A/N: Hey y'all! Thanks for the reviews of the first chapter, those were quite awesome. Anyways, I got bored again so here is chapter two.
It had been two hours, two long, really long, insufferable, miserable, really boring, good god there was nothing to do, hours. What with Ron still being completely naked, and Harry bursting into tears every few minutes, and Hermione quoting "Hogwarts: A History" every possible second. Things were just starting to get bad.
"Bloody hell! If I don't get a bathroom right around now, I'm going to Avada Kedavra something! I swear it!" Harry screamed as he whipped out his wand wildly, pointing it at the computer.
"Hey! Watch where you're pointing that thing!" Ron said nervously, as he attempted to make himself a kilt out of a few spare pieces of paper that were left in the computer's printer.
"I could say the same thing to you, Ron." Harry said as he looked down at Ron's naked self, as Ron blushed from his head to his...uhh...the rest of him.
"Both of you stop it! I'm trying to remember what "Hogwarts: A History" had to say about getting out of a white room with white walls, and white floors, that has a computer that isn't very good from which you are being forced to read really, really bad fanfiction, when your best friend is naked, and isn't this the longest run on sentence ever? Well isn't it? And I'm having a really hard time concentrating with all of this noise!" Hermione balked shrilly, and Harry began beating his head up against the nearest wall.
"Good God! I'm dying for a pee!" Harry EJACULATED loudly, just like Ron did in book five, much to the amusement of this author. Trust me on this one.
"Where is Voldermort anyways? I figured he'd be back to torture us by now." Ron said as he dropped the piece of paper he was currently using as a shield between his naked self...and the world.
In response Hermione looked to the ceiling and red the message that was flashing in neon green: "OUT FOR SUSHI WITH MY HOMMIES, TTYL!", said the green script, as she noticed that he dotted his eyes with little green hearts, and that there was a dark mark right next to it, with a smiley face. It seemed Voldermort was quite a bit more homo than she had remembered, but whatever.
"GOD, I HATE BEING NAKED!" Ron said fustratedly (Hey, that's not even a word!), as his paper kilt ripped in half.
"God Ron! Don't you know you can't apparate inside the Hogwarts Grounds? God, am I the only person who has read "Hogwarts: A History"?" Hermione exclaimed for absolutely no reason at all, as Ron and Harry looked at her bewildered.
"That's it Hermione you're no longer making any sense therefore you are of no use to me right now, if he doesn't give us anything to eat soon, you're the main course." Harry said hungrily, as his bladder gave an almighty lurch, and he moaned in longing for a toilet. Even moaning myrtle's toilet, he wasn't being picky right now. Even if he had to have a ghost stare at him as he did his business, it would be soo worth ir right now.
And then out of nowhere, as if by magic (My god, aren't you tired of me saying that yet?), the message from above disappeared, and a surprisingly warm, very hot, smoldering, sweaty voice replaced it. "Did you all miss me? Sushi was fabulous, thanks for asking. I always wonder how they get all that rice into perfect little rectangles under the fish! I'm evil, and even I can't do that! I can't even use chopsticks!" Voldermort said girlishly all in one breath.
"No one cares!" Harry said loudly, as he tried to decide which wall would be the best to pee on. The one on the right closest to Hermione was looking quite decent right about...now.
"Voldermort, I am soo telling Dumbledore on you as soon as we get out of here, and he's going to give you detention until the end of time!" Hermione said with a glint in her eye. This author personally thinks that whatever Hermione must be smoking, must be something really strong.
"Oh! That reminds me! I have a special treat for the three of you! That's right! A Voldie original. I wrote this one, all by myself. I'm quite the author in my spare time you know. This one is dedicated to my one true love." Voldermort said as a brand new fanfiction took the old one's place on the computer that wasn't very good, but hey, at least it wasn't a Mac.
"Now, you must read children!" Vold(ie)ermort, said with yet another very cold giggle.
"My One True Love"
By: VoldieLovezRon!
Read Hermione. "What?" Hermione exclaimed loudly as she realized what she had just finished reading, as she looked at Ron, who now appeared to be having a very rough seizure.
"Yes! You read right! I, Tom Marvalro Voldermort am in love with Ron Weasley–Blood traitor." Sighed a very lovesick Voldermort.
Harry was the first to recover. "If you're in love with him, then why did you try to kill him in the fifth book?" Questioned Harry, as Ron began head butting the sharp corner of the table, repeatedly.
"Yeah! That's right! And you tried to kill his sister in book two! Remember?" Hermione said finally regaining the use of her vocal cords.
"Yes, well I always have acted a bit stupidly when I'm in love. I even tried to kill Harry when was just a baby, just so I can get closer to Ron." Voldermort confessed.
"WHAT? I thought you tried to kill me because of a prophecy made at my birth?" Harry asked wildy.
"Well, it was that and also the fact that Ron looks really hot naked. Kind of like right now. Oooh." Voldermort said, as Ron began slapping himself in the face.
"Anyways, enough of Voldermort: Behind the Music, it's time to get back to some of my story!" Voldermort said shrilly.
Hermione continued, very faintly mind you:
"He was new at Hogwarts, the newest boy there. He had bright red eyes, and scaly hands. All the girls whispered about how "hot" he was. He knew he was good looking, but none of the girls at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry struck his fancy. Voldie didn't think he would ever find true love until one day, he saw him. Ronald Weasley, standing six feet tall and with flaming red pheonix hair. He was beautiful. Voldie just knew he had to have him. One day in Transfiguration class, Voldie took a good look at Ron, screwed up his courage (what the hell does that mean by the way?), and bravely stood on his chair, and proceeded to profess his undying love for one Ronald Weasley. "Ron! I'm not worthy of your love! Take me! TAKE ME NOW!" Voldie yelled as he jumped from his chair and landed on Ron's lap. Ron looked deeply into Voldie's scarlet eyes, and they're mouths instantly became closer like magnets. They were almost touching now, and Voldie couldn't wait to have Ron's lips upon his ow----" Hermione trailed off.
" SYSTEM ERROR! YOU HAVE PERFORMED AN INVALID FUNCTION. THIS IS FAR TO NASTY FOR THE COMPUTER TO...COMPUTE" The computer began to scream as the blue screen of death came upon them.
This is right around the time Ron began tossing his head back and forth from side to side wildy muttering incoherently, as tears began to stream down his face.
"Does anyone remember the curse for Ctrl-Alt-Delete?" Questioned Voldermort, as this chapter came to a close.
WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT?
WILL HARRY GET TO USE THE BATHROOM?
WILL HERMIONE STOP QUOTING HOGWARTS: A HISTORY?
WILL RON AND VOLDIE'S LOVE SURVIVE THROUGH THE END OF THIS HORRIBLE PIECE OF FANFICTION?
WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THAT WOMAN WHO FAKED FINDING A FINGER IN HER CHILI AT WENDYS?
You shall find out in the next installment.