Chapter 4
(Craig's perspective.)
"I'm an idiot. Why did I let her leave?"
Craig stood in the park, the street lights kept cutting on and off. The night air was wintry. He watched motionless as she walked away. He should have chased after her. He should have not let her go. He was now alone in the park. Craig sat for a while on the wooden park bench. This wasn't the first time he had made someone run from him. That's exactly what he was doing. He had made Ashley run from him and now he had made Emma.
He was so fearful of falling in love with Emma. No one seemed to understand why he couldn't make a commitment. It wasn't that he didn't love her. Because deep down he knew he did. He cared for her more than he cared for himself. It was the fact that when you are in love, someone has a control over you. They can hurt you.
Ever since Craig's father died, He decided he wouldn't let anyone hurt him. He wasn't going to let Emma have that power. Craig's father had abused him. The physical scars were gone but the damage was still there. He looked up to his dad. He had loved his father. The man that had raised him, the man that had taken him to baseball games; taught him science. His role model.
Love is just pain. If you keep everything unofficial no one has to worry about getting hurt. Ashley had hurt him. Manny had hurt him. He wasn't about to let another person have a shot.
He sat in the nights silence and rain began to pour on him. He put his arms in the air. His clothes were soaked. The rain just kept pouring down. Drowning him in his sorrows. He didn't feel like going home. So he stayed in the park until he was sure it was morning.
Craig was still upset. He was confused and angry. It felt like hell. He finally headed for home. He opened up the front door and quickly walked up stairs. Joey was in the kitchen and called after Craig.
Craig was full of rage. He laid on his bed, thinking about what had happened. In a fury of anger, Craig rose from his bed and started kicking the wall. Harder and harder he kicked.
Foot steps came running to his room. Someone grabbed him and sat him on the floor.
"Calm down Craig. Everything's okay." Joey said trying to keep Craig's hands to his side.
In the mist of his anger at Emma he had forgotten to take him medicine. He should have taken it right when he came home. Joey looked worried. He kept talking, trying to soothe Craig's nerves and calm him down.
"I'm ... I'm fine. Let go. I'm fine! " Craig said in a resistant manner.
Joey stayed with him for about a hour. Then he went down stairs and left Craig to sleep. He didn't feel like sleeping.
My life sucks... Craig thought. I have this stupid illness. I can't tell someone I love them. No matter how much I do. Maybe I'm lying to myself? What if I don't love her. That's what makes this so difficult. I'm not sure how I feel. How do you know when you are in love? Is love when you think about someone all the time? When you want to see them every second of the day? Because if that's love...then I love Emma.
"I love Emma!" Craig cried.
He felt happy and all he could think was that he had to see her. It took that moment of reflection to make Craig realize he did love her. So he opened his window in a rush of joy. It let out a creaking noise. He carefully climbed down and off he went. He knew Joey wouldn't have let him go. Not after what had just happened. So he had to sneak off.
The wind was cold on his shoulders. Craig had forgotten to wear a jacket. The winter air made his body shiver. He didn't care. He ran faster and faster. His feet ached but he didn't care. He had to get to Emma's. He had to confess his love for her. He stopped by a little store and bought some roses that were on display in the window. Then he continued his way to the Nelson's house.
He had a mission. A goal. To tell Emma that he loved her. He decided it would be best if he knocked on the front door.
Craig knocked on it a few times and waited impatiently. Emma answered it, giving him a weird look. (Not to be confused with a go to hell look.)
"Craig… why are you here" a bewildered Emma muttered.
He handed her the roses. He couldn't turn back now. Craig had to tell her.
"I love you Emma. I'm sorry for last night." Craig said with a smile, "I was foolish to think I didn't love you." He reached out to hug her, but she resisted the hug.
"Craig, you can't change your mind like that. You either love me or you don't. I'm not going to let you hurt me again. Last night, I tried to get this to work but you didn't want to have anything to do with me. So I need time to think. You do too. You can't just change your emotions like that." Emma said.
"But… but I love you," Craig said sounding upset, "This wasn't what was supposed to happen. I wasn't supposed to fall in love! That wasn't my plan."
"You can't plan romance. It just happens."
The phone rang and Emma went to answer it leaving Craig behind at the door. Before she got to it Craig reached out and took it.
"Someone else calling you? Is that why you don't love me. Have another secret boyfriend?" an annoyed Craig remarked. Holding the phone out of Emma's reach.
He couldn't help what he was doing. He knew it was wrong. Craig could tell he was hurting her but he didn't care anymore.
"Lets see who's calling. Oh this is odd. The number has the last name Cameron. Would that be Sean Cameron?" now Craig sounded like he was full of rage.
Craig answered it and then hung it up hastily. "That's why you don't want to be with me now right? You have been talking to Sean. Are you two planning on meeting getting back together?"
"My phone calls are none of your business. Sean is my friend Craig. Sure I loved him once but now I love you. What is wrong with you?" a startled Emma said as her eyes filled with tears.
Craig sat down on the ground. Holding back his temper. He hated how he had acted. I always ruin everything, he thought. I have to act crazy.
Craig got up and left. That's one more thing he had managed to screw up.