CHAPTER SIX

Don't tell me you need me
If you're not gonna stay
Don't give me this feeling
I'll only believe it
Make it real or take it all away
Take it all away

The Corrs - Don't Say You Love Me

Giles went into the coffee shop, doubting Ceara would be there as of yet. She had been notorious for being late back when he'd known her. The place was overly bright and packed with women and he could only hope one of them was Ceara. Rocking, he tucked his hands in his pockets, feeling exposed, naked even.

"Can I help you?" The young lady behind the counter put him in mind of his son with all the metal pushed through her face. At least Aidan didn't have what looked like a thumbtack in his chin and a bar through the bridge of his nose. Giles winced just thinking of how much that had to have hurt.

"A large tea, please."

"What kind?" she asked, tapping the list of 'Republic of Tea's' tea.

His brow wrinkled, 'not again,' he thought. "Earl Grey."

"We're out of that."

He looked at the list, a feeling of hopelessness overcoming him. Leave it to the Yanks to overcomplicate everything.

She tapped the list again. "'The Sip for the Cure' is very popular."

Giles scowled. Grapefruit tea? Should that even be legal even if the money went for a good cause like breast cancer? "Um, no." He studied it closely: 'Tea of Good Tidings,' 'Zen Dream,' what the hell were all these things? Were they tea or potpourri? He saw one that put him in mind of Ceara, 'Blackberry Sage.' Sage was a holy herb for her people. He ordered that and after stopping for cream, put in in all the wrong order if he were to be asked, and sugar, he went searching for Ceara. Giles was very surprised to see her at a table that was between two nicely stuffed chairs. She lounged on the chair looking at ease. How could she not be nervous like he was?

He remembered Ceara as always running late on what she called 'Indian time.' He reminded himself that a lot had changed in fifteen years. She was humming a tune, absently twirling her long hair around a finger. She stopped and smiled, seeing him. He felt a momentary urge to run, but he sat across from her, sinking into the chair. They both started talking at the same time. Both stopped. Giles glanced away shyly.

"Ceara, I…"

"No, let me, Rupert. I'm sorry about those things I said yesterday. I didn't mean most of it."

"I know. Buffy told me you two spoke." He paused, wondering if he should have mentioned that. What if it had been confidential? Women were picky about that sort of thing in a way he didn't think men could appreciate. Ceara didn't seem to be upset that Buffy had taken him into her confidence about their talk. "And you would have every right to feel that way."

"I don't…I just wasn't expecting you to be here. I would have left Aidan in L.A. until I could talk to you. I guess I panicked and took it out on you and for that, I'm sorry." Her eyes glistened and he thought she might break down. He saw her jaw muscles clench as she fought for control.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I left you like I did. I'm sorry you had to go through all of that alone. I can't begin to imagine how afraid you had to have been. I don't know how you made it through alone." It came out in one panicked breath and he wasn't sure he could stop his tongue. He gulped in air as his brain short-circuited and nothing more would come out except for the massive stutter he could feel building inside him.

Ceara bobbed her head. "There were times I didn't think I'd make it. I had the phone in my hand any number of times to call you."

"Why didn't you?" he asked softly.

Ceara sat back in the chair, throwing her head against the overstuffed back. She shut her eyes, taking a few deep breaths. Calmly, she looked at him. "Even before Whirlwind Spotted Horse told me about having the child, I knew I had to keep this from you…from the Watchers. You had places you had to be. You know as well as I they would have dismissed you for being involved with me or at best, you'd never have been assigned to Buffy."

He swiped off his glasses. "You're right, of course. If you had been older…not that it matters. You weren't."

"I believe you are where you belong, Rupert. That's why Horse counseled me not to ruin your position." Ceara picked up her drink, taking a nervous sip. "Do you think Buffy would still be alive if you hadn't been here for her?"

Giles studied her face, seeing the haunted look. He knew she understood how short-lived Slayers were first hand. She had spent her childhood training for the possibility she could be the one chosen to die young. "I would like to think so but maybe not."

Ceara frowned, tapping his toes with hers. "You know not. A six-year run as a Slayer? You know as well as I do that's damn good. There've been Slayers who don't last six weeks."

Giles' chin dropped to his chest. "I know. Maybe you're right."

"I don't think there's any maybes about it." Ceara twirled more hair around her fist. "Buffy came to see me last night as you know. She wouldn't have done so if you didn't mean something very special to her."

Giles took off his glasses, massaging the bridge of his nose. "I have never doubted that. But things have changed some what."

"So I gathered. I don't know what to say about it all so it's best I say nothing. I heard about Buffy's death, you know. Wesley and I have been corresponding ever since I left England. I think he's a little hurt about me not taking him into my confidence about Aidan." Ceara pursed her lips, then sipped peckishly at her coffee. "Anyhow Aidan and I talked about telling you after you had time to recover from Buffy's loss. I knew not even the Watchers would be cruel enough to make you go through this again with another Slayer. You would be somewhere doing research or moving higher up in the Council, provided you even stayed on. I thought then would have been a good time to tell you but…"

"Buffy was brought back," he finished for her. A look of pain flickered over his face, aging him ten years instantly. "I do understand why you did what you did, Ceara. I left you for much the same reasons. I knew the Watchers would eventually find out and I didn't want to lose my position. It sounds terrible to me even now that I could have been that self-centered…that cold. I regretted leaving without so much as a good-bye almost every day. There were so many times I thought of trying to find you but I never did. I was afraid if I found you, I wouldn't be able to leave you again." Giles voice was choked as he spoke directly to a spot on the table. He looked up, feeling her fingers entwining with his.

She swung out of her chair and pulled him up. Ceara crushed herself to him. Her arms fit tight around him. He embraced her back. Her face tucked in snugly against his neck. It felt good to have her so close. Her scent of lavender and rose filled his senses, taking him back to the first time he held her. The clean sweet scent had made him forget she was a teen who should have been looking to him for guidance instead of doing the things she had had done with him, hot, wonderful, mind-blowing things. Even now it still made him feel like a schoolboy.

They relaxed into one another, hanging onto each other for a long time. They parted just a bit, looking into each other's eyes. Their lips met briefly then came together for a second time far more ardently. When it was over, she took a step back, smiling.

"I…I…" Giles stammered then blushed.

"Where'd that come from?" she asked, not looking anywhere near as embarrassed as he felt.

"Two lonely people who still probably feel something for each other. I supposed it's not unusual," he said, caressing her hand with his thumb.

She lifted her hand with his to her lips, kissing his palm. "I'm sure you're right."

"Um, people are looking."

She laughed, dropping into her chair.

"You are still amazingly shy, Roo." Disbelief tinged her voice.

He ran a hand through his hair as he sat back down. Rather than answer that, he finally sipped at his tea and made a face.

"Something wrong?"

"They were out of Earl Grey and all they had were teas that sounded like a woman's perfume." He winced hearing the pomposity in his voice.

"So, what'd you get?"

"Blackberry sage."

She grinned. "That's good stuff."

"It's different." He took another sip, bolstered by her happy look at the mention of the tea. Maybe it wasn't as bad as he thought, or maybe Ceara liking it made it taste better. "I like it."

"I was too nervous for tea. I went straight for the quadruple espresso shot cappuccino." She flashed her a goofy smirk.

"So if you keel over from a heart attack, I'll know it wasn't something I said." Giles smiled.

"Exactly," she said. They were both silent for a moment groping inwardly for something to say. Finally she broke the awkward silence. "I wonder where Aidan is right now."

"Well, Dawn doesn't get off from school for another few hours so he's probably waiting at the mansion for her."

Ceara snorted, shaking her long, raven mane. "Not my son. I lifted the grounding. He knows I mean for him to stay at the house until Dawn gets there but I didn't order him to. Knowing him, he waited a half hour to be sure I was gone then took off to explore on his own for awhile and knows I can't say anything about it since hey, he's no longer grounded." She wrinkled her nose.

Giles laughed, sipping his tea. "Tell me about him, Ceara."

"Well, you already know he likes to play guitar and sing. He surfs and hey, he sees ghosts." She shot him another goofy look.

"And he likes to sneak into nude beaches, which all things considered seems pretty normal for a teen-aged boy." Giles ruefully wagged his head, wishing he had thought of it when he was that age.

Ceara rolled her eyes, taking a deep swallow of coffee. "Men."

"We really can't help ourselves."

"I do believe that. I honestly do." She snorted. "Aidan's very bright, Roo. He's advanced for his age group on the A levels. He likes to write. In fact, he's thinking about a career in it. He's a decent kid. I mean that. Got a big heart. His four best friends are all really great kids." Relief and gratitude mixed on her pretty face.

"Would these boys be the ones he snuck into the nude beach with?"

"Two of them yes. The other two are girls. The fearsome fivesome…I'll let him tell you about them." She stretched, dragging his attention away from the topic despite the importance of it. He liked the way she moved. "He's pretty well over the initial shock at this point and can't wait to talk to you if you want to see him."

"Of course." He heard the panic in his tone. He couldn't agree fast enough just in case she might just change her mind. "I can't even tell you how much so."

"Good. He's always wanted to know you. I've told him all I knew. He's like me. He reads things from photographs so he learned stuff about you that way. I think in another year or so, he would have insisted on meeting you no matter what."

"I'm very pleased to hear that…tell me more," Giles urged.

Ceara grinned and started with the stories, telling them as only a proud mother could. It was nearing four o'clock when she broke off her narrative with a panicked look.

"Is something wrong?" Giles asked, slightly irritated that she stopped her story telling.

"I'm going to be late meeting the producers of my show. I have to run." She popped up then leaned down, hugging him again. "I'll stop by the Magic Box later to see you."

Giles watched her hurry off. She would be late but he suspected her producers were used to it. Some things never did change and Indian Time was obviously one of those things. He let his breath out slowly. God, she was still beautiful and she left him feeling full of pride for a boy he barely knew. There was still time, he comforted himself as he got up to head to the Magic Box. He had wasted his chances to repair things with his own father. He wouldn't make that mistake with his son.