Kat: Hello everyone, and welcome to chapter 4 of Going Nowhere at the Speed of Light, or "Gnatsol" for short.
Tiran: Bet you're all glad for the update, ne? We introduce a couple new characters in this chapter, and a certain creepy song makes a cameo appearance (in an expanded version that we did).
Tale: I'll do the disclaimer so we won't have to listen to Tea. --clears throat-- "Ahem...Tiran and Kat do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! or anything else that doesn't belong to them. They don't own the altered song either, though they own the alterations. They do own themselves and any other original characters not part of the anime or manga. And I... I own the World's Most-Used Giant Roll of Duct Tape, perfect for keeping that freak quiet."
Tea: Why are you so mean? You need to learn about friendsh-MMPH!
Tale: --tapes mouth shut--
Kat & Tiran: --sweatdrop--
Going Nowhere at the Speed of Light
Chapter 4: The Highest-Numbered Chapter Yet!
"All right, to get things done quickly and efficiently, I will divide you up into teams of three." Tiran explained to everyone. "Yami, you will be with…Tea and Bakura."
"WHAAAAAAAT?" shrieked Yami and Bakura in horror.
"Oh, good! Now I can be with Yami, and teach Bakura about friendship!" Tea exclaimed happily. She then proceeded to dance around like a moron.
"HOLD IT!" Bakura commanded, glaring angrily at Tiran. "What makes you think YOU'RE gonna be the one calling the shots around here! If anyone gets to decide what we all do, I say it should be ME!"
"What makes you think you have the ability to be a leader, Tombrobber?" Yami demanded. "I say I should, because I was the Pharaoh!"
"Well, I say it should be neither because I am obviously the only sane one around here!" Tiran yelled in frustration. "Hey, I resent that!" Ryou called from his place by a check-out lane.
"And anyway, you obviously don't know us very well!" Bakura continued, glaring at Tiran once more. "That FORMER Pharaoh and I absolutely HATE each other, and that girl...no, that FRIENDSHIP-NONSENSE-SPOUTING EARSPLITTING BRAIN-NUMBING FREAK OF NATURE OVER THERE," he pointed to Tea, "IS THE SINGLE MOST ANNOYING BEING EVER TO COME INTO EXISTENCE!"
At this point, Tea stopped dancing. "You know what..." she began slowly.
"Oh no..I can feel it...a rant coming on..." Yami whispered in terror.
Tea opened her mouth wide... "I think..."
"Here it comes..." Yami said, hiding behind a shopping cart.
"Wait a minute, what's going on?" Tiran demanded frantically.
And then...ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE!
"--insert a friendship rant here--", ranted Tea at the top of her lungs. Bakura was backed into a corner, shivering."--rantrantrant--" Tea continued. Bakura curled up into the Fetal Position. "Shutupshutup!"
Tea looked over. "Aww...somebody needs a hug..!"
"YAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEGGGGHHH!" Bakura ran away, screaming bloody murder. Every one else watched in interest.
Tea stared towards the direction he ran. "...was it something I said?"
"You could say that..." Tiran muttered shakily, never having encountered one of Tea's infamous "Friendship Rants" before and looking like he just got hit by a hurricane.
Yami emerged from behind the shopping cart, shuddering. "You'd think you'd get used to it over time...but you don't..."
"Anyway, back to business. This is your group, and it's not gonna change." Tiran said. 'I'm sure glad I didn't put myself with her...' he thought to himself with a shudder.
Bakura came back now, keeping his distance from Tea. "Damn girl would kill me if I wasn't already technically dead..." he muttered.
"Now...who next...oh, I know!" Tiran said, while glancing around at everybody else. "Everyone, come over here. I'm assigning groups."
The others walked over from their various places. Kat kept pushing shopping carts and various other objects behind her as she walked to keep Marik from following too closely. 'Geez...leave me alone already...'
"Okay, now I've already formed Group 1," Tiran told everyone, pointing to Tea, Yami, and Bakura. "And I have decided that Group 2 will have Yugi, Ryou, and Malik."
"Yay!" Yugi exclaimed happily, still munching on his candy.
"Is there a reason you put all hikaris in one group?" Malik asked.
"Yes, I was wondering that too..." Ryou said, looking curious.
"No..." Tiran replied with shifty eyes.
"Tiran, I think you should know that Yugi is still sugar-high.." Kat said, looking over at the vertically-challenged hikari who was hopping up and down while eating the candy.
"Yeah, he is. Okay Malik, until he cools down, hold his hand." Tiran instructed.
"Why do I have to hold his hand?" Malik demanded with a groan.
"Just do it."
"Fine..."
Suddenly, every single light in the store went out at once.
"W-what's going on?" Serenity asked nervously.
"Power outage, I'd say," Ryou replied. "It's storming."
"Aw, man... I hate the dark..." Joey muttered, then bumped into someone.
"OUCH! Watch it, you klutz!" cried Tristan, who was the person Joey bumped into.
"Sorry..."
"Great! Now I can't see to do my make-up!" Mai complained.
"Who cares about your stupid make-up?" Duke demanded. "I dropped a die and I can't find it!"
"Good thing I had just taped Tea's mouth shut before the lights went out," Tale said with a smug grin that no one could see.
"MNBMMFRRRMMBH!" the afore-mentioned girl mumbled through the tape.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean...?" Bakura wondered.
"Who knows?" Marik said in reply, while chewing gum. "Oh...I got gum in my hair!"
Malik started laughing.
The only light that remained was the occasional flash of lightning from the storm outside. Then footsteps were suddenly heard, and a pair of creepy, glowing red eyes appeared some distance away from the group.
"Alright Bakura...enough fooling around, get back over here," said Ryou, watching as the eyes moved closer very slowly.
"It's not me... But whoever they are, they've sure got style," Bakura remarked approvingly.
A sudden flash of lightning and crack of thunder made everyone jump, and then an equally creepy voice joined the eyes.
"Total slaughter...
Total slaughter...
I won't leave a single man alive..." the voice sang, in a chilling, evil tone, moving towards them as it sang. Joey yelped and hid behind a candy shelf.
"La di da di dee,
None shall go free...
La di da di dun,
There's nowhere to run..." Yugi shivered and ate more candy. The eyes grew closer...
"La di da di dai,
Genocide...
La di da di dud,
An ocean of blood..." Marik let out a piercing shriek and grabbed onto Kat. REALLY tight. "...URK! Guh...lemme go..."
"Let's begin the killing time..." the voice finished, as the eyes moved even closer.
A loud 'THUD!' was heard as Malik fainted, and collapsed in a heap.
"Never thought those two would get scared so easily..." Yami muttered.
Bakura was applauding. "I LOVE that song!"
Meanwhile, Kat had somehow gotten out of Marik's hold.
"I know that voice...AND that song, though that wasn't the original version.." she said, walking towards the glowing pair of eyes. The owner of the eyes laughed, in a much nicer tone than before.
"I changed it a bit," a girl's voice said. "You like?"
"I did!" Bakura said suddenly, pushing past Kat and running over to the mystery person, whose eyes had lost their red glow. A flash of lightning revealed the person to be a girl with long black hair and deep green eyes, wearing gold ankh earrings. Another girl was following behind her.
"What is your name, where did you come from, and will you consider joining me in spreading terror throughout the world!" the tombrobber demanded.
"Uh Kanika, Women's Clothing, and no thank you..." Kanika replied, raising an eyebrow.
Bakura looked disappointed. "But when I heard that song... I was sure you would help with my acts of evilness..."
Kat walked over to them, laughing. "Sorry, but Kanika isn't evil. She just likes to have fun and scare people once in a while."
"And how would YOU know all this?" Bakura demanded, arms crossed.
"She knows because I'm her yami," Kanika explained.
"You have a Millennium Item?" Bakura asked Kat, frowning. Everyone else walked over to them, with many collisions with other people and objects. Marik was dragging Malik.
"Yep!" Kat replied, pulling something out of a pouch. "The Millennium Ocarina!" She held up a golden ocarina that had the Millennium Symbol in silver on the mouthpiece, with a sapphire in the center of the eye.
"Hey, she's not the only one!" Tiran exclaimed, a little jealous of the attention that Kat was suddenly getting because of her Item.
"Ooh, you have one too?" asked Yugi.
"Yeah. Tale's my yami. I have no clue why I have a girl yami, so don't ask..."
"Is that a problem?" Tale demanded somewhat crossly.
"What about the Item?" asked Bakura, eyes wide.
"Did you notice the gold scabbard at my side? It's the Millennium Katana. Not to be confused with my friend, Katana. Kat's her short name." Tiran said, showing off the sheathed sword. "I'm not gonna take it out right now.."
"Hey! What about me!" exclaimed the other girl, placing her hands on her hips.
"Oh, shimatta... this is May, me and Kat's other friend," Tiran explained, sweatdropping. "Sorry I forgot ya, May."
"It's alright," May assured him, smiling. "Nice to meet all of you!"
Most of the others said something along the lines of "Hello, nice to meet you too", except Bakura and Marik, who weren't big on kindness, and Malik, who was still unconscious.
"Okay, now, I was going to do more groups, but I think we should try to find something to help us see," Tiran advised. "Does anyone know where we can find flashlights?"
"I think I saw some..." Ryou said, nudging Malik with his foot. "Still out cold... I'll go find them."
"I know where some batteries are," Kat told them, edging slowly away from Marik, who kept following her. "Could you please STOP THAT!"
Marik moved away from Kat, but kept staring at her.
"Why do we need flashlights?" Bakura asked, while secretly sending Duke's dice to the Shadow Realm one by one (and Duke had brought a LOT). "I like the dark..."
Duke reached into a pocket to pull out a die, only to have it disappear right as he grabbed it. "WHAT? MY DIE! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Everyone covered their ears and groaned. Bakura just snickered evilly, having already found ear plugs and used them. He continued to banish the dice.
"I'm gonna wake Malik up now," Marik said, and then bent down and whispered something into Malik's ear.
Malik sat bolt upright. "WHERE!" he cried with a look of pure terror on his face.
Everyone else cringed at yet another loud noise.
"What did you say to him?" Yami wondered, watching as Malik cowered behind a shopping cart (they do that a lot, don't they?).
"I told him that the thing he's most scared of is nearby," Marik replied.
"And what would that be?"
"...--snicker--...bananas."
Everyone stared. Malik screamed. Then everyone burst out laughing.
"BANANAS!" Tristan exclaimed incredulously. "What kind of moron would be scared of bananas!"
"HIS kinda moron!" Joey said, laughing so hard he was slowly collapsing onto the floor. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...Hehehe...ow..."
"Hey, that's not very nice..." Serenity said, frowning. "Joey, I happen to know you're afraid of-MMPH!"
Joey clapped a hand over his sister's mouth. "Awright, I'll stop makin' fun of 'im, geez... Just don't tell..."
"Can't see...must do make-up..." Mai mumbled, rocking back and forth in corner (suffering from make-up withdrawal).
"Something tells me we're in for a long two weeks..." Tiran muttered. Kat nodded in agreement.
So, what was everyone doing by this time? Well...
Yugi was continuously stuffing his face with candy. His bag of candy had run out a while ago, but unfortunately (for everyone else), there was a lot of candy in K-Mart. So on and on he ate...
Tea was laying bound & gagged on a check-out conveyor belt thing (Tale's handiwork).
Duke was trying to find the dice that had vanished. Bakura was still vanishing the rest.
Tristan was badgering Serenity to tell Joey's secret phobia. Joey was trying to kill him. Serenity was sweatdropping.
Malik was cowering and Marik was laughing at him.
Yami was watching as Tale began to completely encase Tea in a duct-tape cocoon. She reluctantly left an air hole.
Ryou was looking for flashlights and Kat was getting extra batteries.
Mai was rocking back and forth...
Tiran was getting a headache. May was humming quietly.
And Kanika was nowhere to be found...
End of Chapter 4
Kat: This was getting real long, so we decided to end chapter four here!
Tiran: Plus...we can't really think of anything else to add right now...
Tale: At least you finally updated.
Kanika: --is nowhere to be found--
Tea: --still duct-taped-- Reeeddnnnreeeephooooo!
Tale? oO;
Tiran: I think she said "Read and review".
Kat: Think you're right. So c'mon people, go do it! n.n