Chapter 3

The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer;

My God is my rock, in whom I take refuge.

He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

-Psalm 18:2

"Mom came home with a new boyfriend again," Dawn sighed, flipping water into the air with the tips of her toes.

"Last night?" asked Anna. She knew what was coming. Not even the therapeutic sound of the waterfall could take the stress from the conversation. Anna wondered if taking her here even helped.

"No, a few weeks ago," said Dawn. "About a week or so ago she came home all happy. For once she wasn't drunk, but she did dance around the room. Once I got her calmed down, she finally told me that she was getting married. The wedding was supposed to be tonight."

Anna wondered what 'supposed' meant. The wedding was off? Instead of asking, she gave her friend a nod that said, "Go on."

"Well, she quit her job, made a whole bunch of wedding plans. Of course, it wasn't going to be a huge wedding or anything. She was only planning on taking me and a couple of her friends, have the short ceremony at the church, and eat some cake at Dan's house," Dawn explained, yawning and leaning back.

"Have you met Dan, then?" Anna asked. She hadn't wanted to bug in, but the question seemed to pry open her lips until it was out in the open.

Dawn nodded. "He's just like her. Real scumbag, if you ask me. Although, he was pretty nice to me when he wasn't wasted. Told me it was kind of hard to stay away from the alcohol when dating Mom." Anna could have sworn that she'd grimaced.

Anna smiled. She was amazed Dawn stayed away from alcohol. She was the one who had to be raised by her. Dawn had once told her that she would never touch any drug after what she'd seen them do to her mother.

"Well, last night, Mom came home all drunk again. I'd thought that it was the end of the drinking on her part, but it wasn't. And I think that if Dan had decided to go through with the marriage, she would have stopped drinking altogether," Dawn shielded her eyes from the sun and looked over at Anna. "I think Mom actually loved Dan, unlike any of the other boyfriends she'd had. Any of those men would have married Mom in a flash, but Dan had his skepticism. I think he really saw what was underneath her beauty. Mom isn't exactly the deepest person in the world, and he could see through her outer layers."

Anna couldn't hold it in. "So he called off the wedding?"

"That's what I got from her yelling and screaming," Dawn said. "But I'm not so sure. She was so angry; I don't know how to take it. She exaggerates a lot, so he might have broken up with her nicely and she was taking it badly. Either that or he was a real jerk about it and her anger was justified. No one ever really knows with Mom."

"She was drunk," Anna said. It was more than a statement than a question, probably because she was pretty sure of it.

Dawn nodded in agreement. "Destroying everything there is in the house, several empty bottles lying around on the living room floor. I won't give you the details. When she first came home, hopping mad, she gave me the black eye, and I decided to get out of the house. Came back a few hours later, and there she was, lying on the couch, passed out in a sea of broken glass."

Anna grimaced at the scene the description created in her mind, but she wouldn't put any of it past Sheila. A very disturbed person and everyone who knew her would agree. Poor Dawn.

"I don't know what we're going to do if she can't get her job back. She was planning on being a housewife or something when she quit, but obviously that isn't going to work out. What did she expect? To have kids and do laundry and dishes all day?" Dawn shook her head. "She didn't even want to keep me."

Dawn had been the first kid Sheila had had, when she was seventeen. Back then, her parents still had control over her, or so they thought. But Sheila was emotional and pregnant, and decided to live at home and keep the baby if it meant she could eat and sleep with a roof over her head. After that, there were two more, from two different marriages. Both went like this: the husband discovered the secret about the baby and left. Sheila had been willing to keep the babies if she could keep the marriages. But the marriages went, the babies adopted along with them. Anna shook her head at the memory of Dawn's excited face the day Sheila had told her about the first baby. She'd been delighted at having a younger sister, someone to relate to about her mother. By the time the second one came along, Dawn knew better than to be excited about such things. They would never last.

"Dawn, she didn't want to keep you before she realized what a wonderful kid you would be," Anna sympathized. "Any parent would love to have such an obedient, responsible, and mature girl as a daughter."

"You know that the only reason I'm responsible is because I have something important to be responsible for," Dawn sighed. "That something is my mother."

Anna smiled and patted Dawn on the back. "I don't know where she'd be without you."

"Me and the other babies?" Dawn asked. "Why, she'd be with a slimmer waist and hotter boyfriend and even more alcohol-polluted body."

Anna laughed. Dawn always did find an upside to everything, even when Anna thought there could be no upside. "I don't know how you deal with everything, Dawn, especially without God's help. Sometimes even in my life, which presently is a lot easier than yours, I need help from God."

"It's kind of hard to ask God for help when you don't believe in him," Dawn said, suddenly serious.

"That's the problem, isn't it?" Anna said gently. "I've told you so many times before that it's not so hard to believe in him. Just like you believe in the wind. Remember that song? Can you touch the wind, see the breeze? Its presence is revealed by the leaves on the trees."

"You can feel the wind," Dawn argued.

"Just like you can feel God's presence in your life. But you can't touch the wind, feel it against your skin. Touch and feel used this way are totally different," Anna explained. "You can't see God, but like the song, His presence is revealed by the effects He makes. Just like the wind rustles through the leaves, making them move so we know the wind is there, God has his hand in our lives."

Dawn smiled and shook her head. "You really have a way with explaining things."

"I've been warming up for this conversation for months," laughed Anna.

"More like you've been itching to convert me for months," Dawn said, looking down at her feet dipped into the water.

"Not convert," Anna said. "If it had anything to do with me wanting to convert you that way, Dawn, I would have given up years ago. But I really, truly believe you need God."

"But what if God doesn't need me?"

AN: The 'song' I talk about in this chapter is quoting a song from DC Talk.