Sorry for the endless plugging of Cats! I'm a sucker for Andrew Lloyd Weber. I hope I didn't make Le-Le too mature for her age, I think any child of Jess and Rory would be mature and intelligent.

Hope you like it. R/R :)

The drive to Hartford was silent. Silent as a father and son listening to the Clash, and trying to successfully avoid eye contact can be. There was a lot of rustling, quick head turns, and a tad bit of humming. Nothing that even breached the idea of actual conversation, or the amount of conflicts that had rumbled between us.

We pulled up at Emily's and rang the bell, and as per usual we were met with the random maid that seemed to change like clockwork every other weekend. Emily and Le-Le sauntered into view, both with large smiles. Smiles that made me, and from the look on his face, my Dad feel a tad bitter, we were not ready for smiles quite yet.

But unlike me, for my Dad this was all part of the fun burden of parenthood, so he smiled.

"Did you have a good time?"

Le-Le nodded, always full of energy, always full of cheer. "Awesome, Cats! is coming to New York City and Grandma is gonna take me."

"Because there may be differences between the American and British version." Cut in Emily.

"And its always good to check." Le-Le finished.

Dad and I nodded mutely.

"Addy would you like to come? A young man could always do with some cultural background."

I shook my head. I didn't tell her that Le-Le had listened to the soundtrack, and watched the video recording of Cats! so many times that the word "Mistoffelee's" made me feel ready to puke, and that if that was cultural background I had enough.

We were half way down the long winding driveway, when Le-Le leaned in between us from the backseat put a hand on both of our shoulders and said in all seriousness.

"So how about we cut the crap?"

Both mine and my Dad's head swung around so fast I feared for the car currently reversing.

"What?" My Dad asked, turning his eyes back to the road.

"I know both you and Addy like to put me in the little girl category. But I'm not. And I know what's going on." Before either of us could reject she continued talking.

"No one told me I just know. So that leaves you with two choices. You can drive me to Grandma's and I can talk to her. Or we can drive home and I can walk over to Grandma's and talk to her."

I cleared my throat, perhaps to avoid choking on my own tongue. My mind swirled for reasons other than Rory that would make Le-Le want to go to Grandma's.

"Talk to who?" Dad asked innocently, echoing the move I was about to make.

Le-Le rolled her eyes and with all the practice of a Mariano said.

"Didn't I already say cut the crap? I want to go to Grandma's and talk to Mom."

The word itself hit the car like a bombshell. I could almost feel the car rocking from side to side. But I think that was just me and my emotions as I silently derailed. Nobody in our family said the word Mom. Is was simply "Your mother" or "Rory". Almost like there was some kind of unspoken rule, that she didn't deserve it.

I had the urge to turn around and replay for Le-Le all the reasons we didn't need her, the word abortion kept fliting in and out of my head like a warning bell. But Le-Le was an individual, she was strong minded, and unique. And I couldn't tell her what to do if I tried and somehow I knew telling a ten year old girl that she was a mistake that was almost aborted would be a catastrophic mistake on my behalf. Le-Le was happy and I wanted her kept that way, even if it meant kicking ass, my own if need be.

My Dad nodded. "Fine."

The drive fell silent again.

In the final moments pulling into Lorelai and Luke's house I prayed that an urgent international affair had swept Rory away from Stars Hollow. I prayed for assassination, military dictatorship and communism. But I knew that my prayers had gone unheeded the minute I saw Lorelai's face as Le-Le marched up the front steps and rang the bell.

It wasn't something I couldn't protect her from, it was something Jess couldn't protect her from, it was one of those things that seemed hard to accept. That Le-Le was growing up and we had to let her go out there and get her heartbroken all on her own. I worried for her spirit, as she leapt into that new world with no abandon at all.

"Hi Grandma, I came to see my Mom." Her voice was just the way it always was, not a hint of fear or apprehension, but maybe that was just because Jess and I clearly were using it all.

My Dad shrugged as Lorelai sent him a look that said nothing but 'trouble'.

"She's in my room Hon."

"Thanks." Le-Le always did everything with a smile and a grace only a dancer can accomplish and this was no exception. As she walked up the stairs, not quite sombre, but not quite her usual self either.

I pondered for a moment, of taking a flying rugby tackle and dragging her down the stairs. A little carpet burn, perhaps a bruise or two, and everyone could go back to the way it was. Rory could go back to work. Jess and Lorelai could go back to friendly animosity, and Le-Le and I could go back the shred of normality we held over Luke's diner. But it didn't happen, Le-Le headed up the stairs turning once and looking back at me, fear written in her brown eyes. She had hid it so well until that moment I thought it wasen't even there. But in that moment I realized that Le-Le must have lay awake, just as I had, imaging this moment. But I wondered if she dreamed of the same things as I did. Did she dream of revenge, perhaps a little violence, screaming, and maybe ending it all with spitting in her face like I did? Or did simply dream of the person that had never been there, the archetypal Mom? I didn't know. She turned away from me and rounded up the stairs, head up straight as she disappeared from view, and all we heard was the click as Lorelai's door shut, with Le-Le and Rory inside.

There weren't any noises, no kicking, no screaming, there were no sounds of the high decibel screaming I knew both Lorelai's could accomplish. I wondered what Rory would think of her. I wondered if Rory could look at her tall, doe eyed, talented daughter and still think that she should have went through with the abortion. Would she see only Jess in her, or would she see her own eyes looking back at her? In the selfish place in my heart I wanted Rory to reject her, just as she had turned away from me at the dinner with no recognition in her eyes, so that we could go back to being the family I loved.

The three of us, my Dad, my Grandma and me sat apprehensively on the couch. Sitting there tracing my finger along the stripes in the fabric, I came to the conclusion that this was the day from hell. I quickly surmised that any day, that involved a drunk homeless man potentially trying to grope me, a fight with my Dad which ended in words I would rather forget, and finally my sister, my own little sister, turning to the dark side and favouring quiet conversation, rather than the outright violence that kept coming to mind should immediately be considered a date with Satan.

My mouth tasted sour, it had that same taste of anger and fear, that same taste that plummeted into my chest when Rory showed up in Luke's. No matter how much I swallowed, it wasn't going away, it went well with my pounding heart, and my clammy hands. Yes, this was defiantly hell.

A half an hour had passed when Le-Le finally came back down the stairs alone, still walking with all the confidence she had possessed when she went up there.

She reached for my Dad's hand and held it tightly.

"I'm ready to go home now."