Chapter 2:
The shock that Snape would simply play around with a student's memory was not sitting well, especially with Hermione, but even for Ron and Harry it was hard to comprehend. Albeit Snape was a miserable git, he still was a professor. No professor should abuse his power over a student like that. And then of course, it begged the question why Snape had not simply explained things to Draco. Was he so dependant upon Malfoy's good will, or was there something he was trying to hide?
But since the younger Malfoy had apparently lost all his memories concerning the false want ad, the unspoken fear that any student could become a victim – or, for all they knew, might have already become one, without, of course, being able to remember the incident – suddenly took on alarming substance.
As big as that shock had been, it was soon dwarfed by something even more unbelievable.
Even though Hermione didn't think much of the, admittedly highly questionable, journalistic reliability of the Quibbler, she indulged in such literature off and on. Recently, more frequently than before. Whether this was due to her closer acquaintance with Luna Lovegood or had something to do with their unsuccessful prank, Harry wasn't sure. Whatever the reason, one late morning a few weeks after the incident she entered the almost deserted Great Hall in a state of considerable agitation, the latest edition of the Quibbler in her hands.
Without a word, she sat down at the table next to Harry and Ron, shoved the opened magazine under their noses, and pointed to one of the new ads.
Harry at first couldn't believe what he read there:
Hello L.M.
I would be interested in meeting you for an erotic adventure. I am in my late thirties, slim, and meet your requirements in every way. Like you, I have a bent towards the male gender. And also like you, I am not at all opposed to role play or other erotic exploration, including an open mind regarding bondage. Regrettably, meeting at my home is not possible at the moment, but I eagerly await your suggestions should you be interested in arranging a date.
S"Someone actually answered our ad," Ron gulped incredulously.
"Snape," Harry answered tonelessly.
Ron's eyes widened at first, and then the realization seemed to hit him as well. "No one else could possibly know…"
"Snape must have made the connection between Lucius Malfoy and the personal ad. Whatever else he is, he isn't stupid," said Harry.
"And he wouldn't have Obliviated Malfoy Junior either, if he hadn't guessed..." Ron said.
"Perhaps he just wants to find out if it really is Malfoy," Hermione guessed.
"Or else…" Ron suddenly stopped and looked like he was going to be sick. In any case, he certainly managed to capture Hermione and Harry's attention.
"Or else what?" asked Harry.
"Or else our advertisement hit the bull's-eye, and Snape thinks that this is really Malfoy's idea of fun."
That left them all dumbstruck for a while.
"You can't actually believe that Snape would think him capable of something like that?" said Hermione.
Ron shrugged his shoulders. "They are Slytherins. They live for that sort of insidious games."
Harry didn't know which impulse to follow first. Laughter or disbelief. "You can't be serious. Snape and Malfoy queer?"
"Harry Potter," Hermione admonished him with half-hearted indignation. "There is nothing wrong with homosexuality."
"There is in the wizarding world," whispered Ron. "That's just disgusting." He shuddered exaggeratedly.
Harry gave Hermione an apologising shrug and ignored Ron. In the years living in the wizarding world, he had gotten used to their old-fashioned points of view, and it was exactly this which made the thought of the pure-blood-loving and pro-Voldemort Slytherins together in bed so ridiculous. "I have nothing against gay people, Hermione. But we are talking about Malfoy Senior and Snape here. Snape having sex with anybody..." Now it was Harry's turn to shudder. Imaging Snape shagging in wild passion was worse than picturing Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon while creating Dudley. Snape was mean, ugly, thin, greasy and all in all just… asexual.
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
They all awaited the next edition of the Quibbler with utmost impatience. The waiting was even effectively distracting them from Umbridge and her worsening attitude.
And indeed, in the next issue they found even more than one reaction to Snape's advertisement.
In fact, there were three interested parties.
Hello, stranger. I've read your want ad. If this L.M. should not be interested in a date, then we can always meet at my place.
With most tender regards,
K.
which was written in a first want-ad, just above another one of a 'lusty, permissive eighty-year-old witch'.
Right to the left was another response to Snape's want ad…
Dear S.
I have read your answer to this L.M. and wanted to ask you if you might also be into games with animals or enlargement-charms and potions.
R.
However, they found what interested them at the lowest bottom of the page:
Hello S.
Do we know each other or are you a seer to know my preferences that well? I'd be most interested to meet with you. However, you need to be at least passable in the art of potions making to hold my interest. I suggest a public place. Do you know the 'Three Broomsticks' in Hogsmeade in Scotland? You can certainly find out where it is and Apparate there. Our first meeting will take place under the following circumstances: We'll meet Wednesday at nine in the evening. I'll take a seat next to you, and we will talk. If we find each other's company agreeable, we'll retreat to my rented room, where I will watch you brew the lube before we let our imaginations take the lead.
Sincerely
L
"This is getting crazier by the minute. Malfoy will surely not let himself been seen in public on a date with a guy. And neither will Snape," Ron whispered.
Hermione thought about it for a moment. "They could always put an illusion spell over themselves, if they fear being recognized, despite the fact that this page of the Quibbler will hardly hold the interest of many readers. And those who do read it might well be interested in other offers or at least aren't familiar with Professor Snape."
"I have to see that," Harry said with conviction.
"We are not allowed to leave the common room that late, not to mention go to Hogsmeade," Hermione reasoned.
"Oh, that problem is easily solved, Hermione. In case you've forgotten, Harry has an Invisibility Cloak and we know of a certain secret passage." Ron, who seemed to like the idea of catching Snape in a compromising position more and more, grinned.
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-
Ron looked decidedly pleased as they moved through the narrow, hidden passage leading to Hogsmeade. Truth be told, he had been this way several times over the last few days already, and he was not alone in that. Hermione seemed to be the only one of them who hadn't been completely thrown off track and distracted, at least partially, from their other problems by the idea of a gay Snape.
"Perhaps we'll get to see Snape snogging with one of the candidates, or even with Malfoy," Harry whispered chirpily. He looked over at Ron and as if on cue, both grimaced and made retching sounds before they burst out laughing.
"That's not funny," Hermione protested, but even her face contradicted her words. Imagining Snape kissing anyone was too absurd, after all.
"Hmm," Ron said slowly, while his face grew into a thoughtful mask.
"What is it now?" Hermione asked annoyed.
Ron did his best to stay serious, while he said, with badly simulated thoughtfulness: "Do you recall the want-ad with the lusty, permissive eighty-year-old witch?"
"And?" Hermione grunted, only halfway interested.
"Perhaps it was put there by McGonagall..."
Harry almost choked on his fit of laughter, although Hermione's expression became even angrier. "You are acting like a little kid, Ron Weasley."
Ron ignored her.
"And the other two candidates for Snape's want ad?" Harry asked merrily.
Hermione threw up her arms and elbowed her way past the boys to lead the way, but Ron was thinking hard for a moment. "Hmm. The guy with the animals did sign with R, right?"
"If you are going to say Rubeus Hagrid now, I swear I will smack you, Ron," Harry warned half-heartedly.
"I was rather thinking along the lines of Remus Lupin," Ron grinned, followed by a theatrical "Ouch," as Harry boxed him in his side without being able to chase his own stupid grin from his face.
"Quit your childish antics now. We're here," Hermione said over her shoulder
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
My biggest thanks to XiaoGui for her help and restless support, to Lucidity for betaing and to Cecelle, who agreed to translate the other chapters and who already did part of this one. (The part in this chapter, which sounds so much better is hers. I'm sure you'll notice right away. Lol)