting memory.

End Flashback>>

Opening her eyes, Tifa found herself again in the darkness of her room. Even though she said that she would not let this memory get to her, Tifa turned onto her side and cried herself to sleep.

Authors Note: Okay I know this chapter seems a bit rushed but I had written half of this last year and the other half this year. I hope there aren't too many conflictions with the rest of the story. Oh and I'm sad to see that Hybrid Rainbow's story of "Things Unsaid" is gone. For those of us lucky to read it, it was truly a great story.

Next Chapter: Cloud gets to say his second sentence to Tifa. Will he be met by another matching black eye? Please review and tell me what you think.