Author: Sparkle Itamashii

Title: Clandestine Revelations

Warnings: Respect the rating. Please see my profile for details.

Disclaimer: Digimon and its characters, plot, and settings are NOT MINE.

Chapter Fourteen

I heard his breath catch and I thought he'd hurt himself getting onto the counter by himself. But when I glanced up he was just staring at me, eyes wide and completely motionless. Concerned, I leaned forward the slightest bit and gave him a worried look.

"Matt, are you-"

Before I could finish my sentence I felt his fingers on my jaw and I lost all sense of what I'd been about to say. I couldn't breath, couldn't think, couldn't do anything but openly stare at him, waiting. Confusion flickered in his eyes for a brief second and then that damnable mask slipped down and I couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"Tai…" His voice was soft, almost pleading.

I closed my eyes, removing myself from his touch before looking back to him. I was rewarded with a hurt look that I forced myself to ignore. He wasn't being serious, I told myself. Once bitten and twice shy, I believe is what people say; I was still smarting from the last time Yamato had let me get close and I knew enough to avoid a repetition. If nothing else, I'd seen that he was confused and as long as he didn't know what he was thinking we'd end up in the same situation. Someone would get hurt and ten to one says it would be me.

"Give me your foot." I said quietly, backing away half a step and opening the cupboard under the sink. Peroxide and bandages were where they had always been; all the way to the right, halfway back.

Without a word he raised his foot, gingerly crossing his leg so that his ankle rested on his thigh. It took every ounce of will and strength in me to keep my hands from trembling as I examined the pads of his feet and pulled tiny bits of plate dust from his skin. In all there were two deep cuts that looked like they'd been made from the same piece, and a shallow puncture in the arch of his foot. The rest were no more than paper-cuts from the dust; irritating but harmless.

"You don't have to do this." He said quietly, breaking the awkward silence.

"Yeah right." I held tightly to the back of his ankle and ran a piece of peroxide-soaked gauze over his foot. He hissed and tried to pull away but I held fast, containing a smile at his predictability. "I've seen how you clean wounds. You're the biggest baby."

"Shut up," he growled through clenched teeth. "I am not."

I bandaged his foot in silence, concentrating on the task in front of me, in the way the white gauze looked, anything so that I didn't have to really think. I didn't want to think. I didn't want to fight and I didn't want to have everything be awkward with Matt anymore. If I couldn't have… If what I really wanted couldn't work then I wanted my best friend back.

But I couldn't say anything. I wanted to. I wanted to say stop, call a truce; surrender all notion of anything that wasn't returning to the past. Kari's observations had to be flawed. Yamato was my best friend and best friends just don't get together; it's like there is a rule against it and I can imagine it's a rule created with very good reason. So I just clenched my jaw and I didn't speak.

"Are you mad at me?" Matt asked tentatively as I finished tying the bandage.

I gave him an incredulous look. Mad at him…? Mad at him! How could I be mad at him when I was so busy worrying that he'd be mad at me! He'd kicked me out (twice), punched me (for real), avoided me for days (except when I cornered him), and when I got here he acted strange and distant (like I was an unknown visitor instead of his best friend).

Then again I could understand where he was coming from and that was mixing up all the signals to the point where I didn't know what was going on or how to respond. I'd thought that I knew him well enough to predict what to do but everything that I knew about him was currently working against anything that happened. I felt like I was playing it by ear… and I'd never heard the song before.

"No," I replied, gaze flickering over his face though he wouldn't meet my eyes. "I'm sorry I brought it up- you know, what Kari said. It's just… causing problems, isn't it…" He finally looked up in question and I shook my head. "I don't want to fight with you, Yama."

He raised one eyebrow and I could see the smile waiting just behind his serious look. "I don't want to fight with you about this, Tai-chi."

I grinned at the way he pronounced each syllable as if it were a separate word. Taking a breath, I released his foot, allowing my fingers to linger a second longer than they should have. "Then can we just forget about it?"

Not that I wanted to - or would ever - forget but if telling him I would meant we could be friends still then I was more than willing to lie this once. It would be so much worse to give him up because of something so…

His gaze dropped again and his shoulders slumped almost imperceptibly. "I guess that would be best, wouldn't it?"

"Mm." I took a step backward, giving him room to hop down from the counter. "All done."

He watched me like a hawk as he slithered to the floor and followed me out of the bathroom. "If you don't want casserole, I can make something else." He said quietly. "I know you don't like it."

For a second I wished he was kidding. Hungry? I still felt sick; with myself, with Matt, with just everything. I wanted to take the past few days and erase them but… I knew that wouldn't change anything. That would probably make it worse, if anything.

I'm not saying that I wanted to be in that position with Matt. I didn't want to feel uncomfortable around him or feel like there was something we had left unresolved and ignored. A part of me wished that Kari had just never said anything, that she'd never brought anything to my attention. If she hadn't opened my eyes, I should have been able to avoid all of this.

… But I knew that wasn't true, either.

Just closing my eyes to the situation wouldn't make it go away or make it better. It would make it worse because then I would be confused. I wouldn't understand what was going on inside my own head. The feelings I had for Matt were going to be there whether or not I was aware of them, whether or not I knew how to define them.

Yeah, feelings. It had taken a few days for me to get used to the idea but the more I thought about it, the more it made sense. We were always together, we knew practically everything about each other, and… maybe if he'd been a girl someone else would have pointed it out a lot sooner. Maybe I would have realized it on my own, instead.

But I hadn't. Kari had already pointed it out and I couldn't take any of it back now. I couldn't go back to how it was.

"Casserole's fine." I mumbled, forcing myself to smile. "I mean, it's caused enough problems already tonight, right?" I felt a little better when he returned my smile. "We can take revenge or something."

"Yeah, or something," he mocked, shoving me lightly as he passed me in the hall and made it to the kitchen first. I managed to grab his arm before he could step back onto the floor.

"Do you… Do you want me to clean that up real quick?" I asked, staring at the mess the plate had made.

Normally I think he would have protested but almost as soon as I was done speaking the phone began to ring. Reaching to his right, he nabbed the broom and handed it to me. "I'll be right back." Turning, he took a step toward the front room and then paused. "Please be careful, Tai."

"I'm always careful." I said in mock indignation. Even though I couldn't see his face I knew I got an eye roll. "Just get the phone."

The mess wasn't very big and thankfully except for the small amount of blood there was nothing wet so it swept clean quickly. I could hear Matt talking quietly in the other room but I couldn't hear what he was talking about so I ignored it. I was sure that if it was important, he would tell me sooner or later. I'd just finished wiping up the last bit of dust and blood with a wet rag when Matt reentered.

"Who was it?" I asked, folding the rag and tossing it in the general direction of the sink.

He eyed the rag as though he were going to walk across the room and fix it but he settled for leaning against the doorframe instead. "My dad," he said nonchalantly. "Apparently he's not going to… be home for a few days."

Although he shrugged it off, I knew him better than that. "Do you need someone to stay over?" I asked, shifting my weight to one foot as I ran my eyes over him. To most people he would have seemed relax but I saw the tension in the tilt of his head and the way he folded his arms just a little too tightly.

"Don't you have homework?"

I gave him an 'are you kidding me' look and stepped away to give him access to the stovetop. "When was the last time I did homework at home?" I paused and grinned. "Well, at my home, anyhow."

"Good point," he agreed, shoving himself lightly off the wall and walking over to stand beside me. I watched him curiously as he spooned out portions of the casserole very neatly. I'd always been amazed at people that could do that sort of thing- whenever I tried to get casserole or lasagna or anything out of a pan it just ended up all over the place.

"So?" I asked, when it seemed like he was going to leave it at that. "Do you want me to stay? Kari can bring my stuff with her tomorrow if I call soon."

"If you really don't mind." He shoved a plate into my hands and took a seat at the table. "It's fine with me."

"Fine with you…" I rolled my eyes, setting my plate down across from him. "All right, I'll call now before it gets any later."

"You know where the phone is," he replied around a mouthful.

I padded out to the front room and sat heavily on the chair beside the phone. Really, I should have just kept my mouth shut and gone home after dinner. I knew that. But I also knew that Matt hated staying alone in the house during the week, even though he did it often. I couldn't just leave him.

"Kari?" I asked when she answered the phone.

"Are you still at Yamato's house?" She didn't even bother with a greeting. "Mom wants to know when you're going to be home."

I groaned, leaning back in the chair. "Matt's dad isn't coming home tonight and I was going to stay and keep him company."

"What do you want me to tell Mom? It's your turn to clean tonight…"

"Take one for the team?" I asked hopefully, trying to think of some reason why she should. "You were gonna go to Takeru's this weekend, right? Switch me days and tell Mom I'm working on a school project or something."

"Tai you know I hate lying!" Her voice squeaked a little in indignation and I had to force myself to take a breath before I said anything.

"Please, Kari? Please?" When she didn't answer, I knew I was losing. "C'mon, please? You know how hard it is to stay in a house overnight alone and we really-" I stopped, wondering if I could still play a card I knew I didn't really have… I let my voice drop to a whisper. "It's just me and him tonight… You know we weren't talking and I need to be able to tonight."

I could actually hear her debating on the other end, a slight 'I don't want to do this but I don't have a choice' noise escaping her throat. "Fine. But you owe me."

"Whatever you want, it's yours," I said without thinking.

Oi, that was a dumb idea. "I want details as soon as you get home." She paused. "What about your stuff for tomorrow?"

"Could you bring it with you? I can meet you by the front doors…"

"Have you died out there?" Matt called from the kitchen.

"Yes!" I called back, hand over the phone for a second.

Apparently she could hear him, because she laughed. "Fine, whatever. You'd better get back to your… friend."

I made a face at the phone. "Thank you."

"You'd better make this worth it, Taichi," she threatened and then the phone clicked loudly in my ear, leaving me alone with Matt once again.

Great.

/End Chapter Fourteen, Clandestine Revelations/