Author: Sparkle Itamashii

Title: Clandestine Revelations

Warnings: Respect the rating. Please see my profile for details.

Disclaimer: Digimon and its characters, plot, and settings are NOT MINE.

Chapter Twelve

This was such, such a bad idea. I knew that Matt wanted to talk to me and I knew that we were going to be right back at his house and I knew his dad, again, was not going to be home. The situation was just asking for trouble! When I'd agreed to go along with this I'd been out of my mind worrying that he'd never talk to me again. It hadn't occurred to me that this was the perfect opportunity to get into a worse fight because someone said something they didn't think about first.

Which meant, of course that I'd spent the entire rest of the day thinking about it. I came up with what felt like a million scenarios and played through them in my head, planning out what I would say no matter what he said first. I was totally prepared for anything…

That is, until he opened the door.

He stared at me as though he weren't quite sure why I was standing on his doorstep. I could smell something cooking in the apartment and even if I couldn't tell quite what it was, it smelled very good. Matt looked like he'd quite literally gotten out of the shower only a few minutes ago- his hair wasn't even brushed through yet! That wasn't what really got my attention, though.

I handed him the bag of cookies Kari had helped me make before I left home, and gave him a confused look. "Did I interrupt your shower?" I said as diplomatically as I possibly could.

"What?" He asked, "No, I've been out for a while…"

"Then… where are your pants?"

As soon as I said it he looked down and then with a loudly exasperated noise he rolled his eyes. "Oh, for the love of…" I could practically see his thought processes flicker across his face- run? Get angry? Give up?- before he merely handed me back the cookies and turned away from me. "Just get inside. I've been very distracted today." He began walking away from me as I entered, slipping off my shoes at the entrance and trying not to look at how his button-down shirt almost didn't… well, it's not like I was looking. "Dinner is on the table, I'll be back in a minute.

As he disappeared around the corner, I moved into the kitchen. There were some plates stacked neatly next to utensils and a salad on the table. Even though I could see the piping hot casserole on the stove top, it didn't seem to matter. Normally I didn't like casserole but for whatever reason, it actually smelt edible- maybe even good. Anyhow it wasn't like the food was even important right now. I set the package of cookies Kari had sent with me on the edge of the counter and took a seat just as Matt came back.

Thankfully he was suitably dressed this time, though he hadn't been lying when he said he was distracted. His eyes had that far away look to them, like his mind was in a completely different world. I'd seen that look before. He'd worn it all the time in the digiworld, when he thought no one was looking. It was the one that said he was lost in a place that was out of reach, a place he felt he was so out of touch with that he'd never be able to return to it.

I hated that look. Bitterly.

He laid gentle hands on one of the glasses and finally focused on me, as though he'd just realized I was there. "Did you want something to drink?"

"Just water." I said quietly, wondering why my voice sounded so unnaturally loud, even though I hadn't raised my voice.

With a noise of assent he moved to the sink and poured two glasses of water, passing one to me as he took a seat. "I'm sorry about the casserole," he began, before I had a chance to mention anything more important. "Dad called and asked me to make one. I can make something else if you don't-"

"Nah, it's fine," I interjected with a smile that was only slightly forced. "It smells nice, actually." It couldn't hurt to admit to my earlier observation. "Are you…" I trailed off, not knowing what I thought I was going to say. There were a million things I wanted to ask him but none of it seemed like a good place to start.

"Yeah." He lifted the glass to his lips and gave me a sort of odd look, as though I'd just said something he didn't understand. "It's been a long day. I'm sorry I…" He stopped short and took a drink of water, shaking his head to brush of the beginning of the apology.

I took a deep breath and picked the first thing that came to mind. "Are you mad at me?" Okay, there were worse ways to start off a conversation like this… Not that I could think of any…

His eyes lost that distant look when he glanced to me and I knew he was trying to make up his mind on how to react. "A little," he admitted faster than I had thought he would. "It's just…"

I watched the back of his knuckle touch his lips in thought and resisted the urge to mimic the gesture. He was thinking about Saturday. He had to be. How could he not be? That look was the same one he'd had right before he booted me the first time. The look that said a million things and yet told me absolutely nothing about what he was thinking or feeling.

"Difficult?" I offered resignedly.

"Yeah." He shrugged as though attempting to shake it off and took another gulp of water as he rose. "I didn't mean…" He stopped, mutely backtracking on his words. "I wasn't avoiding you today."

Nodding, I sat back in my chair. "I know." I'd spent a lot of time thinking about it and eventually I'd come to the conclusion that he must have wanted to avoid making a scene. God knows we made enough of one when we were alone- I'd hate to see the ramifications of having that sort of fight in front of everyone. Who knew what might have been overheard… and I know it would have been my fault because I'm always the first to let something like that slip. If I'd gotten to talk to him I'm pretty sure I would have made a scene. "I figured it out once I got home."

"So you're not…" He looked honestly relieved.

I shook my head and offered a small smile, one that I actually meant. He seemed to relax and I realized that he'd been just as worried that I was angry with him as I'd been worried he was angry with me. We were really being damn silly about this. I mean, we were best friends. We'd been through way worse than this and made it out alive. So this was a little different than a life-threatening situation but…

"Hungry?" He asked tentatively, breaking the stilted conversation thread.

"Starving!" Okay, I have a weakness…

He lifted a plate off the short stack and took a breath. "I changed a few things this time so maybe you'll actually like it. I'm not sure I'll remember what I did, though. I just keep thinking about… well, I've zoning all day so I don't remember what exactly I was doing…" I let him ramble because he rarely ever did and it was nice to hear his voice after a couple of days without it. He trailed off and that distracted look came back to his eyes, but somehow I felt better about it. This time I could almost imagine that he was actually working through what was snarling up his thoughts and that when he came back from where-ever he was lost to he would have an answer. Almost mechanically he moved over to the stove and picked up a serving utensil from the edge of the counter.

I was only half paying attention to what he was doing until he let out a pained yelp and dropped the dish he'd been holding as if it had bit him. I scrambled to stand, echoing Matt's shout at the startling noise the plate made when it shattered. Matt made half an attempt to avoid the impact but… I stared openly at the sketchy red marks he left on the floor as he stepped away from the mess.

All at once my brain cause up with the rest of my senses.

Oh god…

My stomach lurched at the sight of the blood and for a second I closed my eyes against the feeling of nausea. There were razor sharp pieces all over; he must have cut himself pretty badly… I took half a stilted step before freezing, eyes snapping open. My breath caught in my throat at the thought of Matt being hurt.

"Matt, are you-…"

He made a noise that was somewhere between angry and frustrated before dropping back against the fridge and sliding heavily to the floor. My shaken trance broken, I stumbled forward, wary of where I stepped. I dropped down beside him, not sure what to do- he didn't even acknowledge that I was there. I watched his hands stray to his feet, clenching around the edges but not touching the bottoms.

"Matt…?"

/End Chapter Twelve, Clandestine Revelations/