Erik never could be sure precisely why he sat down beside Gia and began to talk to her. But once he started to talk, he was unable to stop. He began by telling Gia all about how Christine had come to the Opera Populaire as a small, unhappy, and lonely child. When he heard her weeping in the chapel for her father to send her the Angel of Music as he had promised, he had come to her only to comfort her. He sang to her and she stopped crying. Erik had been so elated that he had been able to bring happiness into someone's life that he continued to see her whenever possible.
One day, she told Erik she wanted to sing for him, and her sweet soprano had enchanted him. He wanted to help her improve so that if she was not content to be in the corps de ballet perhaps she could be a chorus member. Christine's talent grew by leaps and bounds under his tutelage, and he eventually came to the conclusion that she must replace Carlotta Giudicelli. In the meantime, the girl he had known had blossomed into a stunning woman who still believed that he was nothing more than a spirit. But he was no longer content to fill that role. He loved her with all the passion of a flesh and blood man, and he was certain that the time would be perfect to reveal himself once she took her rightful place on stage.
Instead everything had gone to hell. The new managers arrived with their new patron in tow, and as it happened Christine and he had known each other as children. He went forward with his plan despite that fact, and felt vindicated when she had responded to him just as he expected. He had not counted on her curiosity to see what lay beyond the mask. He had planned to reveal himself fully to her eventually, once he could be sure she would not be frightened of him. But no, she unmasked him the next day, and was soon running into the arms of the viscomte.
Her rejection of him on the rooftop had been what had broken him. He determined that the only way to win her back was to finally complete his opera and order her to star in it. He, the Phantom, would take the stage beside her and win her through song. It had all made so much sense at the time.
He told her, in detail, about those final hours, and how what had begun as a magical night for him ended in misery. While they had sung together on stage, he could feel the eyes of the viscomte on them, and how he seethed that Christine was allowing another man to touch her in such a bold manner. But that was followed by her final betrayal, unmasking him as he pledged his love to her, pleading with her to save him from a life of solitude. In a rage, he cut the chandelier, and made his escape with her, knowing the boy would chase after her. But when the time had come for Erik to kill him, he could not do it, knowing that Christine loved him. He had released them, but then she came back ever so briefly, raising his hopes. At this, he began to weep, and Gia said nothing, only took him in her arms and held him as his hot tears fell on her neck.
Once he concluded by telling her of his escape, he found himself telling her about his childhood and his mother. His clearest first memory was when she gave him a mask to wear so she would not have to look at his face. He had been fortunate to have been born at all. He had been an accident. His mother had been a high priced prostitute and so ashamed by what she had given birth to, she preferred to hide him away rather than give him up. When her "gentlemen friends" as she had called them, paid her a visit, she would lock him in his room with books to look at.
By the age of five he taught himself to read since she would not bring in a tutor because that would have acknowledged the existence of her child. He quickly exhausted her rather pitiful collection, mostly romance novels, the more lurid the better, and so she had bought him book after book to keep him occupied. It might have continued like that forever, but when the gypsy circus came to town, his mother saw this as the perfect opportunity to rid herself of her little problem. He had been eight years old and he had been so excited when she told him they were going to the circus together. He had never been on an outing before. He had been delighted by the clowns, magicians, and the little performing dogs. It had been a wonderful afternoon, and as night began to fall she told him there was one final thing they had to see together.
She brought Erik before the gypsy king in his large colorful tent and unmasked him. After the usual screams from horrified women, the huge mustachioed man offered to buy him as an attraction. He never knew how much his mother had gotten for him. And so he spent the follow years being treated worse than an animal for the amusement of others until he escaped with the help of the young Antoinette Giry.
It was only once he finished speaking that Gia said a word to him.
"I'm so sorry Erik. No one should ever have to endure what you have. I know that must come as little consolation to you, but is all I can say to you. If I could think of better words, I would," she said, her voice tinged with sadness. He finally looked up at her, and he could see she had been crying as well. Unsure of what to say or do, he moved in to kiss her, but she abruptly pushed him away.
"Erik, sex is not going to fix anything. We cannot keep using it as a substitute for conversation. And at the moment, I find it is the last thing I want." She stood up and continued, "Please do not think I am rejecting you. I enjoy our physical relationship a great deal, perhaps more than I should, but having spent the last hours listening to you weep over Christine is not conducive to romance."
"Then why did you listen? Why did you ask me about her to begin with?" he asked her. Why didn't women make any sense?
"I asked because despite everything, I care about you. I know she hurt you terribly, but you must find a way to move on with your life. I thought that talking about it would help you. That does not mean I personally wanted to hear it. Has it never occurred to you what bad form it is to discuss the woman you love with the woman you are sleeping with?" she said this remark with a strained laugh.
"You knew I loved Christine when we first slept together. You've known that from the start. I haven't promised you anything," he replied, honestly confused.
"That doesn't mean I don't have feelings!" she shouted at him. "It hurts me to hear about how much you love her because I know you don't feel that way about me. No one will ever love me in that way, I know that. But it is cold comfort. Everyone, Erik, wants that kind of love and acceptance! Not just you."
Her confession came as much a revelation as when she had told him about what Joseph Buquet had done to her. The more time they spent together the more he realized how much they were alike. Why was she so certain that she would never find love? She must know now that she was certainly physically pleasing. Gia was an intelligent, strong woman, most men would be lucky to find one like her. True, she was somewhat older, but she was a woman nearing her prime rather than one in the first blush of womanhood.
"Gia, I see no reason why you cannot find someone to love you. You know, you might pursue Michel St. Andre. He did kiss you after all, and he's quite handsome," he added, trying to be helpful as he dragged himself up off the floor.
"He's also conceited and has slept with nearly every chorus girl who will have him. Oh, and he hasn't a brain in that pretty head of his. You will have to pardon me for looking for more than an attractive face in a potential husband. I do believe that you have spoiled me for other men, Erik." Gia mentally berated herself for that last remark. He might take that the wrong way. She did not want him to think that she viewed her lost virginity as the reason why she was spoiled. She quickly continued, "Not many men could hold a candle to you in many ways. Perhaps I am unwilling to compromise."
"Oh yes, how many men could offer you all this?" he said gesturing around his lair his voice dripping with sarcasm.
"You know that is not what I meant. But I will not argue with you because you will not listen to me anyway." That seemed to end the discussion, and Erik picked up the notes that she had left on the floor and handed them to her. She accepted them, and then they made their way to the boat. He offered to take her all the way back to her room, but she declined, saying she preferred to make as much of the trip on her own as possible. This way if anyone was lurking backstage, she would be alone and it would be far easier to explain. He did not press her, and he let her go on her own as soon as it was feasible.
They made no arrangements to see each other again.
Clutching the notes, she first went to Monsieur Dupoix's office and dropped off his note. He had not been there himself since it was his customary lunch hour. It was better that he was out because she did not relish the questions he might ask her. They would either be about her reputed lover or Erik, and she was in no mood to have to obfuscate. Why did she keep opening herself to pain? Why was she not content to have a purely physical relationship with him? The more she learned of his tragic life, the more she cared about him, something that was most unwise. At least now that he knew how much hearing about Christine bothered her, perhaps he would use Madame Giry to stay in contact with her in the future.
That reminded her, although Christine had asked Gia to write to her, she had neglected to tell her the address at which she could be reached. Madame Giry would surely have the correct information. Gia also wanted to talk to the ballet mistress about Erik. She had known him longer than anyone else, and she should be able to give her some insight into what as happening between them. It would be embarrassing to discuss, but Gia needed someone to talk to, and frankly there was no one else she could trust. So much of the past few days was a puzzle to her, and any advice she could give her would be most welcome. It would simply be a relief to talk to another human being, to get Erik off her chest as it were.
As she made her way through the dormitories Gia saw the looks that some people were giving her. Her absence had been noted again, and this was the second night in a row. The only good thing was that her room was locked so no one could get inside to see that her bed remained unslept in. With the note in her left hand, she knocked on the ballet mistress's door hoping that she would be there. It was possible she would be using the free day to run errands, or simply to spend time with her daughter. However, Gia quickly heard footsteps and she prepared herself in case it was Meg rather than her mother.
Madame Giry's kind countenance filled the doorway, and she immediately asked Gia to come in, and offered her a comfortable chair to sit in. Gia gratefully accepted the seat and Giry sat down on her bed, neatly folding her hands in her lap. Gia was at something of a loss what to say. It would be rather indelicate to simply begin by telling her how she had spent the last two nights. Thankfully, Madame Giry opened the conversation by asking about the note Gia was carrying.
"It is a note for Christine from Erik. I told him he was mad to send anything to her, but he insists it be given to her. He truly loses all sense when it comes to her," Gia replied.
"Indeed he does, my dear. Have you and Erik talked about Christine?" Giry gently inquired.
Gia could not suppress a sigh, and she proceeded to recount the details of their morning conversation. Madame Giry nodded, confirming that Erik had not lied about the events of two years ago.
"I am very unsure of where this leaves us, Madame Giry. I have told him that Christine upsets me, and I am hopeful he will not ask me to act as an in between again. But Erik is not the most sensitive man when it comes to other people's feelings I have learned," she said matter-of-factly.
"You have gotten to know him very well Gia. Erik can be an infuriatingly self-centered man. You were right to share with him your feelings. I believe that you can be a good influence on him. It is past time he learned that relationships are not one-sided," the ballet mistress responded.
"Madame Giry---"
"Call me Antoinette, please."
"Antoinette," Gia continued, "I do not know if Erik and I have a relationship. If you will excuse my frankness, but the past two times we have been together, we have done little but argue and make love." Gia was not about to use the word "fuck" in front of the older woman.
Madame Giry was unable to suppress a wide smile, "It can be like that in the beginning. I only hope you are being careful. I cannot imagine you are ignorant of what can result if you are not."
"We are. I insisted and he agreed with me. Antoinette, my biggest concern is that I am just a substitute for what he cannot have with Christine." Her cheeks reddened as she continued, "I have found our encounters very pleasurable, but isn't there supposed to be more than that? I care about Erik a great deal, but I am unsure of his feelings toward me."
"Have you asked him directly? I can tell you this: I do not think Erik would use you in that way. If he had wanted a meaningless encounter, he could have done it years ago with a prostitute."
"Did you know his mother was a prostitute? That might explain why he never went to one," Gia countered, her mind quickly filling with doubts.
Giry was slightly floored by that statement, but she replied, "He never told me about his mother, Gia. For him to confide something like that to you demonstrates he trusts you. Erik does not trust easily. It must have been very difficult for him to reveal that to anyone."
"I suppose you are correct, Antoinette, but we fight all the time. Then he kisses me, and I only care about what will come next. And sometimes he can be so kind and considerate. Today he drew a bath for me and washed my hair. In those moments, I see the man he could be if he let go of his outrage. I understand why he feels the way he does, but why can he not see the future is not written? And he does not believe me when I tell him his face does not bother me."
"You have seen his face? His whole face?" she asked incredulously.
"Of course. I told him I want nothing between us when we are together. The one time he wore it, I made him take it off. Is it that shocking it does not bother me? I would think you of all people would see beyond his deformity. There is far more to him than his face," Gia said forcefully. If even Madame Giry was horrified by his face, no wonder he was so certain he could never really be a part of society.
"I am very pleased that you can look beyond his face, but you must know there are few women who could do that."
"But there is nothing wrong with nearly two-thirds of his face!" Heedlessly, Gia blurted, "And have you seen the rest of him?"
"Not in the same way you have, I'm sure," Madame Giry said most seriously before both of them dissolved into peals of laughter.
The laughter felt good, a welcome release from the tension, but Madame Giry brought Gia back to earth by asking, "Do you want me to see that Christine receives Erik's letter?"
"I would appreciate it, Antoinette. I only hope that she does not hate him. God help us and this place if she shows that letter to her husband," Gia prayed aloud. "Do you know how she feels about Erik?"
Although Madame Giry had been as a mother to Christine, the young woman had spoken little of Erik or the events of two years previous to her. After the initial escape, Christine had been very withdrawn and refused to speak with anyone. Raoul had feared for her health and was certain the Phantom would be the death of her, claiming his final victim from the grave. But after three days self-imposed exile, she emerged from her bedroom as though nothing had ever happened. The only evidence of her inner turmoil some scribblings on parchment that Giry had burned immediately.
She could be certain what reaction Christine would have two years later to his return. She was now happily married and had a child; her life was one of ease and luxury. She probably rarely thought about Erik. However during the dinner, Christine had grown very thoughtful when Gia had mentioned the engagement ring. Giry did not relish bringing up bad memories for her, especially if those memories could harm her or her family. Once again she was putting in a position of choosing between Erik and Christine.
She would tell Christine who the letter was from before she gave it to her. If she did not want it, Giry would have the letter returned to Erik with an explanation of why she had not done his bidding. That way neither Gia nor Christine could be blamed.
"I believe that Christine has never been sure of what her emotions are toward Erik. For a long time I let her believe he was only a spirit. I knew what he was doing, and I let it continue even when I realized he was falling in love with her because I thought she would love him in return. Then, within the space of days she learned that her Angel was real, he wanted her as only a man can want a woman, and her childhood sweetheart arrived.
When she sang with Erik, we all saw the way she responded to his music, his touch, and I was certain she was going to leave with him willingly. It did not seem to be an act, for in truth, she never was much of an actress. When she emerged from the cellars with the viscomte and informed me they were to marry, I was most shocked. But then again, at the time, she probably believed that Erik was dead, or soon would be."
Gia could see that Madame Giry was not going to ease her mind if it meant not telling the truth. It was possible that Christine still had feelings for Erik, and that with their renewed acquaintance she would leave her life behind to be with him. And then Gia would surely lose Erik. Gia could feel her eyes welling with tears, and she quickly said good-bye and made a hasty retreat from the small room.
She did not hear Madame Giry mutter under her breath, "Erik you fool! She's half in love with you already!"