The days continued to go by, the sun set and it rose and I went about my life. But when I was alone at school, when I was sitting with my family, working with Luke, when I was alone with my music and my notebook my mind was never far from that conversation. That conversation about the mother I felt I never knew. The truth of my life and who I came from. Those words said in hushed tones over the water of Stars Hollow sat in my heart. In a way I felt free, because I knew I had my Dad. I still felt alone, and angry and downright pissed off. But I kept at it, I wanted to make my life work. That still did not prepare me to come home from school one day, partly changed in jeans and my dress shirt and my tie hanging loosely around my neck. I walked straight home, to find Luke swamped with teenagers coming for coffee and donuts after school to discuss all the things I didn't care about, to find middle agers coming for Danishes to discuss loftier things. Luke looked at me over the counter with eyes that said: Please Help Me. Luke looked on the verge of madness, so I grabbed an order pad and went to work.

Living in a small town, sometimes feels so strange to me after living in London all my life, to know that great historical monuments, some of the worlds most famous art, are just an underground ride away. You could live your whole life in London and never see the same person on the street twice. Stars Hollow however is not like that. You see the same people over and over again, whether you want to or not. Its strange the thoughts that go through your head when you are approached with something you don't expect. I was standing there with my order pad and my pen, I had just finished saying: What can I get you? When I looked down and came eye to eye with startling blue eyes I knew. There she was, thirty-two years old and still looking the same. I flicked my eyes over to the corner booth and wondered if this was how my Dad felt when he came face to face with Jimmy for the first time.

"Can I get a Danish and a cup of coffee please." Anger has a strange taste, I could feel it reverberating off me, I could smell it, I could taste it on my tongue. It tasted like blood, it tasted like disappointment, it tasted like your heart falling into your stomach. I'm not sure if it made me angry or sad that she didn't recognize me. How many people in Stars Hollow have English accents and look very similar to your ex-boyfriend? She didn't even look up at me. She was looking at a notebook instead, her work, the story of my young life.

"No."

She looked up at me inquisitively.

"Excuse me?"

"No you cannot have a cup of coffee and a Danish as a matter of fact you can't have anything, so get the fuck out." I was angry, I was so angry. She didn't come to this town to see me or Le-Le, she didn't even know we were here and why would she? My hands were shaking, and my eyes starred with veracity I had never known.

Her eyes almost looked hurt. "I know the owner here, I've been coming here since before you were born."

"Yeah you were, I know. The owner here, is my uncle, and I'm saying get the fuck out."

The shock of realization nearly knocked her over. "Addy?"

"Time for redemption is long past Rory." In three long strides, I had grabbed my backpack and was out the door, still hearing the bells ringing in my ears, and the tone of her voice when she said my name. Disbelief, confusion, not one drop of guilt.

I knew Rory was here, Luke was probably finding out at the same moment I was pounding across the streets of Stars Hollow, Dad would know in moments and Lorelai must know, because she had to be the reason Rory was here. She had come home to see her Mom, not her kids. I wonder if Lorelai knew in advance, or if Rory had just dropped by on one of her frequent jaunts around the world. There was however one person who did not know that Rory was here and I wanted it to stay that way. Le-Le. She spent her afternoons at Miss Patty's, dancing and hearing the tales of Broadway. She was discussing RENT with Miss Patty.

"Le-Le! Get over here." I hissed at her, my heart was still pounding and I just wanted to get out of this town and I wanted to take Le-Le with me, before she got hurt. She bounded over to me, a smile on her face.

"Hey Addy."

"Leigh get your coat, we have to go somewhere."

Her eyebrows cocked. "Where?"

"Just get your coat."

She had barely an arm in her coat, her backpack still slung over her arm, when I grabbed her.

"Addy, what is going on? Is something wrong with Dad?" She asked me.

I didn't say a thing, I just brooded with anger and frustration boiling in my heart.

I had never wanted to leave anywhere, more than I wanted to leave Rory behind in that moment, I paid for two bus tickets with my Dad's credit card and Le-Le and I left. I didn't look back, Le-Le did.

"Does Dad know where we are going?" She was starring out the window and fiddling with the string on her jacket.

"No! He doesn't." I snapped. I could feel her body sliding closer to the window, further from me.

Her voice was soft, assuring, grown up. "I'm not stupid Addy, why can't you tell me, I'm not a little girl."

I shook my head. "Yes you are." She was my little sister, she was a little girl to me, and I wanted to protect her.

"Were making a stop-over in Hartford we could just ring Dad, tell him we're alive."

"He knows we're alive."

"What are you running from?" She twirled her hair in her indexed finger and looked at me with eyes so serious, I wanted to tell her, but at the same moment, I wanted her to stay innocent.

"Stars Hollow."

We arrived in New York as dusk was approaching and the anger I had felt in my heart the whole bus ride, turned to fear. What was I doing in this city, running away from my Mom?

Le-Le was huddled next to me, afraid of the people bustling past us, afraid of the night.

"What are we going to do?"

"I don't know." I didn't know, I had no idea, I looked around at the busy streets, at the yellow cabs, at the fading autumn leaves blowing on the sidewalk, smelt the pollution and heard the noise. This was my birthplace and I didn't know it.

We walked, on the sidewalks with the last rays of day behind us.

"I want to call Dad." Le-Le paused hooking her thumbs into the straps of her backpack. "Or we could call Dad's mom. Grandma." She whispered in a low tone.

"No. Dad has his reasons for us never meeting her, she hasn't spoken to him in 15 years, besides I don't even know her last name." I knew those reasons, I knew the life my Dad had as a child. A litany of men walking in and out of his life, his Mom drinking, his Mom never being there for him.

Le-Le looked up at the skyscrapers glistening orange in the sunset.

She smiled over at me. "it's a pretty city."

I wasn't seeing a pretty city, I was seeing a scary city, a city growing dark, I was seeing crime charts in my head, and a country that is way too liberal about gun possession.

"How about we go see a movie?" I just needed sometime to clear my head.

Le-Le was halfway to saying yes, when a sly look crossed her face.

"We're in New York City, how about Broadway?"

It would shut her up, it would make her happy. "You are the one that is going to take the blame when Dad sees his credit card bill." I stated.

"So we are going to see Dad again."

I nodded. I guess so. We went to go see STOMP, Le-Le loved it, she looked so truly happy with a smile on her face, but whenever I found myself kind of enjoying myself, her face would loom over me. That woman, the woman I never wanted to see.

The lights of (off) Broadway were shining when we came out, the city was still alive, yellow cabs crawling over the road, high society ladies in their Thursday best, beggars looking pathetic leaning against pillars holding miserable signs.

We squeezed into a phone booth, to call Dad.

He sounded panicked he sounded scared.

"Addy? Jesus Christ Addicus, where the hell are you, were is Le-Le?" He haden't called me Addicus since an interesting event with a friend and a bottle of whiskey.

"Le-Le is fine."

"Is she there, I want to hear her, know that she's okay!" His voice kept getting louder, higher, faster.

I nudged Le-Le who was starring at the graffiti in the phone booth, tucking her hands across her ribs afraid to touch anything.

"Hi Dad!" She called out.

I could hear him give a sigh of relief.

"What the hell are you doing Addy?"

"You know." I protested.

There was an eerie silence on the line.

I put my hand over the receiver. "Le-Le wait outside."

She protested feebly, but in the end stood outside glaring at me fiercely.

"Is it safe to assume this is about her?" My Dad's voice said on the other line, he sounded defeated, he sounded sad.

"I don't want Le-Le to see her, she doesn't deserve it."

"You're in the middle of a huge city, at night, with no where to go, I think that is a bigger risk to Le-Le than Rory making a re-appearance." I liked how he called her Rory, I liked how he didn't refer to her as my mother. He wasn't angry, he knew where I was coming from, he was just worried as hell.

"Fine, I'll put her on a bus." I hoped that maybe Rory would be gone, off to discover a new threat of terrorism, a new presidential campaign, a coup in a third world country, I wanted her gone.

"What about you?"

"Yeah." I hung up the phone, and walked out to Le-Le.

"Well?" She asked twisting her hair with her index finger.

"You're going home." She smiled, I could see her face relax, she wanted to go home.

I put Le-Le on a bus that night, a connecting bus to Stars Hollow, she looked at me incuriously when I didn't buy myself a ticket.

"Addy? Aren't you coming?"

I shook my head. "Leigh, no matter what she says, she doesn't love you." Or me for that matter, her bus pulled out of the station, and I walked out into the City.