Author: mkcrl120
Disclaimer: All the characters mentioned in this story belong to Joss Whedon or Mutant Enemy or some other people. I own nothing and wrote this just to get it out of my system.
Summary: What exactly would happen if we decided to change a few little things during one particular episode. I decided I ought to find out.
Rating: Not sure... I generally aim stuff at adults, so I suppose that's a minimum requirement.
Setting: Season 2 - I think the title gives away the exact episode.
A/N: There is only one assumption you ought to be aware of before reading this, I found in canon BB&B it seemed that the spell Xander & Amy cast got more and more powerful the longer it was left running. To begin with it was more harmless flirty fun and involved less death threats (which is kinda how I've found most relationships go - just not normally within a day or two), as such I've decided to amend the spellcasting slightly so that it and people's reactions to it are seen on the same day (rather than leaving it to continue overnight as in the show). Everybody following me so far, then here's the fic.
Lunchtime.
Sunnydale High School.
Science Lab.
Xander sat as still as he could on the cold laboratory floor, wearing only a pair of jeans and some paint that Amy had carefully marked down in his chest in three broad stripes. 'Didn't know partial nudity was going to be involved in the plan.' Xander thought to himself as he watched Amy finish her preparations to the brew she was creating in a small science beaker. 'Do witches have to use sterilised equipment too..?' He pondered, as Amy held the locket he'd given her over the boiling liquid. As she turned her back to him, she blocked his view of her actions. He considered moving to take a closer look but then he remembered that Amy had instructed him to remain inside the diagram she had painted on the floor until the spell was over. With nothing else to do Xander firmly grasped the candle in his hands, and bobbed his head side to side as he tried to peer around her without moving the rest of his body. 'Wonder what she's doing now..?'
"Diana... goddess of love and hunt... I pray to th..." As soon as she began to chant, Xander found his attention diverted back to the candle in his hand, where the flame started to flicker.
'Don't go out... don't go out...' He mentally chanted to himself, trying to shield the flame from any drafts using his left hand. Not having any success, he quickly licked his left index finger and held it near the candle. 'There's no wind, must be a magical thing.' He quickly summised, returning his left hand to join it's partner in firmly holding the candle at the bottom.
"...this love and bless it." Amy finished off. Xander's head flicking back in her direction just as she turned around. "Blow out the candle now." She instructed him.
Xander brought it closer to his face and exhaled, snuffing the flame out in one breath.
He sat there for a few further moments, eyes scanning the room moving quickly from the candle to Amy to the jar and finally back to the candle again. "So..." He began, glancing down at the painted stripes that remained on his torso. "That it..?" He asked in a disappointed tone.
"Yep." Amy answered as she removed the locket for the beaker, pouring the contents of the vessel down a nearby sink. "All done."
Xander stood up, and walked barefoot out of the symbol and over to Amy. "You sure it worked..? I don't feel any different." He tried to explain.
Amy shrugged, "I did everything the spell suggested. Never done a love spell before so I suppose it could have gone wrong."
"What?" Xander involuntarily raised his voice, forcing himself to calm down before commenting again. "You didn't mention this before."
"There's always a small risk with magic..." Amy confessed. "The gods might not answer, the caster might not have enough power... or too much. I thought you knew about the risks." She finished with what Xander assumed was a reassuring smile.
"Right." Xander stated out loud. Shaking his head, he bent down to start putting his socks on. 'Not her fault,' he reasoned, putting on the first trainer. 'I was the one demanding this... think hopeful thoughts... you can probably still make Cordy pay. I mean, if it fails and she doesn't fall for me then I'm only in the same boat I am now.' He figured as he pulled his shirt on.
"Xander." Amy stated, pulling him out of his inner thoughts just before he began to fasten the buttons.
She waved a little cloth at him. 'Eh..?' Xander thought, raising his eyebrows in a silent question.
"The paint Xander." Amy responded, pointing at the streaks that were visible across his chest.
"Right, of course." He pretended to slap himself in the forehead. "Don't want to get my shirt all messy."
"True," she giggled, as she moved towards him. "Might ruin the image if you face Cordy looking like you volunteered to be the canvas for a kindergarten art class."
"Definitely." He agreed, moving the two sides of his shirt away from his torso. 'Phew, no marks.' he noted as he examined the insides.
"Here let me." Amy volunteered, using the cloth to wipe away the remains of the paint. "Soon be clean." She commented, as she rinsed the cloth under the tap before starting again on the final stripe.
"Erm, thanks." Xander responded, buttoning up his shirt now it was safe to do so. "And don't worry about the magic stuff... you're secret's safe with me." He tossed back as he left the room.
"I know it is." Amy replied with a smile, just as he was just leaving earshot.
School Cafeteria.
About Ten Minutes Later.
Xander spotted his target chatting to a few of her old friends. "Drooling over some jocks... shouldn't be surprised." He muttered to himself, before plucking up the courage to head over.
As he neared the group, he tried changing his walk into the most confident stride he could fake. "Hey Cor." He announced as he approached the group, ignoring the glares of the jocks who saw him as trespassing into their territory.
"What do you want..?" She turned to face him obviously annoyed and slightly embarrassed by the interruption.
"To talk..." Xander offered in a confused tone. 'If this is Cordy when she's in love then maybe I'm better out of it.'
"Is there anything else you want back..?" She challenged, defiant not to be shown up anymore in front of her friends. "Cos apart from that pawn shop knock-off, I can't remember you giving me anything else. And you got that back this morning."
Xander swallowed hard before giving it one last try. "Feelings and general displays of affection really aren't your thing, are they..?"
"This guy bothering you..?" One of the meatheads from behind Cordelia asked her.
'Guess it didn't work then.' Xander realised to himself, now having to face the possibility that her new potential boyfriend was going to prove his alpha-male status by kicking the crap out of him.
"No, he's... just..." Cordelia began, seemingly at a loss for words. "Going to leave now." She finished, doing a quick double take when she noticed his downtrodden expression. "Xander why are you just standing there..? Just go before Lance... just go."
Without a word, he turned and started to walk away. Staring at the ground unable to face seeing the expressions on the other students who'd witnessed the event during their lunchtime.
"Loser. Like he'd ever stand a real chance with a girl like you." He heard Lance state from somewhere behind him, causing his shoulders to slump even further.
"He's alright..." He heard from behind him, "Just takes some getting used to I guess." Turning he was surprised to note that it was Harmony that was coming to his defence, and not who he'd been hoping it was.
'Harmony..?' He thought to himself as he turned back, this time catching the eyes of several other students who were eating their lunch. He swore he could see sympathetic smiles on some of the girl's faces. Unsure what to make of that, he shook his head and continued out of the cafeteria.
'Harmony..?'
Library.
Near End Of Lunch.
"Hey..." Xander announced in a downbeat tone as he entered the room. Giles and Buffy looking up from their books as he did so. "So what are you guys doing..?"
"Giles is giving me the lowdown on exactly who my ex used to be..." Xander watched as she sighed dramatically.
Xander eyes leapt between the two of them. "He was a vampire, right..? Didn't we know this..? The whole 'a vampire with a soul' discussion we had shortly after you found out"
Giles ignored the conversation and continued examining the book in front of him.
"Not just any ordinary vamp... not for Buffy Summers. Oh no, I can only fall for the nastiest bloodsucker in recent history."
"Well... vampire." Xander offered, trying not to develop an I-told-you-so attitude. "It was hardly going to be all chocolates and flowers."
"Oh, he still sends me flowers..." Buffy replied bitterly, before muttering to herself. "And by recent history I mean the last quarter of a millennium... Rocks view that as recent right, Giles..? Sure Willow tried to explain it to me once... some famous philospher came up with it, some guy named Terry and he owned a ratchet or something like that... not sure how ratchet's and rocks fit together though..." Xander watched as she drifted off that conversation, apparently deep in thought. "But you see even Terry's rocks think my ex was evil... that's how bad he was. Rocks." She stated firmly, allowing no room for challenge.
Giles lifted his head. "Erm, yes... right, I'm sure that Willow was just attempting to explain how individual perspective affects how we view things."
Xander strolled over to the desk and sat down next to her. "I'm not really sure that rocks try to judge peop..."
Buffy cut him off as she turned to face him. "But he wasn't people... you tried to explain that to me once, and I just thought you were being jealous."
"And I'll just sit here talking to myself." Giles commented before getting up. "Or rather, go find something else to do."
Buffy twisted to follow her Watcher's path towards the office. "I thought you were looking into Angelus's history."
Giles paused before he entered the office, "I have many more volumes based on the exploits of the Scourge Of Europe at home. I'd suggest leaving it for tonight and we'll try to come up with a plan for tackling Angelus tomorrow."
"Right, fine..." Buffy dismissed him as he entered the office. "See..." She gestured, waving her hand in Giles's direction. "Scourge of Europe... a whole continent and my ex led the group that scourged it. European rocks probably ran in fear of him for hundr... well lay on the ground in fear of him anyway."
"Buffy." Xander interrupted her rant, unsure how he could be involved in any rational discussion that involved deducing the opinions of inanimate materials, he quickly concentrated on the part of the discussion he thought he could handle. "I'd love to sit here and whinge about each other's exes all day."
"What happened with Cordelia..?" Buffy asked, Xander noted the sudden excitement that seemed to enter her eyes. "She's like the scourge of... well not America... possibly the High School... see me and you should make a promise to each other to make sure we stay scourge-free in future."
"Sure." Xander laughed for what felt like the first time since Cordelia had humiliated him the previous night. "Want to pinky swear on it or something...?"
The smile she returned seemed to light up her face, Xander had to drag his eyeline away from her lips. "How about we do something tonight..?" She suddenly suggested. "Giles is gonna come up with a plan for dealing with Angelus. How about me and you, tonight, come up with a plan for revenge on Cordy..?"
"I already tried that." Xander muttered under his breath, unfortunately Slayer hearing allowed Buffy to hear every word.
"You did..?" She asked, before gently slapping his arm. "And you didn't invite me to help... naughty Xander." She added in a teasing tone with another light slap.
"Owww." He complained rubbing his arm. "Slayer slaps not welcome here."
"Not even if I let you slap me back..?" She teased again, while gently stroking the spot where she'd hit him.
"Erm... Buffy..?" Xander began, swallowing hard before continuing. "Are we..? Are you..? Is this flirtage that is occuring here..?"
The bell signalling the end of the lunch period rang overhead.
"Guess you'll have to wait for tonight to find out." She answered as she quickly got up. "Hope you don't bruise easily." She tossed back as she headed out of the library.
Xander followed her out with his eyes, thoroughly enjoying the sway of her walk. 'Dammit, you haven't been single for like twenty four hours... get a grip man.' He thought as she reached the swinging doors. 'Is that Amy..?' He noticed the other girl at the doorway, when Buffy walked through it. 'What does she want..? Has she noticed the spell didn't work..?' He got up and was about to head over, when she turned around and quickly followed Buffy down the corridor.
Taking a look at his watch he decided to he wouldn't have time to chase after her, as he left the library he turned to head over to his next class. "This is one very strange day." he muttered as the library doors swung closed behind him.
Meanwhile.
Buffy walked towards her next lesson in a slight daydream, and was therefore quite surprised when someone suddenly caught hold of her arm; reacting automatically she twisted round as she grabbed the person's upper arm bringing them face to face with herself. "Amy..?" She asked, as she loosened her grip on the girl.
"Owww." Amy winced using her free hand to rub where her skin was rapidly reddening. "Buffy." She politely responded, as she soothed her bruised skin.
"Sorry, I thought you were another message from Ang... never mind." She drifted off, refusing to let thoughts like that interfere with her good mood. 'Though not really sure what I've got to be that happy about.' She pondered to herself, eyebrows beginning to frown as she seemingly mused it over.
"I wanted to talk to you about Xander." Amy confronted her.
'Xander.' Buffy thought, an smile unconsciously appearing on her face. "What about him..?" She carefully asked. "Is this about him and Cordy..?"
"They're over." Amy casually responded in a matter-of-fact way, Buffy was shocked when she felt her heart flutter at the news.
'What is wrong with me..?'
Amy apparently hadn't noticed. "I saw you... talking with him in the library."
"He's my friend, we do that." Buffy responded in a more defensive tone than she'd intended to.
"I understand that... it's just... your talks..? Do they..? Are they..? Do you normally flirt with him so much..?" Amy finally got out, obviously trying to get past any intimidation she may have felt from the Slayer.
"We weren't..." Buffy responded. "That was just Xander. He's had a kind of a crush on me since I arrived." Buffy confessed, trying to laugh the suggestion off. "Sometimes I give as good as I get... Xander knows it's all harmless fun."
"He wasn't flirting with you." Amy stated in a decisive manner, "You were flirting with him."
"I was not." Buffy automatically responded. "And what were you doing spying on me anyway..?" She asked, trying to twist it back on her accuser.
"I wasn't spying on you... I was spying on him." Amy just stated out loud, like there was noting at all wrong with what she'd said.
"Why..?" Buffy asked in a curious tone. 'I don't think I like the direction this conversation is taking.'
"We kinda had a moment... earlier... at the beginning of lunch." Amy confessed. "I was just wondering how he went to a moment with me, to flirting with you by the end of the hour."
"I seriously doubt he was flirting with you... with either of us." Buffy quickly corrected herself. "He's only just finished with Cordelia. Not that she ever deserved him." She finished surprising herself at voicing her inner thoughts.
"We were working on a spell together, when..." Amy began, only to find herself cut off.
"Magic..?" Buffy asked, leaning in close to Amy so she could examine her eyes. "How do I know you're not your mother..?"
"Cos I don't have a cheerleader obsession... though Cordy's on the team, and I still have my mom's outfit... maybe that could persuade Xander to go out with me." She muttered to herself.
"Xander's going out with you!" Buffy exclaimed. 'Dammit what is happening to me..?'
"Not yet... but I figured since he and Cordy are no longer..." Amy responded. "He seemed to like me."
"Hang on..." Buffy shrugged off the urge to tell the girl off. "What kind of spell..?"
"A love spell... for Cordelia..." Amy responded in a chirpy tone. "But that didn't work which obviously proves there was no real love between the two of them."
"Good..." Buffy muttered before she could stop herself. "So what are you thinking..? That that gives you some kind of connection..?"
"I've known him for years..." Amy countered, "He was always nice to me... mainly cos he hung around Willow. But he always treated me nicely... even when I was f..." She trailed off, stopping to look down at herself. "And now that I look like this, what's he going to say no to..? Maybe mom's obsession was useful after all..." Amy pondered.
"She swapped bodies with you!" Buffy stated in an incredulous tone. "She swapped bodies with you so that she could relive her glory days and probably date some jock that was one of her friend's sons... which, now that I realised that, is just too much eugh to cope with right now... the woman was a looney tune."
"And he rescued me..." Amy finished, eyes glazing over. "I remember his big strong arms surrounding me, I should have known we had a connection even then."
Buffy looked on in disbelief. "We saved you... Giles and me, remember... Xander wanted to cut your head off with an axe."
"He thought I was my mother... he was willing to kill to protect me." Amy finished.
"He was willing to die to protect me!" Buffy countered, unsure why but she was refusing to back down from the challenge over who Xander loved more. 'What..? Why did I mention that..?' Buffy thought to herself.
"Hmmmm..." Amy paused, as if pondering that new information.
"Hmmm..? What hmmmm..?" Buffy asked, starting to lose patience.
"Well I'm not certain." Amy replied, while internally debating the possibilities. "It might be that Xander's love was not aimed at Cordelia alone... maybe all the people he cared about were affected."
"Could that happen..?" Buffy asked, knowing her own magical knowledge was severely limited. 'Not serious enough to ask Giles about it yet... and he's not a practising witch anyway.'
"It's possible... I've never performed that particular spell before."
"Would Xander be in any actual danger..?" Buffy asked, thinking it best if they located him now.
"We're both here." Amy replied. "So unless there are others he cares about..."
"Willow." Buffy quickly cut her off. "She loves him... not sure how he feels though, if I had to guess I'd say he loves her like a sister..."
"How certain are you of that..?" Amy asked quickly.
"Well, she's liked him forever and he's never noticed..." Buffy stopped, eyes wide.
"But he's a guy..?" Amy asked.
"Exactly." Buffy responded. "Follow me, I know where they are..."
Same Time.
Computer Lesson.
Xander was feeling extremely uncomfortable, firstly as this was one of his least favourite lessons and secondly all the seats had been taken by the time he arrived and as a result he'd been forced to sit next to Harmony.
Which would be bad enough on a usual day, but today she kept smiling at him. And asking him for help with the lesson.
'Which even if I wanted to tell her would have involved me paying attention for the previous month.' Xander thought to himself. Sighing he tried to avoid eye contact with her.
"Xanderrr..." Harmony leaned in close while whispering obviously trying to avoid attracting the teacher's attention.
'Somebody kill me now.' Xander thought, trying not to think about how Harmony was virtually giving him a lapdance. "What is it..?" He hissed at her, refusing to think about how her hand was resting on his leg.
"I just don't get it..." She replied lighting tapping with her fingers on his inner thigh. "I don't think I'm cut out for using all these complicated applications..." She gestured with her free hand towards his own screen. "I mean I know how to type and all that, and I'm excellent at dick-tation. But I need a man to explain all these complicated things to me..." she finished in a honey sweet voice.
"Look," he responded trying to subtlely reposition his leg so that her hand would have to inch back in the direction of his knee. "I'm sure that this is all some kind of ploy to get back at me and humiliate me in some way, so just go back to Cordy and tell her you succeeded okay."
"I can honestly say that I wasn't thinking about Cordy at all." Harmony replied, moving her hand back to it's original position.
"Harmony, I don't know precisely what you're trying to achieve but... Hey!" He yelped as he leapt up, entirely uncomfortable with where her hand had ended up. 'Okay... so they're getting me back for... actually I'm not sure exactly what they'd be getting revenge for as I was the one that got dumped. But I'm pretty sure that I've done nothing that equates to public grope-age level of revenge.'
His face rapidly reddening he stared around the room at all the people looking at him. There were laughs from the majority of the other male students but all the girls seemed to be staring back. Apparently finding something about him that was interesting, 'Or at least stare-worthy.' he thought to himself.
Finally resting his eyes on Willow he offered an apologetic shrug, and was confused when she beamed back at him. 'Willow's in on this..?' Xander thought to himself. 'That's definitely her I've-got-a-secret smile. How could she be involved in this..?'
"Is there some sort of problem..?" Came a voice from the front of the classroom.
Xander whirled to face it. "No..." He quickly responded to the computer teacher. "Probably just karma out to screw me over..." he muttered to himself as he sat back down, this time moving his chair further out of Harmony's reach.
'Least I know I can break Willow down.' Xander reasoned to himself, a small smirk growing on his lips as he planned how to do it. 'I'll be able to find out what this is all about before I even start the next lesson.'
Looking up he noticed that Aurora was returning the smile he still wore on his face. 'Whether I survive til then without it all going wrong is debatable though. Looks like some others might be in on this... best to avoid any of Cordy's peers til I get to the bottom of it.'
"So." A voice came from right beside his ear. He involuntarily flinched and discovered Ms Calendar practically leaning over him, placing her right hand on the chair behind him in order to support herself.
"Yes..?" He croaked out, still a little in shock. Noting however that even Harmony had the sense to give him some distance now that a teacher was on the scene.
"You are paying attention, aren't you Xander..? To the lesson I mean, and not just making eyes at the cheerleader..?" She nodded her head over to where Aurora was still watching him. The index finger on her right hand making little trails across his back.
"No Ma'am... Miss Calendar." He managed to cough out, as he leaned forward and away from the adventurous digit.
"Let me just check..." She told him as she leaned forward with her left hand to begin tapping away on the keyboard. This resulted in her leaning across him, bringing even more bodily contact with it.
'Oh God.' Xander gulped hard, trying without success to force any involuntary reactions down. 'That's her breast... leaning right on my shoulder. Stop thinking about it!' He instructed himself. Keeping his eyes firmly attached to her hand as it moved across the keyboard. 'Look you're failing the lesson, just concentrate on the punishment and not on the... firm piece of flesh currently resting on your left shoulder. Dammit... don't think about it. And definitely do not turn round. If you can stay here, remaining perfectly still, you'll be okay... and not be expelled for indecent behaviour.'
Gulping he tried reasoning with himself again, 'Look you've touched Cordelia's breasts - you had access rights to them... and they were bigger... this isn't anything new to you... just stop focusing all your attention on the weight on your shoulder.'
He was brought out of his thoughts by a comment from Jenny. "I don't think this will do at all."
'Yes!' He almost shouted, 'Here's where I get into trouble and it's back to normal for the Xandman.'
"You've hardly started inputting the data, never mind setting up the spreadsheet to do your calculations for you." Jenny admonished him.
'Miss Calendar.' He corrected himself, 'In school you refer to her as Miss Calendar - or Giles' girlfriend... Giles who has access to lots of heavy weaponry. Yes, stick with that thought. Concentrate on the danger - you're more used to that. More familiar ground.'
"I think you're probably going to need extra-tuition." Miss Calendar replied, biting her bottom lip as she seemed to think it over.
'Don't bite the lip!' Xander thought to himself, 'That's just mean... why can't I have non-hot teachers... this is karma, it has to be... I tried to screw Cordy over, so the hellmouth plots it's revenge... I mean, there's no other explanation... this is real life not some letter to a porno mag.'
"You should come by after school Xander. I'll soon get you up to speed."
'Think of something! Think of something! A-ha!' Xander forced his voice into a more natural state. "Can't... detention..." he managed to get out. 'So sentences are beyond me...'
"That's okay... you can come round to mine afterwards... the PC at my place is far faster anyway, and has better software... I'll be able to give you some advanced lessons." Jenny stated in a sultry tone.
'Dear Penthouse, you may not believe this but one day while I was still in high sch-.' Xander shrugged the unwanted thought off. 'Don't do this, don't do this... think about what almost happened last time you went to a teacher's house after school. Yeah, you almost got laid... No! Head-biting - concentrate on the fact that she wanted to bite your head off.'
Xander stared at the side of her face, she must have noticed as her face suddenly broke out into a very confident grin. 'And this one definitely looks like she wants to eat you alive too.'
"I gotta go..." He announced standing up, having chosen to move in the opposite direction to Miss Calendar he discovered he'd suddenly put his rear well within Harmony's reach. 'Oh this is sooo bad... I need to find Amy and get this reversed.' He thought as he backed up getting himself out of groping distance.
"Are you okay, Xander..?" Jenny asked, moving away from his terminal as she followed him across the classroom. "Have you got a temperature..?"
"He does look hot..." He heard Harmony comment from her seat.
He carefully weaved himself between the desks heading towards the door. 'Ewww, no... this is so unfair... isn't this sort of thing meant to be a male fantasy... this could scar me for life.'
"Do you need to see the nurse..?" Jenny asked, bringing unwanted images of Nurse Greenleigh to his mind.
'Not if she was the last woman on earth.' He thought as he pictured being hit on by largely overweight middle-aged ginger woman. 'Oh god I'm going to be sick... that's another fantasy ruined...' but all he answered was, "Sure... I'll head over now."
Making a dash for the door before anyone offered to escort him, he was quite confused to find Buffy and Amy peering through the window. 'What are they doing here..?' He thought, before swinging the door open and confronting them both.
"Hi." Amy offered as Xander ran out to greet them.
"Come with me." He instructed, grabbing both girls by the arm and dragging them away from the classroom he had just vacated.
"When did you become all cave-man..?" Buffy asked, but offered no resistance.
"Not you too..." Xander muttered under his breath, Amy watched him do so with a comforting smile. "Before you get all accusatory," he began, waving off Buffy's initial attempt to interrupt. "I'll just confess now... me and Amy did a little spell. Which seems to have gone wrong..."
Amy felt the absence of Xander's hand on her arm, she found herself mesmorised as he waved the around in exasperation.
"And that's why Miss Calendar was hitting on you..?" Buffy asked.
"How many women do you have a crush on Xander..?" Amy confronted him, getting directly to the point.
"What..?" He spluttered, "I don't know... How is that even remotely relevant...?" He challenged back.
Buffy took up the challenge. "We were discussing it earier. It seems that instead of affecting Cordelia, it's affected every woman who's never returned your feelings."
"What..? But Harmony... and that girl in the corner who's name I don't even know... this isn't all down to me." He stated firmly.
"They're teenage girls, maybe you have had... the occasional thought about them." Amy offered.
"I can't be expected to keep track of every lustful image I've ever had..." He commented back, causing both girls to raise their eyebrows.
"Look... the nurse... I think we'll agree that not even a blind man would like her. So if she starts coming on to me," Amy watched amused as he let out a little shudder, "then it can't be my fault, right..?"
"Fine, we'll go see the nurse." Buffy grabbing his hand and pulling him along. Not wanting to be left out, Amy took hold of the other one and pulled as well.
"I'm so dead..." Xander mumbled behind them.
Outside The Nurse's Office.
Xander paused outside the room, hesitated and stopped himself from knocking. "Why am I doing this again..?"
"We need to know what the spell is..?" Amy replied.
"We know what the spell is... we did it." He said turning to face her.
"We tried to do a love spell on Cordy... how's that been going by the way..?" Amy countered.
"Didn't work..." Xander replied automatically.
"So if we attempt to cancel that spell, and make Cordy fall out of love for you, what do you think is going to happen..?"
"Ahhh crap." Xander answered, having thought it through. "We've got to end this..."
"And to do that we need to know the details of the spell." Buffy forcibly replied, physically turning him to face the door. When he made no move, she knocked on it for him.
"Come in." Came the voice from behind the door.
'I really don't want to do this...' Xander internally complained. Unfortunately Buffy wasn't listening as she turned the door handle and pushed him into the room.
"Hi..." He offered lamely, seeing the nurse idly toying with her stethoscope. "I think I'm going to be sick..." He thought and said aloud before he could stop himself.
"Sit up here then and let me take a look at you." Nurse Greenleigh instructed.
From his new viewpoint, Xander could see how the girls had closed the door almost to, leaving them just a slim gap through which to observe the proceedings.
The nurse however noticed where his eyes were burning holes in the door, walking over she quickly closed then locked it. "Wouldn't want any disturbances when I'm with a patient." She commented as she strolled back.
'Is this normal procedure or have I been fed to a very hungry wolf..?' Xander tried not to let the worry show on her face. 'It's only a wooden door, if I scream Buffy can kick it in...'
He paid the door no further attention as the nurse paused in front of him, bringing a stool to sit on she leaned over in front of him. Xander kept his eyes skyward, refusing to even contemplate whether the woman had any cleavage on display. "Say Ahhhh." She instructed him, gulping twice he did so.
'Ewwww...' he thought as he felt two fingers probing into his mouth. 'I bet she's not even wearing gloves.' He realised with a small sickening feeling.
"Nothing obvious," The nurse responded, grabbing his head and forcing him to look her in the eye. "You need to take off your shirt."
'What?' He internally screamed.
Buffy fumed as the door closed, grinding her teeth together as she heard it lock. 'What is that woman doing in there with my Xander..? Cos if she thinks this little door will stop me then she's obviously never met a Slayer.' She didn't notice that this time she hadn't questioned her possessiveness of her friend.
Looking to the side, she could tell that Amy wore a similar expression on her face. She was about to speak to Amy when she heard the lock suddenly click and a half dressed Xander ran out.
"What happened..?" She heard Amy ask, as she tried to drag her eyes away from Xander in order to give the nurse a threatening glare. She didn't succeed.
"That... that... thing in there..." Xander began, spluttering as he fastened his jeans and attempted to pull his shirt on at the same time. Having now done the jeans, he put his other arm through the sleeve and managed to close the shirt fully.
Buffy resisted the urge to help fasten the buttons, half glad and half disappointed that the distracting view was now removed from her line of vision. 'Not that Xander was distracting... I was just... curious... yes, curious about the discoloured skin on his chest...'
"She... she..." Xander began again, Buffy noticed that Amy had gone to offer a reassuring shoulder rub to help calm him down.
'I could have done that.' She reasoned, 'and a Slayer grip would be stronger... far better at unknotting those troublesome spots...'
"She thought the stain the paint left was a rash." Xander explained. "Used it as an excuse to examine my skin and then listen to my heart... without using her stethoscope." He finished in a fuming tone. "And that's not the worst of it. She asked about my sexual history."
"And..?" Amy asked in a curious tone.
"She said the rash could be symptoms of an STD or something... told me to drop them." He stated in a disbelieving tone. "It's paint, at no point should splashes of paint involve a drop-em-and-cough diagnosis."
"She examined your..?" Buffy asked, gesturing to his lower regions.
"No... I refused and when she took matters into her own hands I legged it."
"Matters into her own hands..?" Buffy asked, unsure whether she was supposed to be amused or annoyed at the thought of someone else pawing at Xander.
"My fly..." Xander explained, "Try and keep your head out of the gutter."
"I'm not sure if it's safe for you here." Amy suggested. "Maybe you should go home while we try to end the spell."
"Do we even know what the spell was..?" Xander asked, risked life and sanity by going into the nurse's office and getting nothing from it.
"I'd say that the nurse proved your point. It's probably affecting any woman that meets you." Amy replied confidently. "But that's our problem you need to stay out of sight."
"Good idea." Buffy agreed. "We don't want anyone else making inappropriate advances."
"Right... yep." Xander agreed. "Go home... I can do that." He gave the nurse's office one last glare before he left. "Man, I thought Harmony was bad - that woman must have had a dry spell that lasted decades."
Once she'd made sure he was gone, Buffy quickly turned to Amy. "Can we stop this before someone takes advantage of him..?"
"We can try... lets head back over to my locker. See if I've got enought ingredients here to do anything."
"And if not..?" Buffy asked, wondering if it would be worth bringing her Watcher in on it. 'No, he'd only tell Xander off... and it's not really Xander's fault that Cordelia doesn't know a good thing when it happens to her.'
Amy seemed to give it some thought. "I've still got some of my mom's stuff back at the house... otherwise we may need to make some purchases from the Magic Box."
"Magic Box..? What's that..?" Buffy asked curious.
Amy shrugged, "It's a shop where you can get magical ingredients for spells and the like. I found out about it when I was looking through some of my mom's receipts."
'An actual magic shop... first Willy's then this... guess the hellmouth really does cater for the locals.' Buffy locked the information away, determined to inform Giles about it first chance she got. "Right... first stop, your locker then."
Xander managed to sneak of school ground without Snyder catching him. 'God knows, I never thought I'd live to see the day that Snyder was the least of my teacher worries.' He shuddered as he came to a realisation. 'Ought to be thankful that only women are affected by this.'
'Right, no school bus at this time... need to catch a regular one.' He figured as he headed towards town.
It was at the bus stop that he noticed his new set of problems. Shifting uncomfortably under their glares, Xander tried his best to ignore the looks the old women at the stop were giving him.
'This is wrong... this is soo wrong... even the internet doesn't have things which are this sick.' As the bus pulled up, Xander caught them all in the reflection from the large window. 'There can't be one of them under seventy... I'm hitting new levels of wrong that mankind previously didn't know existed... and I live on a hellmouth.'
Quickly making his way to the door, he placed his foot on the first step and intended to pull himself onto the bus when a voice caught his attention. "Hey sweetie... where you off to..?"
He lifted his eyeline up to meet the gaze of a middle-aged female bus driver. 'Oh no...'
He spotted the older women queueing behind him, all intending to get onto the bus as well. 'I'd be trapped...' he suddenly realised. Stepping backwards, he quickly apologised. "Sorry, just realised I ought to be in school - being a minor and all." He put as much empthasis on the word as he could.
"Sweetie we won't tell, will we..?" The bus-lady shouted down to the other women.
"No." One of the old women agreed, "People put too much into schooling these days... young lad like you should be out seeing the world, experiencing new things."
"It's okay," Xander shouted back as he started to move away from them. "Got a test... wouldn't want to miss it."
'Ewww...' He thought to himself as he started to pick up speed and run in the opposite direction to the bus's route. 'Auditioning for geriatric porn not being one of the experiences on my to-do list.'
'Right,' he thought as he got to a corner and managed to turn so that the bus was no longer in sight. 'Just need to get home without bumping into anyone... sure that can't be too difficult.' He paused, mentally trying to build a map of possible routes home.
Meanwhile.
A Different Unoccupied Classroom.
"You sure you've got the correct stuff..?" Buffy asked for what felt like the hundredth time.
"Yes." Amy replied through gritted teeth. "This should do it... we just need to cancel Diana's spell."
"Diana..? I thought you and Xander did it alone..?"
Amy shook her head. "Diana is the goddess I summoned to give the spell potency."
"This Diana... a little bit too potent perhaps..?" BUffy queried.
"Possibly." Amy admitted, having given it a little thought. 'Maybe one of the lesser gods would have been a better choice.'
"So what do we do..?" Buffy looked around at the ingredients.
"Create the same set-up, but this time instead of putting the locket in we simply render the concoction inert."
Buffy looked confused. "Inert..?"
Amy sighed, "If we sprinkle this herb on it, all those affected by the spell will return to normal."
"All those affected..?" Buffy asked, "What about those whose love for him is real..?"
"It will stay real... as it won't have been a product of the spell."
"Last time you tried to get Cordy to fall for him and she didn't." Buffy reminded her. "What if this time it removes the love from people who really love him... like Willow... and me."
"You think my love for him, isn't real..?" Amy challenged back. "That you're more worthy of his love..?"
"Hold on... no need for a catfight..." Buffy held up her hands in a calming motion. "I'm just stating, we're the only ones who know about this spell. we're the only ones who're not infected and are thinking clearly."
'Well I am at least,' Amy thought but chose not to say anything.
"Maybe we should make sure we're immune or something first." Buffy continued.
"Hmmmm..." Amy thought it over. "I do need to remain unaffected in case anything went wrong. Just in case anything went wrong with the spell." She explained.
"I'm the Slayer..." Buffy countered. "What if he gets in some sort of physical danger. What if you do..?"
'She's right.' Amy realised, 'It'd be tragic if something happened to either Xander or myself before we consummated our love for each other.'
"I think..." Amy began, trying to work it out. "If we place ourselves where Xander was... and make some minor adjustments then we should be immune to the affect."
"And where was Xander..?" Buffy asked.
"First we need some paint." Amy replied.
"Paint..?"
Outside Harris Residence.
Xander had managed to get home, there'd been some minor issues with some young mothers picking up their kids from daycare, but he felt he'd got through most of the journey relatively unscathed.
'Right, safe at last.' He thought as he hopped the fence into his back garden. Opening his back door he released a huge sigh of relieve. 'Home... nothing to worry about now, but bad daytime TV and overdosing on twinkies.' Collecting some snack food from the kitchen he quickly made his way up to his room.
Switching the TV on, he flicked through the channels trying to find anything that could keep his attention span. 'VH-1 tribue to Meatloaf - don't think so. Oprah - nah. Replay of last night's hockey game - not interested. Jerry Springer - time for some mindless violence and bleeped out swearing I think...' he decided as he opened the first of his snack food, an extra-large bag of barbecue flavoured chips.
"Hello..?" he heard the voice call from downstairs. "Xander, is that you..?"
"Yeah..." He shouted back, turning the volume on the TV up before they tried sending him out on some errand or something.
"Xander, can you come down here..?" Ignoring the request he turned back to the TV as they brought out the latest guest. It turned out to be what looked like some mid-twenty-ish year old woman. The picture flashed between her and some slightly older guy that appeared to be back stage. The caption at the bottom informed him that the man's name was Samuel and he worked as a truck driver.
He was interrupted from further viewing by a knock on his door. "Xander." His mother asked. "Why are you home so early..?"
'Not like they normally take an interest in my well-being,' he thought bitterly, as he lowered the volume. "Got a free period mom... teacher was ill."
"Are you sure you're not just skipping..? Have you got any proof..?"
"No mom..." He replied, 'Today's the day she cares whether I drop out or not..?'
"Xander could you at least open the door while you talk to her mother..?"
'What the hell for..?' He thought as he climbed off the bed, it was at that moment that his attention flicked back to the TV screen. The man had been brought out onto the stage the stage now and the topic was displayed across the bottom portion of the screen. 'Today on Jerry Springer... People that want to marry their cousins...' he read to himself. Then involuntarily glanced back at his bedroom door.
'No. No. No. No. No. No. No... I should have stayed at school.'
"Okay...?" Buffy gestured towards the symbol of the feminine form that Amy had painted on the floor. "So that's supposed to be a girl, right..?" She commented having recognised it from a variety of pictures in her Watcher's books. "So... What's the dual squiggly line around the edge for..?"
"It's to protect the symbol from the affects of Diana's wishes." Amy responded, adding the final touches to the drawing.
"But if it's a picture of a woman... and it's inside the defensive thingie... won't all the women be protected from the spell..?"
"No. Only the ones inside it."
"Ahhhh." Buffy commented, finally understanding. "Right, gotcha."
"And for the final touches..." Amy faced her paintbrush still in hand.
"What..?" Buffy asked, looking around in confusion.
Amy shrugged. "Take your blouse and bra off."
Buffy's eyes went wide at the instruction.
"Actually mom, I'm ill." Xander changed his story, determined to keep his mother out.
"Can you open the door..? So I can check on you."
'This is sooo wrong... forget all the other mental scarring, I'm going to need therapy after this one...' He thought about one of their school lessons that Willow had tried to explain to him. 'Yep. This is exactly what happened to those Eddie and Paul dudes... something went wrong, their mom hit on them and they developed complexes that they never got over...'
"Mom... the school said I was really contagious... it's already affected me... and that teacher." Xander tried to explain. "They told me not to speak to anyone unless I had to."
"I'm your mother. You can't expect to ignore me until you're cured. You will open this door..."
"Mom... I really reallly don't want to." He replied, turning the volume up and trying to drown her out.
"Alexander LaVelle Harris. I am your mother and you will do as I say right now." She shouted from the other side.
Buffy sat in the circle facing the other girl, refusing to let her eyes wander below the neckline, not believing she was sitting topless with another girl in the middle of a science lab where anyone could walk in. 'I really hope this doesn't get around school... I don't think I could cope with it being added to my already tainted rep.'
She looked down at herself, where three red paint streaks went horizontally down her body. One down the middle, the others symmetrical just slightly to each side. She tried to quell the memories of how the brush felt as it swept over each nipple, or how she'd had to resist a giggle when the final brush stroke went vertically across her tummy effectively capping off the bottom of the three horizontal lines. 'Who knew my belly button was that ticklish...'
She allowed herself a quick glance at the identical patterns on the other girl's body. 'Not a bad drawing, especially considering how I was trying to avoid looking at specific parts.'
"So we ready then..?" She asked.
"Think so..." Amy responded. Leaning over with the herbs clasped in her fist, to where the recently bolied beaker lay just outside the circle. Opening her hand Amy quickly deposited the contents, then swiftly brought her hand back within the confines of the diagram painted on the floor.
Buffy watched as the powder seemed to react with the liquid, giving the appearance of a build-up then releasing one brief cloud of smoke. Once that dissipated, Buffy took a closer look at the liquid, noting that the contents now gave the appearance of being room temperature.
"I think the protection worked." Amy commented.
'Protection..?' Buffy's mind whirled until she noticed that Amy was pointing to the edge of the circle. The very edge of the paint had taken on a yellowish hue. "Cool." was her only response.
Xander reluctantly opened the door, his entire body tensed ready to run outside and risk whatever pitfalls that existed there should his mother make anything he considered to be an inappropriate gesture.
"You don't look ill." She commented as if blinking away some previous intention. "And your TV's on loud enough so I take it deafness is part of this illness." She added sarcastically.
"Right..." Xander began, still poised like a spring ready for action if it turned out to be necessary. "About that..?" He mentioned, when he saw the topic flash across the screen once more.
"Sick bastards." His mother commented, silencing any further comment he might have made. "If you're not going back into school don't think you're just going to lay there watching that trash... the bins need emptying, the lawn needs mowing and if you get all that done before dinner then you can make a start on clearing out the basement, your father's been planning to find a use for that for years... maybe if you do all the heavy lifting for him then it'll give him some encouragement."
Xander had never been so happy to be given chores in all his life.
Amy turned to the other girl as she wiped the paint off her chest with a wet cloth. "And that's that... we can make sure that all the girls are back to normal."
"Then go see Xander to tell him the good news." Buffy finished for her, quickly pulling her own shirt on.
"What are we going to do about Xander..?" Amy asked aloud, as she used a few dry cloths to quickly dry herself off.
"What do you mean..?" Buffy stopped where she was, turning away as she noticed the other girl picking her bra up off the floor.
"Well... he needs to pick one of us." Amy answered as though it was obvious.
"True..." Buffy considered all they'd been through together ensuring no other girls got their claws into Xander first. "So we go together and make him decide." She finished confidently.
"You think he'd do that..?"
"Men always complain that they never know when women like them or not... we'll lay it all out in the open for him and let him decide."
"Sounds like a plan." Amy agreed.
"Yep, and it's fair." Buffy responded, trying to work out how to make sure Xander made the correct decision.
Later That Evening.
Harris Residence.
Xander had built up quite a sweat moving the old sofa out of the basement. True, he'd only moved it as far as the recently trimmed back lawn, 'But it's not like I have much practise with this... household stuff.' he thought to himself. Taking a look around the garden which was now littered with about half the contents of the basement, Xander felt a sense of pride. 'Probably done more today than my parents have ever bothered with... and it made a nice distraction from my troubles.'
Wiping the sweat from his brow with his forearm he headed into the house to get a drink of water. Just as he entered the kitchen he heard the doorbell ring, curious he went to answer it.
"Buffster... Amy..." he commented cheerily. "To what do I owe this visit..? Don't tell me, you've sorted it, I'm an unwanted man again." Then frowned as the details of what he'd said penetrated his brain. Shaking it off he quickly continued, as he invited them through the house and away from the sounds of the TV in the living room. "Never mind... so what's the good news..? The spell's done, everything okay now..?"
"Well... not quite." Amy confessed.
"What..? Why..? Didn't it work..?" Xander asked, looking at her. "Did you speak to Giles, I'm sure he would have helped if it was necessary."
"It's not that..." Amy replied, but Xander was getting distracted by Buffy circling around him.
"Buff..?" He asked, waving as he tried to attract her attention.
"Been working out Xan..?" Buffy asked, giving his bicep a firm squeeze that made him wince in slight pain. "Doing some exercises that keep you toned..?"
"Erm, no. Owww..." Xander asked, backing away from Buffy once he'd freed his arm. "Just cleaning out the basement... trying to occupy myself while you two solved my little problem, remember..?"
"Did she hurt you..? Want me to kiss it better..?" Amy offered from directly behind him.
Xander flicked his head as he looked from one to the other. 'Trapped between them not a good place to be...'
"I could help you train..." Buffy offered. "I'd make a good spotter if free weights are your thing..."
Xander desperately tried changing topic. "I thought you were going to fix this."
"We did..." Amy responded. "Well I did, Buffy isn't much use in the magical department to be honest."
"Amy could hardly help in the physical one..." Buffy countered, "Whereas you know I'd make a good sparring partner... think about it; you, me, just some minimal clothing, getting all sweaty on a mat..."
"But magic can help you live out your fantasies..." Amy offered. "Never wanted your own genie in a bottle..? Rub me in the right places and I'll grant your every desire... all you gave to do is choose me."
"Oh god..." Xander gulped, really trying to avoid thinking about any of the suggestions. "Look girls I'm really not sure what you're after but I'm sure we can come to some sort of arrangement."
"Is this some sort of timeshare thing..?" Buffy narrowed her eyes. "Cos I'm not sure I'm into that..."
"See she's prudish Xander... she wouldn't even look at me when we were topless earlier."
"I'm sure she had good rea... topless..?" Xander let his eyes slowly drift down Amy's curves.
"And you don't want a prudish girlfriend." Amy continued.
"Prudish, me..?" Buffy accepted the challenge. "What were you doing Xander..? Oh yes I remember, cleaning out your basement... need a hand with that, only I don't want to get my clothes dirty." She announced before pulling her top off, leaving her standing there in only a bra.
Xander went open-eyed for a moment, before turning to lock his gaze onto Amy. "Buffy," he said over his shoulder, "I really don't want you to do anything you'd regret later, so please just put your top back on and we'll..." he drifted off as Amy copied Buffy's action in front of him.
Now squeezing his eyes closed, he muttered to himself. "Never thought I'd believe in a day that could contain entirely too many breasts."
"And I could help clear out the basement too." Amy stated pushing past him, Xander swallowing hard as he felt bare flesh brush against his arm. "Maybe not like a Slayer could, but when I become more used to magic we'd never even have to do chores like that ever again. Leaving us with lots more free time to use however we want to..."
Xander felt hands grab one of his forearms, seconds afterward another set caught hold of his other. Keeping his eyes closed he tried to concentrate on anything but the barrage of arguments that were being put his way. 'Least they haven't got serious yet...' he figured remembering the last time a Slayer had gone up against a Witch. Realising he had to stop it before it got to that stage, he shook his hands free of them both.
Deciding to risk it, he opened both hands and was pleased to find that their states of undress hadn't got any worse.
"I don't know what you're expecting here..." He answered firmly, trying to display the seriousness of the situation in his tone. "But I'm not going to choose between you." Sighing he reached the inevitable conclusion that this entire day have been leading towards, it was time to face up to his responsibilities. "Now I have to... go run an errand... if you want to go home then that's okay... if you want to stay here and wait, then please put some clothes back on, but that's okay too. Just don't kill each other, okay..."
"Okay." Both girls responded at the same time, apparently calming down for the moment. Neither made any attempt to move.
"Good." Xander stated firmly, satisfied he could leave them alone, at least while they weren't directly in his presence. 'Right, need to get to Giles' without running into any women.' He figured as he closed the back door leaving them standing in his kitchen.
"What do you think that meant..?" Buffy asked the Witch as she buttoned up her blouse.
"Not sure." Amy responded in a civil tone while pulling her t-shirt over her head.
"So he won't choose, eh..?" Buffy grumbled, feeling a lot of the passion from the previous argument returning but this time with a different target. "Can't believe he played us like that."
"Yeah, why does he get to choose anyway..? We chose him, surely he should have to accept it, just like we would of."
"You're right..." Buffy agreed in a confident tone. "He just doesn't know it yet. We'll make him accept our decision and that will be the end of that..."
"We didn't come to a decision." Amy reminded her. "We came here in order to make him do the deciding for us."
"Dammit, you're right again..." Buffy complained.
"Though, maybe..." Amy trailed off.
Now Buffy was curious. "Maybe what..?"
"Maybe your timeshare thing would be the best idea..." Amy suggested coyly. "You get him certain days and I get him others..."
"I didn't mean it as a serious option." Buffy informed her. "Not really sure I'm too comfortable with the concept of sharing..." she confessed.
"Me either..." Amy agreed. "But we could..."
"Could what..?"
"Could do another little spell."
Buffy folded her arms, and glared. "That did what exactly..?"
"Made us more comfortable with it..." She answered before quickly continuing. "I mean... we've already got to cast a spell to make him accept our decisions..."
"All of them..?" Buffy asked, not really sure if she liked the idea of a compliant boyfriend, it felt a little bit too much like she was agreeing to enslave someone.
"Course not." Amy automatically responded. "Just that one."
"So he accepts our decision and then what..? We become the laughing stocks of the school."
"Except..." Amy informed her. "We get to have Xander and they don't."
"Good point." Buffy conceded. "How long would that take..?"
"Well we'll both be there... so that's us covered... I should have most of the ingredients at home." Amy mused it over. "Might need to pick up a few things from the Magic Shop."
"For which you'd have a Slayer escort... and I need to know where it is so I can tell Giles anyway."
"Anything else required..?"
"Something personal of Xander's... possibly multiple things as it went wrong when we tried in on Cordelia's locket this morning." Amy quickly corrected the attempt.
"Shouldn't be a problem... we are in his house." Buffy reminded her.
Amy smiled. "Let's see what's he got then."
Giles' Apartment.
Giles sighed as he heard the frantic banging on the door, never a good sign once it'd gone dark. Quickly palming a stake he walked over to the door. "Yes..?" he queried.
"Giles it's me." Came the familiar voice from the other side. "Let me in quick."
Giles opened the door but made no formal invitation, he was relieved when the boy ran inside with any problems. "Xander, what exactly do you want..?"
"I cocked up, Giles... big time." Xander began to explain the situation to him. "First, I got dumped by Cordy last night, then this morning I blackmailed Amy into helping me with a little revenge spell."
"You performed a spell... and Miss Madison is learning magic, after what happened to her mother..?" Giles questioned.
"Yeah, not the issue..." Giles frowned as Xander dismissed his commments, "the spell on Cordy backfired... in a big way."
"She's not hurt is she..?" Giles asked, knowing far too personally the risks that magic could have.
"No she's fine... she had full power to the shields, it's how it ricocheted that's the problem."
Giles sighed, sometimes it was impossible to understand their generation. "So Cordelia herself isn't harmed..?" He clarified again.
"No, but others got affected instead."
'Xander at least looks calmer now,' Giles thought to himself. "What exactly were you trying to do to her..?"
"Get her to admit her feelings for me."
"So... other people ae admitting their feelings for each other for their loved ones instead." Giles quickly reasoned. "You were lucky it was quite a harmless spell, there could have been serious damage done..." he explained, only to be cut off.
"No... people started to adopt feelings for me... feelings that I'm pretty sure they shouldn't have had."
"What..?"
"Women were chasing me Giles, and it's really not as much fun as it sounds..."
Giles pondered that new piece of information. "This affected all the women near to Cordelia when the spell was cast..?"
"No... just all the women I've met... apart from my mother... which I am so unbelieveably grateful for."
"I can imagine." Giles quickly assessed the situation. "So you are saying that all the women in town that aren't related to you, have become obsessed with you..?"
"Yes." Xander answered in what Giles could only assume was an exasperated tone.
Giles thought back to his own day at the school. "I was around at the end of school and I really saw no signs of this."
"Giles, it's still going on..." Xander tried to prove his point. "Buffy and Amy turned up at my house... there was nudity, Giles."
Giles adopted a menacing glare. "You've seen Bu..."
"Not on purpose and not fully... basically bikini level." Xander quickly fended off the accusation. "But she doesn't want to stop there..."
"Well, I suppose in the end you did the right thing..." Giles sighed, reining his Ripper instincts in. "But didn't you know how dangerous a person caught in a love spell could be..?"
"No." Xander answered. "It's called a love spell, not a love-me-or-I-maim-people spell. How was I supposed to know..?"
"You shouldn't be messing with stuff you're not certain of." Giles shouted, realising that his anger was more at the boy repeating his own mistakes again he forced himself to calm down. "I need to see this in action. Need to understand the scope of what we're dealing with."
And with that the two of them, though suitably armed, headed out into the night.
Madison Household.
"Right, we have Xander's socks, underwear, two kiddie league trophy's, skateboard, four shirts, and his treasured Empire Strikes Back video..." BUffy stated as she emptied the contents of the bag onto the floor. "If this rebounds off him, I'm officially going for the cave-woman look and just clubbing him around the head with something."
"Raquel Welch eat your heart out." Amy commented from where she began to set up the equipment. "Remember we need something with his DNA on it to be absolutely sure..."
"I couldn't find comb or brush," Buffy responded making herself smile at how the unkempt hair look seemed to work for him. "But I did get this..."
Amy turned to take the presented hair follicle. "I thought you said he didn't have a comb..?" At Buffy's raised eyebrow, she finished. "Don't ask, right..? Got it..."
"How much longer..?" Buffy began pacing around the room.
"To do the spell..? I'd say half an hour tops. But I'd suggest leaving it overnight, let the suggestion sink in while we all sleep."
"Fine." Buffy reluctantly agreed, not wanting to be seperated from her Xander for such a long period.
"We still need to work out who gets him first tomorrow."
"We'll just toss a coin or something." Amy suggested. "And then alternate days from that point on..?"
"Are you sure that's going to work..?" Buffy asked.
"Not at the moment, no... but once the spell is done none of us will have problem with it."
"Right..." Buffy replied. "Can we at least toss the coin to decide now..?"
Miss Calendar's Apartment.
"Hold on, I'm coming..." She shouted, as she dashed to the door. Opening it, she beamed her most dazzling smile when she found herself face to face with Rupert. "Hey," she said in an innocent voice. "And to what do I owe the pleasure for this visit..?"
Giles smiled back at her and strolled, instantly dismissing any fears she may have had. "And you've brought... Xander..?" She finished, the smile being replaced by an expression of confusion.
"Why have you brought Xander..?" She queried, waiting til both visitors had entered her apartment before she closed the door after them.
"He says he was involved in a little spell-casting." Giles answered in a short tone. She looked between the men, awaiting further information. It was soon to arrive.
"So far we've been all over town, while he fails to prove his point."
"Ermmmm, okay..." Jenny began, "but doesn't that mean he wasn't out doing spells... isn't that a good thing..?"
"See you just need to look on the posi..." Xander attempted to explain, but found himself soon cut off by Giles.
"I would look on the positive side if we hadn't been tracing over town making fools of ourselves."
"What did you do..?" Jenny asked.
"Firstly he cornered the woman who lives upstairs from me... said she was looking at him in a lustful way."
"What woman..?" She asked, trying to remember any women that lived in Giles' block of flats, none really stood out. "And was she..?"
"No she most certainly was not." Giles answered in a clipped tone.
"She was definitely giving me the eye on the way in." Xander tried to explain himself.
"She was wondering if you were a burglar..." Turning to direct the conversation towards Jenny, he continued on. "Apparently whenever she looked out of her window at him, he ducked behind a wall, or a plant, or anything he could find..."
"I didn't want her to hit on me."
"She's old enough to be my mother." Giles responded; Jenny found herself having to stifle a giggle.
"So what's the problem..? She thought he was a burglar, which he's not... he thought she was hitting on him, but god knows why..." She finished allowing a few laughs to come to the surface. Once she regained control of herself, she tried again. "Case of mistaken intentions that's all."
"That would have been fine." Giles responded in an overly polite tone.
'This must be the bit that's annoying him.' Jenny figuredm waiting for him to compose himself.
"But he tried to prove it to me... by knocking on her door, and giving her a big hug... it was all I could do to to persuade her not to call the police."
"Not my fault." Xander muttered, Giles silenced him further with a look.
"It's not too bad, Rupe." Jenny smiled, "Seems like a little harmless adventure that's all."
"He was convinced, and he managed to convince me that all the women in town were after him."
"So..?" Jenny automatically asked.
"So after leaving my apartment complex we moved onto Sunnydale... Xander apparently trying to persuade every single woman we came across that he was irrestible to them."
"I only smiled at them... no more hugging."
Giles gave another unimpressed glance in his direction. "I was with you and I was beginning to think that smile belonged to some demented child."
"So you scared a few of the residents..." Jenny tried to see the harm in it. "Considering the evils they don't even know they're facing if they go out after dark, I think it's hardly the worst of their worries."
"Then we went the Bronze." Giles continued the tale. "Where he was convinced that Harmony for one would be and I quote 'a dead cert'."
"She was all over me in class today, Miss Calendar'll back me up."
"We'll get to that part later." Giles corrected him.
"Didn't you leave early..?" Jenny asked, but left it as Xander seemed unwilling to offer any more comments til Giles gave the okay.
"Once in the Bronze, he went out onto the dancefloor and tried to cut in on Harmony's date... who was understandably less than impressed." Jenny's eyes flicked over to Xander, there were no visible bruises on his face so she assumed he got off fairly lightly. "When that failed, he tried again, this time standing on a podium and asking if there was any girl in the place that wanted some Xander-lovin... Cordelia came up and suggested I take you home you know."
Jenny was unable to stop herself, as she broke down in fits of laughter.
"He confronted Harmony about her actions in your class today, and she responded with a very vocal 'Ewww, as if' I believe it was. At this point I felt it necessary that we leave before a fight broke out."
"We have spent the last twenty minutes driving around, trying to locate either Buffy or Miss Madison to no avail."
"Okay," Jenny said, the laughter had stopped but there was still an uncontrollable smile on her face that she couldn't quite force down. "But what does any of this have to do with me..?"
"He even accused you of flirting with him."
"He did what..? When..?" Jenny asked in shock.
"During computer class." Xander replied. "You came over to see what I was doing."
"I believe I asked you if you needed help." Jenny corrected him.
"It was the way you said it..." Xander argued, "And you offered to help teach me at your home."
"Well, yes..." Jenny admitted, "I realise making the offer in front of all the other students wasn't my smartest move, but it was a genuine offer to help. I wouldn't risk my job making any advances on a student even if I had found one of them attractive." She shrugged.
"But your home... the leaning..."
"The what... never mind." Jenny dismissed it. "Xander, you regularly help the Slayer, and help defend the hellmouth... you don't think that would give you some leeway in the eyes of the teachers that know about it... I'd make the same offer to Buffy or Willow, well possibly not Willow as I believe she's well beyond what's required of her in order to pass High School. Rupert here would make the same offers if any of you were struggling at history or english." Giles nodded his agreement. "I'm sorry you misunderstood my intentions... and I can't help you with any girl problems you may have been having at school."
"Guess I just mistook the whole day then..?" Xander finished sarcastically.
Madison Household.
Rear Garden.
Amy and Buffy sat on the grass facing one another. 'Least we're clothed this time.' Buffy thought bitterly to herself, 'Can't believe I lost the toss, should have been the best out of three.'
They were sitting inside a small group of candles, some of Xander's more flammable items in the centre between them. Amy had chosen a pair of his socks, leaving Buffy with a pair of boxer shorts.
"Diana, hear me... hear your daughter's plea..."
Buffy ignored the rest of the chant, as instead watched as Amy pulled one of her own hairs out and placed it on the sock before setting both alight with a candle. Buffy patiently waited her turn, taking the candle from Amy and repeating the actions with her own hair and the shorts. She then dropped the burning underwear on top of sock as Amy had instructed her. Amy then took out the solitary hair of Xander's and dropped it onto the flame.
Buffy sat there, idly scanning the surroundings as she waited for Amy to finish.
"So..?" She asked, once it was obvious Amy had done so. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow."
"Yes." Amy smiled at the thought, "When it's my turn."
"Yeah," Buffy agreed, oddly surprised that she no longer had any malice when thinking of that particular situation. "Tomorrow."
Just Outside Miss Calendar's Apartment.
"I still don't know what you were trying to accomplish, dragging me all over town." Giles said, as they made their way back to his car. "I think if this magic did occur like you said, then you're very lucky that it had no long term affects."
Xander remained silent, apparently deciding that he deserved the lecture.
"I hope you've learned your lesson about all of this." Giles finished, uncertain what to make of the lack of response. "Xander..?"
"Sure..." Xander responded feebly. "Just beginning to wonder if any of it really happened, you know... Maybe there was a spell on me that did that, messed with my memories in some way."
"I'll be sure to look into it in the morning." Giles promised him, his anger from earlier now completely deflated. "If any spell was performed on you, or any of the others I should be able to identify it."
"Sure..." Xander responded staring ahead as Giles drove him home. "Tomorrow."
Next Day.
Sunnydale High School.
Library.
Oz sat there with Willow, watching as she tried to work out what was wrong with Xander.
'He's not usually this quiet,' Oz thought to himself, while Willow continued to get any kind of reaction. 'There definitely does seem to be something disturbing about a silent Xander... like something is fundamentally wrong with the universe.'
'I guess the break-up with Cordelia hit him harder than he was willing to let on. Hope Willow can learn to accept it and be there for him.'
He noted Xander look his way, Oz briefly nodded. Once.
'Yep. This is a Xander that's running on empty. Maybe if we give him time then we can suggest some other girl for him. Willow admitted he'd always had a crush on Buffy, and now that she's single maybe we could do... nah, best leave all the match-making to Willow, she'd know his type more, they have been lifelong friends. I still think maybe Xander and Buffy should give it a go though. They could be good for one another. And she really can't go back to Angel now that he's lost his soul. That is like the most definitive of all excuses not to get back with your ex.'
'Hmmmm, Devon's normally got a string of groupies hanging around him. I could start to pay attention to them, see if any would make a good match for Xander. Think he just needs to go through the normal period of heartbreak and move on.'
"It'll get better." He stated aloud, agreeing with what he was sure Willow's assessment must have been.
"Thanks man." Xander responded.
Oz grinned as he heard Willow's comments. "See even Oz is speaking more than you, I really don't need the two major men in my life to be going through some sort of 'who can be the most silent' contest. It's unnatural."
Oz turned his head, as he noticed the newcomer enter the library. 'Don't think I know you... and Giles isn't here. Hope you know where to look for whatever you're after.'
Surprised he watched her head over towards Xander. 'Hope you know him... he ain't exactly himself at the moment.'
Oz raised a solitary eyebrow as the new girl seemingly pounced on Xander.
"Amy..?" He heard Willow gasp in a confused tone. "Xander..?"
'Xander isn't exactly putting up a fight.' He thought to himself.
"Guys, what's going on..?" Willow tried to interrupt.
Meanwhile Xander and Amy seemed to be getting to know each other far better.
"Guys, we're in the library." Willow seemed to scream, before looking around in a slight panic. "People could see... t-shirts should stay completely on, Xander... and that goes double for you, Amy." She tried explaining as she moved to lower the t-shirts of each party. "Oz, a little help here."
"I think they seem to be doing okay." Oz replied as he got up.
Suddenly the door opened again, and Willow dived in front of them shielding them both, from where Buffy strolled into the library.
"Hi guys." She stated as she approached the others.
"Buffy help me..." Willow gestured to her friend. "Xander and Amy are... well, it's quite obvious what they're doing, but I can't get them to stop."
"Or at least re-locate." Oz offered his own suggestion.
Then they both stood and watched as Buffy used her Slayer strength to easily pray them apart. Clothing dropped back into less revealing positions. Willow let out a small sigh of relief.
Smiling Buffy reached down and pulled Xander up by his chin, then entered into a kiss of her own with him.
'Knew it.' Oz thought to himself, 'one day they were bound to get it together.'
"Buffy..?" Willow questioned, a horrific expression flashing across her face for a moment, she seemed to relax when Buffy released her hold on Xander; but the shock doubled when she then leant down and mimicked the same action on Amy, Xander grinning widely. "Buffy?"
'Didn't see this coming though.' Oz admitted.
"Hmmmm..." Buffy responded slowly releasing Amy as she did so, turning to face the others. "Yeah, you're right... we really should relocate." she decided dragging the two others into Giles' office.
'Or that.' He admitted again, trying to think back. 'I've heard lots of rumours, Devon even tried to persuade me he'd done it once, but I've never actually seen anyone having a relationship of any kind with multiple people.' Shrugging he continued on. 'Guess it must be true though, or so many others wouldn't feel the need to lie about it. Wonder how it works, cos like what if it's not completely mutual, say one of them isn't truly comfortable with bisexuality. Maybe it would be easier if they were all of the same sex, then it wouldn't really deal with sexual orientation, just who they preferred. Which can be a problem all of itself. I don't think I could cope with dealing with mutual partners it's too complicated.'
"What..?" Willow spluttered, seemingly unsure whether or not she believed her eyes. Oz placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder, and offered her a grin.
"It's okay."
"How is this okay..? There's got to be something hellmouthy going on here, it's the only obvious explanation. Where's Giles..? Giles?" She shouted in the direction of the library stacks.
"Yes..." Giles answered as he strolled into the room with Miss Calendar.
"Something hellmouthy's going on with Xander and Buffy..." Willow informed him at a frenzied speed.
"Not you too," Giles dismissed the comment as he headed towards his office, "As I informed Xander last night, the symptoms of his spell appear to have dissipated, if indeed they existed at a... good lord." He finished just as he swung open the door to his office, dropping the books he was carrying.
The End.