Author: Sparkle Itamashii

Title: Clandestine Revelations

Warnings: Respect the rating. Please see my profile for details.

Disclaimer: Digimon and its characters, settings, and plot are NOT MINE.

Chapter Five

Everything Tai had said left me reeling. How was I supposed to handle this sort of situation? I'd just been confronted by the very things over which I had once upon a time tortured myself thinking about. Tai was the sort of person who liked to touch other people. He liked to sling his arm around people's shoulders and hang on them, he liked hugging people, he liked being close. Yes, I'd noticed that he did it more to me than to anyone else. But oh the days and nights I'd spent convincing myself that he was just being his normal, friendly self.

That no matter what I wanted he didn't mean anything more.

Yet he was asking if I liked him now.

I didn't know anymore.

It wasn't that I didn't like him. He wasn't like anyone else I knew. He wasn't some crazed fan or a complete stranger, he wasn't an acquaintance or even a regular friend; Tai was my best friend. He was the one person in the entire world that knew everything about me and didn't shy away from friendship. I'd beaten him, yelled at him, given him the silent treatment… everything I could think of and he still came back for more, insisting we could be friends.

God, how I'd hated him.

Slowly though… a grudging respect had taken root and ate away at my hatred. I had watched him turn a gaggle of frightened, disoriented kids into a coordinated fighting team up to saving the world- sometimes two worlds. I'd watched what I thought was a bratty, control-freak type kid turn into this gorgeous, self-assured guy I couldn't keep my eyes or thoughts off of. Someone who, even if I'd wanted to, I couldn't leave behind or abandon.

But did I like him? Like that? Now?

"I- I don't know." I replied hazily, unable to stop myself from repeating his earlier conclusion.

He brushed a roughened thumb over mine and I realized he still had a feather-light grip on my hand. "It's not so easy to tell, is it…"

He sounded so hurt… I curled my fingers in his and closed my eyes, hoping the gesture would be reassuring enough that I could afford a few more minutes of thought. I could feel the rigid way he held himself, as if he'd become cautious again. There was no way I could let him withdraw from talking now; not when there was so much at stake.

"What are you thinking…?" I asked quietly, at a loss for words. "You've had two days-"

"Two days doesn't make it any clearer." He returned harshly before I could even finish speaking.

"I don't know what you want me to do, Taichi." I snapped defensively. "I can't give you a valid answer and I won't lie to you. What do you want?"

He made a frustrated noise and sat up as he shifted away, although he did turn to face me again. Bewildered and thinking perhaps I had overstepped some unspoken boundary I released his hand; only to have him snatch it back and not let go. I felt like the world was moving in slow motion as I studied our hands for a second and then turned my gaze to meet his. Even in such dim light I could see his dark brown eyes flickering uncertainly over my features, as if he wanted to voice something he couldn't find the words to say.

"Matt, I…" He trailed off, eyes settling on mine at last. "When Kari said all those things I thought she was insane. I thought 'she's really gone off her rocker this time…' but…" He dropped eye contact and scrunched his nose as if he couldn't believe he was still talking. "I don't think she's as crazy as all that after all, you know?"

I could feel my eyes widening and licked my lips nervously. "What are you saying…?"

Untangling a hand, he ran it through his hair and refused to look at me for a second. "I don't… God." He shook his head and looked up at me without moving his head- it was such a nervous gesture I felt my own stomach flutter in response. "I don't know if Hikari is right or not and I don't want to ruin a friendship over it but I do want to find out; I want to know."

"How do you expect to do that…?" I asked cautiously, recognizing the undercurrent of determination in his voice.

"How do you think?" He watched me like a hawk as he moved, visibly ready to shy away at the first sign of rejection.

Somehow it never crossed my mind to stop him. Not that I think I would have if it had occurred to me- I felt like I was bound in a trance as he leaned closer. I froze, watching as he reached up with his free hand and thread warm, shaking fingers into my hair. Very gently he pulled me forward until we were nose to nose. His breath feathered lightly across my lips and I shivered. Although his eyes flickered uncertainly as he caught my gaze, he didn't release me.

"I'm going to kiss you, Yama." He said softly.

I wasn't sure if he was informing me or warning me- I wasn't even sure he'd if he'd actually said it aloud or if I'd just imagined it. I think I made a noise of agreement but I can't be sure because the next thing I knew my eyes were closed and I was kissing my best friend.

/End Chapter Five, Clandestine Revelations/