Author: Sparkle Itamashii

Title: Clandestine Revelations

Warnings: Respect the rating. Please see my profile for details.

Disclaimer: Digimon and its characters, plot, and settings are NOT MINE.

Chapter Fifteen

I poked at the casserole on my plate, feeling a little sick. My mind was still racing over everything in the bathroom, matching it up against the past few days and trying to figure out why Taichi had pulled away like that. Had he changed his mind? Had he made up his mind that he wanted to be just friends now? The look he'd given me when he said that said he was lying… but which way? More or less?

I rubbed my eyes tiredly with the palm of my hand, unable to sort anything in my head properly. How could I even begin to determine which he wanted when I didn't even know which I wanted? Every time I tried to hold onto a thought it was interrupted by another and another until I'd forgotten what exactly I was trying so hard to figure out in the first place.

"Kari said she'd bring my stuff." I watched Tai walk back into the kitchen and take a seat across from me. Though he picked up the fork, he didn't seem to want to touch his food, either.

"That's good. What about your homework tonight?"

He shrugged, pushing a noodle bit away from the rest of the casserole and then back again. "I really don't think I'd get any homework done if I went home anyway." Glancing up, he paused and smiled, though it didn't reach his eyes like it normally did. "So we got a whole free night- what do you want to do?"

I dropped my gaze and rolled one shoulder in an indifferent gesture. What I wanted to do was talk to him but it was hard to do that when I didn't even know where to start. Where does one pick up and start a conversation like that? It was hard enough saying anything when we were already on the subject that first day… Did he expect me to bring it up again? He'd made it clear that, at least outwardly, he wanted to be friends with me. How was I supposed to get around that to say anything?

"I've got to practice for this weekend. We've got a show, remember?"

"Can I watch?"

"I don't know, can you?" I let my smile show just a little bit to prove I was only teasing. "Last time you watched me practice you couldn't keep that big mouth of yours shut."

He made an incredulous noise. "I was singing along!"

"You were something along, but I wouldn't call that singing…"

"Che," he huffed stabbing a forkful of food and shoving it into his mouth. "Not everyone has a perfect singing voice. Just because you can sing doesn't mean you get to just make fun of everyone you think can't."

"All right," I responded, relaxing just a little bit at his easy tone. "If you want to watch I won't stop you."

We lapsed into silence for a few minutes. Taichi actually managed to finish a few more bites of food before he rose and cleared his own plate. I clenched my jaw a little bit, concerned at the behavior. Tai almost never put away his own dishes but there he was, scraping what was left on his plate into the garbage disposal and opening the dishwasher to load his plate and utensils. He was definitely nervous and trying to hide it but in doing so he was only making it more obvious.

"Is it really okay?" I asked before I could stop myself.

"What?" He turned a little bit and looked at me, before realizing what he was doing. "Oh, shoot. It's fine; I don't mind doing dishes tonight. It's not like-"

"That's not…" I interrupted, cutting off my words and staring at him mutely for a moment. He stared back, eyes flickering over mine in an attempt to decide what was going on inside my head. "I mean… you staying here." When he only gave me a confused look, I sighed in exasperation. "You've got homework to do and I've got homework to do and a band to practice for and if you're not nervous I'm nervous enough for the both of us."

"Nervous?" He echoed, looking even more confused. "It's not like the teachers are going to come to raze your place if you don't finish your homework three days early for once in your life. You're-"

"I'm not talking about homework, Taichi," I said plainly, avoiding meeting his eyes.

"Fooled me."

He leaned back against the counter and I knew the look he was giving me without seeing it. No matter what he said he knew exactly what I was talking about but he was pushing me. Although I hated to admit it, he wasn't as stupid as some people thought he was. He knew the score. He was testing to see if I did too or if I was playing blind. He wanted to make sure that I knew what I was getting into before I got into it.

Finally he sighed and used his hips to push away from the counter. "You're making things about a billion times more complicated than they really are, Yamato." I looked up at him when he used my whole name, a little startled. He half-smiled and raised one eyebrow. "We're still friends, right?"

"Yeah, but-"

"No yeah buts. Are we friends or aren't we?"

"We-… Yeah, we are."

He shrugged and took my plate from the table. "Then, we're friends and it's all right if I stay over a night. Unless you've got a problem with it?"

I fixed him with a serious look, but he said nothing further. "It's not that simple," I grumbled, grabbed my glass from the table and handing it to him when he held out his hand. "You're making everything so black and white."

"That's all it's got to be." His gave me an apologetic look as soon as the words were out of his mouth, obviously catching the inappropriately harsh tone. "I'm sorry. It's just… I wouldn't have brought anything up if I thought it was going to cause such a problem."

"So you want to just forget it happened?" I asked quietly.

"Well… doesn't that seem like the best way?" He didn't sound as if he believed himself. "If it's just going to come between us then I say we'd both be better off forgetting."

My gaze dropped, falling to my unfinished dinner. "What if I don't want to forget? What if I don't know if I do or don't want to forget?"

"What do you mean?" I knew the look he would be giving me; the one that said he knew what I meant but he wanted me to say it.

"I mean… I mean…" God. I shoved my chair backwards and got to my feet. There was no way I could tell him what I meant and I knew very well that he wasn't going to do anything until he was sure. Apparently until I managed to make it crystal clear he wouldn't do a thing. "I don't know what I mean. Forget I said anything."

I grabbed my plate and shoved it into the sink before stalking out of the room. I'm not quite sure why I did; I was angry, I knew, but I couldn't place why. Taichi was being himself, the same Taichi I'd known since forever. He was stubborn and intelligent no matter what he played at and I guess I was upset because it seemed like this was just another game. It felt like he was testing me to see what moves I had before he would make a move.

When I reached my room I closed the door and snatched up my guitar (carefully, mind you, because she was my baby) and set up to play. Before I began I could hear the water running in the kitchen and for a second I regretted just leaving my plate. I'd thought I could do it later but Taichi seemed to have other plans. Ignoring the noise, I struck a few chords, closed my eyes, and lost myself to a familiar song.

/End Chapter Fifteen, Clandestine Revelations/