Author Notes

I am glad that many people have read my story and I thank all reviewers for their reviews.

About the grammar, I suck at it so much and I'm depending on you, my readers to tell me. (By the way, I bet you can pick some grammar mistakes out of these author notes.) Sorry, about not writing for a while. I hate to make excuses, but I do have my writer's blocks, classes and exams to take, and games here and there.

I would like to share to all my readers a poem I wrote for school, but was based on Kanako and her darkness. This little poem was a little short description about what I thought was within that dark, yet sophisticated mind.

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Depression

Once upon a time, there was this sad girl who had a dream, an endless dream, that was never meant to come true. And she stretched and clawed continuously at that last shred of hope, but the quicker she tried to reach her desperate dreams, the quicker she submerged herself into that dark void that shrouded her heart and gave no mercy. And then a single teardrop falls from her eye, a single crescent of utter mourning and despair. And the tear, it also held the vengeance that one could not complete. The hope lost. The heart tainted, and no longer is she a sad girl, but a box of broken dreams.

There lies her sanctuary, a dark room that was desolate like her heart. The tender dreams now scarred and mangled from what was beautiful sight. The one thing her heart could not have or could fulfill. Within the shadows, her pain, sorrow, misery, and loneliness are hidden.

The girl tried her best to reach that single dream. The dream that meant the world to her. And now after all hope is lost, she cuddles up in the ball and looks away, hating what the world brings. She walks back to that haven and runs away from the world. And then, she submits to the darkness and gloom in her heart and lets the last shred of hope get engulfed and consumed.

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Hope you liked it! I knew it sucked, but just another thing I wanted to add before the chapter.

Read, review, and enjoy! You readers are the only reason why I write fanfictions, or this wouldn't be a fanfiction, so I owe you all a great deal and thank you.

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Chapter 1: Sorrow

Shinobu sat silently on her chair eyeing her diary and tapping her hand nervously on the desk. She considered her decision twice and decided it was truly what she wanted to do.

Shinobu could always imagine Kanako as a mysterious, quiet, and yet spiteful at the world. It seemed she was away from everyone. The opposite side of the hotsprings, the corner of the living room, she always avoided people, even the distance she kept between herself and others at the dinner table was quite noticeable. After the marriage, she hardly said a word anymore, she stopped bothering Naru, and she seldom ever talk to him anymore.

"It's such a shame; they're supposed to be brother and sister. Kanako-san, the hurt she must feel, must be so bad she never talks to Sempai anymore," Shinobu muttered softly.

Shinobu recalled the expression on Kanako's face every morning. Every morning, Shinobu would wake up early to make everyone breakfast. During all the breakfasts, she'd see Kanako come down after everyone else left, ate a little, and excused herself. When Kanako was eating, out of curiosity Shinobu would sneak a glimpse over at Kanako when she's pretending to wash dishes. Everyday, it was that same hostile and serious expression, but through that mask, Shinobu knew there was pain and despair.

Shinobu recalled this morning not too long ago when he cooked breakfast for everybody. She remembered Kanako hesitating and weighing her options in what to do. Maybe just for a second, Shinobu saw through Kanako feelings as if the mask had dropped. She remembered how Kanako told her stomach hurt and she didn't want food, that she wasn't hungry, and she wanted to be alone.

But being alone never helped. It only made Kanako sadder and depressed it seemed like. Shinobu took out her picture case with the photos that she took during the last two years. One picture had caught her eye; she saw a picture herself and Kanako together, under a Christmas tree, and her arms were aroundKanako's in a warming embrace like a hug. It was the only picture she had of just herself and Kanako. She studied the picture carefully and finally a smile emerged from her face. There was one thing that made the picture stand out; there was a smile on the face of the girl that never revealed her emotions. Shinobu evaluated the picture and compared it with other pictures that Kanako was in; the only other time she smiled in pictures was when she was with him. So, Shinobu concluded the smile was legitimate.

Shinobu glanced at the picture, the harmony it gave to her and the assurance in her heart that she could cheer Kanako up and could touch her heart, perhaps even become her friend.

"Kanako-san has been through everything I've been through, she feels the same hurt I feel when I lost Sempai," Shinobu said to herself. "All Kanako-san needs is a friend to be there and talk to her, to touch her heart and make forget about all the bad things that happened."

Gazing at the picture once more, she looked at the picture frame on her desk. It held the picture of her "Sempai" and herself. It was a picture they took together at the beach vacation they went to a year ago, during the summer. Naru had taken it and she cherished that picture. It always gave her hope he'd be there for her and one day hold her in his arms. Having Naru taken the picturemeant like an approval to her. She loved that picture, and it assured her that maybe there was still hope. It also brought back lovely memories of the beach. Staring at the picture can bring her back to the beach like she was actually standing there. She could feel the calmness in the waves and the beautiful sunset。

Slowly, with uncertainty she took the picture out of the frame and inserted the picture of herself and Kanako in it. She slid the picture she cherished most in the picture case and then threw the case back in the drawer. Shinobu waited a minute to admire the picture and give a nice long thought about what a great friendship she and Kanako can form.

"Kanako-san let go so it's about time I let Sempai go too. Naru-Sempai will be happier that way. It's all for the better I guess..." Shinobu said still entranced in the picture.

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There is always a light that shines through the darkness. There is always darkness within the heavens. For Kanako Urashima, though, the light couldn't penetrate her heart and she surrendered the overwhelming darkness and the heavens had damned her with that darkness. The past was just to much for her to bear. The memories that she held was to painful. From her childhood, when she was abandoned to the time when she accepted her one and only true love took another.

She laid on the bed and just stared at her Kuro, patting the cat gently. She rolled uncomfortably in her bed as she couldn't find comfort in her life. Everything in her life was gone and there was nothing left to live for it seemed. Kuro jumped from Kanako's reach as he ran towards the window, almost as if signaling Kanako to dome over. After a bit of hesitation, Kanako came over to the windowsill and gazed into the sky. She gazed into the moon and the stars that seemed to glitter, but just things would not cheer her up. She found herself just lost in that void that would never let her go. She could never take those memories out of her mind. To take him from her life meant she had nothing. And when Naru took her away, she took away her heart, her life, and her hope. Every day had seemed like torture, everyday she would see him and although he was so close, he seemed so far from her grasp.

Every time Naru hit him she wanted to help, but what good would it do. She knew she had lost when he got married to Naru. He picked her and there was nothing left to do. Nothing left for her to live for. So, now when she gazed at him it was too painful, for she knew his heart didn't belong to her. She made a promise to herself never to talk to him again. It seemed to be the best for everyone. It seemed like it was the best for everyone. The whole time, she considered leaving Hinata-Sou, so many times, but whenever she wanted to leave, he blocked her. He would tell her that she was part of Hinata-Sou like everyone else. She gazed into the full moon and wiped away her tears, the view had lightened her mood, but inside, she was still crying. She still knew the reality that was a burden to her.

In a voice no louder than a whisper she said, "Every time I try to leave, he's always there. I always said I'll never talk to him again. I love him, but he won't love me back. Every time, I see him my heart breaks a little more. So, why can't he just let me be. And no matter what, he kind of reminds me of Grandma Hina. I don't know why he won't let me go. I am part of this inn he says...but if I left nobody will care. As long as I stay here...I...I just can't bear it. And then he'll talk to me like he cares and yet I know...he loves another. He knows it hurts me and yet...he wants me to stay."

Every time she tried to leave, she bump into him and he'd talk her back into coming back to Hinata-Sou. It seemed like she could never say no to him. It seemed like that aura that surrounded him always convinced her to come back. He was her first love and she'd never forget that. He would always remind her that they were still brother and sister and he'll always look out for her. That he still loved her but he loved Naru as well. She would always embrace him and let hertears soak up his shirt, but she would never say a word. Seemingly, though, Keitaro knew what Kanako wanted to say. It was like they were really brother and sister. And she knew he'd always be there for her, but that wasn't enough. Somehow though, she'd always come back to the inn.

Deciding to pass the time away, she decided to go to the hot springs and rest there to pass the time and to get the dark thoughts out of her mind. She undressed and wrapped a towel around her and walked toward the baths. On her way, she passed by their bedroom and she felt that uneasiness, but she continued to pass by. She had grown used to these hallways and seemed to get to know everyone better, though, she never talked to them. A part of her wanted to talk to the people in her inn, but the other part of her said she would never get along with them. After arriving in the hot springs, she submerged her body into the warm water and just relaxed. She closed her eyes and thought about her years and memories in Hinata-Sou.

"He always says he loves me...but he loves Naru too. I know he loves me, but I want more, just a little more. I don't want him to be my brother, I want him to be...I want him to be there for me, to hold my hand, and be by my side just like the old times," Kanako said depressingly. "I still remember when we lived together as kids, he'd be there. He would make me happy when I felt sad, he would be there for me in school and would try to help me even if he didn't know how to do the work. I could always feel his presence, and even though, he wasn't there I felt like he was by my side. Now, he's just gone...and I'm all alone again."

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Shinobu walked towards Kanako's bedroom anxious to talk to Kanako. All this time, she felt empty, although, everyone was there for her. She knew why she felt so empty too. She knew she could never tell anyone how she really felt. How she wished he would be hers. But with Kanako she felt almost like she could talk to her about this because she felt like Kanako was just like her. She wanted to free herself from all this sorrow and free Kanako from that same sorrow she was feeling. She knew that maybe if she was able to talk to Kanako maybe she could forget all about him.

"First love...first kiss...first anything, it's so hard to forget it, I remember a few years ago, I tried to save my first kiss for him," Shinobu chuckled when she said it. "I bet Kanako-san, feels the same, to lose your first love is just something one could never get over like this. I want to just offer her a friend to talk to and to be there for her."

After reaching Kanako's bedroom, she noticed the door was open, so she walked in and noticed Kanako wasn't there. She stepped in and turned on the light for the room. The room seemed so plain. There was a bed on the corner, an empty desk with a picture frame there, and then a dresser. Nothing extra. It seemed so barren and the only thing that stood out was a green shirt, which was neatly folded up in the center of the room. Curious, she picked up the shirt and unfolded it and noticed this was the shirt he lost four years ago. She inspected the room and sat at Kanako's desk, expecting Kanako to come in soon so they could have a friendly chat. Somehow, their desks seemed so similar but Shinobu felt like it was different. This room seemed sad, like it was full of gloom and despair. She looked at the picture in the frame and saw that is was a picture from Kanako's childhood. It was like a family picture and although she didn't know who anyone was in the picture except Haruka, Kanako, and him, she knew Kanako prized this picture because it gave her that hope that he was still with her and loved her.

The room itself seemed to make Shinobu sad like there was negative energy in the room. She decided to look out the window again, to gaze at the stars when she noticed Kanako in the hot springs. The hot springs seemed so small from where she looked down at and she could hardly see Kanako, but she knew Kanako was there to escape from the unbearable truth. She knew Kanako wanted to escape the one fact she mourned over and haunted her for her whole life.

"He was the only one in her life, there was nobody else and when he left, Kanako-san probably became depressed and upset again. And me...I have Naru-senpai, Motoko-san, Su-chan, and everyone else too. And Kanako-san...she's just alone," Shinobu said to herself in a sad tone.

She pondered on going to the hot springs but she decided not to, thinking it would be better to let Kanako relax before having a chat. She was still unsure if Kanako would accept her as a friend, but she wanted a friend to talk to and relate to, as well as be able to hold out her hand and smile for the person.

She wanted to know so much about Kanako, her childhood, her whole life actually. Maybe it was just how little she talked and how mad she seemed that made her curious. She always wanted to askhim about Kanakobut she felt it was rude. On some occasions, she'd ask Naru what she'd think about Kanako for she talked with him so much now after they got married. And every time the response would be she's just a lost girl who needs to see the real world.

"Every story says there's a handsome prince and a lovely princess...and...and they fall into love and they live happily ever after," Shinobu said in a whimper. "But then...what happens to all the other princesses? They'll cry over their prince who have fell in love with another. Nothing seems to be happily ever after. Naru-sempai says Kanako-san needs to see the real world...but how could she when her world was taken away."

Shinobu seemed to grow pessimistic as if the room itself was feeding into to her heart. Over time, she realized she didn't talk to him much either. And that over those few years he got married with Naru, she started feeling a little spite and envy to Naru. She would never consult with her anymore and she would never be near them when they were together. She always tried to avoid them like Kanako. As it had seemed Motoko seemingly liked him too, but everything crashed when he said those two words and slipped that contract of love on Naru's finger. The world seemed to grow more apart, there was less talk going on, and it wasn't just Kanako who said she'd leave. It was everyone, Motoko, Su, Sarah, Kitsune, and even herself once. Hinata-Sou seemed to be falling apart. It's residents seemed dead and soon if this keeps up Hinata-Sou would be closed or turned into a public spa. Now, itself Hinata-Sou seemed too quiet and everyone stopped talking to each other and Shinobu realized herself feeling a little empty because she had nobody to talk to anymore. Everyone had their own interests and everyone over that short period of time swayed away from Hinata-Sou like a block of ice on an iceburg.

Putting her head down on the windowsill, she felt that feeling of hopelessness which she never had since she entered Hinata-Sou. Sure there was some doubt and locked-in sadness but not hopelessness. She gazed down at the calm hot springs and she sighed. Even the hot springs looked different now.