Title: You Left Me Alone
Author: Wereleopard
Posted:
Email: R
Genre: Angst
Summary: Angel until season 4.
Disclaimer: The characters in the Angel verse were created by Joss Whedon & David Greenwalt. No infringement is intended, no profit is made I am just poor.

Distribution: FSB if anywhere else please just let me know!
Feedback: Yes please!

Chapter 7

Cordy stayed pushed up against the wall, she reached up and placed her hands on his chest and rested them there just touching him gently, and she could feel his muscles react to her touch. His body was deathly still against hers and she could feel his erection pressing into her stomach through the layers of both their clothing. It took all of her will power to look up into his eyes and not down to the obvious evidence of his desire for her. The seer looked into his eyes, they were almost black with arousal. Cordy gently pushed at his chest but it was like trying to move a brick wall, he didn't budge, she tried again harder this time and still nothing.

"Angel." She whispered huskily and watched as his eyes shook off the lust and actually focused on her.

Angel rubbed his face with his hand what the hell was he doing? He thought.

"Cordy I'm so.." Soft fingers pressed at his lips as the brunette stopped him talking.

"Don't Angel, don't say you're sorry. We will talk about this," she waved a hand between them indicating the attraction they had for each other, "later, but first things first." She moved around him and went to the bed sitting so her head rested against the headboard. "So why did you leave us out? Me out?" She asked softly scared of what the answer would be but still needing to know.

"I don't know if I can explain and if I do I'm scared that you will starting fearing me. I can't, I don't know if I could deal with that." His eyes were now full of fear and sorrow.

"Angel I just want to know." Cordy said patting the bed next to her indicating that he should sit down trying to make him at ease and show that she was going to listen.

He sighed and deep sigh and sat next to her and taking hold of her hand. His mind went back to when it all happened and he was tracing patterns over the palm of her hand as he did so.

"When the dreams started with Darla she knew the worst of me." Cordy snorted. Angel turned to her and she stared all wide-eyes and innocence at him, he shook his head and no matter how he tried he couldn't stop as a smile appeared on his face. "Anyway, I didn't know at the time why I let myself be uhhh well with her." If vampires could have blushed he would have been bright red at this moment. This was the last thing he wanted to talk about with Cordelia.

"Why?" She asked that was one of the things that Cordy didn't understand, it was well Darla.

"Because I couldn't be with the woman I loved." He whispered afraid of what her reaction would be, he was terrified, what if she laughed in his face? So he stared down at his hands.

"Buffy." Cordy automatically replied it broke her heart a little everytime someone mentioned their love, she kept telling herself that it was just worry about her best friend but with the whole Darla and then him betraying her, why did it hit her so hard? One day it hit her like a ton of bricks she was in love with him, head over heels totally in love with this dense stupid vampire.

"Buffy?" Angel looked at her confusion written all over his face, it took him a moment or two before he realised what she was talking about. He couldn't believe it how could one woman be so observant one moment and totally dense the next. He opened his mouth to say something but Cordy shook her head.

"Carry on Angel." Cordy didn't want to hear how he would always love Buffy she didn't want to see the sadness in his eyes. She wished that she could chase it all away.

He raised an eyebrow at her, they would talk about their feelings even if he had to tie her up and gag her so he could tell her. He mentally grinned at that thought, he coughed and tried to concentrate now was not the time to ravish his seer. Angel had to be honest with her.

"It was so easy to go back to what we had together, it's so easy just to be dragged back to what you know." He saw Cordelia's questioning look. "We used each other, we played games, and we were exactly the same." Angel's eyes glazed over as the memories drowned him. "I was so tired and there I was not understanding all these feelings for you." The vampire didn't realise what he said and never noticed Cordy's eyes widened he was trapped in his own memories and he carried on talking. "Not being able to kiss you, to touch you. It was driving me insane and then when your visions seemed to be getting worse and worse and all I could do was hold you not being able to take away the pain was killing me." Angel didn't notice Cordy's face pale but she could see tears in his dark eyes. "I curse and damned myself time after time blaming myself for everything that had happened to you it was my fault. If you had never met up with me at that party you would have had a normal life. None of the problems, none of the pain that you have now. You could have had a normal life. You could have been happy."

Cordelia's mind had shut down after the part where he had said how hard it was not to touch her, to kiss and that he had feelings for her. Her mind began to catch up with everything else that he had said.

Angel just watched her, his seer's face and a frozen expression but then flashes of emotion rushed across them surprise, shock, fear and then his breath caught, even though he didn't need to breath, he hoped that it was love shining through those hazel orbs but in a flash it was gone and anger had replaced it, he knew that look, her hazel eyes glittered and he thought she had never looked more beautiful.

"You think that I would be happier with a 'normal life'. "Cordy glared at him amazed at the stupidity of the vampire, but she replied in a deceptively calm voice, one that he knew that he should fear. "Angel I hate to tell you this but I have never had a normal life, if you hadn't noticed I'm Cordelia Chase and me normal." She pfft at him. "I SO don't think so." Her eyes softened as she smiled at her vampire. "I am happy, more happy that I ever thought I could be. I have a family whom I love and would do anything for. I just want my best friend back."

Angel nodded understanding what she was talking about and then he continued talking, this is what she wanted. "I know it doesn't put me in a good like that in my dreams I was using Darla because I didn't have you. Then when I saw her for the first time I thought it was payback and seeing her in the sun, it was so unfair. I'm trying to earn redemption and there she was in the sun. I wanted her to hurt, I wanted to her to pay for everything. I was torn on one hand I wanted revenge she made me but I was obsessed because she was where I wanted to be. It was like a teenage rebelling from his family. The anger, the frustration was getting to me I felt as if I were going nowhere. So I pushed away, cut those out who could get to me. I locked away my emotions and I just kept making things worse I created that cycle myself and I had no idea how to get out of it and I was afraid of what would happen when I did? But you are still giving me a change. I am lucky to have all of you as my family, especially you Cordy."

Cordy just sat and watched him. She did understand to a point. How she acted in high school with Harmony and Aura. It was amazing how you act around people you know and knew you, were like you. "But what about the lawyers?"

Angel smirked. "I know I should feel bad but it I kept thinking that we would all be safe and life would be so much easier without them."

The brunette shook her head, yes she could see his point of view but most people just thought but they didn't follow threw with the actual action and they didn't leave a room full of lawyers with two insane vampires and then close the door and leave. It was at times like this that she could clearly see his demon.

Angel reached over with his other hand and touched her arm afraid that she would pull away. Would she still want him to lover her?

"Cordy?" He whispered wishing that he was anywhere but here. "Don't leave me?"

"Angel I'm not going anywhere. I know the vampire you are. I've also met your soulless alter ego, remember. Thank you for being honest." She said with a smile.

He knew that things were not perfect and it would take a lot to earn back their trust and respect but he would do it. He would prove that he was worthy of their friendship and love.

"I love you Cordelia Chase." Angel said suddenly he couldn't keep it in any longer as he gazed into her eyes.

Cordy's eyes glistened with tears and her heart was over flowing with love for this vampire, this vampire with a soul, her vampire.

"I love you too Angel." She replied.

They leaned towards each other it seemed as if time had slowed and it was an eternity before the lips touched each other briefly and they pulled back and looked at each other. They closed the gap once more sparks were ignited, fireworks appeared as they kissed it was a heart breakingly sweet kiss. They took time exploring each other's mouths; the kiss became more and more passionate, more desperate. Angel pushed Cordy until they were laying flat on the bed. He pulled away just for a moment and stared down at her. Her face glowed with arousal. Angel was in awe how did he get so lucky to have this amazing and wonderful woman with him. He had done so much to the team, to her and everything that he had done in the past yet she still managed to love him.

Angel's eyes roamed down her body taking in her luscious curves and then he heard the most beautiful thing and just for a moment it felt as the sun heated his body. He looked back at her face and he saw her laughing he was right, it was the sun. She was the thing that lit up his life.

Cordy watched as Angel leaned towards her but she stopped him by pressing his fingers against his cheeks.

"Slowly Angel." She said grinning. The vampire nodded in agreement. "Just hold me?" She asked.

Angel lay down next to her and pulled her against his chest.

"For as long as you want." He whispered against her wavy hair.

"How does forever sound?" She said as she snuggled against his chest.

"Sounds perfect." He replied. "Cordy I still have the curse we may never."

"Shut up Angel let's just have this moment and then we can ask Wesley to research."

"Sounds good." Angel answered with a grin, closing his eyes he felt her breathing even out and slow and knew that she had fallen asleep and he closed his eyes and was lulled to sleep by her heartbeat.

THE END