A/N: I've noticed that my story has gone off-track with what it was in the beginning. This chapter brings those memories back up again. The poem at the beginning is called "Moment" by Adam Zagajewski. And the poem in Kagura's dream . . .that's MINE. DON'T STEAL, IT'S NOT BECOMING AND I WILL GET YOU. Get MY permission if you actually want to use it in a story somewhere. As with the title, it was too obvious at first…think about symbolism. It's all there.

Disclaimer: Don't own furuba

Chapter Eight: Confusion

Clear moments are so short.

There is much more darkness. More

ocean than land. More

shadow than form.

I entered the plane with Shigure and the others. Now it was time to decide who we would sit with.

"I'll sit with Kagura," Shigure stated, and dragged me off to the other side of the seating area, leaving Hatori and Yuki by themselves.

He sat down by the window, and I turned and looked at him. "Why did you do that?" I asked.

Shigure looked at me. The light from the windows poured in and danced across his face, highlighting his facial features. In the light, those cold, grey eyes that seemed so distant and hurt a day ago became playful and happy. With a big, goofy grin, he could fool everyone but me.

"You don't have to play the fool anymore," I stated. "I've already seen your coldness." For a moment, his eyes returned to their frosty state: remote, indifferent, and unbelievably bitter. And to think, it was still autumn…

"We need to talk," Shigure said. The plane prepared to take off and I looked out the window. "About what?" I asked. "You're the one who decided to ignore what you so clearly said yesterday."

Shigure grabbed my purse. "You're not carrying your usual kitty-cat backpack."

Maybe…Tohru will like it…

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"It has everything to do with it. At least, what I want to talk to you about." He stared at me, and those eyes which were once deep and hollow became concerned and filled with curiosity.

"Stop staring at me like that. You're creeping me out."

"Good. I want to creep you out," he said. I looked at him like he was a madman. I had never seen this side of Shigure before. "It's the only way I'll get the truth out of you."

"The truth? What do you want to know?"

"Are you . . . moving on?" he asked. That question shocked me; I sat there speechless and stared straight ahead.

"Kagura, please, don't shut me out," he begged. "This is a question that I need an answer to. I'm not ignoring what happened anymore, and I know that I have many faces. I need to know what's going through your mind."

"You know . . . what Akito said . . . you know . . . what I've seen . . ."

"But Kagura-"

"I can't bear the thought of Yuki being locked up in that room again, bleeding to death," I whispered. "If I have to suffer the same fate, I don't know how I'll survive."

"But if Akito wasn't a deciding factor, then how would you feel?" Shigure asked. There was no getting off this subject; he wanted a yes or no.

"I'm moving on . . . I think that a part of me will always care for Kyo, but I know his heart lies with someone else. So I don't know what I'll do to make Kyo come back to Japan, or leave Tohru for that matter."

"What if you didn't have to force him?" the dog asked. His eyebrows were fully raised and his gray eyes were filled with a secret that I needed to hear. "What if . . . you didn't have to return to Asia?"

I closed my eyes and a million thoughts flashed through at once. If I didn't go back? That wasn't even an option! I couldn't leave my mother, and I couldn't drop out of school. I couldn't leave my life behind and start another.

"I don't think I could do that."

Shigure took my hand. I looked up into those grey eyes of his: cold as ice at one moment and suddenly a warm ray of sunshine. And that confuses me to no end . . . who is the real Shigure?

"Whatever happens, I'll look out for you. I'll protect you; I won't let Akito hurt you. If you're moving on, then . . . maybe our relationship can grow."

At that moment, a letter fell out of my purse.

"What's this?" Shigure asked.

Oh, no . . . a letter . . . that letter . . .

He opened the paper and read it. "So, you're still carrying this with you?"

Crap . . . and we've only been sitting by each other for ten minutes . . .

"Kagura, I need to know the truth."

"And so do I."

Those cold, grey spheres turned to narrow slits. "What are you talking about?"

"Who is the real Shigure?" I asked. He looked taken aback and let go of my hand. "How can you expect me to love you when your personality is constantly changing?"

For this question, I received no answer; the dog simply looked away and turned towards the window.

"What are you hiding, Shigure?" I demanded. "Are you really that cold? Do you want me to believe that?"

He shook his head, but didn't look at me.

"Then what do you want me to believe?"

He continued to stare out the window, and the cold, hard eyes remained in deep thought as I spoke.

"Give me something to believe in . . . Shigure . . . please . . ."

"Go away," he said, tensing up. "Switch seats with Hatori."

I almost refused, but I didn't want to cause a scene. I took my purse, placed the letter back inside, and walked over to Hatori.

"Shigure wants to talk to you," I told him.

"Fine," Hatori stated, and he switched places with me. Yuki remained quiet when I sat down, the deep purple chasms lost in his own reflections.

"What are you thinking?"

"Why . . . am I on this plane . . . why . . . did I make myself so vulnerable? And why did you and Hatori switch seats?"

"It's a long story. But, basically, he found this," I said, and pulled the worn, faded letter out of my purse.

"I didn't know you still had that. Why would that make Shigure so angry as to push you away?"

"It's hard to explain. I don't think you've even noticed."

"What, that Shigure loves you?"

I froze. How in the world did he know?

"The way he always runs after you, and when he dragged you off to other side of the seats . . . it's obvious. What, did you not see it before now?"

"No . . .he told me yesterday."

"Did you ever give him a response?"

"No, not really. I'm so confused." I placed my head in my hands and sighed. Yuki, however, was not so sympathetic.

"With what?" Yuki asked. "With this letter? Are you so obsessed with the wishes of a long-deceased woman that you forgot how to love on your own terms? How to feel for yourself?"

I kept my head in my hands. Yuki grabbed me by the shoulders and forced me to look into those deep, somewhat fiery purple eyes of his. His mouth was closed tight and he looked on the edge of exploding.

"You can't protect Kyo anymore. You know this; you've known this for a long time. You did the best you could, but don't you think it's time to let go?"

I felt like screaming, but something held me back. Losing Kyo was enough; the fact that I could no longer protect him was even more painful, and until now I had done a good job of keeping that under wraps. Half of me wanted to believe he was wrong, to keep on protecting Kyo no matter what; but, the other half knew that what Yuki was saying was undeniably true.

"I haven't really been thinking about that . . . to be honest, I still feel like it's my job even when Kyo isn't around me. That's probably why that part hasn't affected me as much. At least, not yet."

"But what will you do when you see Kyo again and realize that he has found someone else to protect him?"

"And what will you do when you realize that person is still the woman you love?"

Yuki didn't respond. He reacted the same way Shigure had five minutes ago; the rat turned away and looked out the window. Maybe this is my cue. . .

"I'm going to go to the restroom," I said, and I got up to leave. Yuki emitted no response verbally or physically. I guess I hurt him more than I thought.

Suddenly, I realized something very crucial about going to the restroom: finding one. Where the restroom was on this plane remained a mystery. I made my way around the back and started searching. Well, considering I didn't really need to go to the restroom, maybe I can just stand back here until Yuki cools off.

"And that's why you made me switch seats with Kagura. I should have known."

I jumped at the sound of Hatori's voice. Then I realized something else: Hatori and Shigure were, in fact, sitting near the back. I crouched behind the very back seat and continued listening.

"If you would have been there, Hatori . . .if you would have been heard what she said, maybe you would understand."

"Well, if you hadn't started off at a sprint with Kagura behind you, maybe Yuki and I would have been able to catch up."

"I guess I . . . didn't think about that at the moment."

"So she figured it out . . . I'm not surprised. Kagura's a smart girl."

"Oh, she didn't figure it all out . . . she just tapped the surface."

"But, Shigure, you have to face it: she did uncover your weakness. Or, should I say, your greatest flaw."

"My coldness, you mean? Oh, you know that isn't my greatest secret, though."

"If you ever hope for her to love you, you'll have to tell her. You might be able to win her over with your off-and-on personality and playful nature, but if you want a real connection, you'll have to be honest with her."

"Do you realize how hard it will be? To tell her what I've been trying for so long to forget?"

"You know that it would be good to talk to someone about that besides me. Kagura has a very protective nature . . . she would look after you. And you know you still struggle."

"I . . . love her so much. I've felt this way for so long, that I can't contain it anymore. Ever since I was young . . . I always felt a need to watch over her . . . but it grew into something else. And watching her, needing to protect Kyo . . . it reminds me of, well, myself, but it also breaks my heart. I've loved her since the beginning of time, yet she seems compelled to love someone who will never love her back."

With that, I backed away. What am I supposed to do?

I walked back to my seat and fell asleep next to Yuki.

Blood, crimson blood

This endless ecstasy

Running from my veins

Trailing down my arms

It's way too late to stop

I'm too far in this time

Drowning in my numbness

Falling into the darkness

Please, stay by my side

I need someone near

To hear my goodbyes

While the silence fades away.

I jumped out, both startled and confused at the same time. Where is that poem from?

Then I realized: Shigure. A poem from one of the few books he wrote with substance. But still . . . it makes me wonder . . .

Suddenly, I heard the flight attendant telling everyone to buckle up for landing. WHAT! HOW LONG DID I SLEEP?

"Oh, hello Kagura," Yuki said. "You've been sleeping for most of the flight."

"Really? Why didn't you wake me?"

"You looked like you needed the rest."

"Oh . . . thanks. You ready for this?"

"No . . . but I don't think there will ever be a time when I will be." We started landing and I felt the pressure of gravity again. Suddenly, I felt even more tired.

"Thank you for flying with us, and please enjoy your stay in New York City!"

I grabbed my purse and prepared to get off the plane. Yuki gave me an affirming look with his now kind, gentle eyes, and I returned the expression.

"Let's go!" chimed Shigure as he ran off the plane. "It's now or never!"

I took the stairs off the plane and followed the others through the hall and out into the open. "Finally . . ." I said.

"Don't be so quick to say that," Hatori said. I looked at him, then at the crowd. Shigure looked happy, Hatori seemed embarrassed, and Yuki looked shocked.

"Oh . . . my . . . God. What are YOU doing here?"

A/N: Sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger. You're free to guess as to who it may be! I will update soon!