"The flowers wait for next Spring,
Trusting that the same hands shall caress them.
But men's hearts will no longer be the same,
And you will only know that everything changes,
O poor lovers."

Chinese Poem taken from an excerpt of Nanshoku Okagami

(Recently featured in Samurai Champloo episode 6 "Samurai Searching." Translates into "Great Mirror of Male Love".. Yes I know.. But this poem is oddly fitting wouldn't you say?)

Matters of the Heart pt. 11 Love's Rain and Oceans of Despair

Outside, the cherry blossoms began raining down in a final shower.

The men remained silent. Slowly, Harada walked over and began untangling Okita's arms from Megumi's lifeless form. Nagakura padded over slipping off his light blue jacket wrapping her body inside it. Sadly, Kondo and Yamanami sighed shaking their heads. Expressionless, Hijikata turned away walking off quietly. Kondo turned to a solider.

"Make sure this gets cleaned up," he said quietly. "Prepare one of the carts for Megumi-Chan's body. Okita, Harada, Todou, Nagakura, and I and Yamanami will start back."

The solider nodded as he started off. Nagakura hoisted the wrapped limp form into his arms and slowly walked out. Todou trailed behind. Harada followed Okita in his arms. Yamanami and Kondo padded quietly towards them. They waited just inside the door. Then, a loud rattling shook the screen door as the sad howling wind blew outside. Slowly, Kondo opened the rattling door. He gasped. The others stared shocked.

In the gray early morning, bare cherry trees stood as their pink blossoms smothered the ground. Saitou watched walking up behind them. A white translucent figure stood amidst the blossoms. A light wind blew making the pink snow and flower fairies dance around her. The figure turned.

"Megumi-san!" a small translucent girl called out as she ran towards her with another girl in tow.

Megumi smiled a sad smile kneeling and wrapping the two girls in an embrace. The snow and fairies swirled around them. Sadly, Saitou turned away bowing his head as he raised his hand in prayer.

"The cherry blossoms..." Kondo began shocked. "... They're gone.."

Ayumu rushed out meeting the others as they walked into the compound. She gasped at the wrapped figure on the cart. She turned to them with a questioning look. Sad nods went around. Ayumu nodded as she lowered her head.

Curls of white smoke wafted from his pipe as he puffed. Hijikata sat on a rooftop staring at the empty cherry blossom trees littering the landscape. Susumu flitted by. He stopped.

"Yamazaki," he began. "Is there anything new to know about Megumi?"

Susumu turned away. Visions flashed in his head as he began to speak.

Susumu:

I did as I was told. Hijikata asked me to follow you that afternoon.. Asked me to stalk you.. Research you. So I did. I dressed in my woman's kimono and began asking around. The leads and dead ends where all the same. Megumi Sohma. Of the fallen samurai family who knew much on medicine. I already knew that. Then, another lead suggested I try Shimabara. It wasn't hard to figure out what might be happening there...

That night I watched from a brothel rooftop and stared into the brothel you walked into. To be blunt, I was shocked as I watched drunk and disgruntled men ripped off your clothing and defiled you in ways I didn't think possible. And they never even entered you.. You denied them access to your last shred of innocence. You laid there pleasing them as they covered you in seed and other bodily fluids. I sighed. Beaten, defiled, and bruised, you painfully stood and went to clean yourself off. When you returned, you walked back into your room and sat crying on the floor. Why? I wondered. Then, I saw. I leaped quietly and landed just outside your window. I watched two girls run in from a smaller room.

"Megumi-san!" the taller of the two asked. "Are you o.k.? You're crying!"

You pulled them close.

"It's o.k., girls," you replied tears still streaming down your face. "I've got another job. I'll work here and at the new job. We'll be out soon... Soon I promise.."

I turned and leaped away. This was something I wouldn't tell Hijikata. . . .

Slowly, Hijikata nodded. A puff of smoke escaped his lips as he sighed.

Gently, Harada laid Okita in his futon. Nagakura placed the bloody hairpin beside his sleeping form. The Jokers slowly walked out.

"Hey," Todou began as he stopped under a bare cherry tree. "Remember? This was the tree we sat under the day Okita met Megumi for the first time."

A light smile came to their faces.

"Yea!" Nagakura grinned. "And there's the tree where we went spying on them!"

Harada chuckled.

"And remember all the times, we'd fake sick just to get into her office and out of our duties for a while!" he laughed. "Shinpachi would always try to flirt!"

"We all did!" Todou laughed.

They laughed. An unsettling and sad silence filled the gray atmosphere. Lowering their heads, they turned away as the wind ran its fingers through their softly billowing hair.

Kondo stood at the open door and stared outside. Yamanami watched sitting on the floor behind him.

"It looks like it might rain, wouldn't you say Yamanami-kun?" he asked.

Yamanami nodded.

"It's so dreary," he replied. "It's quite depressing."

"Yes," Kondo said. ".. And in more ways than one..."

A tear slipped down Ayumu's cheek. Seishin wrapped his arms tightly around her.

"It'll be all right," he whispered into her ear.

She nodded.

"I know it will be," she began. "But.. I.. We.. We just got to be good friends.."

"I know," he whispered again. "I think everyone just got to be good friends with her..."

Tetsunosuke sat on the rooftop staring down at the compound. Tatsunosuke slowly climbed up.

"Gomen ne, Tetsu," he began as he sat beside him wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "I guess.. I should've let you just run in that race, ne? ... I wonder how Okita-kun will take it... He's kinda like us now.. Losing something kinda precious and all."

Tetsunosuke nodded throwing his arms around the taller man. Tears slipped down his face. Poor Okita-kun. . Tetsunosuke thought. He didn't deserve that! It's not fair.. Not fair at all...

He stirred the afternoon sky still gray as the clouds grew dark and heavy with rain. Tears rolled down the side of his face. A weak hand reached over feeling the cool futon sheets stopping as it felt the familiar form of the hairpin. He let out a quiet sob. He curled in his bed pulling the pin into a crushing embrace as a small rain of tears fell onto the bloodied pseudo cherry blossoms. Megumi, his mind whimpered. Saizou let out a quiet oink.

Okita:

Megumi's gone... Megumi-chan is gone.. I lay in my futon tears still streaming from my eyes. Outside, a pyre is being built in preparation of your cremation. A black hakama pant and haori and a gray kimono lie nearby. (Author's note: a hakama is something put over the lower half of a kimono used for dress and used to protect men's legs from brush burn when riding horses. It comes in a skirt or a pant. A haori is similar to a dress jacket of sorts.) The tears continue to fall as I embrace your hairpin tightly, the only thing left to remember you by. I grip my sheets tightly in sadness and annoyance. I feel as though I'm going crazy.. If only, you didn't have to work in that brothel.. If only you didn't have those girls. If only that one client didn't make you sick... A realization comes to me... That's it.. that client.. He did this to you.. He took you away from me... Of course.. I get it... This could never be your fault... It's all the brothels' fault. It's all the customers' fault... If only, they weren't around... If only... they would just die...

A strangely sadistic grin lit his tear stained face. The demon eagerly shined in his eyes.

The men filled the tatami room. Incense burned. She seemed to sleep by the burners covered with a blanket her face covered by a veil. Ayumu wiped the tears from her eyes. Seishin took her hand in his in a tight comforting grip. The Jokers and commanders knelt silently. Saitou prayed. Nagakura looked around worriedly.

"Okita's late..." he whispered worriedly. "This isn't like him."

Harada, Tetsunosuke, and Todou nodded. Yamanami and Kondo cast one another worried looks. Hijikata sat expressionless smoke softly puffing from his pipe.

The door slid open. They turned. Sadly, dressed in a gray kimono, black hakama, and black haori, Okita stood in the doorway the hairpin in his hand. The sands of dried tears stained his cheeks. Empty dark eyes scanned the room. Slowly, he walked in sitting beside her covered head. A set of tears brushed the sands away. The Jokers stood making their way to his side. Harada placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"Don't worry," Todou smiled sadly. "We're all gonna miss her."

Their eyes misted with tears. Okita lowered his head as his tears rained down from his dark eyes. He reached out placing the bloody pin in her hair. Pink and rust colored flowers peeked out from under her veil.

Sadly, Yamanami and Kondo stared. From the corner of his eye, Hijikata watched stoically and sternly.

Ayumu rested her head on Seishin's shoulder. He pulled her close.

Okita's soft sobs filled the room. A pale translucent figure watched him sadly.

Spires of black smoke wafted into the gray sky as the body burned in the flames. The smell of gauze and flesh filled the air with a tinge of soaps and perfumes. They continued watching. (Author's note: in a Japanese funeral, all of the orifices of the dead body would be filled with gauze or cotton after being washed. Sometimes make up would be put on. They also put the body on ice, but since ice would be hard to come by around this time if it weren't winter, I'm assuming they might have preserved it with perfume or something to at least cover up some of the smell. If there was a casket, possessions that the deceased loved (like the hairpin) could be buried and burned with them. I'm doing everything but the casket thing because they didn't do that for, SPOILER, Ayumu when she died.) Okita stared a distantly blank and dark look in his eyes. The flames' reflection danced possessedly in his eyes. He watched as the last of his sanity burned away with her body.

He laid in his futon turned away from the dim gray light shining through the paper sliding door. Expressionless eyes overflowed with tears. The light casted three shadows onto his door.

"Okita?" Nagakura called out curiously. "You all right?"

"Go away!" he cried as he whimpered.

Nagakura sighed. Todou lowered his head sadly.

"Who knew," Nagakura began lowering his head as he turned away. "That too much sex could kill you..."

Todou nodded.

"Yea, we're short a doctor. We might as well be short a captain too," Harada spat out bitterly following the others as they walked off.

The gears in Okita's mind slowly creaked in thought.

The light casted another shadow onto the door. Slowly, the door slid open. A figure stood in the small opening and looked inside.

"Okita-san?" Tetsunosuke said worriedly. "Wanna talk about it? I got candy.. We can share.."

Okita turned to him with an innocent smile as a river of tears raged down his cheeks from swollen and emotionless eyes. Tetsunosuke stepped back shocked.

"Nah," he continued smiling as the tears fell. "You can have it. You'll probably enjoy it more than me..."

Slowly, he nodded.

"O.k. . ." he said slowly walking off.

He worried. Okita turned away. Saizou padded over oinking quietly. Smiling, as the tears continued to fall, Okita pulled the small pig close. His smile faded. The small pig watched as tears dripped down onto his face.

The gray sky turned to black as the feeling of night fell. Kondo sighed.

"It's been awful all day," he murmured. "It looks like it might rain."

Yamanami nodded. Hijikata puffed on his pipe. Sad expressions went around the room.

Slowly, Okita stood placing his katana and wakazashi into his obi. Sliding the door open, he walked out onto the street a grim and demonic look on his face.

Susumu leaped on the rooftops watching people march down the night streets. Innocently, shop owners slid their doors shut and blew out the lanterns hanging outside. He watched as a figure dressed in white seemed to float through the crowd his dark hair flowing behind him. The figure's swords clacked at his sides. Okita? He thought worriedly. Demo.. He's off duty for tonight... As Okita continued walking, Susumu followed, a worrying feeling slicing into his insides with a cold invisible blade.

The brothel door slammed open. The girls turned. Okita glared.

"Okita-sama!" the girls cried as they rushed over.

Slowly, Okita unsheathed his sword ignoring the girls' flirting coos.

"Okita-sama," a girl began worriedly as she stared at the shining silver blade. "... Are you all right?"

He turned to her with a cold grin on his face. The point of his sword rested itself just under her nose.

"Do I look all right?" he snapped coldly.

"W-well," the girl stuttered nervously. "No... Is something the matter?"

Sadly, he turned away lowering his sword.

"She would still be alive," he whispered bitterly. "If she hadn't been working in this damned place..."

"Who, Okita-sama?" she asked confused.

"Megumi-chan. ." he whispered as he lowered his head.

"I.. Don't know who that is..." she asked confused. "Gomen ne.."

He smirked a cold smirk.

"It's all right... It's not your fault," he smiled seemingly innocent. "It's not of your girls' fault.. But the men in this room..."

The men shot drunken glares at him.

"If you girls aren't out of this place in five minutes..." he grinned sadistically as he positioned his sword. "Then... I'll kill you all. No matter if you're a woman or a man."

Shocked and frightened expressions went around the room as the girls gasped. Drunkenly, a man pulled out his sword. In a flash, his blood splattered onto the walls before he could finish. Calmly, Okita stood glaring as the man's blood covered his face and dripped down his sword. The girls screamed as they scattered. The other men stumbled toward him their swords drawn. Okita rushed in. They fell screaming. Oceans of their blood flooded the room bathing the girls and Okita's white kimono in metallic crimson water. The girls screamed. Okita glared rushing toward them. He brought his sword down quickly as the girls fell in a red wave of blood. He ran through the brothel his geta sandals clacking loudly on the wooden floor. He burst into the many rooms quickly cutting down the occupants.

A cacophony of screams filled the brothel echoing out into the dark cloudy night. The brothel floors grew flooded and saturated with blood. As the last occupant collapsed onto the tatami floor in a spray of blood, Okita rushed outside dropping to his knees his sword dropping onto the floor in a loud clang. A rain of tears ran down his bloodstained cheeks leaving a cream colored waterway. He stared at his blood soaked hands the tears dripping down on them. A soft pattering fell on the rooftops. Still sobbing, he stared upwards. The cold rain fell blending with his tears washing his bloodied face and hands clean.

He pulled out his wakazashi. Rain and tears dripped down the blade. Quickly, he stabbed it hard into his flesh and sliced himself open slowly. He grit his teeth as tears continued to fall. Blood spurted into the mud. He collapsed feeling his life ebb away slowly with the river of blood, rain, and tears soaking into the over saturated ground. (Author's note: Seppuku is usually quicker, but to make it quick, after the person sliced themselves open, their head would be cut off. Okita is thus dying slowly because no one got to cut of his head.)

"I'll be with you soon, Megumi-chan," he whimpered as the blood spat from his mouth.

Susumu's eyes grew wide. Leaping, he flew from the rooftop to Okita's side. Gently, Susumu pulled his head into his lap.

"Okita-kun," he began shocked. "...Why?"

"Tell the others," Okita whispered. "That I'm sorry.."

He closed his eyes his body limp and still in the rain and mud. Sadly, Susumu nodded. As the rain poured down, Susumu hoisted his limp body over his shoulder and started back for the compound.

(Author's note: well... I tried once again to make it to the end, but I could not do it. Hopefully, the end will short by next chapter, and the epilogue will be up! Stay tuned!)