It's Saturday morning, and everybody's in the kitchen for breakfast, except Meg. Everybody's quiet, so quiet that Stewie is on the verge of falling asleep. But then, Meg comes stomping down the stairs, screaming.
"OH MY GOD, MOM, OH MY GOD!"
"Bloody hell, stop screaming and prancing around like a juvenile prostitute, you dirty girl!"
"Stewie, don't say hell, it's an ugly word!" replied Lois. "Now, what did you want to say, honey?"
"Mom, they're holding auditions for American Idol at city hall!"
"Sweet! Does that mean I'm gonna get to meet Ryan Seacrest again? cheered Peter. I just hope it goes better than last time..."
FLASHBACK
Ryan Seacrest is at the urinal, peeing. Peter arrives, and starts shrieking.
"Good lord, is that Brian Dunkleman? The host from American Idol?"
"No actually, I'm Ryan Seacrest. Dunkleman doesn't host anymore..."
"Wow, the GAY host from American Idol... Oh my god! Can I have your autograph?"
"Actually, I'm not gay, you know, but I guess I can give you my autograph..."
"Hey, forget the autograph, man. Can you just pee in this Tupperware?"
"Uh... I guess, yeah..." Ryan hands him the plastic cup after he's done.
"Boy, this is gonna sell like crazy on e-bay! Thanks, Seacrest!"
END FLASHBACK
"Yeah, too bad he got that restraining order after that..." interfered Brian
"Anyway, Meg, why do those auditions interest you anyway?"
"Well, mom, I wanna be on American Idol!"
"But Meg, honey, you... euhm... well, you know...you don't really, uhm...Well, you just don't really have... the... you know... vocal euhm... you know, right?"
"For the love of god... Meg, what Lois is trying to say is: You sing like an ass." snapped Brian.
"Is that really what you think, Mom?"
"Well, not like an ass... I was thinking more like a screeching cat, or something like a croaking frog."
"OOOOOOOOOH! Nice shot Lois! You totally burned her ass on that one!" screamed Stewie.
( a few seconds of heavy silence follow Stewie's interruption)
"Come on, she totally burned her! Come on, people! She totally nailed it... Oh, just resume your bloody conversation, you idiots."
"Anyway... Mom, since you're a music teacher, I thought you could help me out with my singing!"
"Oh, I don't know, Meg... I'm a piano teacher, not a voice coach"
"Please, mom... this is really important for me!"
"Well, I guess I could give you a few tips and pointers... So when is this thing anyway?"
"Uhm... yeah, uh, it's... tomorrow..."
"I HAVE TO TEACH YOU TO SING WELL IN 24 HOURS? Dear god, this is gonna turn out worse than that time I gave signing lessons to Britney Spears!"
FLASHBACK
"Okay, Britney, repeat after me: la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-laaaa... Your turn, Britney"
"Laaa-la-la-laaaaaaaaa (out of breath)laa-la-laa-la-laaaaaaaaaaaaaa (voice breaks)"
"Good Lord, that was horribly off key! Try it again."
"La-la-la-laaaaaa-la-la(voice breaks)-la-laaa-(breaks again)la..."
"Stop this right now! Boy, this is gonna be longer than I thought..."
"Really? God, this sucks. Can't I just sleep with you and call it a day?"
END OF FLASHBACK