PEACE OF MIND

BY MAVRICK

DISCLAIMER: I do not own X-Men: Evolution. I am not Marvel, or any other comic or TV company, for that matter. I'm a blonde girl with too much time and a bug on her shoulder who insists on biting. So there.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This takes place just after the episode Power Surge, when Rogue has to drain Jean's power to keep her from destroying herself and the rest of the mansion. It's a look at what may have happened when Jean woke up and realized Rogue had her memories, and how they might have dealt with it

For those of you who don't know, Jean's powers were released when she was ten when she saw her best friend die in a car accident. She fell into a coma from the trauma, and woke up after Professor Xavier placed mental wards around her mind. She became depressed and reclusive and was eventually sent to the Professor when her powers broke through the mental wards he'd placed around her. For more history, visit marvel(dot)com and go into the Marvel Universe link.

It's short, but it's a start. Review, won't you, oh kind reader?

… … …

Rogue looked up as she heard the crunching of leaves, but she didn't need to see to know who was invading her privacy. Perhaps it was her consciousness inside her head, or a left-over of her psychic abilities, but Rogue was not surprised when Jean Grey took a seat on the ground next to her. Neither said anything as they looked out over the mansion's grounds, not sure how to breech the subject that needed to be breeched. Finally Rogue spoke.

"Should ya be out here? Ya did nearly kill yourself a few hours ago."

Jean shrugged. "Probably not. Scott'll kill me when he sees I'm gone."

Rogue winced at the mention of their relationship.

"Sorry," Jean pushed loose hair behind her ear. "He told me what you did. That's the second time you've saved me. I just wanted to say, you know, thanks."

Rogue shrugged and pulled her knees toward her chest. It was strange, having memories that didn't belong to her and altered what she'd so thoroughly believed about another human being. "You'd-a come out of a coma again."

"Maybe." Jean almost added, "But you don't know what it's like to hear everyone's thoughts while you can't even tell which ones are yours," but with her memories now in Rogue's own mind, that wouldn't have been true. So instead she said, "I was scared. When it all started again. I remember… those few minutes before I fell into the coma seemed like they lasted years. I could hear it all, her screams and her thoughts, and I could feel her pain and I couldn't do anything to stop it. I-I couldn't even move."

Rogue realized with some confusion that Jean had never spoken about her feelings about the accident with anyone. She had the memory of her telling Scott what had happened, about witnessing her best friend's death and waking up to hear thoughts from everyone within range, but she'd never mentioned how scared she had been.

"I think that's why I am the way I am. I don't want to feel like that again." Jean continued, not looking at Rogue. "I figure if I can just do enough, be good enough at things, maybe I won't feel that way. I tried for years to pretend it didn't happen, and then I tried not to sleep at all so I wouldn't dream about it. And it just kept getting worse, so I just kept trying harder. I didn't talk about it and I pretended like things were fine, and after awhile I started to believe it. I got locked in a story I'd created for myself and every time something – or someone – came along that could break that story, I got… defensive."

Rogue finally turned to see Jean still staring out at the grounds. "Why are ya telling me this?"

"I'm sorry. I just thought… I haven't always been all that… welcoming to you, and I thought you deserved to know why. You could have been really hurt today and still you decided to help. I'd never wish what I had to go through on someone else, and you took it on yourself without even knowing it was there. I thought the least I could do is give you an explanation as to why I'm… you know." Jean turned to look at her. "I'll go if you want me to, I didn't mean to-,"

"How do you do it?" Rogue looked back out. She wasn't sure she really understood what was happening, what this little heart-to-heart ment, but the urge to talk to somebody who might understand was not something she could ignore. Strange, that that somebody was Miss Perfect, her polar opposite, but she was there none-the-less. "Wake up every day with these memories and see her dying every night? I know about the dreams you've been having lately. Ya keep goin' even though it hurts. Why?"

Jean sighed. "I don't know. I didn't at first. I completely withdrew from the world. After I woke up, for the first few years, I barely even left my room to go to school. I didn't talk to anyone but my parents, and even then it was only when I had to. When I came here… the Professor and everyone, Ororo and Logan, something about them… I don't know. For the first time since Anne died, I didn't feel alone. That's what keeps me going, because I know that I'm not alone anymore. I have friends and people to care about."

Rogue nodded. "Ah haven't had friends in years. It's even harder now, with all these people inside my head. I don't even know when it's me, sometimes."

Jean nodded. "I know. When I was in the coma, that's what it was like. I could hear everything people thought, and I couldn't tell if it was me or someone else. And I just wanted it to stop…"

"Yeah."

The breeze blew through the leaves and made rustling sounds as the two sat together.

"You know we're all here for you. We want to help if we can." Jean said after several minutes of silence. "I know you don't really trust us yet, but when you're ready, I really think we can help you."

"Maybe."

Jean nodded and they sat in silence. A new, tentative bond was growing between them. They were from different walks of life, opposite ends of the spectrum, but they'd managed to find some common ground at last. There was hope for the future. If not friends, at least they understood each other better now, and that was a start.

"I should get back before they send out a search party," Jean decided and stood. "See you around?"

"Yeah."

Jean began to walk away.

"Hey Jean?"

"Yeah?"

"You're not too bad, for a prissy know-it-all."

"You're alright yourself, for someone so stubborn."

Rogue hugged her knees tighter as she listened to the retreating steps. Maybe, she thought to herself, there is hope. Maybe they can help. A small smile tugged at her mouth. It was worth a try, at least, she decided as the sun began to set. After all, who knew what tomorrow could bring?