Battles of Wits
Johnathan was the first to speak after the train began to move on that fateful journey to Hogwarts. His voice rose over the screaming country side that flew by the window. What possessed him to speak as he did is a complete and utter mystery, and will remain so for as long as time exists. "Hey there, Rusty," He was addressing Copper, of course, "Don't be sad about your owl, now he matches the family. He almost fits in better than you, I think."
The snap of Copper's head was palpable as she spun from the window to face the bold Johnathan. She glared with a stare that would make most body builders shudder, but Johnathan didn't even flinch. In fact, instead of betraying weakness, he smiled playfully as if a grand joke had been said, but he was too cool for laughter, so he would only smile. Their eyes locked for what to me seemed to be an eternity and my body shifted very uncomfortably in my seat next to Johnathan. If her anger missed by a hair, it would spot on hit me. This thought jolted me to move a little more towards the door and away from Johnathan. After noting my movement away from her insulter, Copper seemed convinced that her evil glance and smidgen of an ancient evil eye had been enough to stop Johnathan in his tracts and convince him that any more insults or "jokes," were not appropriate and that he should stop before death fell upon him. With this conviction, she turned back to her window without saying a single word to either Johnathan or I. It was amazing the words and worlds she could say and show without any use of language, I sat in complete awe.
No matter how amazing however, Copper was still wrong about Johnathan; very wrong. He dared to speak yet again, "After all, you're Rusty, rusty metal, and your brother is Nickel, like that American money." Johnathan paused thoughtfully, and for a moment it seemed that mercifully he had decided to cease his imbecilic actions. But alas, he hadn't, "Your mother must have been Radium and your father Francium, or the other way around perhaps. It's the only explanation for you and your actions." He smiled again, hinting at a brilliant joke behind the incognito words. I tried only for a moment to ignore it, to ignore him, but finally curiosity conquered me and I was forced to ask the unspoken obvious question on everyone's mind.
"Why?"
Johnathan turned to me, his smile stilly playing mischievously on his lips. He licked his words and spoke as though telling my five year old self her favorite fairy tale before bedtime, "Well, dear Maybell, only that much radioactivity could produce someone as screwed up as Copper. It's only logical. Why, with her temper and the way she acts on that temper, it's the only conclusion anyone can come to. In a family of metals, the radioactivity was bound to get to one of them eventually. To bad it rusted her hair as well."
I laughed, he was quite clever. But, Coppers face abruptly cut my laughter short. As funny as his logic had been, it certainly didn't convince me to try to commit suicide by angering the Copper; again. Her fists were clenched extremely tight, and this inexplicably spurred Johnathan to dig a deeper ditch for himself. He spoke in a sing song voice, "Why Rusty, why are you so angry? I'm only explaining you to Maybell here. Maybell deserves to know the real Rusty after all, the metal that oxidized and Rusted into a beautiful, ahem, lovely rust color. Don't you want Maybell to know why you're called Rusty?" All this speech managed to do was to infuriate Copper further and provoke a small smile from me. Coppers face began to flush red and her fists clenched even more than before. I stopped smiling.
She managed to keep her voice amazingly quiet and steady. Steadier than mine would have been, "My name. Is not. Rusty. You arrogant prick." She paused between every couple of words to draw breath, I thought indicating her resistance to jumping up and killing the ever-so-bold Johnathan. This made me a very happy person, if she didn't try to kill Johnathan she couldn't accidentally miss and hit me. Completely aware of my cowardice, I attempted to move back in between them, perhaps helping to deter Coppers ferocity, however knowing I would fail miserably.
Johnathan laughed at both Copper and I, "Hmm, you could have fooled me. You really look like a Rusty you know. I think I'll have to make that your real name. It'll be a nickname, just for you. Maybell and I will use it." My head snapped to him, cursing him silently for brining me into this.
At this point, a slam and a slight scuffle came from outside of our compartment door. Standing guiltily in the window, was a gaggle of students of all ages gazing avidly at the argument brewing in our compartment. None of them, of course, were brave enough to come in to find out exactly what was going on, but all were interested enough to spy from the window. Copper didn't take well to this, she got up and slowly walked to the window in the door and bestowed the most evil, most frightening glare I had ever seen, and I'm positive had ever been used before in human existence. All of the kids at the door were frozen in fear from the stare, even the older students. "AHH!" Copper raised her hands menacingly with her battle cry, and when a quick and petrified shout sounded from the group, the entirety of the folks at the door ran for their lives in various directions towards supposed safety away from Copper. As an extra precaution against stragglers, Copper opened the compartment door and looked around for a moment before returning to her seat to reprimand Johnathan.
"You'll call me Copper, stupid brute, just like everyone else does." Due to the authority in her voice, the temptation to salute seemed irresistible to me. I managed to save myself the embarrassment however by sitting on my hands until she continued to speak again, "I hate that name, Rusty," She spoke Rusty like a curse, "Even more than I hate the name …" she stopped herself just in time.
She faltered, Johnathan pounced. He could smell weakness like lioness hunting in the wilderness. Only a male lioness. "What name? What are you talking about? Tell me, I promise not to call you Rusty if you tell me what name you hate more than Rusty. Or less. The name you hate less than Rusty. C'mon, tell me! I won't tell a soul! I swear!" Copper and I stared at him, neither saying word, merely shocked at such a blatant lie that he actually thought he could get away with, "Ok, at least tell me why people call you Copper. You can give me that."
She eyed him, scarce believing his stupidity. "Because, you moron, I have copper colored hair." I laughed, thinking her answer quite appropriate.
"Oh. That's the name of that color, I knew it had a name other than rusty, but I decided not to think of it because you seemed to hate the name Rusty so much. But I swear I won't call you that again! Just tell me this other name! If you hate it less, it's got to be better than listening to me call you Rusty all your life." Copper continued to glare, "Fine, why is Nickel called Nickel. He's got bright red hair, not silver."
Copper laughed patronizingly, "You really are stupid. For all of your big words, deep down, you're just an idiot like all the other boys, the vast majority of other people. Nickel is short for Nicholas. And if you had eyes in your head, you'd realize that in my family, like me, no one likes to be like other people. You can tell that just by looking at us. With a last name like Miller, we have to do all we can do to get rid of the ordinariness that a name like Miller implies. So we end up with random nicknames and random hair colors. Instead of Nick, or Nicky, he went with Nickel to be different and cool. Something you know nothing about, you're nothing but a follower. And by the way, this isn't my real hair color."
Johnathan clutched his heart, "You've got me! I'm nothing but a shallow loser! Fix that! Make me different from all the other people who call you Copper and tell me the other name!" He fell down at her feet and clutched her knees, "I don't want to be ordinary anymore!" Johnathan burst into fake, but loud, racking sobs.
I tilted my head, deeming the situation safe to get into, "You already don't call her Copper. You call her Rusty, thereby making you different. But I'll help you; I think you belong to the ordinary class anyway. I'll start calling her Rusty too. Maybe then she'll tell us the real name. The 'other,' name."
Copper laughed, surprisingly, "You're ganging up on me! Fine! It's Haviland! Happy! That's my real name; Haviland."
Johnathan and I both erupted into laughter. It cut deep into my gut, a name like Haviland didn't fit Copper at all, and it certainly didn't make me wonder as to why she despised it so much. We laughed for what seemed like forever before Copper finally joined us in our festivities. Our stomachs all hurt immensely from the deep belly giggles, and we all sat on the floor so we could move more with our laughter. Some students gathered at the door again, shocked at the change from before; anger to joy. Copper needed only to glance this time to send them scattering like pigeons scared in a school yard by rambunctious children. This feat sent us into another spasm of laughter, and it wasn't until the cart lady with food came that we stopped.
Johnathan ordered a bit of everything on the cart, I didn't get anything because I had no idea what any of it was, and Copper ordered two Chocolate Frogs and a Shamrock Cake. "Irish Pride," was the only answer she had for buying the horrid looking cake. Both Johnathan and I were rather disgusted by the look of the green vomit, but didn't say a thing. Johnathan offered some of his food to all of us, including Copper. I laughed a bit more, by myself, shocked at the change a good laugh could have on people. Laughter was really the best medicine; I prayed this peace would last, that the last of the arguments had been put behind us.
We all sat on the floor in a twisted triangle with all the food between us and Ollie sitting happily in my lap, not causing any trouble what-so-ever. We talked and laughed a bit, none saying anything of real interest or of real importance. At one point, when the conversation began to lull, Johnathan broke the silence with a random quote I have vowed to work into some other boring situation in my life, the way he did, "Stanley looked quite bored and often detached, but then, penguins often are."
Both Copper and I laughed loudly and gregariously at this, even though it made no sense and to be honest wasn't that funny. We were on a bit of a sugar high. Soon, the conversation became more of a good natured argument, seeing whose rhetoric was the best.
"I will confound you with my cleverness," I laughed.
"Well, I'll ravish you with my radiant rhetoric," Copper said,
"I'll baffle you with my bullshit," I yelled.
"Good one, I like that. Hmm, I'll dazzle you with my deviant devices," Johnathan attempted.
"Deviant devises? What are deviant devises?" Copper said.
"Ya, what are they? When you argue, you at least have to make some logical sense, otherwise what's the point in even saying anything. It's human nature to classify things, human nature to make life more logical and that's what we are attempting to do her, logically classify life in general by saying things that make sense and classify what we are going to do to the other. And here you sit, making absolutely no sense and completely missing the point of the game, I vote that you be taken out of the game." I said this all very quickly, hoping to squeak it by Johnathan.
"I was actually looking at them more as the 'Yo mama's,' for smart people," Copper said laughingly.
Johnathan gave up completely at this point, "Well you are all nauseating nacho nibblers anyway. Let's finish up the candy."
Ollie and I tried a bit of all of the candies Johnathan and Copper had to offer, including a bit of Copper's Shamrock Cake to make her feel better. The Shamrock Cake really tasted a lot like grass, but I neglected to say anything to Copper, not wanting to insult her and not wanting to anger her. I also tried a few Chocolate Frogs and obtained two wizarding cards, Albus Dumbledore and D.J. Conway. Copper informed me that both cards were collectables, but nearly everyone had both. I was enjoying myself immensely, happy with what was going on. Johnathan offered me some of Bernie Bott's Every Flavored Jelly Beans, and I grabbed a green one and popped it into my mouth. I gagged and spit it onto the floor, "Oh my god! That tasted like snot!" Johnathan and Copper both burst into laughter, again, as I tried to clear my throat and mouth of the disgusting taste.
"When they say every flavor, they mean every flavor," Copper spat out, trying to subdue her laughter. She reached over and smacked Johnathan over the head "Be nice to Maybell. Stop laughing at her!"
Just under an hour into the train ride, and the happiness was shattered, again, "Yes, Haviland." The mood immediately shifted from a party atmosphere, to yet again a hostile environment.
"I told you to call me Copper, you arrogant jerk. If you call me Haviland again, I will be forced to punish you fiercely." Johnathan refused to listen to this warning; apparently he still thought that we were just messing around. I stared on, convinced at this point that I was a safe bystander and actually looking forward to this little snit. They were both smart enough to say some rather interesting things.
"Oh, Haviland … don't be so touchy. I only want to make you love your real name and stop hating yourself so much."
"I don't hate myself."
"Yes you do."
"No I don't! I hate you!" Copper yelled.
"Yes, clearly. The fact that you absolutely loathe your real name shows me that truly, deep down, you loathe yourself really, not your name. Haviland, it's time to come to terms with the name your parents endowed onto you, and with yourself. Nobody here hates you but yourself."
"Shut up. You don't know what your talking about. Go n-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat." Johnathan and I looked at each other.
"What in the world does that mean, Copper?" I asked, sincerely curious.
"It means, may the cat eat you, and may the cat be the devil in Gaelic."
"Now Copper, don't you think that's rather harsh?" Johnathan asked quietly, I think he was a little shocked at her statement.
"No."
"I'm just trying to help you!" Johnathan yelped, finally showing a tad bit of fear.
"Look, I'm telling you, if you call me Haviland one more time," she looked around the cabin, then spotted Gufo who still sat golden on the seat he had been on the whole time, "I'm going to throw Gufo at you and turn you to gold!"
Johnathan chuckled, fear evaporated, "You can't touch Gufo with out turning to gold yourself," He crossed his arms over his chest, convinced he had won.
But not quite, "Then Maybell and I will throw you onto Gufo."
"What! Maybell! You can't drag me into this!" I was frantic, this was not a good situation to be in, "When did Maybell get into this! Maybell wants nothing to do with this. Maybell is quite happy being Maybell and watching you two fight like dogs and I see no reason to make Maybell get involved. Maybell couldn't do anything."
From where Gufo sat, a small, nearly silent, "Who," sounded from near the golden statue.
"What in the world?" Copper turned to face Gufo and stared at the little golden bird until …
"Who!" sounded again.
"Oh my goodness! It's talking! I mean … whoing!" I spoke gaily and freely, full of joy, "Ollie didn't kill it! Yes!" I punched the air and whirled Ollie up into my arms.
Copper and Johnathan laughed. Copper was about to reach out and touch the bird when … Snap! Its head changed from gold to regular color. Gufo turned his head around in a full circle, the creepy way only owls can, and as his head reached normal position one of his talons became real again. The tensed and untensed, then dug into the seat, ripping a small hole. Copper reached out to stop him, but I grabbed her arm just in time, "Don't risk it," I said, and we all turned back to look at the owl. Only Ollie seemed upset at this turn of events, the rest of us were enraptured by the bird emerging from its golden cocoon.
Soon, the entire bird was back and shaking off the only remains of the golden statue, some golden flakes. Copper reached down and scooped the bird off the chair before we could stop her, "Oh Gufo! I'm so glad your ok!" but thankfully nothing horrible happened.
Johnathan and I began to cheer, but Copper clearly showed that she was still angry with him with only one look, and with that we fell silent.
At that point, two students, including Sirius Black, ran into our compartment. "Hey! Guess what! You didn't kill those people, Maybell! Well, they didn't die. But they think you tried to kill them," Sirius shouted, and then he spotted the owl, "I guess you aren't an animal killer either. But ya, those people you didn't kill are coming down here. But, they aren't, like, happy." The boy next to him with messy black hair laughed, "I would suggest hiding, of course, you've got no where to hide. But you should try anyway. Just thought I should warn you."
"Wait! Dude!" The messy haired boy spoke, "I have an idea! Wait here!" and he ran off without saying anther word
"Don't worry about him, he'll be back soon, I think." Sirius said, "That's just James. He tends to run off like that sometimes."
"Oh, you know him outside of Hogwarts then." I said.
"No. I just met him today, outside the train thingy. He was wearing a really spiffy hat and bragging about it, so I cursed it off his head and hid it in my bag. But he doesn't know it was me, and I'm still 'helping,' him look for it. I don't think he'll be coming back though. I bet he was just running away so that he wouldn't be here when that boy and his mom got here, they want to kill you man. Oh hi wand hedgehoggy man!" He bent down and picked Ollie up off of the floor and held him up to his cheek. "Man, you've got one groovy hedgehog. That was great, how you made him out of a sign and all that. What do you think that guy Ollivander meant by kindred spirits"
"I have no idea, but don't call me man," I responded out of fright, not anger. Copper and Johnathan exchanged looks, no doubt wondering what Sirius meant by that "guy, Ollivander," since both of them had no doubt ably bout their wands from him. At that particular moment James flew back into the compartment clutching an old and heavy looking worn blanket in his snow white hands.
I eyed the blanket suspiciously, and he caught it, "They're coming! No time to explain just be quiet," he threw the heavy blanket over my head and body and shoved me into a corner.
I heard saw Copper through the blanket. She was fuzzy and out of focus and she started to say, "What the …? What did you do with Maybell!" but then James shushed her. I looked down and saw what Copper meant; my entire body was just … gone! Not there! James ushered Johnathan, Sirius and Copper into the seats, then sat by Sirius and started up a lively conversation. I stayed quiet so as not to betray my position to the angry mob that was apparently after me.
"So how about them Cannons, eh? Best Quiddich team ever I reckon."
Sirius caught on, "Oh, but of course! What other team has anything on them, after all?"
Then … BAM! The boy and his mother slammed into the compartment. "Where in the world is that Maybell girl!" the woman shouted, "She's going to pay for this! I have no interest in going to Hogwarts, no interest at all. I don't even want Leonard here going to Hogwarts! And now this Maybell girl has ruined all of it! Where is she! I'm going to give her a piece of me mind, and my foot! I was told it was her … hedgehog that did this to us! Tell me where she is!"
James calmly said, "She's not here. If she was, believe me, you'd know. That big blue hat stands out against the crowd of commoners like a big, red, well blue, thumb." I reached up and touched my hat; I hadn't realized it made such an impression.
"Fine. If you see her, tell him I'm looking for her. And tell her I'm very nice and I want to just THANK HER for kindly putting me on this bloody train!"
The boy next to her spoke for the first time, "Mom, it's really not that bad. I'm sure you'll just apparate home as soon as we get to Hogwarts. You could probably do it now if you wanted."
"That's not the point, Timothy. The point is I've wasted an hour of my precious time being GOLD when I could have been making gold instead! I'll make her pay." She grabbed his ear and dragged him out of the compartment. I flung the blanket off of my head and smiled from ear to ear.
"What is that thing?" I gestured to the blanket that was in my arms now.
"It's an invisibility cloak; my dad gave it to me. He said it would be useful at Hogwarts. I guess it already is." He took it back.
Sirius rose regally, like a king rising to greet his subjects. He strutted over to where James and I stood, and then wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "Since I brought James to you, good lady, I see that it is only fitting that I reap the rewards of saving your arse."
I laughed, "And what, good sir, are those rewards? A gallon or two perhaps?"
"Nothing so trivial." He leaned in with his eyes closed and I figured out a second before he reached me what he was trying to do. With a resounding SMACK I quashed his advances. The slap left his entire face a bright red color with a white hand print where my hand had connected.
"Don't you ever try that again." I stopped. "That's just so … so … GROSS!"
James laughed hard and slapped his knee over and over again falling to the floor, and Copper and Johnathan began to chuckle a bit as well. Only Sirius and I weren't laughing, and we were glaring daggers at each other. "Come on James, let's go."
"Oh no. I want to see the two of you try to talk again. That was funny!" Sirius punched his friend in the arm, and tried to grab his arm to drag him out of the compartment, but James wouldn't comply.
I glared furiously at Sirius, and he in turn glared back. "Get out of my compartment, you stupid prat."
"Stupid prat! You lead me on; you acted like you were going to kiss me! What was I supposed to do, not take you up on the offer?"
"You should have known what I was insinuating when I said 'A gallon or two,' You … you … MORON!"
He stopped and said quietly, "Insinuating?" But then his voice grew louder, "I am not a moron! I'm sure there are plenty of girls around here willing to kiss a guy like me. Probably some that are older then me!"
"Then go kiss them and leave me alone! I want nothing to do with you!"
"I … I should just do that!"
"Fine. N-ithe an cat thú is go n-ithe an diabhal an cat, you git!"
At this point, before Sirius could answer or ask what I meant, a girl with long flowing red hair and green eyes poked her head into the compartment, "Is there a problem here?" she said quietly, "I'm Lily Evans; I do hope none of you are arguing already. That's no way to start of the school year."
I looked at her quizzically; no one I had ever met had had so melodious a voice. It was like she and while she spoke, and apparently I wasn't the only one taken by her. James was peering up at her as though she were heaven on earth, hanging on her every word. Sirius was the first to speak, "No, doll, none of us were arguing. But I was wondering …"
At this James socked him in the stomach and turned to face Lily, "Don't mind Sirius. He's a stupid prat, ask Maybell. She told him." He turned and pointed to me.
"That's because he is a stupid prat. Don't let him near you, he might just randomly grab you and shove his tongue down your throat! Run, dear girl, RUN!"
Lily looked around, "I think you've got this handled nicely, I'm going to go find another compartment."
James said, "Wait I'll go with you! Come on Sirius!" and with that, dragged a still angry Sirius out of our compartment and into the hall after Lily before he could talk to me again.
We all sat for a moment in silence, and then started to laugh. Well, Copper and Johnathan started laughing. Then Copper realized that she was still furious with Johnathan for calling her Haviland, again.
Johnathan laughed, Copper glared. She spoke, "I will find a way to punish you, and it will be worse than turning you to gold, since I can't do that now." With this she jumped back into her seat beside Gufo, gave him a pat and granted an evil glance to Johnathan. I looked over to Johnathan and glared at him, evil enough in my own right.
"Thanks a lot! Now look what you've done." I pulled myself up into a seat beside Copper and glared at a wall across from me, royally upset that my fun had been interrupted.
This left Johnathan sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by candy wrappers and uncertainty. The look on his face marvelously displayed his emotions for Copper and me to study, but we both were too busy glaring at things in the distance.
Soon, however, after Johnathan had returned to his seat, I saw Copper position her right hand in her pocket pointing towards Johnathan. I decided not to comment, and rather observe what was going to happen next. Then, something out the window interested Copper to a high degree, and she focused intently on an invisible point in the distance. The fervor on her face and the determination and scrutiny of the horizon spurned me to look for whatever it was that interested her, but I couldn't find a thing remotely interesting and worthy of looking at beyond flashing trees and the occasional rock.
Johnathan took this hint as well, and began scanning the countryside looking for whatever 'it,' was. Copper's attention turned slightly from the countryside, though her eyes didn't, and she muttered nearly inaudibly what sounded like, "I capelli rosa è grandi," and … POP! With a snap and a crackle, Jonathan's hair was transformed from beautiful sculpted blonde to a mane of sparkling and sparking and tangled pink locks.
I burst out in laughter. His hair, his eyebrows, and his eyelashes were a brilliant shade of hot pink, and as if that wasn't enough, they were sparkling and sparking like a fourth of July firework show! Johnathan, of course, couldn't see his hair, but he could certainly hear it.
"Oh dead Lord! The train is breaking down!" He jumped out of his seat which agitated the sparks more so they were louder and now beginning to smell of burning hair, "Oh no! It's getting worse! Come on guys; let's go before we all die!"
Copper and I both rolled onto the floor, laughing hysterically. This only served to send Johnathan into more of a panic. As he became more and more hysterical, the sparks became more and more agitated and the smell got worse and worse. I grabbed onto Copper to keep myself from completely falling to the floor, and she held onto me.
Johnathan's words became incoherent, which only served to send Copper and me into more hysterics. We were enjoying the scene of Johnathan freaking out when Lily returned with Sirius and James in tow. She tried to speak above the ruckus we were making, and succeeded only partially.
"It's time to change into the school uniforms! The train will be arriving soon at Hogwarts! That means you too, James and Sirius."
Sirius looked like he was about to respond with a smart comment back to her, because he saw me sitting there clutching Copper, but then he spotted Johnathan. Johnathan was still running around like a madman, and Sirius listened for a moment to figure out what he was saying. Amazingly, he understood, "Dude, the train isn't breaking down. It's just your hair mate. Calm down!" He then left swiftly with Lily and James.
Johnathan stopped freaking out and gradually the sparking and smell went down. He turned and looked into the window, catching site of his reflection. "Damn you, Copper. I'm going to get you for this. Just you wait."