Disclaimer: You know.

A/N: You guys are so great! I can only hope to live up to expectations.

The next time Nick saw her, Sara was in Grissom's office. She was talking animatedly and Grissom had a proud smirk on his face. Nick felt the anger building again. "Pecker neck," he said to himself, his accent thick.

He felt worse than he could remember since coming back to work. His head throbbed, and he could tell that even being in the A/V lab with the lights low had unnerved him. He was glad it was getting close to daylight. All he wanted to do was crawl into his bed and sleep, but he could tell it would not come easily today. He wanted, needed Sara, and he couldn't have her.

He left without saying goodbye to anyone. He went to his gym and took his anger out on the punching bags. If he couldn't sleep now, he would never be able to sleep. He was thoroughly exhausted. A couple of beers and a hot shower waited on him at home. Too bad all he could think about was her … the way she would snuggle next to him when they were asleep, the way she would get a gleam in her eye and attack him on his couch – the list went on and on.

He laid in his bed, exhausted from the day and the emotion. The beers lulled him, but his sleep was tenuous and fitful. Then she called. He hoped he didn't sound as groggy as he felt when he answered the phone.

"Hey Cowboy. I missed you at the lab," she said. Her case must have been going well. She sounded like the old Sara, the girl she had been when she first came to Vegas. She sounded like a girl who had the guts to flirt with a paramedic over a DB. How jealous had he been that evening so long ago?

"Yeah, I was able to leave a little early," he answered. "I just needed to get out of there."

"Well, Ozzie was going to take me out to breakfast to celebrate our case. Greg's going, and I think Warrick may even join us. You want to?" she asked. Nick thought about it. He wasn't really sleeping, but the thoughts of having to share her with everyone else made his head ache worse. Ozzie was taking her out to breakfast. The case had gone well. She didn't need his depressed mug beside her to drag everyone down.

"I'm going to stay here," he answered. He heard the disappointed sigh.

"Should I come over? I can eat breakfast another time," she said quietly. He hated that he might have brought her down.

"No," he said, maybe a bit too emphatically. "You should go out with the guys. You deserve it. I'll see you tonight at shift change," he said. His voice sounded fake to his ears. He hoped it fooled Sara.

"You're sure? I can bring you some breakfast," she offered.

"I'm sure," he said, again too firmly. He knew that a small part of him wanted her to ditch the detective and come to him. "Way to go passive-aggressive," he thought.

"You promise I'll see you in the morning?" she asked. She was really concerned now. He couldn't have manipulated her this way if he had tried intentionally.

"I promise," he said, softly. "I need to get some sleep anyway." Man, nothing he was saying was coming out right. They got off the phone and he sank down into his pillow, feeling even lower than he had before she called, which was a first since they had started all this.

His dreams were horrible, and he woke with a scream in his throat more than once. He got up and went into his bathroom and splashed cool water onto his face. His reflection in the mirror was that of a stranger. The stranger had dark circles under his eyes, and the lines on his face were apparent. Nick thought the stranger looked dangerously like someone who would be picked out of a line-up some day. When he came out of the bathroom, Sara was in his bed. His shook his head and rubbed his eyes, and looked again. She was still there, in a T-shirt and her underwear. Her face was concerned.

"I didn't hear you come in," he croaked. He hated how he sounded. Something in him even hated that he was so glad to see her, but he pushed that aside.

"I used my key. Are you OK?" she asked. He climbed into the bed beside her, and to his surprise, felt tears begin streaming down his face. "Nicky, what's wrong?" she asked, cradling him to her. His tears wet the shoulder of her shirt, and though he was silent, the sobs racked his frame violently. She knew he was still so far from OK after all he had been through. She pulled the covers over them and held him until the sobbing stopped. She could tell he had gone to sleep by his even breathing. She finally went to sleep too, torn between being pleased with herself for the job she had done today, and being worried for Nick.

He woke up an hour before the alarm. His eyes were grainy and his head throbbed. He got out of the bed softly and walked into the kitchen, the daylight piercing his burning eyes. He drank a glass of water and took a couple of ibuprofen. He turned to see Sara standing in the hallway looking at him.

"I couldn't sleep," he said. "I'll probably go in to work." She looked lovely, he thought. She was wearing one of his T-shirts, and it skimmed over her body in a sexy way that no negligee could compare to. Her long lean legs were invitations to be stroked and rubbed.

"You've still got an hour. Why not come back to bed?" she said, and she turned to go back down the hallway. He followed and gave in to her invitation to crawl under the covers. She gave and he took in an urgent, rushing way that left no time for murmurs or feeling. When he was in the shower, they both cried, alone. When he left, she pretended to be asleep. Neither felt any better for having been together, another first since starting the whole twisted relationship.

Sara was worried about him.

He was worried about himself. He drove to the lab in a fugue. He wanted to avoid any and all people. That was going to be hard, seeing as how he worked in a building full of them. Even if he pulled a DB, he would still have to deal with the living.

Warrick was in the locker room. Nick put on his best stoic face.

"Hey man. You feeling all right?" Warrick said.

"I've been better," Nick admitted.

"I figured you must not be feeling good after Sara said you didn't want to join us at the diner. She and Ozzie were pretty jazzed about their case," Warrick said. Remorse overwhelmed Nick. He hadn't even asked Sara how the case had gone. Evidently, it had gone well.

"What did you think of the new detective?" he asked, hoping Warrick wouldn't hear any telltale signs in his voice.

"He's cool. He is very into Sara. Greg noticed it too. Sara's oblivious, of course," Warrick said. Nick's heart skipped a beat. "Maybe he'll ask her out. Sara deserves to be romanced. You know, reminded that she's more than a CSI," Warrick continued. "She hasn't seemed to date much since Hank."

"Yeah," Nick said. She did deserve better. He hadn't been romancing her. He had been using her and letting her use him in return. That made him about one level above Hank. He hadn't liked Det. Perrin, but how much of that had been macho posturing? Nick knew himself well enough to know that a lot of it could have been. He had known this day was coming, but it didn't make it any easier. How was he going to cope without Sara to hold on to? Nick shook his head and tried to push all the dark thoughts aside so that he could go to work. God knew his work was dark enough.

The day was busy enough that he was able to immerse himself in the details, but slack enough that he had time to take a break. He was actually feeling a little better, but he avoided thinking about Sara if he could. It was hard. Thankfully, Catherine and Warrick were out in the field, so he could go on break by himself. He didn't want to have to fake it through a meal.

When he walked through the deli doors, he almost walked back out. There, at a small round table, sat Brass and Detective Perrin. Unfortunately, Brass saw him and waved him over.

"Nick Stokes, come over and meet our new detective, Oscar Perrin," Jim called out. Nick strode over to the two men. He stuck out his hand.

"Actually, Detective Perrin and I met yesterday. What are you two night owls doing out in the daylight?" Nick asked. The sun had yet to set on Vegas, though it wasn't long in coming.

"Crime stops for no man's sleep," answered Brass. "Have a seat, Nicky." Nick did and eyed the new detective from behind his sunglasses. In the light of day, the man didn't look quite as much like a snake oil salesman. Maybe it was that Nick's perspective had changed, and he knew so much of his first impression had been tinged with irrational feeling. Nick took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"You need to eat Nick," Brass said. "You look like hell." His tone was sympathetic. Nick gave him a wry grin and then went up to the counter and ordered his food. He came back to sit with the two policemen.

"I hear you and Sara solved your case," Nick said. He tried to sound as if he knew what he was talking about. Perrin eyed him thoughtfully, and then broke out in a smile.

"That woman is really something. Yesterday evening, I teased her that she would have the case solved by the time her shift started. Damned if she didn't almost do it. We got the guy we think is the accomplice today," he said. Warrick was right. The man clearly had a thing for Sara. Nick felt insanely jealous for a moment. He quashed the feeling down. If this guy would treat her anything like she deserved, who was Nick to stand in her way? "She was ferocious in the interrogation room. By the time I said a word, the guy was ready to break."

"She is tough," Nick agreed. Brass gave him a sideways glance. "But she takes it hard sometimes." Nick wasn't sure how, but the last sentence he had said came out menacingly, like a warning. Perrin narrowed his eyes and gave him an appraising look. Just then a pager beeped loudly. Each of the men scooted back and looked down to their sides. Nick thought about how Greg called it the "pager shuffle." Brass tossed his napkin down over his food.

"Looks like Vegas needs me," he said. "See you guys later." He was already dialing on his cell phone by the time he walked out the restaurant's doors. Nick's Reuben arrived, and he noticed that Perrin was eating a roasted eggplant and red pepper sandwich. Nick had nicknamed it the "Sara sandwich". Since turning anti-meat, it was her favorite sandwich at the deli.

"You're protective of her," Perrin said, breaking the silence that had arrived at the table when Brass left. Nick chewed his mouthful of sauerkraut slowly. He felt a caraway seed lodge in his tooth. Great.

"You could say that," he answered. Perrin had a soft look in his sage green eyes. For some reason, it made Nick feel a little guilty over the way he had treated the man. "I know I came off as an asshole yesterday. I apologize. It was a rough double shift," he said. He could see Perrin mulling it over. Then the man smiled again.

"I wasn't near as pissed off at you as Sara was," he said. Nick had to grin at that idea himself.

"Yeah, she doesn't go for the knight in shining armor routine much," Nick said. He found he liked Perrin in spite of himself. If it weren't for Sara, he and Perrin would probably have gotten along just fine.

"Tell me, Nick, do you think she would go out with an older guy like me?" he asked. Nick was surprised at the vulnerability in the man's eyes. He looked like a guy that might have been burnt once or twice, but was still attracted to the flame.

"I don't know, Detective."

"She's got a boyfriend? I figured she probably did," he said. His mouth twisted into a resigned frown.

"Not exactly. She, uh, she might not want to date someone from work," Nick said. He guessed that was close to true. He wasn't going to tell this guy that he and Sara were screwing around.

"It can't hurt to try, can it?" Perrin said. Nick's corn beef slid down his throat in a greasy wad. It was as if his stomach was full of rocks.

"I guess not," he said. He put his half-eaten sandwich back on the paper it had been wrapped in. He didn't think he could eat the rest. "I've got to get back to the lab. It was nice seeing you again, Detective." He wadded up his trash and moved toward the door.

"It's Ozzie," the detective's voice called as Nick threw his hand up in a wave and left the deli. He mulled the scene over and over driving to the lab, wondering if he had done the right thing. He did the ethically right thing by not standing in the way of Sara's potential new suitor, right? Why did it feel so wrong?

He barely made it into the bathroom at the lab before losing what little of the Reuben he had eaten. He then went into the locker room and lay on a bench with his feet planted on the floor and his face covered by his hands. He remembered the day Sara had come to his house and drank beer with him. It hadn't been much different from any other time after his kidnapping. He and various members of the team had drunk beers before. Hell, he and Sara had drunk beers before many times before the kidnapping. But he had been changed, and that had made all the difference. She had helped him more than anyone or anything. He hoped that she would never regret it. He knew the time of "friends with benefits" had come to an end. Even if she didn't date Perrin, there was someone out there she would want to date. Nick was keeping her in a holding pattern. He wasn't sure what kind of promises he could make to her, and he knew she wasn't asking for any. What if she did?

"I have so fucked up," Nick said to the locker room. No one contradicted him.

A/N- Please stick with me. This story keeps dragging out on me. I hope it's not boring you!

EquestrianBabe - embrace your fear. Come to the Dark Side. (Just teasing.) Just stick with me.

FoxRox - next time, tell me what you'd really like to see in a story. Don't be shy! ; )

Anushka - If you're reading this, you should probably be studying, right? As long as it's just a break.

CSI Rookie Chick - any misspellings, etc, you can blame on the 10 month old sitting with me at the computer.

bomber6 - I love your comment! Very sly.