Fanfiction based in the world of Harry Potter, created by JKR. Her characters are hers. Original characters are mine. Please see first chapter for full disclaimers and description.

Short chapter. We had to have a reconciliation, but it is an uneasy one. Neither Severus nor Rowena feel they were in the wrong in their row, and indeed from their own perspective they were not. Yet their attraction draws them to each other.

Chapter 10: Uneasy Understanding

It was a full week before she could force herself to face him again. He was just as judiciously avoiding her. She went to St. Mungos on her usual days with Molly Weasley, and learned from Katrina that Severus had visited her—and her alone—Monday, Tuesday, and Friday.

She had given hours of thought to their argument, and could not find that she was wrong in what she had said to him, though she wished she had not said it at just that moment or in that way. He had shared with her some of the deepest pain of his life, and she had accused him of wallowing in self-pity. Well, perhaps he was, but it wasn't her place to point it out!

Additionally, she couldn't argue with what he had laid at her door in regards to Remus. She wasn't in the least ready to offer her brother the forgiveness that she so freely gave to Severus. Perhaps it was because none of Severus's actions had hurt her directly, where Remus's had. Was she truly that selfish?

His remarks about her feelings towards him... well, there he was way off the mark. He couldn't possibly understand the hold he had on her heart. None of it was imaginary, but there was no way to prove that to him except the test of time.

Deciding at last that nothing would be resolved by avoidance, she went to his dungeon, knowing that he was hiding in his lab, behind his research, just as she had done. Boldly, and with a stubborn set to her chin, she knocked on his door.

"Go away, Lupin."

She smiled that he knew who it was without asking. She withdrew her wand, and in a few moments time had negated his door wards and stepped inside.

"I want to talk to you," she said firmly.

"I think we have both said quite enough," he sneered.

"I don't. It was wrong of me to behave so unkindly when you told me of your parents. It's not my place to tell you what to think or how to feel. I care about you, which makes your constant self-loathing extremely tiresome. I don't think you deserve it. But it's not my place to give you a dressing-down like that."

He snorted, and looked at her with the cool impassivity of total disinterest, "An apology, Lupin? Unnecessary and unwelcome. If you have had your say, get out."

"I'm not finished. There is truth in what you said about my brother, though there is a difference in the two cases. Remus's offenses to me were of a deeply personal nature, where as yours were general, abstract, crimes against strangers. It shouldn't matter logically, in how I feel about the two situations, but it does."

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, is that it?" He sneered, sarcastically.

"Something like that I suppose. But you did give me something to think about as far as he's concerned."

She hated his look of perfect unconcern. He had obviously decided to close her out completely, and she didn't know how to reach him. Still, she wasn't yet done with what she had come to say.

"There is one more thing. I will thank you not to make assumptions in regards to my feelings for you. I assure you that I'm neither so pathetic nor desperate as to be willing to throw myself at your feet. Nor am I so naïve as to imagine my feelings to be something they are not. I haven't built you into some imaginary Hero. I know you, Severus. I know the core of you, maybe as well as you know yourself. I care about YOU, just as you are, no illusions. I don't know how to make you accept that, but it's the truth.

"NOW I have said all I came to say."

He continued to stare at her coolly, impassively, and in perfect silence. She met his eyes and allowed him to see some small portion of the warm fondness she felt for him, but said no more. She had gone as far as she was willing to go. After a long moment, she turned to leave.

"Lupin...."

She turned to look at him, her hand on the door latch.

"I will accompany you to St. Mungos on Wednesday," he said, his voice impassive, but at least without the bitter sarcasm.

She gave him a small smile and nodded, and then left.

Wednesday's visit at the hospital, including the flight, was much as the previous ones had been though there were two Thestrals. Katrina again attached herself to Severus's neck, and he accepted it with the same somewhat uncomfortable grace. There was definitely a rapport between those two, though, and he was more relaxed and gentle with the child than she had ever seen him. Indeed, none of his students would have recognized the patient man endlessly reading the same stories to the small child on his lap for their bitter, sarcastic Potions Master.

Upon returning to Hogwarts, he again walked her to her quarters and followed her inside. She felt awkward and uncertain in light of the row that had occurred the last time he had come, but she was glad at least that his anger had abated enough that he was willing to come again.

She said nothing, but provided them with tea, waiting for him to speak. He seemed equally disinclined for conversation, so that she was left wondering why he came inside at all. He sat in a chair, staring at her chessboard, silent and brooding.

"Are you still planning to attend the Malfoy's Fete with me?" He asked at last, with an air of supreme indifference. She had learned enough of him by now to know that his appearance of unconcern increased in direct proportion to how important the issue at hand was to him.

"Yes, I thought it was rather expected, in light of... everything..."

He shrugged. "I could make your excuses. We had a row, you decided I wasn't worth your interest. It would be a safe way to get you out of this quickly."

She sighed and sat on the sofa where she could be closer to him than the opposite chair. "Severus, I thought we had already discussed this? You have very little understanding of a woman's affections if you think one row, no matter how blazing, is going to dampen them."

He gave a dry laugh and glanced at her briefly, uncertainly, "I have very little understanding of women in general, Rowena. You in particular. You are annoying, disturbing, frightening, intriguing, irritating, fascinating, aggravating and a million other things at once. Understandable is NOT one of them."

She smiled at him warmly, suddenly more at ease, and said playfully, "Then it's best not to try. You'll find yourself in very good company. Most men complain they can't understand women, so at least you aren't alone."

He made a humorless sound of agreement, but said no more. He did relax into his chair and seemed less uncomfortable.

She tried to break the silence by lightening the conversation, "Now that that is settled, the biggest obstacle I see is that I have no idea what to wear? Seeing how it is Narcissa involved, I suppose it must be something extravagant?"

He rolled his eyes in disgust and nodded. "Indeed. The majority of women there will be dressed up, made up, and bedecked in jewels so that they look like nothing so much as very expensive whores. Please do not attempt to match them! Do not wear black, or Slytherin Green. Otherwise anything you choose I am sure will be sufficient. No one there will think you are one of them, and I prefer to have that distinction maintained, for your sake. The sleeve length recommendation remains the same."

"What will you wear?"

He looked at her as though shocked, both black brows raised incredulously and said flatly, "Black".

She grinned at him and raised a brow archly, "Oh come now, Professor! Surely such a special occasion should warrant a slight diversion from your normal attire?"

"No. It does not. Another thing you should know. I do not dance. YOU, however, will be expected to do so. They do nothing but waltz, ENDLESSLY, and will have a live orchestra. Do not allow anyone to get you to agree to be their partner for the midnight dance."

She sighed and frowned at him. "Oh joy, better and better. You get to hang out by the punch bowl while I have to kill my feet and allow various and sundry evil gits paw all over me in turn, is that it?"

"I think that is an adequate summation, yes. I will get the 'joy' of being accosted by every Dark Lord supporting Father of as of yet unmarried daughters, while they are paraded in front of me like chattel. If I were to dance with YOU, I would be immediately obligated to do so with them as well. I have avoided them for over 20 years, I am not about to oblige them now."

Rowena giggled and he glowered at her. "I'm sorry, but really, you could lighten up a bit. The poor girls! What could it possibly hurt you to dance with them?"

"I do not wish it. I do not allow myself to be manipulated into things I do not want to do, Rowena. Not by anyone."

"That's not true," she contradicted with a challenge in her voice. "Between Dumbledore and You-know-who, you were right stuck in the middle and forced into this charade with me."

He gave her his dangerous, feral grin, and said smoothly, "Ah, but you will recall that all my objections were in regards to your personal safety. If I had not wanted to participate, neither of those two would have been able to force me into it, as they both know. Which makes your situation all the more precarious."

She felt herself blush at his implications, and then the blush deepened at the amusement in his eyes as he noted it. Her voice sounded a bit odd and breathy as she asked, "Why does that make things more precarious?"

He leaned forward, and his voice dropped lower, the silky baritone washing over her like a caress. "Because the Dark Lord will know you interest me at least enough to get me to agree to attentions which I have steadfastly avoided giving to any other female in the entirety of my life." His eyes bored into her challengingly as he continued, "He will not believe my complete indifference, any more than you say Narcissa would believe a rift from your side. Which instantly moves you to the ranks of a potential tool to use against me, should he decide it is necessary."

The blush left her face as quickly as it had come as she paled instead at the thought that he might be in danger. She waved her wand and instantly had several heavy rolls of parchment in her hands.

"I've been working on this during the week. I found being rather angry made me more productive."

He snorted, "Indeed. As did I."

She ignored his sarcasm and laid out the rolls for him to look at.

"Albus already has these, they've been sent to Azkaban and are probably in use now as we speak. I've altered the modulation of all the antiapparation shields and antimagic shields to strengthen them. But moreover, I've given them the means to change them randomly each day. You can take these to ... Him... and He will have the actual shield plans, no subterfuge. They are so random that it will be a long time before He will be able to find a means to break through them. I couldn't even break them now that they are in effect, and I modified the spells. Just tell Him you copied these from my lab or something when I wasn't around."

He read through them carefully, and looked at her closely when he had done. He nodded and tucked them away in his robes. "Impressive. And helpful. Thank you."

He finished his tea and stood. "The Fete is Friday. We will be taking a carriage. I will pick you up here at four. The Fete includes a meal. I will be giving you a multipurpose poison antidote of my own creation when I pick you up. It shouldn't be necessary, but with these people, you never know."

She stood to walk him to the door, but he was already gone.