(A/N: Howdy y'all! As promised, here is the Final Fantasy 10 parody I've been meaning to do. Most characters are...well, out of character as they usually are in my stories :-D Have fun reading!!!)
Tidus marched along the streets of Zanarkand happily. Today was the day of a big bliztball tournament and almost nothing could ruin his mood. Notice it says almost...for the one thing that could put him in a bad mood happened. That thing was seeing a billboard with his father on it, lights shining all around it, with neon letters proudly stating, "Jecht, the world's best bliztball player to date!". Tidus growled to himself and chucked the nearest solid object at the image, which happened to be a bliztball from a random passing fan.
However, not only did the bliztball fail to do any damage to the picture, it bounced back and started flying towards Tidus at a higher speed than which he threw it at. It hit Tidus full in the face and he fell to the ground, lying there dazed. He blinked as he saw a name engraved on the traitorous bliztball. That name was... "JECHT". Tidus glared at the ball and yelled so loud, half of Zanarkand heard him, "WHY DO YOU MOCK ME?!" He then jumped back onto his feet and ran off, bawling his eyes out. The people who had been around him at the time stared after his retreating form, looked at each other, then looked at the bliztball. As one, they shrugged and walked off, the owner of the bliztball grabbing it and shaking his fist in the direction Tidus ran off in.
After the "JECHT" bliztball incident, Tidus made his way to the bliztball stadium, wiping away the tears that were still on his cheeks. He then began his, "I'm an idiot but I'm so ADORABLE!" attitude. Yet, people ignored him as he walked by. Tidus scowled and was tempted to start a major street brawl, but he decided against it. No use in getting himself killed or maimed before the big game. He sighed dejectedly and entered the stadium sulkily.
A little ways away from the stadium, there was a shop. In that shop stood a man who wore sunglasses, had his face partially hidden behind the collar of his shirt, a sword strapped to his side, and a giant gourd on his back. He stood regarding several boxes of crackers, licking his lips in anticipation of their crunchy goodness. The man then snatched all the boxes he could carry and strode to the check-out.
The cashier at this particular check-out blinked as she saw the man approach, carrying what she thought to be at LEAST fifty boxes of assorted crackers such as Cheez-its, saltine crackers, animal crackers, and graham crackers. The odd fellow placed all the boxes on the counter and pulled out his money bag as the cashier started to scan the boxes. She asked tentatively, "What did you say your name was?" The man stopped rummaging through his money bag and he said pointedly, "I didn't."
The woman put on a thoughtful face and muttered to herself, "Mrs. Didn't..." She pondered this for a while. The man looked on in disbelief, not sure which option was more horrifying: The knowledge that she really thought his name was I Didn't, or the thought of her having any interest in him whatsoever. He was brought out of his pondering by said woman shaking her head and saying, "Somehow I just can't see it...how was your day Mr. Didn't?" The man sweat-dropped and said, "My name isn't I Didn't, it's...Auron." Auron was loathe to reveal his name to this woman but he didn't see any better alternatives. He couldn't just scream, throw the money at the woman, grab his crackers and run. He also couldn't punch her, which he wanted to do. And he knew he shouldn't make up a name because last time he did...well he was using the name Joe and at the last minute revealed himself to be Auron, finding out several seconds later that Joe had just won the million gil lottery. Since he had claimed that his name was NOT Joe, he was refused the money. Ooooh that was NOT a happy day.
The woman cocked her head to a side and said, "Oh...your name is Auron...why did you tell me your name was I Didn't?" Auron scowled angrily which shut the cashier up for what he hoped would be the rest of the time he would be forced to coexist with her. Lucky for Auron, that time wasn't too long. A couple minutes later, he was walking out of the store, carrying a bag that had all his crackers in it over his shoulder. He snatched a Cheez-its box from the bag, opened it and began eating vigorously. Auron blinked as he saw people run by him, screaming up a storm. He shrugged and thought, 'Oh well, it can't be THAT bad can it?'
Auron's eyes widened as he felt his cracker boxes flying out of the bag and up into the air. He closed his Cheez-its box in a flash, chucked it into the bag and then tied it shut. He glared behind him, knowing instantly who the culprit was. He shook his fist into the air and shouted, "CURSE YOU SIN!!!! THESE ARE MINE!! NOT YOURS!!! MINE!!!!!!" Auron then took off running, cackling madly to himself. He came to a halt and listened intently. Was that Tidus' scream he heard? Sure enough, he looked up and saw Tidus flying towards him, apparently he was tossed from the stadium when Sin invaded. At the moment though, Auron didn't care how Tidus got there, all he knew was he had to move, and fast!
Auron scrambled madly to get out of the way before Tidus fell on him, but he was too late. Tidus collided with Auron, and in that moment Auron lost his grip on the bag with the crackers in it. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" Auron cried and vainly chased after the bag. It disappeared into the blob that was Sin a few seconds later. Auron stared after his crackers, said a word Tidus hadn't ever heard, and glared at Tidus. "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!" he yelled, pointing his finger at the idiotic, cracker-losing bliztball player. Tidus blinked and said, "Ummm...sorry?" Auron crossed his arms in front of his chest, let out a "HMPH!" and refused to look at the confused Tidus.
Tidus' eyes widened as he saw several monsters surround himself and the sulking Auron. He crept over to the older man and poked him saying, "Ummm Auron? A little help here?" Auron glared at him, snorted, then handed Tidus a sword. "A present from...Jecht." He said. Tidus blinked rapidly in surprise, glared at the sword, and would've chucked it over the edge of the railing had Auron not stopped him. "IT MUST DIE!!! IT MUST DIE!!!" Tidus shouted repeatedly as he still attempted to chuck the sword away from him. "KNOCK IT OFF!!! THAT'S YOUR ONLY MEANS OF DEFENSE!!!!!!" Auron shouted back. They got into a heated argument, Tidus mostly shouting "IT MUST DIE!" and Auron calling Tidus a complete and total moron.
Tidus suddenly pulled an extremely depressed face and inhaled deeply. Auron blinked, his eyes widening as he realized what Tidus was about to do. Auron scrambled to find an object that would float and hung on for dear life as Tidus started to cry. Now, this wasn't your normal everyday Tidus Tantrum. This was the Mother of all Tidus Tantrums. He cried so hard that within minutes, all of Zanarkand was flooded.
Auron scowled as Tidus surfaced, him giving Auron a forlorn face. "Oh don't be such a baby! Just shut up and sit tight!" Tidus was about to remark on how he WASN'T sitting therefore he couldn't "sit tight" when Sin hovered above them. Tidus yelped and began swimming away for all he was worth, 'Which incidentally isn't that much.' Auron mused. Tidus seemed to have picked up on this thought because he twirled around, glared at Auron and was about to say something when they were both sucked up into the watery, blubbery mass that made up the greatest evil to ever roam the land.