AUTHOR'S NOTES: Here's Chapter Two! I hope you all enjoy my story; I'm trying my best. I dunno how efficient I am in this whole Vineyard thing, but I believe in life after bad fics, haha. Anyhoo, enjoy the story. R&R does the body good!
DISCLAIMER: I don't own A Series of Unfortunate Events, and I don't know Lemony Snicket.
SUMMARY: Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire finally begin to believe that their misfortune might be behind them...until they discover a mysterious and empty vineyard behind Ms. Rodane's house. Count Olaf finally decides to show his face and disguises himself as a wine connoisseur volunteering to restore the Vineyard and Ms. Rodane quickly agrees, wanting to make money from it. The Baudelaires, however, know he's still after their fortune, and they know the vineyard holds yet another secret of V.F.D., the organization their parents were part of. Can they solve another baffling mystery surrounding them? And whatever became of the Quagmires and Hector?
Chapter Two: The Vexing Vineyard
There are stories of mermaids, rich people, and successful lawyers, all of which are probably much more pleasant than the one you're about to read, and if I were you I would shut my computer screen off quickly before setting my eyes upon this grisly account. In a story full of mermaids, beautiful women with fish tails swim around the crystal ocean, and with rich people you can read about incredibly wealthy individuals, a phrase which here means 'those who have lots of money.' These incredibly wealthy individuals get to spend outrageously large amounts of money on whatever they like. Successful lawyers also have money, and also win legal cases, getting people money who deserve it. In this particular tale, however, you can only read of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny Baudelaire, and the ghastly experiences they encounter everywhere they go.
It is not the fault of the youngsters that they lead such calamitous lives. The word calamitous here means 'full of wicked guardians and despicable villains who are continually trying to snatch the Baudelaire fortune.' The lives of the Baudelaires had taken a horrible turn when a banker named Mr. Poe approached them on their day at the beach and delivered the awful news that their parents had perished in a terrible fire that destroyed their mansion. The Baudelaire parents left an enormous fortune behind for the children, but the infamous Count Olaf, who happened to be their first guardian after their parents' death, tried to steal and is still after this fortune.
Now you can see why you should turn away from this story. Happy moments in the lives of Violet, Klaus, and Sunny do not come often, and you won't find this particular narrative any more pleasant than all the other tales of the Baudelaire orphans. So brace yourself – this phrase has nothing to do with filling your mouth with orthodontic metal, but preparing yourself for something unpleasant – as you embark on this grim story of the three Baudelaire orphans.
At this point, the three youngsters do not suspect anything about Ms. Rodane or what is behind Ms. Rodane's tool shed behind her house. At this point, Violet, Klaus, and Sunny are all in Violet's room, Sunny biting down on a sufficiently hard toy hammer, and Klaus reading about water plants of the Mediterranean Sea. At this point, the three young Baudelaires are happier than they've been in a long time, almost since they lived with their late Uncle Monty.
"I was quite apprehensive about living here," Violet confessed, "but it looks as though Ms. Rodane will be a wonderful guardian."
"It certainly seems that way," Klaus said, momentarily taking his nose out of Mediterranean Water-Plant Life.
"Great!" Sunny said, which meant something along the lines of, "Yes, she seems like a very capable guardian."
"Children, dinner time! We'll start our work tomorrow," Ms. Rodane called to the children.
"I thought we had to rush in because we had lots of work to do," Violet asked suspiciously.
"Oh my dears, that was only to get Mr. Poe to leave more quickly. He's not one of my favorite colleagues, to be brutally honest."
It is common knowledge that being honest is always a good thing to do. There is a saying that says, 'honesty is the best policy.' It is always wise to tell the truth, but being brutally honest can sometimes be going too far. A woman might be brutally honest with a man whom she is in love with, telling him that she must leave him for reasons unknown. A doctor, while it is probably necessary, might be brutally honest with a patient and tell them that they're horribly sick and going to die in a matter of hours. However you view brutal honesty, it isn't always pleasant to hear, and the Baudelaires didn't like hearing it from their new guardian, anymore than you or I might.
"Why is that, Ms. Rodane?" Klaus asked curiously.
"Because my dear Klaus, he isn't the most sanitary person you'll find, and I do love sanitation. Germs cause sickness, and it's no fun being sick."
"I see," Violet said. Ms. Rodane's sanitation fetish reminded her of Aunt Josephine's love of grammar.
"And since I'm sure none of you want to get sick, you should go wash your hands this instant so you can eat dinner."
"We'll do that, Ms. Rodane," Violet said and led her siblings to the bathroom to wash their hands.
So the children washed their hands and sat down around the table and said their blessings. It had been a long time since they had a proper meal in a proper house prepared by a proper guardian, and they knew that pleasant moments did not come along often for them, so they savored every moment of it. The children ate an enjoyable meal of Spaghetti and meatballs, complete with garlic bread and delicious banana pudding for dessert, so that the children were full to bursting with a delicious dinner. Right now the Baudelaires are experiencing a peacefulness they haven't experienced in a long time, which is good, because soon they will not find themselves in such a nice setting.
It was when Violet, Klaus, and Sunny woke up to a bleak and rainy morning that they felt their troubles might finally be beginning. Ms. Rodane was calling to them from her kitchen for them to come down to breakfast. They dressed and bathed in silence and headed down to the kitchen, hoping what they would encounter was a wholesome breakfast and a wonderful caretaker. What they did find was a small breakfast and a wicked tone.
"Come on Baudelaires, we're wasting time! Eat your toast then we're heading out to the Vineyard."
"Vineyard?" Sunny asked.
"Yes, it's a field where people grow grapes to make wine, but of course children like yourselves wouldn't know or understand that. There's an old one right behind my house. It doesn't look like much right now, and that's where our work begins." Klaus looked offended – he'd known what the word Vineyard meant for some time now.
"What my sister means is, why do we have to work out there?"
"Because Vineyards are quite profitable of course! I could make millions from that Vineyard, and a kind man named Vincent was willing to give me all the information I'd need. He's coming here today, and I want him to see something a little more kempt than that garden of death out there." Ms. Rodane's tone was much harsher than it was the previous day.
The three Baudelaire children were quite nervous about this mystery man named Vincent coming to help Ms. Rodane. Violet, Klaus, and Sunny were almost certain that Vincent would be Count Olaf, posing as another preposterous – a word here that means 'silly and obvious' character. Now, Violet would've given anything to be back with Kit Snicket at the Hotel Denouement, with Quigley, Isadora, and Duncan Quagmire, meeting some surviving members of V.F.D. Fortune like this, however, does not usually greet the Baudelaires, and this particular predicament was no different. When they climbed into the back of Kit Snicket's taxi and drove to the Hotel Denouement, Olaf ended that journey early as well, intercepting them at the Hotel and eliminating all hope of their cycle of misfortune ending.
The Baudelaire orphans had no idea why Olaf kept attempting to steal their fortune after his plans had been thwarted so many times. He showed up at the Lumber Mill they were working at and dressed up as a female receptionist who wanted children of her own. He showed up at Prufrock Preparatory School as a gym teacher who would gladly take them on. And Violet, Klaus, and Sunny had no idea what kind of scheme he'd be cooking up this time, but it would certainly have something to do with their enormous fortune, and that always came along with some dastardly deeds and actions. The three orphans ate their single pieces of toast, and then Ms. Rodane out to the Vineyard behind her tool shed.
"Okay, I want all three of you to weed the Vineyard first; there's much more than old grape vines growing back here, as you can see. Then you can grab a hoe from the tool shed and rake up the dirt. I expect we'll need fertilizer, as this dirt looks quite old and dry."
"But Ms. Rodane we don't know how to take care of a garden by ourselves. We've never done it before," Violet said.
"Why, may I ask, would that stop you?"
"Well...because the work might be too hard for three children like us," Klaus answered.
"I'm afraid that is not enough of a reason for me, Klaus. There's a first time for everything, isn't there? This is an excellent opportunity for you three to learn the advantages of hard labor. You do not reap benefits from work you do not sew."
"Too young," Sunny said.
"I don't think you're too young Sunny; I heard you're old enough to cook meals."
"Sunny doesn't cook whole meals; she's still a little too young for that. She can cook some dishes, but it's only the basics," Violet said.
"That doesn't make much of a difference. If she's old enough to cook, she's old enough to garden."
"But..." Klaus started, but Ms. Rodane interrupted her.
"I don't want to hear another word about it! You three can get started on this Vineyard this minute; Vincent will be here in a few hours and I want this place to look presentable for him."
With a grim look in their eyes and a sinking feeling in their hearts, the Baudelaire children entered the Vineyard and looked around at the size of their workload. Not wanting to upset Ms. Rodane anymore than they already had, the children found three pairs of gloves in the tool shed along with the hoe they would need and headed around the shed to the Vineyard. It looked like a desolate wasteland of foliage. It was not as large as one would imagine a Vineyard might be, and it didn't stand out in any particular way. Weeds littered the dry ground, and scraggly remains of dead plants were scattered here and there as well. It looked as though it had not rained in the Vineyard for years before the morning drizzle, and Violet, Klaus, and Sunny had no idea how they alone were supposed to bring this Vineyard to life alone; Ms. Rodane didn't seem too interested in helping them.
Morning turned into afternoon, and the children were slaving nonstop over the lifeless Vineyard. Violet and Klaus decided to only use Sunny for the easily disposable plants. Violet pulled and pulled on the weeds in the ground with her long hair tied up in a ribbon (she was thinking of inventions that might help make this process easier). Klaus weeded along with Violet, and he dumped all the dead plants into bags and laid the bags in a long line along one of the fences. It was quite tedious work for such young children, and they hadn't done much for the dirt that was extremely infertile. Just then Ms. Rodane poked her head out of the back door of her house and called to the children that Vincent had arrived.
"That Vineyard is appalling!" Ms. Rodane snapped as Violet, Klaus, and Sunny entered the house.
"Ms. Rodane, we couldn't really work any faster," Violet said.
"I truly don't understand why you children keep making excuses. You can explain to Vincent why the Vineyard looks so horrendous," Ms. Rodane said and motioned to a man standing behind her.
The Baudelaire orphan's dread and speculation as to who Vincent would be were correct. He smiled an evil and greedy smile at the three children with a malevolent glare in his shiny, shiny eyes. His one eyebrow was hidden behind a grey hate to match his grey suit. He had a cane in his left hand, and long grey socks covered the tattoo of an eye on that ankle. Violet gulped, Klaus didn't breathe, and Sunny just stared at the figure before them. Violet wanted to take a harder look at Ms. Rodane and see if she was really Esmé Squalor, Count Olaf's girlfriend (or as far as they knew), but she showed no such resemblance.
"This is Vincent, Baudelaires. He's a wine connoisseur," Ms. Rodane said, smiling.
"It is my understanding that you three orphans were to clean the Vineyard and make it look presentable to me," Vincent (well, Olaf) said, disguising his voice as usual.
"We were sir. But what does that mean to you? You're Count Olaf!"
"I am who? I'm sure I've never heard of such a person."
"Children, I'm surprised at you. Why are accusing Vincent of being Count Olaf? He doesn't resemble the description Mr. Poe gave me."
"We told you, he's always disguised, like he is right now!" Klaus said, raising his voice higher than he intended.
"I would appreciate it if you wouldn't raise your voice to our guest. Now, children, there's food in the fridge. I'm going to show Vincent the Vineyard; fix yourself a sandwich or something if you're hungry. I hope your abysmal job on the Vineyard doesn't affect his decision to help me." And with that, she turned and led Vincent out of the door and toward the backyard.
Violet, Klaus, and Sunny watched both adults' backs as they exited the house and felt that all-too familiar feeling. The feeling of dread and overall unpleasantness as Count Olaf entered their lives uninvited once more, and the guardian they were with had no clue what was going on. The three children didn't rule out the idea that Ms. Rodane might be one of Olaf's accomplices, but they knew one thing for sure: their streak of misfortune was not over yet.