Actually Doing It

I do own this.

Ring, ring, "Oh, Christine! That must be Pimpernel, time to kiss your…err…Say good bye to your little fop." Erik picked up the phone, "Hey, Uhuh…umm, yeah, wait a sec I'm gonna put you on speaker phone." Erik pushed a button on his cell, and my lovely voice echoed through the lair, "Okay here are your choices:

Lahz: Dun, Dun, Dun, I think you should boil Raoul in tar, and then cover him in feathers. Then, have him stretched out, and tickled till he can't breathe. Then have him drawn and quartered.

"Eww," Christine said, Raoul squirmed, Erik grinned, I continued:

Nixieharpist: Raoul should get stuck in a tight space with 10 armed Phans.

"Awww," Erik said with a delighted sigh, "My fans, the sweet little things,"

Maidenhair: You should read out loud to him, and he could die of brain combustion because he's too stupid to understand.

"I am not!" Raoul protested,

"Hmmm," Erik said, "This is too boring, who knows how long I'd have to read!"

Mizamour: There's no death better than being stomped on by, Ghostbusters's stay-puft Marshmallow man.

"Who's that?" Christine asked,

"I don't know," Erik said, "But he sounds terrifying."

Son Kat: First he gets ran over by a donkey. Named Earl. Then Earl's tamer should smack him around a bit. Then finally they should put him in a shredding machine.

Son Kat: We regret to inform you that your fiancé is dead. We are sorry for your loss.

Christine: NO! My poor Erik!

Son Kat: Oh...er...no...The other one Raoul

Christine: Oh, him…May I poke him?

Son Kat: Sure!

And then we look for his brain, to donate it, but it would be nonexistent.

"Christine?" Raoul said, "Would you really do that?" Christine blushed…

xAdenX: Ok...
First, you should hang him by his ears from a tree. Then throw rabid weasels at him, and while they gnaw off his face, arms, etc, Erik can beat him with a stick...a flaming stick...and then they can cut him down from the tree and get the big elephant from Hannibal to run over him...then blow a air horn in his ear...and finally...throw him in a river...full of Piranhas (or however you spell it.)

"I wonder if the Seine has Piranhas?" Erik thought to himself, "Or, the lake! That would be convenient!"

Tay-kun: People in the middle ages had the right idea: The Rack! Another variation is: Attach a rope so each limb (the arms and legs, not head or anything else), then fasten each rope to a horse. Have four men whip each horse at the exact same time. You can guess what happens.

"Hmmm, Good idea, but I only have one horse, Ceaser. Christy darling! Do you have a horse?"

"A pony named Poppy?"

Erik shrugged, "Ah, guess that'd work, we'd just need 2 more."

"But you don't understand!" Christine yelled, "Poppy is a miniature pony!"

Erik slapped himself in the face.

Lady Assassin Moonbeam: I say that Erik should skin Raoul just enough so that it hurts like hell, but he's still alive. Then start taking out in less important internal organs, and let him bleed to death.

"She swore!" Raoul yelled, "That's evil!"

Erik leered, "Only is you don't know how to do is properly!"

Weird Kitty Foxglove: I think Raoul should die peacefully at age eighty-something, surrounded by his and Christine's children and grandchildren

"I have fans!" Raoul screamed gleefully.

"That is so wrong." Erik retorted, sounded an awful lot like a teenage girl.

"That's all I've got Erik! That's nine." I said.

"So many to choose from!" Erik thought rubbing his hands together, "Oh, this is awful, I…I…" Erik screamed, "CHRISTINE! YOU KNOW HOW AWFUL I AM AT MAKING CHOICES!" Erik bit his finger nails,

"Um-Erik?" I said through the phone, "I Gotta go, Mom doesn't know I'm on the phone with a psychotic from the 18th century." I hung up. Erik meanwhile dialed another number.

"Nadir, I need your help, be at the lair in 5 minutes…What lair? My lair you idiot!"