No Regrets, No Looking Back, No WhatIfs Chapter 11, a csi fanfic

Disclaimer: I only own Ozzie.

A/N: This is the last chapter. Finally! I hope you all have enjoyed the ride, though you Snickers have been tortured a bit. I don't know if I will doing any large amounts of angst again soon, but I have a few ideas for fluff.

Thanks for all the reviews. You have definitely made it worth my while.

Sidenote: I am assuming Nick and his dad took their nicknames from "Pancho and the Cisco Kid" an old television show. I remember (vaguely) seeing it in reruns when I was a child. Does anyone else remember this show? Because of that, I figured Nick and his dad were close. Some fics I read have them as very distant, but I don't see that. Anyway, I just wondered if anyone else got this.

Sara let her date lead her out onto the dance floor. The club was nice, dark and intimate, and the jazzy music had been a pleasant surprise. She was thankful that she had thought not to wear tall heels, because she had never been the most confident dancer. She remembered that a certain someone had once told her that it was all in following the lead, and she relaxed. She let her partner lead her, their bodies moving as one, without input from her brain.

That was a good thing in and of itself, because at this moment, between the wonderful meal, the red wine, and the music, she was having a hard time getting anything but incomplete thoughts out of that mass of tissue between her ears. None of it had anything to do with the feel of her dance partner's strong arms around her, not at all. His breath in her ear was sending luscious shivers through her body, and she was more than comfortable pressed up against him. She closed her eyes and let herself float on the dance floor with him, inhaling his fragrance. She felt his head dip down and his lips brushed hers with a familiarity that was at once comforting and exciting. She knew precisely what those lips could do, and the promise they gave for the end of the evening. She opened her eyes, and looked into his. She loved those expressive eyes; eyes that were the color of ...

Nick had driven his dad back to the airport early Sunday morning. His dad hadn't asked what he was going to do. They had talked of the family, and about whether Nick would make it to Thanksgiving this year. All day Saturday they had been bird watching and fishing without talking of what decisions Nick might make.

They shared an extended hug before his dad walked out to the concourse. Nick realized that Cisco looked frailer than he used to; his age was starting to show. Cisco paused a minute after he started towards his gate.

"I'll expect an update in a couple of days. I'll hold your mom off as long as I can," he said, grinning. "I love you, Pancho!" The last bit was called out to him. At one time, it would have embarrassed Nick to no end. Today, it brought a stray tear to his eye.

"I love you too, Cisco," he called back. He would try to make it back down at Thanksgiving.

He drove home, his mind wandering over the past week. He thought he knew what he wanted to do, but he was afraid of the outcome, either way. He was surprised to see Warrick Brown sitting on his front steps. He wondered if Warrick had come to warn him that Catherine was ready to fire his ass.

"Warrick. Surprised to see you here," Nick said upon exiting his vehicle. He opened the garage door and went around to the back of the SUV to begin unloading camping gear. He pulled out the cooler and offered Warrick a beer. Warrick accepted and started helping Nick with the gear.

"Did you have a nice time with your dad?" Warrick asked. Nick hesitated a moment, the smiled.

"Do I want to know how you found out where I was?" he asked. Warrick shot him a glare.

"You better be glad I did find out, or we would have been out looking for you. You scared the shit out of us," he said. "Sara and I even came by Friday night. You were passed out on your couch." Warrick watched Nick from the corner of his eye. Nick ran a hand through his hair and then rubbed the back of his neck. He looked tired, and the three days of growth on his face was not an attractive look.

"Did she come in?" Nick finally asked.

"No. She said you probably wouldn't want her there. She told me about the fight," Warrick said. Nick was startled at that, and looked at Warrick with questions in his eyes. "She told me that you had an arrangement," conceded Warrick.

"She told you all that?" asked a disbelieving Nick. He had thought Sara would probably take that one to her grave. He narrowed his eyes at Warrick. "What else did she say? That I'm a jackass and she never wants to talk to me again?"

"That's probably what she should have said," was the answer he got. Then Warrick smirked at him. "She's worried about you. We all are."

"Me too," said Nick softly. "Do you know if she went out with Perrin?"

"Yeah. She went out with him, and they had a great time. Oz was practically floating on air. The only thing keeping her from going out with him again is you," Warrick told his friend.

"She said that?" Nick asked.

"Not in so many words. Look, Nick, I am going to tell you like I told Sara. I love you like a brother, but she has got to do what's good for her, just like you've got to do what is good for you. Hopefully you two can work it out where it's good for both of you," Warrick said. He grinned at the last part, his light blue-green eyes dancing.

"What are you saying?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe that in the last few months everyone's noticed the difference in the two of you. Being stupid and blind, I didn't suspect much until the past couple of weeks. Did you know that Sara's overtime has dropped 100, and that she is only slightly above average levels for the lab?" Nick shook his head.

"It's true," Warrick continued. "I saw the monthly overtime report on Catherine's desk. And as I recall, she has taken more than a couple of vacation days to do things like rock climbing, hang-gliding ..." Nick smiled, chagrinned. He had told Sara that Ozzie might give her a reason to quit working so much overtime. Had he already given her a reason?

"What about Ozzie?" Nick said.

"If you don't get your act together, he's going to slide her right out from under you grasp. And he'll deserve to," Warrick said. Then he got extremely serious. "What the hell were you thinking Nick? This is Sara, not some bimbo. I thought you were the traditionalist, man."

"Hey, that's not how it worked. This was, it just ..." Nick realized anything he said would sound trite, like the excuse it was. He watched as Warrick took the last of the gear out of the back of the vehicle and put it in Nick's overly orderly garage.

"If I were a betting man, I would bet that you need to get your ass cleaned up and buy some flowers on the way over there," Warrick said.

"Good thing you're not a betting man anymore, huh?" Nick returned. Flowers were a good idea. It would have to be special though.

"You need to hurry up. She's working swing with me tonight," Warrick said from his rolled down window. He was backing out of Nick's driveway. "I'll expect her to be all smiles."

Nick pulled up at Sara's apartment building. He had two hours before she would have to report to shift. He knew that she would already be up, drinking her god-awful coffee. He looked over at the bouquet in his passenger's seat. The casino florist had said they would impress any woman. Well, that guy didn't know Sara. Still, desperate times called for desperate measures.

He had been stupid to ever let this go so far. How could he have been so blind? He had thought and thought about what his father had said. He knew now. He loved Sara, as a friend. They were friends and lovers. Wasn't that the best kind of start for a lifetime relationship? He had questioned his feelings for her until he couldn't see them for what they truly were. He had been miserable before they had begun this screwed up ride, and he was miserable now, knowing that she had been out with Perrin. He had listened to the message she left him at least ten times, trying to find a hint of something to ease his fears. Every time he had listened, he had a different interpretation.

He took a deep breath and walked up to her door. She answered at the second knock. It took his breath away to see her again. He wanted to sweep her up in his arms. It was all he could do not to grab hold of her and never let go.

She was surprised to see him. It warmed his heart to see the happiness in her eyes when she first saw him. Then a familiar guarded shadow came over them. It was a shadow he hadn't seen in the last few months, but he had seen it plenty of times before then.

"Oh, Sara," he thought. "Please don't shut me out."

"Hey," is what he said.

"Hey. Good to see that you are alive and well," she said. She had made no moves to let him into the apartment. Not a good sign. She looked tired. She looked as tired as he must look. Nick decided to let it rip right there. He handed her the bouquet. Her eyes got big, and he thought there was a hint of shine from unfallen tears. She looked at him, confused.

"I wanted to apologize," he said.

"For what?"

"Where do I start?" He sighed and continued. "To begin with, for not treating you as you deserve. For rationalizing our relationship. For not talking to you about Perrin. For being too scared to do the right thing," he said. Her eyes were big now, but the guarded look was still on her face.

"Nick, I shouldn't have gone off the deep end like that ..." she began.

"Sara, I've got something to tell you, and I've got to get it out, or I may chicken out again."

"OK," Sara said slowly. Trepidation had made it through her guard.

"I have been miserable without you. Knowing that I couldn't even talk to you was the worst. I need you, Sara. I need to know that I never have to worry about whether or not I'll see you, because you'll be there. I love you. As a friend. As a lover. As you." Nick paused, wondering if he had been eloquent enough. He didn't think he could ever express the way he felt with words. He stepped up and took Sara's face in his hands and kissed her. They had shared a lot of kisses, but this was full of his new acknowledgement of his feelings for her. She stepped backwards from him, clutching the bouquet that had gotten partially crushed between them.

"Nick, I ..." Sara began, when Nick heard the last voice he had wanted to hear.

"Are you all right Sara?" a voice called from Sara's apartment. "Who's at the door?"

It was Ozzie. Nick could feel his heart break, right then. Funny, he thought it couldn't have hurt much more than it had after their fight on Thursday. Sara's eyes got wide. Nick knew he was too late. He turned and walked away.

"Nick!" Sara cried. He let it fall on deaf ears. He thought he would be sick. How was he going to make it today, and tomorrow, and the day after that? He knew one part of the answer. Without Sara.

She wanted to go after him, but there was Ozzie, standing in her kitchen, freshly showered, but his clothes rumpled, and his face unshaven. He had taken a drink of the coffee she had made and was making a face that he unsucessfully tried to hide when she turned around.

"What's wrong?" he immediately said. Then he saw the bouquet. "Who was that at the door?"

"Nick," she said. She turned to find a vase. She was fighting tears, and didn't want Ozzie to see.

"Nick brought you flowers?" he asked. Things were very clear to him now. "Some detective I am, asking Nick about you," he said, and chuckled. Sara wanted to throw the vase she had found at him. "Can I tell you something?" he asked. It was a soft voice. Sara turned to look at him. He had grabbed his suit jacket, and suddenly he looked every bit of his 53 years to Sara.

"What?" she said. Her voice sounded cold, and she knew she was doing her old standby, withdrawal. Part of her was urging her to move, to chase Nick. Another part wanted to cling to Ozzie, and wipe the image of Nick's hurt face from her mind. Instead she just stood, becoming cold, trying not to care. If she didn't care about Nick, he couldn't hurt her, right?

"I know I smile all the time. It freaks people out, especially inside interrogation," he said. Sara gave him a bewildered look. "Do you want to know why I smile a lot?"

"Sure," she said, though she was anything but.

"I am thinking of what Mahalia would have been saying about the situation," he said.

"Your second wife," Sara said. He nodded, and she saw that sad smile again.

"She was the love of my life, and she's with me every moment. It used to make me cry, but that wasn't how she would have wanted it. You remind me of her, a little. I guess that's what first caught my eye about you," he said. Sara wasn't sure how she felt about that. She didn't know if being second to a dead woman was a good place to be. Competition with a ghost was a losing situation. Almost as bad as competition with an all-consuming job. He walked up to her and gave her a kiss, sweet and slow. "I'll wait for you to decide what you want," he said, and then Sara knew it was a good-bye kiss. "If Stokes screws this up, just know that you are still my favorite CSI," he said. He was grinning as he walked out of her door.

She was late to swing shift. She met Warrick in the locker room.

"You're with me, Sidle," he said as she walked into the room. "Cath's already handed out assignments. I covered for you and said you had called to tell me you were going to be late," the last part of the comment trailed off when he looked at Sara's face. He had never seen her look quite so lost.

"I can't find Nick," she said. Warrick narrowed his eyes. "I've called his house, his cell, and I went by. He's not there," she continued. He could tell she had been crying.

"What happened?" Warrick asked. He had expected something, but not this.

"He came by the house this afternoon. With flowers, no less," she said with a bemused grimace. "Ozzie was there, and he took off. He's not answering his phone."

"Ozzie was there?" Warrick asked. That must have been a slap in the face to Nick.

"It's not what you think. But that's what Nick must have thought too," she said. Warrick thought her face crumpled a little when she said that, but she fought it off. Sara was not a person who cried easily. When she did cry, it sometimes seemed defiant, like she would dare you to ask her about it.

"I'll call Brass and tell him we will be a little late to the crime scene," Warrick offered. "We'll look in all the usual places."

Sara gave a little nod, and then did something that neither of them expected. She crossed the distance between them with quick steps and gave him a hug.

"Thank you," she said, in a voice that was almost a whisper.

"Hey, you're not the only one that loves him," Warrick said, trying to laugh it off. "It's just that I don't want to see him naked."

Warrick called Brass.

"Jim, we might be a little later getting to the crime scene. If you need to be somewhere, we'll call when we're on our way. You could leave an officer there. Tell Super-Dave to have the body for us to do trace at the morgue."

"Hey, this guy's not going anywhere. We already have the most likely suspect, so your evidence will be icing on the cake." Brass paused a minute, and asked, "This wouldn't be in relation to Nick, would it?"

"Why do you ask?" Warrick said. Did Jim know everything?

"I saw him in passing an hour ago. At the range. You got Sara with you?" he asked.

"Yeah," Warrick said, giving Sara a glance. She was looking at him with quizzical eyes.

"Well, make them get this shit worked out. It's making everyone crazy," Brass growled. Warrick had to laugh.

"That's what I'm trying to do," he said. He turned to Sara, who was looking out the window.

"I'm dropping you at the range," he said. Her head snapped around. How did Warrick know about the range?

"What?"

"Brass saw Nick at the range. So, I'm dropping you there. If he won't give you a ride back, or if you don't want to ride back with him, call me."

"What do I say?" Sara asked.

"You tell him the truth, whatever that may be," he replied. It sounded simple, but simple did not mean easy.

"What is he doing at the range?" she asked, under her breath.

"What do you do at the range?" Warrick said. She gave him a surprised look, and he smiled devilishly at her. He was still smiling when he dropped her at the range. The smile hid his worry that they wouldn't work this out.

She saw Nick in the booth. He looked tense. He looked like a badass. She wondered if she looked that tough when she was shooting. She wondered if he was picturing her or Ozzie. She doubted it was either; Nick was too much of a gentleman. She saw that he had enough ammo to be there a while, so when he stopped to reload, she knocked on the booth window.

Nick saw her there and almost dropped his gun. She looked like she had been crying. He took a little pleasure in that, and then regretted it. He worked hard not to let the baser of his instincts get the better of him since being buried. It told him how much he had changed to know that he had to fight himself on these small things.

He opened the door and let her come into the booth.

"You have your cell turned off," she said. It sounded accusatory.

"I didn't want to hear it," he said back. "I don't want to hear the excuses. From me or from you."

It was stupid of them to think that they could have started this, and then some day stop with no repercussions. Sara knew that there was no going back to the way they were; there was only moving forward. She had amazed herself in that she wanted to move forward, with Nick. For once in her life, she wanted the person that wanted her. His confession at her door hadn't scared her away. She could admit that the whole time she was with Ozzie, she kept thinking of Nick.

"We were crazy to think that our rules would work," she said. Nick blew out a breathe of air. If he could get up the nerve, he would kiss her, like he had at her door, before he heard Ozzie. He knew that kiss had affected her.

"I broke them allthe time," he confessed. He wondered where they would go from here. He didn't think Sara looked like she was aching for him to give her another kiss.

"Me too," Sara said. "You never let me finish apologizing."

"You have nothing to apologize for," he said brusquely.

"Goddammit, Nick! Let me talk," Sara said through her teeth. She had to say this now, before her usual defenses pushed forward. Nick looked at her withbig eyes. He didn't say anything else.

"I'm sorry that I flew off the handle with you. I'm sorry that Ozzie was there today, though it wasn't what you think, but I'm not sorry for anything else, because then I wouldn't be doing this." With that said, she walked forward and kissed him, trying to match the feeling he had given her earlier. When their lips parted, Nick couldn't help the words that came out of his mouth.

"I'm broken," he murmured against Sara's lips. She leaned back and looked at him. "I can't be fixed," he said. That was what really scared him; that he would never be right again. That he would never deserve her.

"So am I. Maybe we're both so broken that the only way to be whole is together," she said. "I love you, as a friend, as a lover. As you." They stood in an embrace for a few moments, and Sara felt something she rarely felt in her life: safe. She knew this was it. She could feel his heart beat through their clothes and the warmth of his body against hers. She could be safe with Nick, and she wanted to keep him safe in return.

"So, I heard you went out with the new detective. Did it go well?" Nick asked, a teasing grin on his face. She rolled her eyes at him. How easy was this, to slip into that banter they had?

"Oh yeah, except that I kept thinking about this hot criminalist I know," she said. He kissed her again.

"When's your next night off?" he asked. She asked why he wanted to know. "I was wondering if you would like to go out with me." Nick said, almost bashfully.

"Let me check my calendar," Sara said with a smile.

When Nick pulled up at the crime scene, Brass handed Warrick a twenty.

"Call me a hopeless romantic," Jim said. "But I didn't think she would show back up during the shift."

"They might be together, finally, but she is still Sara, hardcore CSI," Warrick teased. "Double or nothing Nicky doesn't leave once she's dropped off."

"You're on. Now that she's here, I don't think Sara will let him stay," Jim said. The two sat back and watched as Nick opened the door for Sara. They appeared to have a discussion that became a bit heated, though it was hard to tell since the vehicle partially obscured their view. Then Nick pulled Sara into an embrace that might have been better saved for some where other than a crime scene. She gave in for a moment, then pushed him away. She ambled up while Nick got back into his SUV and pulled off.

Warrick laughed, and handed Jim his twenty back, plus another. Sara eyed them suspiciously.

"What was that about?" she demanded.

"You don't want to know," the two said in unison

"So what do you need me to do?" Sara asked Warrick.

"Get in the truck. We're done here. I was just waiting on you," he said. They said their good-byes to Jim, who gave Sara a wink.

"Talk," Warrick said once they were in the Denali. Sara gave him a cool look.

"About what?" she said nonchalantly. Warrick gave her a disbelieving look, and she broke out into a gap-toothed smile, giggling uncharacteristically.

"Tell it, or I swear to God, I will tell everyone that you and Hodges are going out," he said.

"No one would believe you," she countered.

"Archie owes me, and you wouldn't believe the stuff you can come up with using the A/V lab," Warrick threatened.

"We are together. He's mine and I'm his," she said, giving in, though it felt good to say it. "No rules, no arrangements. We're going to officially date. He's going to tell Catherine tomorrow night, and I'm going to tell Grissom tonight."

"That sounds serious," Warrick said. "It sounds like you two got things straightened out."

"Yeah, it does," Sara said. She sounded apprehensive. "Telling the bosses makes it very serious, doesn't it?" She wondered how Grissomwould take it. Then she figured she really didn't care.

"Are you regretting it?" Warrick asked, a little worried at her tone.

"Nope," Sara said quickly. She smiled at Warrick. "And Nick better make sure that I never do," she teased. "The crazy idea of telling me that he loves me."

"Not bad for a first date, wouldn't you say?" he asked her. He smiled, and she wanted to keep him smiling like that forever. She knew she couldn't, but what was the harm in trying?

"You never told me you could dance," she said. His smile grew even bigger.

"You never asked, but you of all people should know that I move with suave grace," he teased.

She did know, and it was making her crazy to think of it now. They hadn't been together all week. Nick wanted to make a "fresh" start, and Sara had to content herself with talking to him on the phone or leaving him at the diner. She would go home and run or clean or a hundred things to keep her mind off him. Finally, she was here in his arms. She pressed herself a little closer to him and he kissed the side of her neck.

"So, are you ready to blow this popsicle stand?" she asked.

"I thought you'd never ask," he said, grinning. They almost ran to the car. Nick's house was closest. They entered his house in a fumble of bodies,limbs and mouths coming together furiously, leaving a trail of clothing in their wake.

She was stretched across his bed, watchingas a shy smile spread across his face. All the times together, and he was being shy?

"What?" she asked. She sat up and trailed her fingers down his chest and torso.

"I love you," he said, and kissed her, his mouth making its way from hers to her chin, her neck, her shoulder.

They jumped when both their pagers alarmed. Nick grabbed his from the floor as Sara scrambled to find hers in the living room.

"All members on deck? This is horseshit! Pecker necks," Nick said. He picked up his boxers and started putting them on.

"Hell no, Stokes," Sara said, pulling the underwear and pager from his hands. "We'll show up, but you owe me some unfinished business first." With that, she pulled him down with her to his bed.

They showed up to the crime scene, finally. Sara had changed into a CSI jumpsuit at Nick's. Nick was still looking fine, though he had changed into jeans and a striped button down shirt. When they parked, he leaned over and kissed her. Thank God for tinted windows, because the kiss got pretty steamy. They hadn't been able to take as much time as they would have liked, especially after over a week of being without.

"When this is over, are you coming back to my place?" he asked.

"Like there is anyway I can say no after that kiss," she replied.

"Good, because I've got a shelf in the bathroom, a drawer in the dresser, and a space in the closet all cleaned out for you," he said. "We'll start there, if you'd like."

"And then what?" she asked.

"You tell me, when you're ready. I've got the rest of my life," he said.

Warrick and Brass were watching from theentranceof the parking garage, now a crime scene.

"Twenty says they take at least 5 more minutes to even get out of the SUV," Brass said.

"I'll take that. They don't want to embarrass themselves," Warrick said. "Especially after Grissom walked up on them kissing in the parking lot of the lab."

Both men chuckled.

"So, where is Ozzie? This might get a little tense," Warrick asked.

"Last I saw, he was chatting Catherine up while she worked on the basement stairs," Brass said. "That could be a good match."

Warrick nodded, mutely, wondering if he agreed.

"Let's go in before the lovebirds notice we've been watching," Brass said. Sara and Nick were getting their kits out of the back of his Denali. "By my watch, that was 5 minutes, 20 seconds."

"Bullshit. 4 minutes, 30 seconds, tops," Warrick argued. The men continued their banter into the crime scene.

Nick and Sara stepped apart and headed into the house. They shared a quiet look before stepping under the crime scene tape. No matter what the night held, they would make it through.

"Hey, no regrets," he said. She smiled.

"I already regret," she answered. He looked at her in alarm. "I regret changing the batteries in my pager," she reassured him.

"What if I make it up to you later?"

"You will. I promise." Sara paused as she felt Nick's hand around her arm.

"Hey, Sar. Why didn't you pick Ozzie?" he asked. She turned and looked at him. How long had he wanted to ask that question?

"He wasn't you," she said, as if that was all that mattered. It was good enough for Nick. It had to be. He wondered if they would stay this way. He had to have faith that they would. He had one last question for Sara before they started the evidence collection.

"How do you feel about Thanksgiving in Dallas?"

A/N: The End. I intended from the beginning to have the two together, though I am glad some of you were rooting for Ozzie by the end. That means his character came together as I wanted it to. Sometimes in love, there are no bad guys, just good guys. That's what makes things harder. Thanks for all the reviews!

Anushka: Hope the presentation went well. I also hope you enjoyed the last two chapters. I am a sucker for happy endings in fiction, though I seriously toyed with having Sara and Ozzie together and Nick left out in the cold. I figured the Snickers contingent would hunt me down. The secret to quick updates is to be almost finished before you start posting. At least, that's how I did it. Thanks for all your lovely comments!

DarkDreamer56: I am glad the Cisco/Pancho relationship came off as I wanted it. I didn't know if the backstory was too much like filler. Anyway, I thought it was a good way for Nick to understand his feelings better.

FoxRox1: You're so hard on our Nicky! But he does deserve it, somewhat. Anyhow, I think by the time you are Nick's age, you might be jaded enough about love to ignore what it really is. What I have found is that so much of love at first sight fades and has to be replaced with feelings that are harder to define, but much stronger. I totally think Sara would almost have to be hit over the head to feel real love, because she is so defensive, emotionally. I hope you didn't think this last chapter was trite - I tried to make it believable. I would love to see your comments on some of my other stories, though they are not all S/N.

bomber6, Veronica10 and Clazziquai: Is your sweet tooth satisfied? Even a little?

Mayme: No tears! And believe me, Ozzie is strong enough to keep going after this. I may do another story with him. I haven't decided.

A Christy: Maybe now you won't hate Ozzie so badly. Thanks for all the comments!

Forensicsfan: Was that Snickery enough?

Jacinda: Thanks for all of your reviews. I hope the ending satisfied - I may use Ozzie again, but I'm not sure how.