Lily M.

End of summer

He hated it there sometimes. It was beautiful, he couldn't deny, but it was big and... Cold. Always so cold, even during summer, that it began to bother him. Or was it that he was always too lonely to notice the warmth the mansion could offer?

It didn't matter. He decided that, at that moment, he didn't like it there and he didn't like being there.

Sometimes he wondered if Kai hated him. If so, then why did he keep him there? Was he being locked up in the house like a caged bird, which would never see the outside world again because of the whim of its owner?

He really wondered if Kai hated him. At times, while they laid on the darkness of Kai's room, side by side, the scent of passion still lingering in the air, he could sense still with the eyes closed, the other's gaze burning on him. And he couldn't bring himself to look back up at him. There was an unknown tension coming from that gaze, he could sense it in Kai's muscles even without looking at him.

Why did Kai keep him there if he hated him?

Could… could Kai be keeping him here because of- no. Kai was beyond that, and he doubted he was abnormally spectacular in bed. He could get anyone he wanted to be their pet, if that was the case. He had the looks, the money, the charm… he had everything. So Rei wondered. Why did he keep him in that cold, almost haunted mansion?

He looked at himself in the reflection on the window. He still looked the same after so many years. Same eyes, same hair, same face. Such an uninteresting person. While Kai grew, became more serious after taking up the task of taking care of his money. Taking care of the Hiwatari money.

Did… did he even like his family? After all the trouble his grandfather caused, after everything that happened in his past… did Kai like his family?

A name wasn't just a name. It sometimes told who you were, deep down in your subconscious. A name told the story of yourself, your father, your father's father… It told your origin, where you came to be.

Of course Kai liked his family. He was prideful, just like him, Rei, was… If not proud of his grandfather, he was at least proud of himself. Like his will to always want to be a better man. A stronger man.

Thinking about his family, Rei found himself thinking about Kai's father. Kai never spoke about him. He hadn't in the past, and didn't seem to ever want to talk about him, leaving him to wonder. What was he like? Did he look like Kai? Same eye color, same hair, same pale skin… Same half-smile that he only let out around the right people?

Rei couldn't help but smile at the thought of Kai's father. He could have been a good man, haunted by the shadow of his own father. A strong, tall, handsome, calm person… who loved his son, unlike himself, who couldn't be loved…

A thought struck Rei. All trains of thought stopped at that moment. What if… His eyes opened wide in realization. He couldn't blame Kai, if that was the case. For hating him, for keeping him in that mansion when it weakened and pained him.

What if Kai wanted an heir? A son or daughter to inherit the Hiwatari name and wealth? Rei would never be able to grant him that. He would do anything for him but… he could never grant him that. Was he destroying the Hiwatari's? Could he be ending not only the Kon bloodline but the Hiwatari as well? The answer to that was obvious.

He was sure there were other Hiwatari's, Kai wouldn't be the last one... But there would be no direct descendants from him, wasn't it? Maybe that was the reason why Kai looked at him, pained at the dead of night?

Rei let his forehead touch the glass to cool is thoughts. Almost unconsciously, he begantothink about what Kai's son would look like. A small impersonation of energy, playing in the gardens of the mansion, eyes bright with something only a child would have. And the eyes? Would he have brown eyes, that shone like red at times, like his father or…

Stop thinking about it. You're torturing yourself.

But involuntary he began to think how a child from both him and Kai would look like. Black hair and red eyes… a little girl who carried an even smaller boy in her arms, just big yellow eyes and dark-blue hair looking from over her shoulder. A big grin appeared on her face when she threw him in the air, just to grab him again before he hit the ground. He looked scared and gripped her shirt, and she laughed… a bright voice that reminded him of his mother, but the eyes… the eyes glowed like Kai's did when reflecting the fire, the fire coming from the fireplace, which he sat closely in overly cold winter days…

Rei closed his eyes and told himself a hundred times to stop thinking about it. It could never happen. Kai couldn't generate a child with his own mother's laugh. And he couldn't generate a child with the shape of Kai's face. It was impossible. It should be a sin to just think about it. It was… like dooming your own future…

However… Rei smiled in the dim light of the living room, the sun setting and reflecting the tears in his eyes. It would have been…

He looked up immediately when he heard footsteps. Kai walked in the room with his glasses still resting on his nose, and a usual frown. Rei looked back to the window, well aware of his tears and not wanting Kai to see them.

I know now, Kai… why you hate me… I'm sorry, Kai.

"I looked everywhere for you" came his velvet voice. Rei discreetly wiped his tears away. "I thought you'd be in your room."

"I was just tired of being there" Rei replied, clearing his throat once, and not looking at him.

Kai moved towards him, and sat by the window, taking off his glasses, and sighing. He looked tired. Rei observed him by the corner of his eye but turned to look at him fully when he spoke.

"Summer's ending."

Nothing important. Rei sighed and nodded. He was unprepared then when Kai grabbed his wrist and tugged his arm, pulling him towards his chest. Rei blinked, but said nothing.

"You're cold."

I'm always cold in the mansion.

"This room is cold."

Along with the rest of them.

"Then why don't you spend the day outside?"

Rei said nothing.

Because I'm afraid of not coming back.

It was true, wasn't it? At the end, the one wanting to stay in the cage was the bird itself.

"I just wanted to stay here."

Close to you.

His eyes widened slightly when Kai kissed his forehead. A simple loving gesture.

I'm so stupid.

"But you shouldn't."

I'm sorry, Kai.

"I'm sorry, Kai."

"Don't be."

Rei wasn't cold anymore.

And he surely didn't want to stay alone and think the wrong things anymore.

-

This fic looked better in my head, you know? Oh well.

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