Author: Sparkle Itamashii

Title: Clandestine Revelations

Warnings: Respect the "R" rating. (I hate the new rating system so I'm sticking with the old one!) Please see my profile for details.

Disclaimer: Digimon and its characters, settings and plot are NOT MINE.

Chapter Twenty

He knew damn well I wasn't going to go home; although I suspect that he halfway hoped I would. Then he wouldn't have to deal with me until tomorrow. I wasn't going to give him that chance. I was here, he was here and more importantly no one else was here. Tomorrow there would be too many people around, too much going on with too many people to handle this whole big mess.

And apparently people were the problem.

Sometimes I wanted to throttle Matt when he started up on the whole image issue. Not just about this but with anything. Everything. He cared so much about what people thought that I just knew it was going to give him ulcers or something. It made me really mad to see him get so bent out of shape about how things appeared.

A part of me understood and I think that's the only reason we didn't constantly fight about it. Bicker, yes, but not fight. That little voice inside me said that I wasn't in his situation. He had to care about his image because it was his image that could make or break him. With me and soccer, image wasn't particularly big. Sure it was a part of it but it wasn't a very large part. If I did something stupid on my own time it didn't particularly affect my game. As long as I could still do well on the field I was good, but I knew it wasn't like that for Matt. He was only as good as the people who heard about him or listened to his music thought he was. His image could and did affect what people thought of his music.

Beyond that, I knew he was worried about his other friends. Honestly I probably should have been worried about my own friends but I was really past the point of caring. I was too that sort of mentally exhausted place where I could say "I'll beat up anyone that disagrees" and that seemed like it would make it okay.

God knows I was ready to beat up Yamato to see if it would make a difference.

I knew it wouldn't.

Sighing, I flopped back into the chair and closed my eyes. So what to do? I could go and apologize but somehow I thought that Matt really didn't want to see any more of me at the moment. My first clue being that I could hear him banging things around in his room. I knew I had to give him at least a little while to cool off before any attempt at anything was made. At least I would have to wait until he stopped throwing things or whatever he was doing in there.

There was not a snowflake's chance in hell that I was going to go home; I'd made that mistake once before and contrary to popular belief, I did try not to make the same mistake twice. If I left then I would already be breaking my word and leaving him alone and I refused to do that. For anything to work he had to trust me, even if it meant doing something he'd get mad about now.

I could hear the angry notes he picked on the strings of his guitar. As soon as I did, I began to count to ten and by the time I reached seven the notes had mellowed out and become gentler. Sometimes he was so predictable. He hated to think that he would hurt his guitar; I'd been attacked more than once for touching it or for picking at the strings in a 'damaging way'.

Eventually his random notes turned into rough scales which turned into bits of music which turned into actual songs. By that time I knew that he had calmed down enough that I could approach him without the fear that he would sock me for existing. I heaved myself to my feet and headed down the hallway, turning off lights as I went. Sometime while I'd been listening to him play I'd decided that I wasn't going to try to talk to him. I didn't need to talk to him right at that moment. We both needed sleep and a little time to think. I could handle that.

"I told you to go home," he said, scowling when he saw me standing idly in the doorway of his room.

"What? I can't hear you," I said quite loudly and I saw the way he fought to keep a responding grin in check. "I'm not leaving," I informed him quietly. "I know you told me to, Yama, but I don't think it would be a good idea."

"So now you're thinking," he said a little coldly as I moved past him into the room.

I shoved a quick retort to the back of my throat before I could add wood to the fire. Let Matt get angry. It wasn't going to change anything and he had to calm down sometime. It helped when I saw that he'd pulled the spare mattress out for me- that must have been what all the banging was about earlier. I took a seat on the edge and looked up at him. He was gathering together his guitar equipment so that he could carry it.

"Where are you going?" I hoped he wasn't going to go instead of trying to make me leave.

"I'm just moving some stuff." He gave me a raised eyebrow. "Unless you'd like to sleep on these…"

I shook my head and he finished grabbing what he wanted. It occurred to me that I should offer help but I knew that he would give me that sort of horrified look if I did- you know, the one that said 'how dare you even suggest touching my guitar or anything remotely associated with it'. I watched him disappear to the front room and then flopped back, sprawling over the mattress.

A short time later Yamato returned, closing the door to his room with a gentle click. The silence was heavy as he slipped into bed and said goodnight in a strangely clipped manner. It was clear that he wanted no further discussion- though he didn't sound angry he wasn't pleased, either. I closed my eyes, feeling a sad sort of weight settle on my chest as I said goodnight as well. I guess a part of me had hoped that he would want to talk but if not… well, I guess there was tomorrow morning.

Falling asleep is never as easy as it should be when you have too much on your mind. All I found myself doing was thinking in circles, wondering what was going to happen and thinking about what already had. It was all so… insanely stupid. There were a million ways all of this could have gone and somehow we'd ended up on the most idiotic path. I shouldn't have said anything in the first place. If I'd kept my mouth shut then we wouldn't be having a problem. Even telling him straight up or forcing him into a corner would have been a better idea than this. Anything seemed like it would be better than standing on this decision's edge wondering which way everything was going to fall in the morning.

"Yama?" I asked quietly, before I could stop myself. I didn't know quite what I thought I was going to say but I had to say something.

There was no answer, however. I closed my eyes again, clenching my jaw tight and cursing him for being able to fall asleep so easily. Rolling onto my side I took a deep breath, stretching out before settling down again. Fine. Whatever. I guess I needed sleep too and I knew very well that I shouldn't be starting anything new this late. I could talk to him in the morning.

And I swore that if he hadn't made a decision by then I was going to make one for us.

/End Chapter Twenty, Clandestine Revelations/