Author: Sparkle Itamashii

Title: Clandestine Revelations

Warnings: Respect the "R" rating. (I hate the new rating system so I'm sticking with the old one!) Please see my profile for details.

Disclaimer: Digimon and its characters, settings and plot are NOT MINE.

Chapter Eighteen

I don't know what was wrong with me at that point. I mean, I just kept talking and saying things I didn't mean but I couldn't stop myself. It was like there was something inside me that just wanted everything to be all right so desperately that I'd do anything, say anything to get there. I wanted it all to go back to being normal, everyday sort of stuff. I wanted a rewind button for my life.

Running a hand through my damp hair, I sighed. There was just no easy way through this. No matter what we said or did or wanted, things had changed and there was nothing either of us could do about it at that point. I know that Yamato didn't want it to change. He'd never really been fond of change. If it was left up to him everything in the world would stop at some happy point and remain the same forever. But I just couldn't do that. I'd never been able to properly explain to him how if he took that route and chose just one point where everything was okay, where things were happy… he could be missing out on something even happier.

I'd always found it so amusing, so… Matt when ever he replied 'or missing out on something worse, Taichi.'

I knew he was afraid of something worse now and I knew there wasn't much I could do to ease that fear. I couldn't even make my own insecurities over it disappear; how was I supposed to handle his as well?

Then there was Kari. In a way I wanted to wish she'd never said anything but I know I can't do that. She was only saying what she saw and apparently she sees things pretty well because she was spot on about us. There's a part of me that says this would have happened sooner or later even if she'd never said a word. It had to; we were too close. Sure, it would have taken longer but how much more in the dark would we have been, not understanding what was happening? At least now it was all… or at least mostly in the open…

I stretched out on Matt's bed, reaching for the cordless phone. I didn't dial it, though. For a few very long moments all I did was lay there, curled up on my side with the phone clutched in both hands, staring into space.

Reaching out to actually call Kari, I guess, triggered something inside me. Up until then I guess it didn't exactly feel… real. I mean, it was real. I knew that. It just didn't really feel that way. The best way to describe it is that I sort of felt like someone was going to walk in and say "fooled you!" at any moment. Like maybe I could wake up tomorrow and realize it was all some really strange, tripped out dream that I could forget.

But it wasn't and there I was with the phone in hand to call my sister so I could tell her all about my non-dream and how I needed her help now.

"Kari?"

"Tai?" She asked hopefully, but her voice dropped with concern a second later. "Is everything all right? You don't sound very good…"

"I'm… fine." I was fine, I guess. I was still in once piece and since Matt hadn't made a decision… well, I didn't have a reaction. "Look, I hate to ask but can you do me another favor?"

"Another one, brother? You're going to be in debt to me forever one of these days…" I smiled at the teasing note in her voice.

"This one isn't just for me. It's for Yamato, too. You'll probably need Takeru's help." I waited for a few seconds but I think she was waiting for me to continue, so I took a breath and plunged onward. "I need you to make sure no one's spreading rumors about either of us. Nothing's happened and nothing's going to happen, all right?"

"Is that the truth or is that what you want me to tell people?" She always had been pretty quick to pick up on the small things.

"Both, Kari." I tried not to sound too irritated, gentling my voice as I spoke. "It's just a big mess otherwise, right? Both of us have way too much going on already for any of that."

I heard her sigh and shift ears and I knew that she was probably taking a seat next to the phone. "I want the truth, Taichi. You guys like each other, don't you?"

Sometimes I wish she would leave well enough alone. I closed my eyes, wondering what I should tell her. I couldn't just answer for Matt, not when he hadn't given me an answer. It's not like I couldn't have made an accurate guess, I just… didn't want to assume anything. That would only make for an even worse ordeal.

"I… like him, I think. I don't know. He's still pretty confused and so am I. We'll get things sorted out soon, I hope." I smiled vaguely, hoping that some of it would transfer to my voice. "We're best friends; it's not like we give up easy on each other, right?"

She laughed and I relaxed a little bit. "Sure you are. Well, if you're really certain this is right then I'll call TK and tell him we'll be doing damage control." She made a small, almost humming noise and I stayed quiet, knowing she was thinking the situation over before she let me speak. "If we're going to do this, Tai, then you two are going to have to help out as well. Whatever you've got to do, get it resolved tonight so you can act normal tomorrow, got it?"

"Yes Ma'am," I mocked, catching myself before I saluted the phone. I dropped the mockery and spoke quietly. "Thanks a lot, sis. I don't know what I'd do without you."

"Do you really want to know? I can tell you…" her tone implied that I really didn't want to know and that if I let her, she would tell me all sorts of unpleasant things so I simply thanked her again and said goodnight.

Of course, there was nothing to do in Matt's room once he'd left. I think it was a safe bet that if I walked out there it would be horrendously awkward. We'd both ended up sort of stranded in a place where there was nothing to do. My homework was in my book bag, which was currently in the front room with him and I could see his book bag in here with me. His guitar was still in the room as well and I'd done the dishes already so there wasn't much else for him to do. Except maybe think about the situation, which I suppose on reflection would have been a better idea for me to have let him do.

Did I? Nope.

No, my brilliant decision was to get up and try to talk to him again.

What a disaster.

/End Chapter Eighteen, Clandestine Revelations/