Chapter 3
(Emma's perspective.)
"Does this always have to be a secret?"

"But… I like the way things are."

There was silence in the room as they stood staring at each other. Candles gleamed all around them. Emma had set them up with care. She had been so excited about seeing Craig. Why did she have to ruin it with all this talk about love? Emma felt so confused. She went to so much trouble hoping Craig would like the candles. He probably hated them. I'm sure he thought I was trying to seduce him. Maybe that's why he didn't want to make our relationship official. Setting up candles is something Manny would have done. Manny would be throwing herself all over him right now. I'm not Manny.

Emma wanted more from Craig. More than just a friendship. She was falling in love with him. Why keep it from people? She was sure Craig was falling for her too. Love isn't suppose to be something you hide. It's something you should be proud of. You can't choose who you fall in love with or when. It just happens. Craig didn't look too happy about Emma at the moment. He wore a anguished expression on his face.

"I can't keep being your hidden girlfriend," a displeased Emma said "It's like you're ashamed of me.."

Craig put his arms around Emma and embraced her. She liked his arms around her. His muscles and his body made her feel a security. She was lost in thoughts of him when he spoke, "I just can't be in a relationship right now," he choked holding back tears, "It's hard for me."

He sat there for a while with his arms around Emma. Then he rose and left… without even saying good bye. Why do guys have to be like that? Why couldn't he say the things Emma longed for him to tell her. Why couldn't he say "Yes, Emma I love you too. Let's tell the world." Why didn't he write a love song for her? Like he did with Ashley. The problem with Craig is he runs from everyone. Either that or he makes them run from him. He had made Ashley run from him. She went off to London. He doesn't know how to fall in love because he doesn't know what love is.

Emma laid on her bed in tears. Half feeling angry and half feeling dumb. She cared for Craig. She was tired of being some little toy that he could play with for a while and then put away. She wasn't a child anymore and she wanted a real relationship. She didn't want to be someone's idea of fun. Reading is fun, vacations are fun, the beach is fun. Love shouldn't be just be about fun! It's more than that.

He was just another disappointment. He left her just like Sean and Jay. Guys don't care about you. No matter what they say. I think love is all just one big lie. They never actually want to take the next step. They don't want a real relationship. Guys aren't strong enough to handle caring about someone.

A pissed off Emma hurled her pillow at the window in fury. Just as she had let go of the pillow Craig was trying to climb back in. The pillow had hit his face.

"Ahhh! Why did you do that for?" a tempered Craig let out a moan of pain. Blood was streaming from his nose. Emma almost let out a cruel laugh. It was a punishment for hurting her.

"Because… because you deserved it. I thought we were playing a game."

"What game is that? Hit Craig in the face with a pillow until he bleeds? 10 points to anyone that can make my ear bleed." he said in a sarcastic manner.

Emma's mind was on other things as he spoke. She was curious to why he came back. Maybe he had finally decided he needed her. Why did Craig keep coming back anyway? If it doesn't mean anything then why come back each night to see her?

"Look I came back to make sure you were okay. I felt like a jerk. I thought I would explain myself a little more," Craig said putting his hand to his nose. Trying to stop the blood from dripping. Emma handed him some tissues.

"Can't we talk? Come with me. Please." Craig urged.

Emma knew she should put her guard up and try to keep herself from getting hurt more. She didn't care though. She just needed to be with him. She hungered for him. She wanted him to hunger for her.

He helped her out the window. His hands were smooth feeling. They walked for a while in silence. Emma had no idea where he was leading her. Eventually they came to a park and Craig grabbed her hand and sat her down on a bench. This was the park Craig use to take Angie to.

He tried to explain why he couldn't have a relationship. He gave every excuse he could. An excuse is an accident. Excuses are something you say to get out of doing something. She wasn't an accident and she didn't want to hear any excuses.

Finally when Emma couldn't take it anymore she headed back for home. Before she left she told him exactly how she felt, "I was stupid to think this could work. You need to grow up Craig. I'm not waiting any longer. I won't be here for you anymore. If you want fun then you need to find some game to play and leave people's emotions out of it."

He got up to follow her and make sure she got home safely, but she was walking too fast. He decided it would be best to leave her alone. So Craig stood there and watched as Emma walked away from him… away from his life. She was hoping just maybe he would chase after her. He didn't. Of course not. She couldn't expect Craig to care.

He couldn't walk me home! I thought I was in love with him and he couldn't even walk me home. Emma thought as she came into view of her house. She didn't care if she was caught. It wouldn't matter anymore. Because Craig wouldn't be coming back. He didn't love her. He would never love her. She had to deal with it.

She opened her front door almost hoping to be caught. Just so she could be in trouble. Just so she would have a reason not to see him. Emma closed the door behind her and headed for her basement. It was her little sanctuary. She could be by herself and think. There was a rose sitting on her desk. It was drying out. Her eye caught it as she entered the room. It was tossed on her desk and forgotten until now. She picked it up to sniff it but the scent from the rose was long gone.

Emma picked up her cordless phone and sat down on her bed. Dialing a number. At first she had no idea who she was calling. Then she realized whose number she had dialed.

"Hello, is Sean there?"

He had mailed her a few letters since he had moved to Wasaga beach to live with his parents. Emma had his number for a while but never had the courage to call. She almost hung up but she needed to talk to someone. Sean could make her feel better. He had hurt her badly but when ever she needed a shoulder to cry on he was there. In this case, it was over the phone but she needed some kind of comfort.

"Hello? Who is this?"

Emma sat listening to his familiar voice. How she had missed it so much. The sound of it… the way he talked.

She was snapped back to reality when she heard Sean say, "Emma I have caller id."

She began to tell him about Craig. He made her feel a lot better. Sean was helping pick up the pieces. He made her laugh. She had missed his laughter. It was nice talking to Sean. Maybe she would call him more. At least it was better then sitting in her room by herself.

She didn't have anyone else to turn to.