A.N./ A lot of things have been going on, so I haven't really been able to write for a while, but here it is! Took a while, I know, I know … Yet, if you like it, review! Thanks to all of those who enjoyed and reviewed on the Dream story, and I hope you'll be kind enough to review for this, also.
I dedicate this chapter to Elizabeth Tears, who has found happiness, and is the best damn beta there is! I've grown to really become her friend, I believe, and I'm so very happy that she has found her happiness in this world. Thank you for giving me hope, if you're reading this Lizzy. I love you for that.
Chapter 10: Hidden Memories
Padfoot was sleeping on the rug at Remus' feet when Harry walked into the room. Harry had woken an hour before, but he stayed in bed, thinking about things. How these two people were his parent's best friends and how what it will would be like to have to go back to living without them. He had finally grown comfortable with the couple, but he would soon have to leave. He realized how much that scared him. What did he have left to go back to?
Remus looked up from his book and smiled at the boy in the doorway. "Good morning, Harry. Did you sleep well? You were in there for a while."
"Oh. Fine, fine. What are you doing today?" Harry said, sitting next to him. Padfoot grumbled in his sleep, twitching a paw. Remus nudged him with his foot until he woke with a disgruntled huff.
"Well, I was planning to catch up on some reading. Maybe have this one…" he nudged Padfoot again, "… do some cleaning. Would you like to help?"
"Sure, I guess. Where do you need the help?"
"We haven't been up to the attic in a while," Remus said thoughtfully, setting his book down. "It might be fun, actually. I think that James' old trunk is still in there. I haven't looked at that in a long time," he said finally, a whimsical look clouding his eyes. "It'll do us all good, I think."
Sirius changed then, still curled on the floor. He stood and stretched, yawning once before looming over the two on the couch. "You're not going to make me do any hard, strenuous work, are you?" He asked, giving them the eye.
Remus laughed, standing too. He clasped a hand to Sirius' shoulder, shaking him slightly. "We wouldn't want our dear Padfoot to strain anything, now would we? You're such a lazy ponce."
"Oi," Sirius cried, "I'm no ponce, you … ponce!"
"Nice, Sirius. Now, you can first help by getting your arse up those steps." With that, Remus shoved the other man towards the door turning to wink at Harry.
The attic was dusty and in great need of a cleaning. When the three men made their way across the heavy wooden floors, patches of dust rose, causing them to cough and sneeze. In fact, it seemed a bit too much for Remus' sensitive nose.
"I think I'm going to have to back out of this one. I don't," he gave a tremendous sneeze, "think I can do this. Maybe I can work," another sneeze erupted from the thin man, causing him to almost topple over with the force, "in the kitchen, or something."
"That might be best, Remus." Sirius said, looking alarmed at his current state. "Will you be all right?" He made a movement toward the other man, but Remus held up his hand to stop him.
"No, I'll be just fine. Just need some fresh air. Sorry, gents." He waved them off, wished them luck, and made his way down the stairs.
Harry looked around the tattered room, brushing a cloud of dust from the air in front of him. It was a beautiful day outside, so the sunbeams shining through the small window caught the dust particles flying around like small fairies floating about. It wasn't a very large room, more like a large alcove, so it only held a few things. Two chests sat in one corner and a dresser in the other while boxes littered the rest of the space. It wouldn't take them but more than the afternoon to clean, but they set off immediately.
The two shuffled around, placing boxes in neat stacks so that the room was more spacious and they could move around easier. An hour passed before they were finished with this one task, but that was because Sirius would stop to tell stories about James and Lily as he would find miniscule things here and there that brought back the memories he thought he had lost.
Sirius picked up one of his last boxes, brushing some dust off of the top, and opened it cautiously. Shuffling the things around a bit, he laughed and lifted something out of it. "Hey, Harry! Look at this."
Harry moved closer, looking at the object in his godfather's hands. It was a stuffed black dog, no bigger than a small loaf of bread, with dull button eyes. It was worn and obviously well loved once. The button nose seemed to be missing and pieces of thread were protruding from its tiny, plush body.
"What is it?" Harry asked, taking it from him gently. It was very soft in his hands, and for some odd reason it brought him comfort instantly.
"This was our first Christmas present for you. Remus' mother made it, and we gave it to you together. Hagrid found it and returned it after … well." Sirius said this with soft eyes, his voice oddly thick. "You would always carry it around when you were small."
Harry smiled, and gave it back to him, but Sirius shook his head and stopped him. "You have it, Harry. It's yours after all."
Harry nodded, looking down at it. He stroked its head with his thumb, enjoying the soft fabric. He imagined a smaller version of himself, tugging it around, crying for it, sleeping with it. He set it aside and they continued to shove through the boxes.
When they were finished with their first task, Sirius stepped back, admiring their handiwork. He looked over to the corner, spotting the trunks. Motioning Harry over, they took a seat in front of the first one. There were initials, and it wasn't hard for Harry to guess who it had belonged to.
Sirius couldn't hold the grin from his face once the lid was lifted from James' old trunk. He sifted through some papers and Harry read them as notes. Ones that were passed in class, asking things like, "What about that prank yesterday? I've never seen Snivellus fall so quickly!" and "Kitchen raid after detention? Probably won't let out 'til midnight …"
Harry held pieces of a past that he could not understand, but it felt like his life all the same. Sirius tossed a scarf at Harry, hitting him in the face. He held it out in front of him and found that it was an old Gryffindor house scarf, and despite the attic being a bit stuffy, he wrapped it around his neck and took in the wooded, airy scent that must have once been his father. He felt tears at the back of his eyes, but he bit them back for a moment and watched Sirius gasp and chatter about some note or a piece of past memorabilia.
Just when Sirius was pulling out another quill or note, the two were interrupted by Remus calling up to them. "Do you want some lunch? It's noon!"
Sirius sighed, placing some things back, and nodded to Harry. "Must be off, then. You hungry?"
Harry shook his head, "No, not just yet. You think I can stay up here for a bit longer so I can look at things?"
Sirius smiled and ruffled his hair. "Sure. I'll tell Remus. Come on down when you're ready."
When he was gone, Harry continued looking through his father's old trunk, setting aside a few things so that he could ask questions to either of them. Small things like a broken quill and a torn old cloak with a huge patch of pink on one of the shoulders.
He fingered a picture of his dad with his young mother, her fiery hair blowing in the wind as they grinned happily and waved. They looked so carefree, not knowing what lay ahead of them, and not caring either.
A man ran into the frame, chased by another, and Harry recognized them as Remus and Sirius. Sirius tackled James in the side and Remus lifted Lily, spinning her around. The group laughed, rightful couples eventually gravitating toward the other. James took his young bride in his arms, dipped her, and kissed her passionately as Remus obviously made catcalls and Sirius fainted a swoon.
Harry laughed at their silent antics and moved on to the next few items. He shortly reached the bottom of the trunk, stretching high into the air and heard his bones crack. He wasn't very hungry, but he got up to leave anyway. Just as he made it to the door, he turned and saw the other trunk in the corner. It lay just in the shadows, hidden behind the one of his father's. Walking back warily, he sat down again and moved toward it.
The initials read that it was once Remus' but when Harry opened it, not only did he find things that had belonged to his professor but also to his godfather. There was a set of books bearing Sirius' name, and Remus' old cloak, a small bundle of bandages, and an emerald velvet pouch with a white glowing stone.
Plenty of notes and pictures scattered the inside. A blush crept to Harry's cheeks as he opened a suggestive note asking where they would meet after dinner and picked up a picture of the two standing together in the boy's dorm. One of the pictures captured them sitting on a bed, legs entangled, arms wrapped around the other, and foreheads touching. More scandalous and intimate notes and photos lay ahead of Harry, but the moment he saw them he'd push them aside, sputtering embarrassedly.
Rubbing his cheeks, as if to discard the scarlet rush, Harry grinned at the ceiling despite himself. He was glad that his parents were happy once. He was glad that his godfather and old professor were too.
After looking through another book, Harry set it aside to find a box at the very bottom. It wasn't a very large box, but it was certainly heavy. After examining it, he lifted the lid and found, to his astonishment, that it was a Pensieve. Curiosity flared inside of him, and Harry stomach dropped. He wasn't sure if it was Sirius' or Remus', considering the two both had things in there.
Harry thought that it had to be Sirius' since Remus didn't own as much money as he did. Finger's twitching, Harry couldn't fight the need to find out what Sirius would keep in his Pensieve. Memories of Azkaban, of when he was on the run …
Taking a gulp of air, with his heart pounding in his chest, Harry leaned forward into the chest. Holding his breath, be placed his hands on either side of the Pensieve and fell face forward into it. The familiar sensation of tipping over flooded him and he couldn't tell where he was for a moment. A shrill scream caused him to stumble back, and with a sickening feeling, he looked around and recognized where he was instantly.
He was standing in Sirius' old bedroom in Grimmauld Place. He saw Sirius sitting on his bed, clutching at his chest but his face held up and defiant, while his mother loomed over his, holding a few pieces of parchment. A boy stood at the door, grinning evilly as he tossed his shining black hair out of his eyes.
"I said what is this rubbish?" Mrs. Black yelled, face red and wild.
"It's none of your damn business, you old witch. They are not your letters, so give them back," Sirius, who was probably sixteen, said through gritted teeth. He shot the boy, most likely Regulus, in the doorway a nasty look, but Mrs. Black caught his attention in the crudest manner.
With a swift blow, she had struck him across the face, causing him to hit the bed. Regulus' smirk left his face and he backed away. Mrs. Black grabbed up a motionless Sirius by the back of his head, gripping his hair and pulling his face to meet hers. He hissed in air through his teeth, but he opened his eyes, staring at her with a sort of fearful pride on his face. A spot of blood trickled from his mouth.
The venom in her voice made the hair on the back of Harry's neck to stand on end, and he nearly stumbled back. "I will not have you writing letters to this boy. Ever again. You will never see him again, so help me. I will not have a freak living under my house or carry our noble name. Cut all ties with him, this instant!" She roughly dropped him, causing him to fall back against the bed again.
Silence rung in the air and everyone stood motionlessly. "Well. What do you have to say about this filth?"
Sirius slowly stood, anger searing in his eyes, his face dark. Face to face with his mother he grabbed the parchments out of her hands, gave her one last nasty look, and spat blood on her elegant dress. Pushing past her, he tucked the letters gently in his robes and moved to the door. He looked down at his brother, and he opened his mouth to say something. He seemed too furious to say anything, though, and he shoved around him, leaving them.
Stunned, Harry barely noticed the scene changing around him. Looking around, he saw that he was standing in another, yet different, darkened bedroom. In the center of the room, two lay in a full sized bed, breathing softly. Sirius lay flush against Remus' back, hand over the other man's chest, their legs intertwined, and face pressed into the tawny hair. Harry was about to look away when Sirius moved, rising slowly on his shoulder.
He softly untangled himself from the werewolf, and dressed quietly. When he walked over to Remus' side, he knelt by his face and smiled sadly. He brushed the hair from his face and ran his hand down his cheek. Sirius' face twisted in pain and a tear ran down into his lips.
"I'm so sorry, Remus. God, I can't believe that I could have thought you were the traitor," He didn't speak for a long time, too over come with emotion. He just sat there, staring into the other man's face.
"I just wanted to spend another night with you, but I don't think that I'll return. If I don't, know, forever, that I love you. I didn't want to cause you so much pain, but I always seem to." He leaned in and kissed Remus' brow, holding back a sob.
He stood then, and looked down at the sleeping form again. A whimper escaped him. "It was Peter. My god, Remus, it was Peter …"
Harry shivered and looked away, but when he looked back the room had changed again. He was now standing in a cell. A prison cell. He didn't want to see, but he was compelled to. Sirius, so much older now with raged hair and gaunt features, sat in the corner and stared out into the distance. He grabbed his knees and pulled them against his thin chest.
Pressing his chin to the top of his knees, he closed his eyes and sighed. For a moment, there was peace and a small smile tugged at his lips. But as soon as it surfaced, there was a chill in the air and Harry shuddered. A dementor floated in the bared doorway of the cell and drifted in. Sirius crawled back, scrabbling away and clutching the wall. Harry also shot back, getting as far back as he could from the cloaked figure. His teeth clattered as he watched in horror as it glided toward his whimpering godfather.
"No!" Sirius screamed. "No! Please, please, please … James! God no! Lily! Harry!"
The dementor moved in toward him, covering him from Harry's view completely, but that didn't drown out the screams. Just when Harry thought that he could take no more, he felt a firm, warm hand on his shoulder pulling him back. Falling back, he tumbled back onto the dusty floor of the attic.
Sirius and Remus were standing above him, helping him to his feet. He opened his mouth, but he couldn't think of anything to say. Remus passed him and started cleaning things around the trunk, but Sirius just stood there. His arms were crossed his chest, but he didn't look angry or upset. Bewildered, confused, a bit curious, but not angry.
"What did you see?" He said quietly.
Tears caught in Harry's throat and he suddenly couldn't say anything even if he wanted to. He shook his head and he lowered it, his glasses nearly falling off. He heard Sirius sigh, and he felt a comforting hand on his shoulder. Remus closed the trunk, and ushered them out.
"How 'bout that lunch, eh Harry?" Remus said softly, pushing the two out the door and down the stairs. Harry nodded dumbly and the three of them walked down the stairs and into the kitchen.
No one said anything about it for the rest of the day, but when it was time for bed Sirius asked Harry if they could talk privately. Both were all ready for bed, so Harry led them into his room, were he sat on the bed, waiting for the blow.
Sirius mumbled something to himself when he closed the door and turned to Harry. He sighed and sat down next to him, staring at his knees. "I don't know exactly what you saw, but I only ask for you to keep it between us. I've never told Remus about some of the things that you could have seen, and I wish for that to remain how it is."
"I understand," Harry said. "And I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. It wasn't my place to intrude, but I …"
"Harry. What's done is done. I have that Pensieve so that I won't have to remember those things. I'd rather not talk about them, so we can drop it. You're young, and I would have done the same thing at your age."
Harry nodded, and Sirius smiled. "Just, don't say anything to Remus. Okay?"
"Yes," Harry said.
Sirius got up, patted him on the head, and walked to the door. "Goodnight, Harry. Sleep well."
Just as he was about to leave, Harry stopped him. "If you don't mind me asking, why don't you want him to know?"
Sirius stood at the door, hand on the frame. "Those memories would hurt him, just as much as it hurt me once. They're things that are not fundamental for him to know, and I love him too much to see him witness them. I had hoped the same for you, but I should have known you were more clever than that." He chuckled then. "You really are just like James."
Harry got into bed, pulling the covers over him. "Thanks Sirius," he didn't know exactly why he said it, but he couldn't find anything else. "Goodnight."
Sirius smiled. "Goodnight, Harry."