A.N./ I know, I know. How long has it been? Please don't say. You'll make me feel bad. Anyway, here is the next chapter. I was lying awake last night, watching Harry Potter and this came to mind. I also owe this first part to Laura (apparently I sleep talk and walk, so here is a little piece of me in Sirius). I hope you guys like it; and of course, always review!

Chapter 9: Dealing through dreams and memories

When Harry walked into the study, he could hear Sirius' whimpering all around the room. The man lay on his back with his neck arched and eyes clenched in pain. His hands twitched and his knees jerked, as if he were trying to fight an invisible force around him. He cried out once, then twice before settling into whimpers again. For a brief moment, Harry was afraid that godfather was dying.

He started to run over to the couch, but a hand caught him and pulled him back. Turning sharply, Harry was silenced by Remus' hand over his mouth.

"Let him get through this. This is the only way he's going to work with it," the man whispered urgently, letting him go.

The two stood there, watching Sirius flail about. Harry watched Remus grimace each time Sirius uttered a word or a whimper. Harry watched him wince as a jut of elbow flew and hit the cushions around the writhing man.

Sirius thrashed against the couch one final time before stopping abruptly. Harry let out a breath that he had not known that he had been holding and his head felt light. He felt Remus relax beside him also, before-

"It's white!" Sirius cried out, lurching forward off of the couch.

Both Harry and Remus stood there for a few moments, stunned, staring at Sirius who sat up with perfect posture. Remus finally cleared his throat.

"Is there something wrong, Padfoot?" Remus said, his voice shaking.

Sirius turned his head in their general direction, squinting his eyes without opening them. He opened his mouth, and then closed it, like a fish out of water. He did this once more and let out a great huff.

"Fine!" He grumbled before flopping down on the couch again, asleep.

The silence rung in Harry's ear as the panic that gripped his chest loosened and dropped into his stomach. Remus let out a whoosh of air from his lungs, and he leaned against Harry with a slight chuckle. The laughter became contagious and Harry let out a few breathes of laughter.

Remus took him by the shoulder after they were sure that Sirius wouldn't have another fit, and led him out into the hall. Harry turned to him the minute the door was shut.

"What was going on in there?" Harry asked, slumping against the wall. He suddenly felt very tired from the stress. He had been so afraid that Sirius had been dying. Where would he be if his godfather died when he had just only been able to see him again? Harry shivered, banishing the thought from his head.

"He … Well, the only times that he faces his life is in his sleep, if that makes any sense." Remus said weakly, loosening his shirt nervously.

"Actually, that really doesn't make much sense at all. Sorry," Harry said, smiling up at his professor.

Remus smiled back, rubbing a hand to his face. "How's this? We have a cup of tea, to release the tension, and maybe then I can explain better."

Harry nodded and pushed off of the wall to follow him.

When the pair walked into the kitchen Harry sat down in one of the wobbly chairs, folding his hands over the wooden surface of the table. Remus filled the small kettle, setting it on the oven, and took two mugs off the shelf. He made sure that the temperature on the stove was just right, then sat down across from Harry.

"I've noticed," inquired Harry, "that you do a lot of things the muggle way."

Remus smiled, cupping his hands around the cool porcelain of his mug. "My father was a muggle and he never really got used to me doing magic. I guess I keep these ways to remember him by.

"He died at a very young age, you see. I was eighteen when it happened. He had been down in the village where we lived and a few people were causing a fuss. I later found out that it was a group of wizards on a werewolf hunt and they had obtained information on where to find me, among many others like myself.

"They found my father and beat him until finally cursing him for letting a monstrosity live as his son. Ministry workers found his body in an abandoned home after my mother filled a report over his disappearance. I had just left Hogwarts and I was living with Sirius.

"I hadn't even the time to change my address. If I had reported back to the Registry days earlier, none of it would have happened. Both Sirius and I could have taken them, but my father was defenseless without any magic. They say that he never breathed a word of where I was, though. He … He was a very honorable man," Remus finished wistfully.

Harry couldn't find the words, but then Remus did it for him.

"I suppose that we have all gone through our share of pain."

They sat there in silence with Remus staring down into his cup and Harry leaning back in his chair, readjusting his glasses. The kettle sang shrilly and Remus clambered up to quiet it, as not to wake Sirius. He poured them their fill and sat again with Harry.

Remus took a sip of his tea, sighed, and leaned into the table. "Sirius doesn't talk about what happened in Azkaban. He refuses to say a word, or make any mention pertaining to the subject. He had twelve years to practice guarding himself, he's not going to break that habit any time soon.

"If that's the case, then the only thing to do is to …"

"… face it in his dreams," Harry finished.

Remus smirked. "Quite precisely, Harry."

He took a gulp of tea, cringing slightly in pain from the scalding liquid. "Even before Sirius went to Azkaban, he was a heavily guarded person. I would bet that his family, namely his mother, pushed him into such a state. He never could show who he really was. Your father, Peter, and I were the only ones that saw his true self," he chuckled, "and even those were rare times."

He swished his tea in his mug, looking pensive. "He came out at night, though. He is a very attentive person, you know. He would know whenever any of us would be ridden with nightmares … Especially me. He would tell me stories of himself. He would share with me his joy, his pain. It was times like those that we knew, even if we didn't voice it at the time, that we were made for the other.

"He told me that even before time began that he was molded for me. And I for him. The way that James was molded for Lily, and the same."

Harry let escape a small smile. "I never knew that Sirius could be so poetic ..."

Remus laughed then, a strong and hardy laugh. One that let all of the pressure in his chest relax. "That is exactly the point."

Remus got up then, rummaging through the draws for a box of biscuits. When he retrieved the small box of chocolate butter crackers, he offered Harry a few.

"What was it like when Sirius was taken away?" Harry asked, dipping the cookie into his cooling tea. He didn't look up, fearing that he had gone too far.

"It was the hardest thing that I ever had to experience, Harry."

Harry looked up then, and saw the werewolf's jaw clenched and his eyes dark.

"It felt … as if I was being torn apart. I woke up that morning to find that my best friends were all dead to me; and I had to learn it through The Prophet. Everyone in the wizarding world was reading about how the only people I loved were dead.

"I counted Sirius dead because this was not the Sirius I knew. My Sirius would never have … never betrayed his," Harry was startled to hear Remus' voice break.

"You don't have to –"

"No, Harry. It's fine," he said, taking a shivering breath. After taking a few seconds to compose his breathing structure again, he continued.

"I went from job to job, having to quit or be fired because of my condition. I dragged through it for a few years, sinking lower than I ever had before. My mother left behind in her will the cottage I lived in as a boy so I lived there for most of the time. For weeks on end I would just stay there, slowly becoming a recluse. The only times I would venture out would be to Register myself and occupy a few jobs through the years to pay bills.

"When Dumbledore offered me the position as a professor, I had finally found something I would enjoy. I had tutored the subject for a bit of money over the years, and it was my best class at school.

"Then I had a purpose in this world. And you were a part of that purpose, Harry," he said with a sad smile, holding Harry's gaze. "When I promised Lily and James I'd protect you, I held that promise close to me. And that will never stop."

Harry felt his eyes water and he averted his stare to his now nearly empty cup. "So, you didn't see anyone while he was gone?" Harry asked, trying to steer the subject away from himself.

"See someone? Oh, you mean … be with someone?" He questioned, tilting his head to the side in a quizzical gesture.

Harry nodded his head, downing the rest of his cold tea.

Remus' eyes squinted ever so slightly, as if confused for a second, until, "Harry, I never will be able to find anyone that could ever take Sirius' place. Never, until the day I die. Past, present, or future. And I think he feels the same way."

Harry felt the sting in his cheeks at the idiocy of his question. It was completely inappropriate and, well, stupid of him to ask. Harry cleared his throat, searching his brain for something else.

"Register." He said abruptly.

"Pardon?"

"Register. You said you would leave to Register yourself. What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, well … Every werewolf has to report to the Werewolf Registry where we are inspected and updated," he said, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Updated? That sounds a bit … off. What do you mean you're up-"

"Branded, Harry," he finished, his voice deadpan. Remus reached back and loosened his color a bit, beckoning him over.

Hesitantly, Harry set his mug down and slowly walked over to Remus' side of the table. Holding his breath, he leaned in to look at the exposed skin above the worn collar. Just behind a brush of tawny hair and across the knob of bone were bold black numbers, etched into the flesh.

71147

Harry stood there in utter disbelief. "They never said anything about this in our textbook."

Remus scoffed, "Of course they wouldn't."

Harry closed his gaping mouth and let out a breath. When Remus turned to him, Harry swore that he had never seen him look this old. And his heart clenched for him. For Remus, for Sirius, for his father and mother …

"It wasn't fair for any of you," Harry said, voice beginning to waver. "This should never have happened to you, or anyone. It just …"

Remus stood and wrapped Harry in his arms. The werewolf's lean chest was stronger than it looked and his arms were warm and inviting. Harry felt tears brim his eyes, and he buried his face into the man's shoulder to expel them.

"Harry … When you were born, it was like all of us had a son. You are James' son, but both Sirius and I have always felt that you were our own also. No matter the hardships that life should throw at you, please understand that we will always accept you … as our son."

And, thought Harry as the tears finally overflowed, he truly means that.

"What did you do to him, Remus?" came a voice from the doorway.

Harry recoiled, wiping his eyes dry with his sleeve. He didn't want himself to get that far, but as he surveyed Lupin out of the corner of his eye he could see the tears on the man's face.

"Oh, just showing him some old battle scars," Remus said, rubbing his face with his palm.

Sirius smiled nervously, looking between them. "Okay, this is getting a bit too serious for my taste – and don't you say a word, Remus – so how 'bout we make lunch, eh?" Harry smiled and nodded, adjusting his glasses.

While Remus worked at the stove, Harry glimpsed Sirius leaning over and place a loving kiss on the back of his neck, just where the black numbers resided. A shiver ran through the tall, thin man and Harry could see the blush run through his cheeks. Remus withdrew, swatting at him playfully and they both laughed.

Remus went over to the cupboard, pulling out plates and a loaf of bread while Sirius magiced them out of his hands. Remus looked disgruntled, but didn't complain.

Sirius smiled at him sweetly, turning to Harry. "Would you mind getting the meat out of the fridge, Harry?"

Harry complied automatically, trained after the many years of instructions from the Dursleys: Do this, do that, clean the windows, iron the wash … But when one them would ask Harry to pass the mustard or throw a piece of rotten lettuce away, there was softness in the requests.

Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon would never ask him, "Would you like a bit more tomato, Harry? You can have this piece." Remus would elbow Sirius' side when he would try and steal a piece of meat from Harry, causing Sirius to sputter indignantly but he could see it was in all fun and games. They finally finished their sandwiches and happily sat down to feast.

Sirius and Remus were apparently content with their lives, even after years of being separated, thought Harry as he watched them as he chewed on a tough piece of meat. Sirius grinned over at Harry as he took a huge bite out of his sandwich. They molded themselves together, their hearts and souls, even when faced the toughest trials and tribulations. Most of all, they were stronger for it.

And what made Harry so elated was that no matter how sturdy a unit they were, they were hoping to open a gap for him to be a part of their hearts.

Finally, after everything he had gone through, Harry knew then that he had found his family.