"You sure this is safe?" Tidus asked, peering over the edge of the boat. The surrounding Al Bhed blinked in confusion, looking at each other. Tidus sighed and said again, "You-yay ure-say his-tay is-yay afe-say?" There was a group "Oooooooh-yay." followed by one Al Bhed female stating, "Not a clue in the world!". Tidus whirled around and stared at her. "HEY!!! YOU CAN SPEAK WITHOUT USING PIG LATIN!!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING?!" She blinked, stared at him and said, "Well...you never asked...what's Pig Latin?" she added at the end, cocking her head to the side in a confused manner. She watched in an interested manner as Tidus' face slowly turned purple, his right eye starting to twitch as well. "Wellllll? What is it?" she asked again, poking him in the chest, impatient for an answer from this odd man. Tidus growled, turned around and muttered, "Oh just forget it. Let's go before I change my mind about helping you weirdoes."
The woman smiled and yelled, "OKIE DOKIE!" and jumped headlong into the water. She resurfaced and said, "COME ON IN!!! THE WATER'S GREAT!!!" Tidus rolled his eyes, jumped in next to the woman, deliberately splashing her. As he surfaced he saw her scowling face. He grinned innocently at her and said, "You'd better lead the way to this ship thingy you and your friends up there keep talking about." She crossed her arms in front of her chest and then smacked the water, sending a mini tidal wave at Tidus. She quickly dove under the water before he had time to recover and seek revenge. Tidus glared at her retreating form and mumbled before diving down after her, "Women...they're all insane."
Still very very very far away, Auron lay in hiding. Several bounty hunters passed by his hidey-hole with the mission to track down a certain "cracker-thief" who stole a "sacred" box of Cheez-its from the "almighty" Maester Seymour. Auron chuckled darkly as he emerged from the bush he had been hiding under. He brushed several leaves off of himself, grabbed HIS box of Cheez-its, opened it, and shoved a whole handful of the delicious cheesy crackers into his mouth. He chewed vigorously, slung the gourd off his back, and poured out some of the sake (A/N: SAKE!!! Ok so it's beer. But in here it's SAKE!!! Sake rice wine) into a shot glass. Auron quickly downed the wine, slung the gourd back onto his back, closed the box of Cheez-its and began to walk away.
He quickly came to a stop when he heard heavy footsteps coming from behind him. His eyes narrowed and he quickly whirled around, his sword drawn. "THOU SHALT NEVER TAKETH MY CRACKERS FROM ME!!! THOU SHALT PERISH IF THOU DOST DARE TO EVEN LOOK AT THE SACRED CRACKERES!!!!" he shouted, twirling his sword around in an intricate pattern for intimidating purposes. The person, Maester Seymour to be exact, looked at Auron as if he were a cross between a chocobo and a fiend. "What ever are you talking about?! Those are MY crackers!! And put that thing away before you poke someones eye out with it!!!" he shouted, smacking the blunt end of Auron's blade to lower it from his throat. Auron growled and said, "You ain't me mother buddy." Seymour blinked and said, "Well now that would be just plain creepy if I were." Auron shuddered at the thought and said, "Indeed it would be. I think I would disown you. Anyway, it was nice running into you again, but I must be going now. I gotta save the world and all that jazz." Seymour smiled slightly and said, "Ok then, nice seeing you too. May Yevon be with you." He then turned and walked away. Auron grinned gleefully and took off running as the blue-haired Maester suddenly turned around and said, "WAIT A MINUTE!! I STILL WANT MY CRACKERS BACK!!!"
"What's this do? What's that do? What's this do? What's that do?" (A/N: starry eyes Invader ZIM rocks!) the woman asked, pushing random buttons on the sunken ships control panel that Tidus was trying very hard to repair. (A/N: I forgot what you are originally supposed to do so...feel free to yell at me.) Tidus sighed, sending a jet of bubbles floating above his head. Now he knew why the Al Bhed only put this woman in danger. She obviously caused trouble wherever she went, and no doubt the Al Bhed would rather she not return. Depressing, but true. 'Oh well. Like I care. My life was faaaaaar more depressing then HERS will ever be! CURSE YOU BIG EVIL POLKA-DOTTED MONSTER!!! I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!!...eventually...maybe...hopefully...sometime in the near future...possibly...' What was probably to be a never-ending train of thought was interrupted by the machine in front of him suddenly becoming operational again. Tidus quickly looked over at the woman who had just pushed a button that said on it, 'Push to activate.' She grinned happily and asked, "Did I do good?!"
Tidus only nodded in reply and motioned for her to follow him back up to the surface. Having a never-ending air supply was all fun and stuff, but it got boring after a while. They both began to swim out of the exit when the big fishy from chapter 2's older brother burst onto the scene. "YOU PICKED ON MY LITTLE BROTHER!! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!" the enraged marine animal yelled. Tidus screamed as it began swimming towards him, its mouth wide open. "HOORAY!!!" he heard the woman yell beside him and he turned to see her chucking the Mother of All Grenades at the fish's open mouth. The fish swallowed the grenade and blew up into billions and billions of pieces, leaving a very disgusted Tidus and a completely oblivious Al Bhed. Tidus blinked suddenly, turned to the woman again and asked, "Wait a sec...how did that thing explode? The gunpowder should've been wet! It's impossible for gunpowder to explode when it's wet!!!!" The Al Bhed's eyes narrowed as she brought her finger up next to her lips. "Sssshhhhh!!! You're not supposed to know that!!" she said angrily and swam for the surface, a confused Tidus following.
Replies to Reviewers!
Solecito: Yes it is very sad when those evil knights slay the mighty Trogdor. I suck terribly at that game so I generally don't play it. Peasant's Quest is very fun so you should play it sometime! Thank you for saying the previous chapter was awesome, I liked it quite a bit myself. The Al Bhed talking in Pig Latin came to me during a sleepless night as I lay asleep in my bed on the cold hard floor when a comet smashed right through the window in my windowless room. I then thought logically, in an illogical manner, 'You know? Buffalo chicken wings are awesome!' I then returned to my sleepless slumber and remained medically dead throughout the night. (Well not really. Just a random thought. I have a lot of those...hope you enjoyed the odd story as I made it up as I was typing this...HUZZAH!)
Amanda Dragon: Everyone seems to be enjoying Auron's cracker obsession...yes sadly Seymour DOES have a cracker obsession, setting him up for some clashes with Auron later on. But we all know who'll win ((hint hint, wink wink)) I've actually never had Instant Popcorn, I just thought I'd put it in as it seemed semi-appropriate at the time...well not really. I personally would never eat popcorn if a fiend was spontaneously combusting...I would point and laugh :-D
RMN: YAY!! So good to see you again! Sadly, my Knights of the Old Republic gone insane was taken off the website as you well know and I won't be able to post the sequel. I'll try to post it on kotorfanfic dot com though...(evil censoring). If I ever get around to it... ((gives Lucas more fish))
Katana: Hello again to you as well! Like I said to RMN, the sequel to KOTOR gone insane will probably be posted on kotorfanfic dot com sometime random. Until then, here's a sentence of wisdom for you! "Never pet a burning dog."