Author: Sparkle Itamashii

Title: Clandestine Revelations

Warnings: Respect the rating. Please see my profile for details.

Disclaimer: Digimon and its characters, settings, and plot are NOT MINE.

Chapter Eleven

For an instant I'd thought for sure there was no way I could speak to Tai again. People just can't kiss their best friend and expect their world to stay intact the way it had been before. As soon as I thought it, though, I knew I was only lying to myself. I'd rather have things be awkward for a million years than just cut him out of my life completely.

I knew I couldn't cause a scene at school. People were going to know what had happened but whether it happened now or later was in our hands. if there was any chance in hell that I could get everything cleared up between Tai and I, for better or for worse, then people would find out on our terms. There was no way to stop gossip; it was one of the more powerful forces of nature, but like lightning or flood waters it could often be drawn where you want it or directed to do less harm if taken care of swiftly by intelligent people. The new plan was to keep damages to a minimum and hope things turned out well.

Stellar plan, Yamato. Was that the best I could come up with after two days of obsessing over this- apologize to Taichi and hope nothing fell apart?

Really, though… what was I supposed to do? How was I supposed to react to all of this? It wasn't like I could just tell Taichi 'I'm sorry I freaked out about that kiss, I just don't like you like that. Can we be friends?' First of all there was a very small chance he would go for that plan. We were both well aware that once a line like that had been crossed, once you'd kissed a friend for real… it was nearly impossible to let things stay the way they were. Someone always gets hurt. Besides, I'd never hear the end of it if he actually did accept that offer and…

Well, if I said something like that I'm not sure I'd be telling the truth. Besides, I know that wouldn't be what I wanted anyway- being just friends, that is.

Think about it. If I said that, if I proposed something like that and asked to be 'just friends,' what the hell was I going to do if he accepted? Try and forget Saturday night had ever happened? A part of me didn't want to forget. I didn't want to forget that he'd done it or what it was like to kiss someone I thought might actually mean it.

I hadn't kissed a lot of people in my life, despite how popular our band had gotten in the past two years. It's not like we were huge or anything- no major record company, or even minor record company, had approached us. Pretty much no one outside of this town had even heard of us but I was aware that almost everyone in town had. Some of the others in the band used that to their advantage- I'd heard them talk about this or that girl more often than I brushed my hair. I'm sure I could have lured anyone I wanted into doing things with me but… somehow if it didn't mean anything, I didn't want it. I didn't want anything to do with it.

Tai was a different case, though. He wasn't a crazed fan or someone I had to be polite to for the sake of being polite. He wasn't a friend from school or someone I saw on weekends. He was my best friend. I'd been to hell and back with him and I'd do it again if I knew he was going to be with me. If he was going to go as far as to bring all of this to light and expect me to deal with it… well, I owed him the respect of trying.

All of this not even considering that we are both boys and that it would most likely mean social suicide to start anything.

Across the house, a timer dinged, completely interrupting my downward spiral of thought. Oh crap… I'd totally forgotten dinner was cooking. Tai was going to be here any minute and here I was dilly-dallying instead of watching the food so it didn't burn. He'd be disappointed enough in my choice of dinners without it being questionably edible.

Originally I'd planned for something Tai liked, but Dad had called about two hours ago and asked if I could make him casserole for when he got home. I'd stared blankly at the dinner I'd already been preparing before closing my eyes in resignation. What the heck- he wasn't home very much so I'd thought it would be nice to be able to do something for him when he was. I'd agreed and put back everything I'd had out before he called before taking a trip to the corner store for new supplies.

That had all been before I'd decided to get into the shower and completely blank out, ignoring the entire world in favor of the pounding water.

I sighed miserably and darted out of my room, leaving the towel I'd been drying my hair with on my bed. I couldn't believe I'd completely forgotten dinner. Cripes, I'd spent my whole day zoning in and out of reality. Half the time I was lucky my teachers hadn't made a habit of calling on me in class in the past- the other half I wasn't so lucky. I vaguely remember people asking me what was wrong, but I'm not sure who or how many times or if I even responded. The whole day was just a blur. It was only by miracle that Tai ended up at my locker so I could ask him to come over, or I would have missed the chance.

Glad that I didn't smell burning anything when I made it into the kitchen, I forced myself to relax. It was just a casserole. An extra two seconds wasn't going to hurt it. My dad wouldn't care as long as it was still edible and Tai was a human garbage disposal. Still, I took a lot of pride in my ability to cook well…

I was so distracted and worried that I almost forgot the oven mitts when trying to pull the casserole out of the oven. Placing it wearily on the stove-top, I let go as fast as I could. The dish was so hot I'd almost burned myself right through the oven mitts. Blowing on the fingers of my right hand, I opened the cupboard and pulled down three plates and set them noisily on the counter. I hated that sound, the ones plates made when they clinked against one another. It always made it sound like they were breaking. I dug briefly in our silverware drawer, thinking that I really should get around to organizing it soon, and laid everything on the table.

Just as I had pulled the salad and dressing from the fridge and set it on the table, there was a knock on the door. I fully expected it to just open and Tai to just come inside like he always did, but after a moment of silence it occurred to me that he might not this time. I clenched my jaw at the irritation that stirred in me, though it just as quickly changed to another sense of knowing that the simple act of him barging in my door whenever he got here would be lost as well if I screwed this up now.

I glanced around the room quickly- plates, silverware, salad (why were the tongs still in the bowl if I'd put in the fridge?) and casserole. Everything looked ready. There was another knock on the door, this time a little louder. Rolling my eyes I ducked out of the kitchen, glancing down the hallway as I passed. I stood in front of the door for a second before reaching out and slowly unlatching the lock. Taking a deep breath, I turned the handle.

/End Chapter Eleven/