Title: You Left Me Alone
Author: Wereleopard
Posted: 15/05/05
Rating: PG
Email: PG
Genre: Angst
Summary: Angel until season 4.

Disclaimer: The characters in the Angel verse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made I am just poor. The song who wants to live forever is owned by Brian May/Queen
Distribution: FSB if anywhere else please just let me know!
Feedback: Yes please!

Nieves thanks for beta'ing love ya

Chapter 4

Cordy sat in the office putting the last of Wesley's books back onto the shelves piles of empty boxes surrounded her it had taken them days to move everything from their small office back to the Hyperion and then she had spent the rest of it unpacking everything, she did most of it during the day knowing that was when Angel slept but he seemed to be coming down earlier and earlier. Cordy had no idea when he slept he didn't seem to be doing any of that at the moment. He would come down look like he wanted to say something and then hide away but she could feel him watching every move she made. The seer sighed deeply her head to get her mind of her ex-boss. She dropped the last empty box on to the floor and she looked around the lobby of the hotel. It was good to be back but something was missing, the team feeling, the camaraderie. A tear rolled down her cheek, she sat down and buried her head in her hands and let the tears roll again. It seemed that was all she was doing lately, the tears just kept coming and coming with no end in sight. Just like forgiving Angel she wanted to desperately but she was not sure if she could.

Wesley and Gunn stood at the stairs and watched her, ever since Angel pushed them away and locked them out of his emotions, especially Cordy, she had seemed to have lost that little spark, that thing that made her Cordelia. She locked herself away, the two men had lives outside the business, she didn't, and the one person she could talk to and who understood her had turned his back on her. She couldn't give up the visions; she wouldn't give them up. Both Gunn and Wes knew that the ex-may queen could not imagine not being able to help people. She was no longer the bitchy cheerleader that everyone knew. She had grown and matured but even with living on the hellmouth and being monster food every week could not take away the bitchy attitude, but feeling peoples pain, living the horrors as if they were her own that is what changed her she had been through more horrors than anyone could imagine. Buffy may have the slayer strength and she may not have a normal life because she was the chosen one but Cordy in their minds was even more special. She was an ordinary woman who chose to help, who needed to help. They wondered how she slept with seeing the things she did what did she see when she closed her eyes at night? What dreams did her mind create to help her deal with those horrors?

The door opened of the Hyperion and in walked Angel Cordy turned her back on the vampire as she wiped away her tears. The vampire froze as his best friend turned away for him the raw pain was written in the depths of his eyes but as soon as she turned away from him his eyes seem to grow cold, all the emotion shuttered away behind a wall afraid to let his feelings show afraid of what would happen if he did, all the anger and fear locked away deep inside of him, his shoulders dropped. Just like Cordy the life seemed to leave him, the hero in him needed saving and the heroine was nowhere to be found. Wes and Gunn shrugged their shoulders not knowing what to do. They couldn't understand why Angel had turned from them but all of them had done something wrong in their pasts and they could forgive but never forget Angel still had a lot of things to make up for but at least he was trying and maybe, just maybe he could earn their trust back.

The both of them had given advice on how to deal with Cordy but he found it hard to stay away, he wanted to get on his knees and beg for forgiveness, he wanted to shout from the rooftops that he was sorry, he wanted to go back in time and take it all away so it wouldn't happen again.

Cordy turned round and accidentally caught Angel's eyes there was nothing in them, they were dead, he seemed to be a broken man. He turned and headed up to his room.

"If I'm needed come and get me." His said his voice void of any emotion.

Cordy watched him as he slowly made his way up the stairs, her heart ached for him, and she could hear the loss in his voice. He was drawing away further and further from everyone. He was starting to not care because the one person who kept taking him out of his shell had pulled away.

"We're loosing him Gunn!" Wesley whispered.

"Yeah I've never seem him like this and there is nothing we can do to change it." Gunn replied.

"I'm afraid that he has stopped caring about his mission and he instead of saving people he will start feeding or he will lock himself away and avoid any human interaction and become the loner he once was. It took Cordy all this time to get him out and about but if they don't at least talk it's going to be the end of Angel Investigations and both of our friends will be destroyed." Wesley took of his glasses and cleaned them wishing that he could shake them both.

Cordy hadn't moved she was still staring at the stairs. "Cordy Gunn and I are heading out ok?" Her head bobbed in agreement but her eyes never moved to them.

Wesley grabbed Gunn's arm and pulled him out the door. Gunn's face was full of confusion. "They need to talk and I think Cordy is thinking about it. We have to give them a chance to be alone so one of them will take a chance, I am hoping it's her because of how much he hurt her Angel would not push it." Gunn nodded understanding why Wes had pulled him out.

Cordy knew that she had to talk to Angel, things would not change straight away but at least they could try and take things slowly, it still did not mean that they would be as close friends as they used to be but there was only one way to find out. This was the most difficult thing she had to do, her pride told her that he should come to her and grovel and then grovel some more, her head told her that she had to protect herself and her heart screamed for her to reach out and pull him into her arms. So what she was going to do was a mixture of all of it, she would protect herself, he would have to earn her trust and friendship back, but she would help him they were both self destructing without each other two sides of a coin both complimenting each other, the opposites of each other but work together in harmony, bringing the best out in the other, the ying and yang. It seemed that one could not do without the other and not be complete.

Angel lay on his bed looking at the ceiling, his eyes cold just like his body. His body missed the warmth of her touch when she reached out to him, when she took care of him and bandaged him, he missed the light in her eyes, who was he kidding he missed everything about her. He didn't think he could go on without her, who was he kidding he didn't want to go on without her.

There's no time for us

There's no place for us

What is this thing that builds are dreams yet slips away from us

Who wants to live forever?

Who wants to live forever?

She stood outside his bedroom door nervous, her whole body shaking. She tapped gently on the door.

Angel sat upright on the bed. "Is Cordy ok?" He called out worried that she had another vision he was immersed in his own thoughts about his best friend that he didn't hear anyone arrive at his door but as he senses kicked in he could smell her perfume, he could hear her heartbeat, it was now all around him the scent that was unique to her, to his Cordy.

"It's me Angel," She said from the other side of the door. "Can I come in?"

Angel sat frozen to the bed not believing that she was truly there. "Of course Cordy."

There's no chance for us

It's all decided for us

This world has only on sweet moment set aside for us

Who wants to live forever?

Who wants to live forever?

Who dares to love forever?

When love must die

She opened the door and walked in, Angel had now moved so he was sitting on the edge of his bed. "Angel you have to understand we still aren't friends but me not talking to you and you looking liked a kicked puppy is not getting us anywhere. You're going to have to earn my friendship and trust back and I will try to not push you away but its not going to be easy."

Angel opened his mouth and the closed it again taking a deep breath he spoke. "I will always regret what I did to you and what it has cost me, it cost me your friendship. I will do whatever it takes to prove to you that I have changed, that I am sorry that I hurt you."

He wanted to see her smile again, he wanted to be able to look into her eyes and not see tears there but laughter and joy.

But touch my tears with your lips

Touch my world with your fingertips

And we can have forever

And we can love forever

Forever is our today

Who wants to live forever?

Who wants to live forever?

Forever is our today

"We may never get it back Angel you have to know that but we can try. We have spent too many years together to let it go without a fight. We can at least try. I'm going home now Angel we'll talk tomorrow ok."

He nodded and watched her leave his heart felt a little lighter and hope started to creep in.

Who wants forever anyway?