Fanfiction based in the world of Harry Potter, created by JKR. Her
characters are hers. Original characters are mine. Please see first
chapter for full disclaimers and description.
The Fire-Stone in Rowena's ring is the brain-child of my roleplay friend Annii Fraizer. I have modified it to match my own ideas, but it started out as hers. Thank you Annii!
Thank you to my Beta, Elaine!
Chapter 22: Secret Oaths and Commitments
An uneasy peace settled over the school. It was the eerie calm of hushed anticipation. The Daily Prophet article was soon common knowledge. The students looked at Severus and Rowena with new suspicions and ideas as to their relationship; but also new respect for the cruel Professor who would run into a burning building to save a child.
The Dark Lord waited an entire week after the fire before summoning Severus. His back was nearly entirely healed and he exuded confidence about the meeting, but still Rowena feared for him when he left. She stayed resolutely in the hospital wing until his return. He was ashen- faced and sweaty upon his arrival and moved with deliberate slowness that spoke of intensive use of the Cruciatus curse, but was otherwise uninjured.
Rowena was newly ashamed at her inability to make any significant advances in countering the Unforgivables in her research. Still, she did have the spell they'd developed that was at least able to ease the pain and heal the nerve damage that was the after-effect of the Cruciatus curse. She used it quickly and helped him up and back to his quarters.
The tightening of Hogwarts security had forced her to at last give up her volunteer work at St. Mungos, at least for the present. She also redoubled her research efforts in every possible spare moment. Severus likewise spent hours and hours brewing potions that would be needed in the war. They kept their adjoining lab door open when they were working, enjoying companionable silence even as they were absorbed in separate tasks.
Hermione Granger took Rowena by surprise by coming to her lab and showing interest in her research. In short order the Muggle-born girl became a very valuable assistant. She was quick to find resources in the library and enjoyed the logic and order of the mathematical applications.
Even more surprising was her assistance to Severus. When Rowena was involved with Harry's Occlumency lessons, Hermione went instead to Severus's lab and assisted in brewing potions. He had objected strenuously to this at first, but soon found that it was Madam Pomfrey who had sent her. Poppy apparently decided that if Severus was too busy to make a supply of blood-replenishing potions, he obviously needed assistance. No one—not even Severus—could rationally argue that the Hermione lacked the capability to do it.
Harry had told Hermione why it was that Professor Snape particularly needed the blood-replenishing potion. Hermione made a large batch and delivered it to Madam Pomfrey as Severus instructed. She tried to leave a dose surreptitiously in the cabinet for him, but he found it and made her take that as well. She counted the vials when next she delivered potions to the hospital wing, and was concerned to find that all the doses were still there. For some reason he was refusing to take it.
Occlumency with Harry was progressing smoothly. He became stronger each session, and Rowena found that her own Occlumency was improving significantly as well. It was definitely a discipline that benefited from rigorous practice!
The sessions did give Harry and Rowena a deeper level of understanding of each other. It was hard, even when one was being as considerate as possible, not to see SOME things when the shield was finally breached. Rowena began to feel more compassion for the boy who had spent his early childhood unwanted and unloved; for all the things he had been through; for the dangers he still faced. Still, she didn't want him to fall into the trap of using his hard life as an excuse for irresponsible behavior.
He was rigidly concealing things from her, that much was certain. She did not force the issue or betray his trust, but she was by no means certain that Harry Potter's rule-breaking days were over.
Harry, for his part, was forced to see important figures in his life from an entirely different viewpoint and he did not like it. Rowena's memories of and emotions towards key people were precisely opposite of his and it was uncomfortable to see them from her perspective. Still, the lessons were useful and so he tried to deal with his disgust.
He had not overcome his determination to find out exactly what it was that Snape was up to.
Dylan seemed to be conducting classes effectively and efficiently in spite of his appearance. He had set up obstacle courses, speed and accuracy exercises, and maintained calm order in his classes without difficulty. None of the students had a word of complaint against him. Nothing obvious had come from his 'arrangements' with "Luke"—yet.
Severus and Rowena were glad of the Weasley's presence in the castle, even if it was due to such unfortunate circumstances. They saw Katrina several times a day, sometimes separately, sometimes together. In the peaceful security of the castle they found moments of blissful serenity and enjoyed each one to the fullest.
Almost three weeks to the day from the previous request, Harry heard Draco telling Crabbe and Goyle that his mother wanted him to 'order' more of her potion. Hermione had told Harry that Snape hadn't used the blood- replenishing potion. It was time for action.
It was Friday evening once again. Harry, in his invisibility cloak, used an Extendable Ear to hear the wards Snape used on his door as he sealed himself inside, and then ran off to Gryffindor tower. The timing of this had to be perfect.
Forty-five minutes later, whispered words could be heard from apparently empty space in front of the door to the potions lab. The door swung open wide, then very quickly shut again and glowed briefly as the wards were replaced.
Severus looked up from his cauldron, moisture already beading on his face from the steam. He stood stock-still and wary, quickly dropping his Dark Wand into his hand and holding it at the ready. His look of tense suspicion gave way to cold fury as six figures materialized in front of him from beneath three invisibility cloaks: a Weasley twin with Hermione Granger, the other twin with his sister Ginny, and Ron Weasley with Harry.
"Get out of this lab at once," he snarled acidly, his deep voice biting off each word. "Fifty..."
"Before you start docking us house points, Professor, I think you'd better listen to why we're here," said Harry, casually. "I imagine Rowena would about have kittens if she knew what you were doing."
He met Snape's eyes calmly, his arms crossed defiantly.
"You will not show disrespect for your Professors in this room, Potter," Snape growled, "PROFESSOR Lupin does not feel the need to spy on me or sneak around where she doesn't belong. You had better explain yourself quickly before I have four of the six of you expelled from this school! I would have expected this sort of underhanded behavior from you, Potter. I am unpleasantly surprised that you managed to drag so many of your fellow students down with you."
"Professor Snape," Hermione interjected, stepping in front of Harry before things escalated. "We want to help you. You can't keep bleeding yourself for this potion—it's not safe! I don't know why you wouldn't take the blood-replenisher, but I know enough of Muggle science from my parents to know that three weeks is too soon to lose that much blood again."
Severus glared maliciously at each of them in turn. Ron, Ginny, and even Hermione all looked away, suitably cowed. The twins no longer felt any sense of subordination for him, being out of school. They merely grinned cheerfully as though they were waiting to make a new prank item. Potter; well, Potter was far too arrogant and beyond the reach of authority in any sense.
He addressed Hermione as the only reasonably intelligent one of the group. His voice had dropped to the smooth, silken tones that cloaked his rage.
"Granger, explain what you know, and what you propose by this intrusion into areas that do NOT concern you."
Hermione blushed and was visibly shaking from head to toe. But she spoke quickly, presenting her argument with concise logic. She had been spending far too much time with Rowena!
"Fred and George told us about Katrina when she first moved in with them. We sort of worked out what the potion was by talking it over together. Harry accidentally overheard Draco asking you to make the potion for his mother the night before the Burrow was attacked. Madam Pomfrey told me you needed a blood-replenishing potion and wouldn't use her last one when she asked me to help you brew in my free time. I counted the potions and know you still haven't used one, even though there are plenty now. Harry heard Draco tell Crabbe and Goyle that he was supposed to ask you for more of the potion today in the Great Hall."
She paused for breath, but quickly continued before he could interrupt, "I think you make the potion yourself so that the Death Eaters or whoever won't find another child and do what they did to Katrina. I am guessing that something about the blood-replenisher weakens the effect of the ingredient or something, and that's why you won't take it."
Snape frowned at her silently as she spoke. When she paused again he raised a brow and inclined his head slightly, grudgingly impressed with the accuracy of her surmises. "You have explained what you think you know. You have not explained why this dubious 'knowledge' justifies illegal entrance into my lab after hours."
"Gee, Snape, we'd have thought that was obvious," one of the twins said, jovially. "I mean, you're always the one to complain when the students don't reason stuff out fast enough. We're here as your official blood- donors! If what Hermione figures is all correct, then you can't stop making the potion, and you can't go on indefinitely using your own blood. So, here we are. Cool, huh?"
Snape's eyes widened in surprise, and then his scowl deepened as five of the six before him nodded earnestly. Potter merely scowled back.
"No! Absolutely not! I will refrain from taking house points and awarding detentions if you leave this instant; but only so long as I never hear a word of this again. Go," he said imperiously.
Now Harry stepped forward again. It was then that Severus realized that his Occlumency had indeed improved. The arrogant boy was staring him down, yet he could detect nothing beyond the characteristic defiant disrespect.
"Sorry, Professor—it's not going to work that way. After working the last month on Occlumency and Legilimency with Rowena, I know her well enough to know she wouldn't be too happy if she found out about this..." Harry said with a smirk, allowing the thought to trail off.
Hermione squeaked in alarm and put a placating hand on Harry's arm, "Professor, what Harry means is...."
"What Potter means is if I don't agree to allow you lot to 'donate' he will run off and tattle to Professor Lupin. A Potter sinking to blackmail; you are more and more like your father every day, boy," he spat through an ugly sneer, clearly making every word an insult.
Severus noticed Potter's glance turning frequently to the low cabinet that contained his Dark Magic books. He found it disturbing—the cabinet had wards on it intended to make it unnoticeable. Potter could plainly see it, and evidently felt the draw of the magic within strongly enough to be unable to resist glancing at it. The implications of the chaotic boy wielding Dark Magic were too horrifying to consider!
Ron and Ginny had been standing quietly, both blushing as only redheads can do. Ginny was Prefect this year as well. Severus looked silently at each of them in turn. He knew the Weasleys' concern was genuine. They had been with Katrina enough to feel concerned for her welfare. He could not deny the truth of Hermione's suppositions—that bloody girl was too clever by half! He also had to face logically that it would be helpful and less dangerous to spread the burden among others. With the notable exception of Potter, he felt the kids were reasonably trustworthy.
"Very well; I will allow you to 'donate' as you say. The boys only," he said in his 'teaching voice', holding up his hand against the protests of Ginny and Hermione.
"The blood volume required is too much, you two don't weigh enough. I will not permit this to become a safety issue. Granger, you will continue to make the blood-replenishing potion. With five of us donating, we will be able to use it. As long as a minimum of eight weeks pass between using the replenishing potion and using the blood, it will not interfere with this potion."
He removed a blank parchment from his desk and muttered something they could not hear over it. He then set it before them on the desk, with an ink pot and quill. "You will each sign that, swearing that what you know will not be revealed to anyone else. It is magically binding. If you break your Oath, I will know."
"What happens if we break the Oath?" asked Ginny, obviously remembering the vivid purple boils on Marietta Edgecombe last year.
"Nothing fatal, Miss Weasley, I assure you. Also nothing externally obvious," Snape said smoothly. But he had a dark, very evil smirk on his face as he regarded them. "I would not want it betrayed to others that you have made such an Oath, or to be obvious to outsiders that an Oath had been broken. However, you are right to fear that the consequences are every bit as unpleasant as I can make them."
"And what if we refuse to sign?" asked Harry aggressively.
"Then, Mr. Potter, I will Obliviate you here and now," he said with the same evil smile. "I would advise against that option. I have no great skill in Obliviation. I would be forced to make sure that all memory of this potion and the thought processes leading up to your interfering discovery are completely removed. Such extensive work in the hands of anyone less than a master can have permanent consequences."
He then shrugged, and feigned a friendly air that was somehow more sinister than the evil countenance, "But, the choice is yours, of course."
Without further hesitation they all signed the parchment. He picked it up and sealed it in a drawer.
"Right-oh," said George when the last one had signed. Severus always had to observe them closely for several minutes before he could be certain which twin was which. George was already rolling up his sleeve, tucking his invisibility cloak into a pocket. He caught Snape's frowning gaze as he did this and tossed him a careless grin.
"Fred and I bought the cloaks almost first thing after our profits started rolling in. Devilishly useful! Bloody expensive, but worth every Galleon!"
"Undoubtedly. I will not hesitate to confiscate them if I see them in or near any of my rooms again—or Professor Lupin's for that matter. Do I make myself clear?"
"Well," said Fred, grinning as brightly as George. "We sort of figured you'd want us to use them to get down here when you needed us for the potion. Rowena might get suspicious if she sees us wandering around down here too often. We're not exactly mates or anything."
Severus conceded that particular point, but as the potion was nearing the stage where the blood had to be added, there was no more time for argument or conversation. George stepped over to the cauldron and Severus produced the long, thin knife. He held it out to George, a brow raised inquiringly.
"Nah, you'd better do it. I'm not chicken or anything, but I don't know if I'd hit the right spot," he said with a shake of his head.
"Very well. Sit there," he gestured to one of the tall four-legged stools near the worktable, "keep your arm still and over the cauldron. I will seal the wound when I've had enough. Granger—take one of those bloody cloaks and bring a blood replenishing potion."
He then sliced quickly and cleanly into the artery at George's wrist and had no attention for anything else.
When Hermione returned she had not one, but two doses of the replenishing potion. She gave one to George and one to Snape. He scowled at her, but she did not back down this time. She merely stood there watching him intently until he gave a snort of disgust and drank the damn thing.
"Now get out!"
Carefully disappearing under the three cloaks, they quickly left. All were fully aware that they had stretched the very limits of the dubious patience of Severus Snape!
Saturday morning dawned clear and bright—Rowena had persuaded him to place enchanted windows around his quarters. He woke in the amazing comfort of Rowena's body twined with his, feeling contented and warm in spite of the chill of his dungeons. By some unspoken agreement they had slept together every night since the attack on the Burrow.
They had not consummated their relationship—he was not prepared to take that step yet. He was determined that he would come to her as untainted as he possibly could be; that he would be fully prepared to give her what there was of his heart and soul completely and utterly. He wanted to feel he DESERVED her.
He had even refrained from stoking the barely banked fires of their passion further. Blissful kisses and gentle caresses were exchanged, of course, but he did not let them become desperate. Even his iron control was sorely tested as it was, but he refused to behave like some adolescent schoolboy driven by the urges of his body. She deserved more respect than that. Still, it was easier simply to avoid temptation.
The primary obstacle that he still felt before him, the thing that prevented him taking that significant step, was the Dark Magic. He hated his own weakness, but he recognized it for what it was. Somehow, he needed to be certain that he would not yield to THAT temptation, before he could allow himself to yield to the much pleasanter one she offered. He did not know how to achieve that certainty. He simply knew that when the hold on him was gone... he would know.
Severus couldn't shake the sense of foreboding, knowing that Potter had seen his Dark Magic cabinet. After the kids had left his lab yesterday, he realized that it was likely that Potter had been in his lab and seen him open the cabinet the previous time he had made the potion. Severus recognized the burning desire for vengeance and the bitter anger that enshrouded the boy. This coupled with his complete disregard for any authority what so ever, made him a particularly volatile individual. Potter was especially vulnerable to the seductive promise of the Dark Magic whether he knew it or not.
Rowena woke in his arms and snuggled against him, kissing his chin and looking into his eyes. She smiled as she kissed him gently, reaching a hand up to rub his furrowed brow. "You're thinking dark thoughts, Severus. Anything I can help with?"
He smirked and pulled her close, kissing her deeply. "No. Just 'brooding' as you say."
"Hmmm," she murmured against his lips. She sat up then and grinned down at him. "Well, enough brooding for one day. It's probably beastly cold outside, but at least it's sunny. Let's take Katrina to Hagrid's. He said he'd show her a unicorn, and she's dying to see one."
He agreed, and they did. The child was enchanted with the creature. Hagrid even put her on its back where she giggled and squealed in delight. Eventually she allowed herself to be taken back inside for lunch. Rowena took her then back to the Weasley's quarters for her nap, as she and Severus both had research they wanted to work on.
When she returned to her lab, she was surprised to find Severus had shut and warded his doors. She knocked, and after a few moments the wards fell and the door opened on its own. She shut it and sealed it behind her.
He was sitting, not at his workstation where she expected to find him, but on a chair facing a low cabinet that she somehow had never noticed before. He was leaning forwards, his elbows on his knees, his folded hands in front of him, just staring at the cabinet. His lank black hair hung forward, completely obscuring his face from her view.
She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, and then at the cabinet he was facing. There was something strange about the cabinet and suddenly she thought she understood.
"Brooding, Severus? How unlike you," she teased, trying to lighten his mood.
He made a derisive noise and shrugged, "Indeed."
"Why are you brooding here in front of this cabinet, Severus? Are you trying to prove yourself weak or strong?"
"Rowena, please, this is not the time," he said almost wearily.
"I think it is exactly the time," she said with some asperity. "You are sitting here, staring at your precious collection of Dark Magic wondering if you are strong enough or weak enough to destroy it or control it, and trying to determine which action would be the weak or the strong. I think I'm pretty close to the mark, am I not?"
He stood with the graceful speed of a striking snake and glared down at her, "And if I am? I think it would be best if you leave. I have decided to deal with the contents of that cabinet today. I am done being tempted by it. I will either destroy the contents or give myself over to it at last. Even now I have no idea which I will choose. You will not be safe here if I choose the latter."
"I am not afraid of you," she said simply.
He angrily grabbed her arms and shook her gently, though it was obvious that he wished to shake her until her teeth rattled, "You should be, Rowena. You should be very, very afraid. You have no idea what I am capable of, should I succumb to the lure."
He pulled her close suddenly, crushing her almost viciously against him and kissed her. It was a harsh, savage, biting thing intended to cause pain, full of doubt and rage as well as weeks of pent up passion. He expected her to push him away and run screaming in fear... he wanted her to believe he would even be capable of rape if he embraced the Dark Magic again.
Instead she wrapped her arms tightly around him and kissed back, with equal savagery. For long, breathless moments they battled with teeth and tongues and mouths. He tasted blood without knowing or caring if it was his or hers, and merely kissed her more aggressively still, shocked at how quickly his body switched from anger to fiery passion; and at how quickly she matched his passion fully with her own.
He realized then that she truly was not afraid of him—it wasn't just abstract words but a true and total trust. It was a blinding epiphany no less life changing than when he had chosen to leave the Dark Lord years ago, or Moody's comments as to "your family" at the Burrow. She had displayed her faith and trust in him again and again in words and deeds. Finally, it reached him as a solid, undeniable truth.
Somehow, in spite of his past and even present actions, he had gained the absolute trust of a fellow human being, not only her love—but also her TRUST; someone who trusted in his core strength and goodness even when he himself doubted its existence. He released her suddenly and stepped away abruptly.
She stood her ground, gingerly licking a trace of blood from her lips, but staring at him with passion and defiance. "I believe in you, Severus. I am not afraid."
He merely nodded in silent acquiescence and waved his wand at the cabinet. The doors sprung open as though pushed from some powerful creature within, and then even Rowena felt the seduction of the power contained inside.
He stared at the tomes and scrolls inside for a silent moment. He then picked up one of the smaller books. Rowena recognized it at once as the one he had tried to give her in her second year. The one he had stolen from his father that was first taste of Dark Magic.
She watched his face intently. It was an impassive mask. He flipped the book open and thumbed through it carelessly, as one might look at a book in a store or library when deciding what to read. He then looked up at Rowena, and his eyes were dark and stormy with some unknown emotion. But he smiled slightly at her, and she breathed easier.
"It seems I miscalculated. I believe I once told you that my longing for this magic was similar to my longing for you in the height of my desire."
He strode over to his empty fireplace and with a word there was a roaring fire within. With a casual gesture he tossed the book into the heart of the flames.
"That appears to have been a gross overestimation on my part."
She smiled radiantly at him and nodded; though she said nothing. She was too overwhelmed by emotion for words. Instead she watched him silently as he one-by-one removed each book from the cabinet. He paused with each one and flipped through it with an air of bemusement, as though what he expected to find inside the pages was not there. He then purposefully strode to the fire and cast it in.
The parchment rolls he sorted through with the bored air of sifting through homework and essays to find one worth reading. He was forced to keep the potions recipes for the time being—he still needed to use those in his dual role. These he moved to a different storage space and carefully warded it. The spell pages he deliberately cast into the fire.
At last the final item was in flames. Another flick of his wand disintegrated the cabinet to fine dust, which he swept up and also poured into the fire. It was merely a gesture. The absence of the books and spells did not mean he could not be tempted by the Dark Magic again. What it DID do was to prove to himself that the temptation was nothing to him anymore; the Dark Magic truly had no hold over him. He was free of it.
He turned to look at her. He stood straight and tall with an air of pride and triumph about him that she had never known before. She smiled through tears and threw her arms around him. He pulled her close and leaned his cheek against her hair.
"I knew you were stronger than that. I knew it wouldn't have any hold on you anymore. You just didn't believe in yourself."
He sighed and squeezed her tighter for a moment. "It would seem you were correct. Though I doubt I would have been goaded into the attempt by anything less than your constant haranguing."
She laughed lightly then and looked up at him, "Well, if you insist on being irritable and stubborn, I have to harangue to get you listen."
"Very well. Point granted. I am irritable and stubborn. That certainly won't change."
"I wouldn't want it to. Severus..." she reached her hand into his hair and pulled her to him, kissing him ardently.
He picked her up easily and carried her to her quarters through their connecting doors, sealing the doors behind him. He gently deposited her on the couch but she protested... "Severus... please... the bedroom... I want ..."
But he shook his head and sat down next to her, looking at her with a very serious expression. "No Rowena. This is not the time."
He smiled slightly at her groan of frustration but continued, "I want to talk about this. I won't sully the gift of your faith in me by offering you anything less than a total, permanent commitment. Why you might consent to such a thing is completely beyond my comprehension, but you deserve to be treated with the highest respect I am capable of...."
"Yes, Severus," she interrupted him.
"Do not interrupt me, Lupin..." he began, irritated, but then surprised, he asked, "Yes? You don't even know what you are agreeing to. I'm trying to figure out how to ask you to..."
"Yes, Severus, I will marry you." She said again, simply.
He shook his head in bemusement and played absently with a strand of her hair, "It's not safe right now, Rowena. You are currently still high on the Dark Lord's agenda. Your notes for the Azkaban shields and wards that I was forced to give him recently have increased his awareness of you. If he knew how important you are to me, that risk would become even greater. I have no idea how long it might be before we could marry. Be careful what you are agreeing to."
"Severus, you don't understand. I love you. I know you don't hold any faith in that word or the emotion it represents, but I love you none the less. There has never been and will never be any other man for me. I will be with you, married or not, or I will be alone. There is no other option. I would be honored, delighted, thrilled to be your wife. It would answer every wild dream of my heart. But I don't need it. I only need you. I love you."
He looked at her in disbelieving silence for a moment, and then kissed her tenderly. Hoping, somehow, to convey in actions the emotions he couldn't express in words.
Her body responded to him instantly. She leaned back onto the couch, pulling him with her. Weeks and weeks he had stoked and then banked the fires of their passion, always holding them back. She was in agony of need and thought he was likely in a similar state. But already she could sense him withdrawing, trying to tame his desire, but she pulled him closer. Instead he trailed hot kisses down her neck, driving her desire higher.
"Please, Severus. No more waiting." Her voice was breathless and panting with the urgent responses of her body. She arched up against him so that her hip was rubbing suggestively against his obvious hardness. "I have waited my entire life for you... please... make me yours, Severus."
He groaned against her neck, his own breathing barely less erratic than hers. Still, he had spent years forcing himself to suppress emotions, and this was simply one more emotion to control. He sat up again on the couch, pulling her up with him, and shaking his head until he could get his voice under control. "When we are married..."
She was still breathless, but there was more than a tinge of irritation in her voice as well, "I refuse to believe you have such a romantic or moral streak, Severus Snape! You said yourself there's no way to know how long it might be. I'll burn up and die before then!"
He took her hand in his and looked sideways at her. He smirked and kissed her hand, "Not moral or romantic, Rowena, perhaps; but honor and respect, hmm? You deserve both. You deserve more than I am probably capable of giving you. But this, at least, I can do.
"It's important to me, Rowena. I don't know if I can ever adequately reciprocate or fully deserve your affections. I don't know if I can ever overcome my past enough to give you children. I don't think I will ever feel as though I completely deserve your trust and faith in me. This one thing, I can make sure occurs in the best and most honorable way. It rather deserves special treatment, does it not?"
She smiled at him then, her eyes bright with unshed tears. Her voice was hoarse, but her words were light and teasing, "All right, Severus. You win that one. But call it what you like, the truth remains that no one has ever said anything more romantic to me in my life."
He snorted derisively and stood, pulling her with him and holding her close, "Call it romantic if you choose. Perhaps it is merely my way of delaying for as long as possible my becoming related to a werewolf, even through marriage."
She gave small laugh. "Well, there is that."
Still, he could see the disappointment in her eyes. Why was he really holding back? What was he waiting for—the Dark Lord to be vanquished? If Potter was truly the one destined to do that, they could waste their entire lives waiting! These last few weeks with her had taught him at least to live in the moment.
Enough of this! Severus Snape had heaven personified standing in his arms right now. Who was he to shun this gift so sweetly offered?
"Rowena, meet me in Albus's office in one hour. Do not tell anyone where you are going, do not bring anyone with you, and for Merlin's Sake don't be late!" he commanded suddenly with an air of deep resolve.
She looked at him in confusion, "Albus's office? Why?"
"Because, my sweet fool, I have changed my mind. I intend to marry you before you slip away. The only way to keep you safe as my wife is if no one knows. Later, when it's safe to reveal our marriage, I will indulge you in some sort of formal ceremony if you wish it, provided it is very small! Now, do we wed today or not?"
"Oh, yes!" she said breathlessly. "Albus's office. One hour."
He gave a small nod and briskly left her quarters.
There wasn't time for fancy dresses or elaborate hairdos. Anything out of the ordinary would rouse suspicion in anyone she met between her quarters and Albus's office. Still she showered and changed into some dark green dress robes. She couldn't give him a ring now in light of the necessary secrecy he insisted upon. She determined to choose the perfect one as soon as it was safe to do so!
She was in Albus's office with fifteen minutes to spare. He was beaming brightly when she entered his office, almost bouncing on his toes in anticipation. He hugged her warmly and drew her towards the fireplace.
"Rowena, I am so very delighted for you both! I need to tell you that Severus has requested a Bonding Ritual as part of your ceremony," he said at once.
"Bonding?" Rowena knew what a Bonding was, but felt momentarily confused as to why Severus would request it. A Bonding was a permanent, deep connection between two people that could be broken only in death. It enabled the Bonded pair to consciously be aware of the other's deepest feelings and emotions—not thoughts, not mind reading, but a pure connection at the most primitive emotional level. Time and distance did not matter; the Bonded pair could choose to be aware of their mate's emotion at any time. There was some level of control of it, similar to Occlumency, and one could shield oneself from sending emotions once Bonded, but only with conscious effort.
It was a deeply intimate and personal connection, rarely performed anymore in these times of frequent divorces and short-term relationships. Severus was an incredibly private man. That he would not only be willing to share such a connection with her, but would actually request it, was nearly overwhelming.
"I think, Rowena, that we both know Severus is not a man to speak of or express emotion easily. I believe he has come to love you very deeply. I don't know if he will ever be able to say in words what he feels for you. The Bonding Ritual is his way of making sure you KNOW how he feels for you, even if he is never able to TELL you."
Rowena beamed at him through happy tears, and nodded. "Of course."
"Then you consent? The Ritual can only be completed if both parties consent to it fully."
"Yes, absolutely," she said, without hesitation.
He smiled and drew out a long-stemmed white rose. Many of the petals were already moist with slowly drying blood. He held out the rose, and his hand, "I'm sorry to say that many of these ancient rituals had a hint of darkness in them. Usually only the darkest magic requires human blood, but this... this symbolizes the mingling of your life essence."
She gave him her hand, and he gently pricked her left thumb with one of the thorns, and then dripped the blood over the rose, so that it did indeed mingle with the blood—Severus's blood—already there. He then healed her thumb with a word and kissed her gently on her forehead.
Severus entered the room then and Rowena stood to greet him, a whirlwind of emotions swirling inside of her. She was about to marry the only man she had ever loved! She beamed radiantly at him. He gazed at her inscrutably and came directly to her, taking her hand. They were both surprised to find the other one trembling. He squeezed her hand gently, though if it was to reassure her or himself, he couldn't have said. Albus cleared his throat and began the ceremony.
Even in this, Severus had apparently requested the relatively traditional. There are few real differences between secular Muggle weddings and Wizard ones, and Albus, as Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, was legally authorized to officiate at any wizarding marriage. In this particular case he would keep the documentation secret until it was safe to be known, but that would not affect the legality of the union.
Severus did present her with a ring, which surprised her greatly. Apparently the rumor of their engagement spread by Rita Skeeter was enough to justify the ring without revealing the true relationship. It was a thick band of gold with a very large, perfect diamond solitaire. It was no ordinary diamond though, but a Fire-Stone—a wizarding gem that is extremely rare. On first glance it looked like a normal, though exceptionally flawless, round diamond. Upon closer examination, it was revealed to literally flame from within, causing the stone to flare with the spectrum of red and gold of a fire. It was a symbol to the wizarding community of undying love and passion, the fire that can never be extinguished.
She gasped when she saw it, overcome with the meaning, and her eyes flew to his face. He looked into her eyes and allowed her to see a brief glimpse of the depth of emotion he felt for her, squeezing her hand again gently.
Albus brought forward the white rose, the blood on its petals having dried to nearly black, and placed it in their clasped hands so it was between them. He then performed the bonding ritual. Magical slivery chords sprouted from his wand as he chanted the ancient incantation. They began at the rose and then spread outwards at the direction of his wand; crisscrossing and connecting them like a silvery web. The first strands flew from the rose to their hearts, and then began quickly to form intricate patterns between them, eventually surrounding them in a glowing silver cocoon. At the completion of the ritual, the rose burst into flame and was consumed instantly, and the magical chords vanished from sight.
Rowena closed her eyes briefly and gasped again at the sheer flood of emotion that she felt from him the instant the ritual was completed. She had known Severus was not a man to do anything half-heartedly. His deep intensity in everything he did was as much a part of him as his strong nose and lank black hair. She should have realized that this part of him would carry over to his emotional life as well. Yet she was still stunned that somehow she had inspired in him emotion of this magnitude.
She literally felt as though his love was a physical, palpable thing; as though it was a soft warm blanket that completely wrapped her soul in warm safety. Never would she have imagined that being loved by Severus Snape would be such an intensely fulfilling thing! Her heart was full of him, and she opened herself to receiving his love as well as to shower him with hers.
When she opened her eyes again, nothing externally had changed. This was odd, to her. She felt as though there should be stars and fireworks and singing fairies and all manner of momentous external happenings to match what had just occurred inside of her.
Albus was still saying the final words of their ceremony. Severus still stared at her with his fathomless black eyes, his face an expressionless mask. Yet his hands had tightened imperceptibly on hers, and her heart pounded in time with his.
She was vaguely aware of Albus's voice, "It is my very great privilege to tell you that you are now husband and wife, Severus and Rowena Snape."
He pulled her instantly into his arms and kissed her very tenderly, and very briefly. It was an odd dichotomy! She could feel his lips brush hers in the chaste kiss that seemed a traditional part of the ritual, yet their Bond allowed her to feel the barely contained desire that burned within him and matched hers.
He turned and shook hands with Albus, thanking him sincerely, and receiving Albus's warmest congratulations with his usual implacable grace. Through the Bond, she felt his sincere pleasure at the approbation of his friend; she felt the true extent to which he did indeed consider Albus his friend. Rowena hugged Albus and thanked him through tears of happiness that she hadn't been able to wholly contain. He gave her another whiskery kiss on her cheek this time and chivvied them out of the room on pretense of having work to do.
A/N: Sorry guys.... I promised to give my 'smut' separate chapters so that those who wanted to avoid reading it could do so. (Why anyone would want to avoid it is beyond me, but hey...) Also, some of the sites where I am posting this fic do not allow 'lemons', so this makes it easier for me to leave those chapters out without spoiling the flow of the story.
Next chapter will be pure 'lemon', very little if any plot. It is currently in its second revision and should be ready by approximately Saturday the15th of May. If you are reading this on a site that does not allow me to post the 'lemon', and you want to read it, you can email me and I will send you the link to the site that has it. (wink) Please put "lemon request" in the subject line so I know it's a legitimate email. I am brutal with the use of my delete key. I hate spam!
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, more to come, happy reading!
Lisa/Shanti
The Fire-Stone in Rowena's ring is the brain-child of my roleplay friend Annii Fraizer. I have modified it to match my own ideas, but it started out as hers. Thank you Annii!
Thank you to my Beta, Elaine!
Chapter 22: Secret Oaths and Commitments
An uneasy peace settled over the school. It was the eerie calm of hushed anticipation. The Daily Prophet article was soon common knowledge. The students looked at Severus and Rowena with new suspicions and ideas as to their relationship; but also new respect for the cruel Professor who would run into a burning building to save a child.
The Dark Lord waited an entire week after the fire before summoning Severus. His back was nearly entirely healed and he exuded confidence about the meeting, but still Rowena feared for him when he left. She stayed resolutely in the hospital wing until his return. He was ashen- faced and sweaty upon his arrival and moved with deliberate slowness that spoke of intensive use of the Cruciatus curse, but was otherwise uninjured.
Rowena was newly ashamed at her inability to make any significant advances in countering the Unforgivables in her research. Still, she did have the spell they'd developed that was at least able to ease the pain and heal the nerve damage that was the after-effect of the Cruciatus curse. She used it quickly and helped him up and back to his quarters.
The tightening of Hogwarts security had forced her to at last give up her volunteer work at St. Mungos, at least for the present. She also redoubled her research efforts in every possible spare moment. Severus likewise spent hours and hours brewing potions that would be needed in the war. They kept their adjoining lab door open when they were working, enjoying companionable silence even as they were absorbed in separate tasks.
Hermione Granger took Rowena by surprise by coming to her lab and showing interest in her research. In short order the Muggle-born girl became a very valuable assistant. She was quick to find resources in the library and enjoyed the logic and order of the mathematical applications.
Even more surprising was her assistance to Severus. When Rowena was involved with Harry's Occlumency lessons, Hermione went instead to Severus's lab and assisted in brewing potions. He had objected strenuously to this at first, but soon found that it was Madam Pomfrey who had sent her. Poppy apparently decided that if Severus was too busy to make a supply of blood-replenishing potions, he obviously needed assistance. No one—not even Severus—could rationally argue that the Hermione lacked the capability to do it.
Harry had told Hermione why it was that Professor Snape particularly needed the blood-replenishing potion. Hermione made a large batch and delivered it to Madam Pomfrey as Severus instructed. She tried to leave a dose surreptitiously in the cabinet for him, but he found it and made her take that as well. She counted the vials when next she delivered potions to the hospital wing, and was concerned to find that all the doses were still there. For some reason he was refusing to take it.
Occlumency with Harry was progressing smoothly. He became stronger each session, and Rowena found that her own Occlumency was improving significantly as well. It was definitely a discipline that benefited from rigorous practice!
The sessions did give Harry and Rowena a deeper level of understanding of each other. It was hard, even when one was being as considerate as possible, not to see SOME things when the shield was finally breached. Rowena began to feel more compassion for the boy who had spent his early childhood unwanted and unloved; for all the things he had been through; for the dangers he still faced. Still, she didn't want him to fall into the trap of using his hard life as an excuse for irresponsible behavior.
He was rigidly concealing things from her, that much was certain. She did not force the issue or betray his trust, but she was by no means certain that Harry Potter's rule-breaking days were over.
Harry, for his part, was forced to see important figures in his life from an entirely different viewpoint and he did not like it. Rowena's memories of and emotions towards key people were precisely opposite of his and it was uncomfortable to see them from her perspective. Still, the lessons were useful and so he tried to deal with his disgust.
He had not overcome his determination to find out exactly what it was that Snape was up to.
Dylan seemed to be conducting classes effectively and efficiently in spite of his appearance. He had set up obstacle courses, speed and accuracy exercises, and maintained calm order in his classes without difficulty. None of the students had a word of complaint against him. Nothing obvious had come from his 'arrangements' with "Luke"—yet.
Severus and Rowena were glad of the Weasley's presence in the castle, even if it was due to such unfortunate circumstances. They saw Katrina several times a day, sometimes separately, sometimes together. In the peaceful security of the castle they found moments of blissful serenity and enjoyed each one to the fullest.
Almost three weeks to the day from the previous request, Harry heard Draco telling Crabbe and Goyle that his mother wanted him to 'order' more of her potion. Hermione had told Harry that Snape hadn't used the blood- replenishing potion. It was time for action.
It was Friday evening once again. Harry, in his invisibility cloak, used an Extendable Ear to hear the wards Snape used on his door as he sealed himself inside, and then ran off to Gryffindor tower. The timing of this had to be perfect.
Forty-five minutes later, whispered words could be heard from apparently empty space in front of the door to the potions lab. The door swung open wide, then very quickly shut again and glowed briefly as the wards were replaced.
Severus looked up from his cauldron, moisture already beading on his face from the steam. He stood stock-still and wary, quickly dropping his Dark Wand into his hand and holding it at the ready. His look of tense suspicion gave way to cold fury as six figures materialized in front of him from beneath three invisibility cloaks: a Weasley twin with Hermione Granger, the other twin with his sister Ginny, and Ron Weasley with Harry.
"Get out of this lab at once," he snarled acidly, his deep voice biting off each word. "Fifty..."
"Before you start docking us house points, Professor, I think you'd better listen to why we're here," said Harry, casually. "I imagine Rowena would about have kittens if she knew what you were doing."
He met Snape's eyes calmly, his arms crossed defiantly.
"You will not show disrespect for your Professors in this room, Potter," Snape growled, "PROFESSOR Lupin does not feel the need to spy on me or sneak around where she doesn't belong. You had better explain yourself quickly before I have four of the six of you expelled from this school! I would have expected this sort of underhanded behavior from you, Potter. I am unpleasantly surprised that you managed to drag so many of your fellow students down with you."
"Professor Snape," Hermione interjected, stepping in front of Harry before things escalated. "We want to help you. You can't keep bleeding yourself for this potion—it's not safe! I don't know why you wouldn't take the blood-replenisher, but I know enough of Muggle science from my parents to know that three weeks is too soon to lose that much blood again."
Severus glared maliciously at each of them in turn. Ron, Ginny, and even Hermione all looked away, suitably cowed. The twins no longer felt any sense of subordination for him, being out of school. They merely grinned cheerfully as though they were waiting to make a new prank item. Potter; well, Potter was far too arrogant and beyond the reach of authority in any sense.
He addressed Hermione as the only reasonably intelligent one of the group. His voice had dropped to the smooth, silken tones that cloaked his rage.
"Granger, explain what you know, and what you propose by this intrusion into areas that do NOT concern you."
Hermione blushed and was visibly shaking from head to toe. But she spoke quickly, presenting her argument with concise logic. She had been spending far too much time with Rowena!
"Fred and George told us about Katrina when she first moved in with them. We sort of worked out what the potion was by talking it over together. Harry accidentally overheard Draco asking you to make the potion for his mother the night before the Burrow was attacked. Madam Pomfrey told me you needed a blood-replenishing potion and wouldn't use her last one when she asked me to help you brew in my free time. I counted the potions and know you still haven't used one, even though there are plenty now. Harry heard Draco tell Crabbe and Goyle that he was supposed to ask you for more of the potion today in the Great Hall."
She paused for breath, but quickly continued before he could interrupt, "I think you make the potion yourself so that the Death Eaters or whoever won't find another child and do what they did to Katrina. I am guessing that something about the blood-replenisher weakens the effect of the ingredient or something, and that's why you won't take it."
Snape frowned at her silently as she spoke. When she paused again he raised a brow and inclined his head slightly, grudgingly impressed with the accuracy of her surmises. "You have explained what you think you know. You have not explained why this dubious 'knowledge' justifies illegal entrance into my lab after hours."
"Gee, Snape, we'd have thought that was obvious," one of the twins said, jovially. "I mean, you're always the one to complain when the students don't reason stuff out fast enough. We're here as your official blood- donors! If what Hermione figures is all correct, then you can't stop making the potion, and you can't go on indefinitely using your own blood. So, here we are. Cool, huh?"
Snape's eyes widened in surprise, and then his scowl deepened as five of the six before him nodded earnestly. Potter merely scowled back.
"No! Absolutely not! I will refrain from taking house points and awarding detentions if you leave this instant; but only so long as I never hear a word of this again. Go," he said imperiously.
Now Harry stepped forward again. It was then that Severus realized that his Occlumency had indeed improved. The arrogant boy was staring him down, yet he could detect nothing beyond the characteristic defiant disrespect.
"Sorry, Professor—it's not going to work that way. After working the last month on Occlumency and Legilimency with Rowena, I know her well enough to know she wouldn't be too happy if she found out about this..." Harry said with a smirk, allowing the thought to trail off.
Hermione squeaked in alarm and put a placating hand on Harry's arm, "Professor, what Harry means is...."
"What Potter means is if I don't agree to allow you lot to 'donate' he will run off and tattle to Professor Lupin. A Potter sinking to blackmail; you are more and more like your father every day, boy," he spat through an ugly sneer, clearly making every word an insult.
Severus noticed Potter's glance turning frequently to the low cabinet that contained his Dark Magic books. He found it disturbing—the cabinet had wards on it intended to make it unnoticeable. Potter could plainly see it, and evidently felt the draw of the magic within strongly enough to be unable to resist glancing at it. The implications of the chaotic boy wielding Dark Magic were too horrifying to consider!
Ron and Ginny had been standing quietly, both blushing as only redheads can do. Ginny was Prefect this year as well. Severus looked silently at each of them in turn. He knew the Weasleys' concern was genuine. They had been with Katrina enough to feel concerned for her welfare. He could not deny the truth of Hermione's suppositions—that bloody girl was too clever by half! He also had to face logically that it would be helpful and less dangerous to spread the burden among others. With the notable exception of Potter, he felt the kids were reasonably trustworthy.
"Very well; I will allow you to 'donate' as you say. The boys only," he said in his 'teaching voice', holding up his hand against the protests of Ginny and Hermione.
"The blood volume required is too much, you two don't weigh enough. I will not permit this to become a safety issue. Granger, you will continue to make the blood-replenishing potion. With five of us donating, we will be able to use it. As long as a minimum of eight weeks pass between using the replenishing potion and using the blood, it will not interfere with this potion."
He removed a blank parchment from his desk and muttered something they could not hear over it. He then set it before them on the desk, with an ink pot and quill. "You will each sign that, swearing that what you know will not be revealed to anyone else. It is magically binding. If you break your Oath, I will know."
"What happens if we break the Oath?" asked Ginny, obviously remembering the vivid purple boils on Marietta Edgecombe last year.
"Nothing fatal, Miss Weasley, I assure you. Also nothing externally obvious," Snape said smoothly. But he had a dark, very evil smirk on his face as he regarded them. "I would not want it betrayed to others that you have made such an Oath, or to be obvious to outsiders that an Oath had been broken. However, you are right to fear that the consequences are every bit as unpleasant as I can make them."
"And what if we refuse to sign?" asked Harry aggressively.
"Then, Mr. Potter, I will Obliviate you here and now," he said with the same evil smile. "I would advise against that option. I have no great skill in Obliviation. I would be forced to make sure that all memory of this potion and the thought processes leading up to your interfering discovery are completely removed. Such extensive work in the hands of anyone less than a master can have permanent consequences."
He then shrugged, and feigned a friendly air that was somehow more sinister than the evil countenance, "But, the choice is yours, of course."
Without further hesitation they all signed the parchment. He picked it up and sealed it in a drawer.
"Right-oh," said George when the last one had signed. Severus always had to observe them closely for several minutes before he could be certain which twin was which. George was already rolling up his sleeve, tucking his invisibility cloak into a pocket. He caught Snape's frowning gaze as he did this and tossed him a careless grin.
"Fred and I bought the cloaks almost first thing after our profits started rolling in. Devilishly useful! Bloody expensive, but worth every Galleon!"
"Undoubtedly. I will not hesitate to confiscate them if I see them in or near any of my rooms again—or Professor Lupin's for that matter. Do I make myself clear?"
"Well," said Fred, grinning as brightly as George. "We sort of figured you'd want us to use them to get down here when you needed us for the potion. Rowena might get suspicious if she sees us wandering around down here too often. We're not exactly mates or anything."
Severus conceded that particular point, but as the potion was nearing the stage where the blood had to be added, there was no more time for argument or conversation. George stepped over to the cauldron and Severus produced the long, thin knife. He held it out to George, a brow raised inquiringly.
"Nah, you'd better do it. I'm not chicken or anything, but I don't know if I'd hit the right spot," he said with a shake of his head.
"Very well. Sit there," he gestured to one of the tall four-legged stools near the worktable, "keep your arm still and over the cauldron. I will seal the wound when I've had enough. Granger—take one of those bloody cloaks and bring a blood replenishing potion."
He then sliced quickly and cleanly into the artery at George's wrist and had no attention for anything else.
When Hermione returned she had not one, but two doses of the replenishing potion. She gave one to George and one to Snape. He scowled at her, but she did not back down this time. She merely stood there watching him intently until he gave a snort of disgust and drank the damn thing.
"Now get out!"
Carefully disappearing under the three cloaks, they quickly left. All were fully aware that they had stretched the very limits of the dubious patience of Severus Snape!
Saturday morning dawned clear and bright—Rowena had persuaded him to place enchanted windows around his quarters. He woke in the amazing comfort of Rowena's body twined with his, feeling contented and warm in spite of the chill of his dungeons. By some unspoken agreement they had slept together every night since the attack on the Burrow.
They had not consummated their relationship—he was not prepared to take that step yet. He was determined that he would come to her as untainted as he possibly could be; that he would be fully prepared to give her what there was of his heart and soul completely and utterly. He wanted to feel he DESERVED her.
He had even refrained from stoking the barely banked fires of their passion further. Blissful kisses and gentle caresses were exchanged, of course, but he did not let them become desperate. Even his iron control was sorely tested as it was, but he refused to behave like some adolescent schoolboy driven by the urges of his body. She deserved more respect than that. Still, it was easier simply to avoid temptation.
The primary obstacle that he still felt before him, the thing that prevented him taking that significant step, was the Dark Magic. He hated his own weakness, but he recognized it for what it was. Somehow, he needed to be certain that he would not yield to THAT temptation, before he could allow himself to yield to the much pleasanter one she offered. He did not know how to achieve that certainty. He simply knew that when the hold on him was gone... he would know.
Severus couldn't shake the sense of foreboding, knowing that Potter had seen his Dark Magic cabinet. After the kids had left his lab yesterday, he realized that it was likely that Potter had been in his lab and seen him open the cabinet the previous time he had made the potion. Severus recognized the burning desire for vengeance and the bitter anger that enshrouded the boy. This coupled with his complete disregard for any authority what so ever, made him a particularly volatile individual. Potter was especially vulnerable to the seductive promise of the Dark Magic whether he knew it or not.
Rowena woke in his arms and snuggled against him, kissing his chin and looking into his eyes. She smiled as she kissed him gently, reaching a hand up to rub his furrowed brow. "You're thinking dark thoughts, Severus. Anything I can help with?"
He smirked and pulled her close, kissing her deeply. "No. Just 'brooding' as you say."
"Hmmm," she murmured against his lips. She sat up then and grinned down at him. "Well, enough brooding for one day. It's probably beastly cold outside, but at least it's sunny. Let's take Katrina to Hagrid's. He said he'd show her a unicorn, and she's dying to see one."
He agreed, and they did. The child was enchanted with the creature. Hagrid even put her on its back where she giggled and squealed in delight. Eventually she allowed herself to be taken back inside for lunch. Rowena took her then back to the Weasley's quarters for her nap, as she and Severus both had research they wanted to work on.
When she returned to her lab, she was surprised to find Severus had shut and warded his doors. She knocked, and after a few moments the wards fell and the door opened on its own. She shut it and sealed it behind her.
He was sitting, not at his workstation where she expected to find him, but on a chair facing a low cabinet that she somehow had never noticed before. He was leaning forwards, his elbows on his knees, his folded hands in front of him, just staring at the cabinet. His lank black hair hung forward, completely obscuring his face from her view.
She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, and then at the cabinet he was facing. There was something strange about the cabinet and suddenly she thought she understood.
"Brooding, Severus? How unlike you," she teased, trying to lighten his mood.
He made a derisive noise and shrugged, "Indeed."
"Why are you brooding here in front of this cabinet, Severus? Are you trying to prove yourself weak or strong?"
"Rowena, please, this is not the time," he said almost wearily.
"I think it is exactly the time," she said with some asperity. "You are sitting here, staring at your precious collection of Dark Magic wondering if you are strong enough or weak enough to destroy it or control it, and trying to determine which action would be the weak or the strong. I think I'm pretty close to the mark, am I not?"
He stood with the graceful speed of a striking snake and glared down at her, "And if I am? I think it would be best if you leave. I have decided to deal with the contents of that cabinet today. I am done being tempted by it. I will either destroy the contents or give myself over to it at last. Even now I have no idea which I will choose. You will not be safe here if I choose the latter."
"I am not afraid of you," she said simply.
He angrily grabbed her arms and shook her gently, though it was obvious that he wished to shake her until her teeth rattled, "You should be, Rowena. You should be very, very afraid. You have no idea what I am capable of, should I succumb to the lure."
He pulled her close suddenly, crushing her almost viciously against him and kissed her. It was a harsh, savage, biting thing intended to cause pain, full of doubt and rage as well as weeks of pent up passion. He expected her to push him away and run screaming in fear... he wanted her to believe he would even be capable of rape if he embraced the Dark Magic again.
Instead she wrapped her arms tightly around him and kissed back, with equal savagery. For long, breathless moments they battled with teeth and tongues and mouths. He tasted blood without knowing or caring if it was his or hers, and merely kissed her more aggressively still, shocked at how quickly his body switched from anger to fiery passion; and at how quickly she matched his passion fully with her own.
He realized then that she truly was not afraid of him—it wasn't just abstract words but a true and total trust. It was a blinding epiphany no less life changing than when he had chosen to leave the Dark Lord years ago, or Moody's comments as to "your family" at the Burrow. She had displayed her faith and trust in him again and again in words and deeds. Finally, it reached him as a solid, undeniable truth.
Somehow, in spite of his past and even present actions, he had gained the absolute trust of a fellow human being, not only her love—but also her TRUST; someone who trusted in his core strength and goodness even when he himself doubted its existence. He released her suddenly and stepped away abruptly.
She stood her ground, gingerly licking a trace of blood from her lips, but staring at him with passion and defiance. "I believe in you, Severus. I am not afraid."
He merely nodded in silent acquiescence and waved his wand at the cabinet. The doors sprung open as though pushed from some powerful creature within, and then even Rowena felt the seduction of the power contained inside.
He stared at the tomes and scrolls inside for a silent moment. He then picked up one of the smaller books. Rowena recognized it at once as the one he had tried to give her in her second year. The one he had stolen from his father that was first taste of Dark Magic.
She watched his face intently. It was an impassive mask. He flipped the book open and thumbed through it carelessly, as one might look at a book in a store or library when deciding what to read. He then looked up at Rowena, and his eyes were dark and stormy with some unknown emotion. But he smiled slightly at her, and she breathed easier.
"It seems I miscalculated. I believe I once told you that my longing for this magic was similar to my longing for you in the height of my desire."
He strode over to his empty fireplace and with a word there was a roaring fire within. With a casual gesture he tossed the book into the heart of the flames.
"That appears to have been a gross overestimation on my part."
She smiled radiantly at him and nodded; though she said nothing. She was too overwhelmed by emotion for words. Instead she watched him silently as he one-by-one removed each book from the cabinet. He paused with each one and flipped through it with an air of bemusement, as though what he expected to find inside the pages was not there. He then purposefully strode to the fire and cast it in.
The parchment rolls he sorted through with the bored air of sifting through homework and essays to find one worth reading. He was forced to keep the potions recipes for the time being—he still needed to use those in his dual role. These he moved to a different storage space and carefully warded it. The spell pages he deliberately cast into the fire.
At last the final item was in flames. Another flick of his wand disintegrated the cabinet to fine dust, which he swept up and also poured into the fire. It was merely a gesture. The absence of the books and spells did not mean he could not be tempted by the Dark Magic again. What it DID do was to prove to himself that the temptation was nothing to him anymore; the Dark Magic truly had no hold over him. He was free of it.
He turned to look at her. He stood straight and tall with an air of pride and triumph about him that she had never known before. She smiled through tears and threw her arms around him. He pulled her close and leaned his cheek against her hair.
"I knew you were stronger than that. I knew it wouldn't have any hold on you anymore. You just didn't believe in yourself."
He sighed and squeezed her tighter for a moment. "It would seem you were correct. Though I doubt I would have been goaded into the attempt by anything less than your constant haranguing."
She laughed lightly then and looked up at him, "Well, if you insist on being irritable and stubborn, I have to harangue to get you listen."
"Very well. Point granted. I am irritable and stubborn. That certainly won't change."
"I wouldn't want it to. Severus..." she reached her hand into his hair and pulled her to him, kissing him ardently.
He picked her up easily and carried her to her quarters through their connecting doors, sealing the doors behind him. He gently deposited her on the couch but she protested... "Severus... please... the bedroom... I want ..."
But he shook his head and sat down next to her, looking at her with a very serious expression. "No Rowena. This is not the time."
He smiled slightly at her groan of frustration but continued, "I want to talk about this. I won't sully the gift of your faith in me by offering you anything less than a total, permanent commitment. Why you might consent to such a thing is completely beyond my comprehension, but you deserve to be treated with the highest respect I am capable of...."
"Yes, Severus," she interrupted him.
"Do not interrupt me, Lupin..." he began, irritated, but then surprised, he asked, "Yes? You don't even know what you are agreeing to. I'm trying to figure out how to ask you to..."
"Yes, Severus, I will marry you." She said again, simply.
He shook his head in bemusement and played absently with a strand of her hair, "It's not safe right now, Rowena. You are currently still high on the Dark Lord's agenda. Your notes for the Azkaban shields and wards that I was forced to give him recently have increased his awareness of you. If he knew how important you are to me, that risk would become even greater. I have no idea how long it might be before we could marry. Be careful what you are agreeing to."
"Severus, you don't understand. I love you. I know you don't hold any faith in that word or the emotion it represents, but I love you none the less. There has never been and will never be any other man for me. I will be with you, married or not, or I will be alone. There is no other option. I would be honored, delighted, thrilled to be your wife. It would answer every wild dream of my heart. But I don't need it. I only need you. I love you."
He looked at her in disbelieving silence for a moment, and then kissed her tenderly. Hoping, somehow, to convey in actions the emotions he couldn't express in words.
Her body responded to him instantly. She leaned back onto the couch, pulling him with her. Weeks and weeks he had stoked and then banked the fires of their passion, always holding them back. She was in agony of need and thought he was likely in a similar state. But already she could sense him withdrawing, trying to tame his desire, but she pulled him closer. Instead he trailed hot kisses down her neck, driving her desire higher.
"Please, Severus. No more waiting." Her voice was breathless and panting with the urgent responses of her body. She arched up against him so that her hip was rubbing suggestively against his obvious hardness. "I have waited my entire life for you... please... make me yours, Severus."
He groaned against her neck, his own breathing barely less erratic than hers. Still, he had spent years forcing himself to suppress emotions, and this was simply one more emotion to control. He sat up again on the couch, pulling her up with him, and shaking his head until he could get his voice under control. "When we are married..."
She was still breathless, but there was more than a tinge of irritation in her voice as well, "I refuse to believe you have such a romantic or moral streak, Severus Snape! You said yourself there's no way to know how long it might be. I'll burn up and die before then!"
He took her hand in his and looked sideways at her. He smirked and kissed her hand, "Not moral or romantic, Rowena, perhaps; but honor and respect, hmm? You deserve both. You deserve more than I am probably capable of giving you. But this, at least, I can do.
"It's important to me, Rowena. I don't know if I can ever adequately reciprocate or fully deserve your affections. I don't know if I can ever overcome my past enough to give you children. I don't think I will ever feel as though I completely deserve your trust and faith in me. This one thing, I can make sure occurs in the best and most honorable way. It rather deserves special treatment, does it not?"
She smiled at him then, her eyes bright with unshed tears. Her voice was hoarse, but her words were light and teasing, "All right, Severus. You win that one. But call it what you like, the truth remains that no one has ever said anything more romantic to me in my life."
He snorted derisively and stood, pulling her with him and holding her close, "Call it romantic if you choose. Perhaps it is merely my way of delaying for as long as possible my becoming related to a werewolf, even through marriage."
She gave small laugh. "Well, there is that."
Still, he could see the disappointment in her eyes. Why was he really holding back? What was he waiting for—the Dark Lord to be vanquished? If Potter was truly the one destined to do that, they could waste their entire lives waiting! These last few weeks with her had taught him at least to live in the moment.
Enough of this! Severus Snape had heaven personified standing in his arms right now. Who was he to shun this gift so sweetly offered?
"Rowena, meet me in Albus's office in one hour. Do not tell anyone where you are going, do not bring anyone with you, and for Merlin's Sake don't be late!" he commanded suddenly with an air of deep resolve.
She looked at him in confusion, "Albus's office? Why?"
"Because, my sweet fool, I have changed my mind. I intend to marry you before you slip away. The only way to keep you safe as my wife is if no one knows. Later, when it's safe to reveal our marriage, I will indulge you in some sort of formal ceremony if you wish it, provided it is very small! Now, do we wed today or not?"
"Oh, yes!" she said breathlessly. "Albus's office. One hour."
He gave a small nod and briskly left her quarters.
There wasn't time for fancy dresses or elaborate hairdos. Anything out of the ordinary would rouse suspicion in anyone she met between her quarters and Albus's office. Still she showered and changed into some dark green dress robes. She couldn't give him a ring now in light of the necessary secrecy he insisted upon. She determined to choose the perfect one as soon as it was safe to do so!
She was in Albus's office with fifteen minutes to spare. He was beaming brightly when she entered his office, almost bouncing on his toes in anticipation. He hugged her warmly and drew her towards the fireplace.
"Rowena, I am so very delighted for you both! I need to tell you that Severus has requested a Bonding Ritual as part of your ceremony," he said at once.
"Bonding?" Rowena knew what a Bonding was, but felt momentarily confused as to why Severus would request it. A Bonding was a permanent, deep connection between two people that could be broken only in death. It enabled the Bonded pair to consciously be aware of the other's deepest feelings and emotions—not thoughts, not mind reading, but a pure connection at the most primitive emotional level. Time and distance did not matter; the Bonded pair could choose to be aware of their mate's emotion at any time. There was some level of control of it, similar to Occlumency, and one could shield oneself from sending emotions once Bonded, but only with conscious effort.
It was a deeply intimate and personal connection, rarely performed anymore in these times of frequent divorces and short-term relationships. Severus was an incredibly private man. That he would not only be willing to share such a connection with her, but would actually request it, was nearly overwhelming.
"I think, Rowena, that we both know Severus is not a man to speak of or express emotion easily. I believe he has come to love you very deeply. I don't know if he will ever be able to say in words what he feels for you. The Bonding Ritual is his way of making sure you KNOW how he feels for you, even if he is never able to TELL you."
Rowena beamed at him through happy tears, and nodded. "Of course."
"Then you consent? The Ritual can only be completed if both parties consent to it fully."
"Yes, absolutely," she said, without hesitation.
He smiled and drew out a long-stemmed white rose. Many of the petals were already moist with slowly drying blood. He held out the rose, and his hand, "I'm sorry to say that many of these ancient rituals had a hint of darkness in them. Usually only the darkest magic requires human blood, but this... this symbolizes the mingling of your life essence."
She gave him her hand, and he gently pricked her left thumb with one of the thorns, and then dripped the blood over the rose, so that it did indeed mingle with the blood—Severus's blood—already there. He then healed her thumb with a word and kissed her gently on her forehead.
Severus entered the room then and Rowena stood to greet him, a whirlwind of emotions swirling inside of her. She was about to marry the only man she had ever loved! She beamed radiantly at him. He gazed at her inscrutably and came directly to her, taking her hand. They were both surprised to find the other one trembling. He squeezed her hand gently, though if it was to reassure her or himself, he couldn't have said. Albus cleared his throat and began the ceremony.
Even in this, Severus had apparently requested the relatively traditional. There are few real differences between secular Muggle weddings and Wizard ones, and Albus, as Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, was legally authorized to officiate at any wizarding marriage. In this particular case he would keep the documentation secret until it was safe to be known, but that would not affect the legality of the union.
Severus did present her with a ring, which surprised her greatly. Apparently the rumor of their engagement spread by Rita Skeeter was enough to justify the ring without revealing the true relationship. It was a thick band of gold with a very large, perfect diamond solitaire. It was no ordinary diamond though, but a Fire-Stone—a wizarding gem that is extremely rare. On first glance it looked like a normal, though exceptionally flawless, round diamond. Upon closer examination, it was revealed to literally flame from within, causing the stone to flare with the spectrum of red and gold of a fire. It was a symbol to the wizarding community of undying love and passion, the fire that can never be extinguished.
She gasped when she saw it, overcome with the meaning, and her eyes flew to his face. He looked into her eyes and allowed her to see a brief glimpse of the depth of emotion he felt for her, squeezing her hand again gently.
Albus brought forward the white rose, the blood on its petals having dried to nearly black, and placed it in their clasped hands so it was between them. He then performed the bonding ritual. Magical slivery chords sprouted from his wand as he chanted the ancient incantation. They began at the rose and then spread outwards at the direction of his wand; crisscrossing and connecting them like a silvery web. The first strands flew from the rose to their hearts, and then began quickly to form intricate patterns between them, eventually surrounding them in a glowing silver cocoon. At the completion of the ritual, the rose burst into flame and was consumed instantly, and the magical chords vanished from sight.
Rowena closed her eyes briefly and gasped again at the sheer flood of emotion that she felt from him the instant the ritual was completed. She had known Severus was not a man to do anything half-heartedly. His deep intensity in everything he did was as much a part of him as his strong nose and lank black hair. She should have realized that this part of him would carry over to his emotional life as well. Yet she was still stunned that somehow she had inspired in him emotion of this magnitude.
She literally felt as though his love was a physical, palpable thing; as though it was a soft warm blanket that completely wrapped her soul in warm safety. Never would she have imagined that being loved by Severus Snape would be such an intensely fulfilling thing! Her heart was full of him, and she opened herself to receiving his love as well as to shower him with hers.
When she opened her eyes again, nothing externally had changed. This was odd, to her. She felt as though there should be stars and fireworks and singing fairies and all manner of momentous external happenings to match what had just occurred inside of her.
Albus was still saying the final words of their ceremony. Severus still stared at her with his fathomless black eyes, his face an expressionless mask. Yet his hands had tightened imperceptibly on hers, and her heart pounded in time with his.
She was vaguely aware of Albus's voice, "It is my very great privilege to tell you that you are now husband and wife, Severus and Rowena Snape."
He pulled her instantly into his arms and kissed her very tenderly, and very briefly. It was an odd dichotomy! She could feel his lips brush hers in the chaste kiss that seemed a traditional part of the ritual, yet their Bond allowed her to feel the barely contained desire that burned within him and matched hers.
He turned and shook hands with Albus, thanking him sincerely, and receiving Albus's warmest congratulations with his usual implacable grace. Through the Bond, she felt his sincere pleasure at the approbation of his friend; she felt the true extent to which he did indeed consider Albus his friend. Rowena hugged Albus and thanked him through tears of happiness that she hadn't been able to wholly contain. He gave her another whiskery kiss on her cheek this time and chivvied them out of the room on pretense of having work to do.
A/N: Sorry guys.... I promised to give my 'smut' separate chapters so that those who wanted to avoid reading it could do so. (Why anyone would want to avoid it is beyond me, but hey...) Also, some of the sites where I am posting this fic do not allow 'lemons', so this makes it easier for me to leave those chapters out without spoiling the flow of the story.
Next chapter will be pure 'lemon', very little if any plot. It is currently in its second revision and should be ready by approximately Saturday the15th of May. If you are reading this on a site that does not allow me to post the 'lemon', and you want to read it, you can email me and I will send you the link to the site that has it. (wink) Please put "lemon request" in the subject line so I know it's a legitimate email. I am brutal with the use of my delete key. I hate spam!
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, more to come, happy reading!
Lisa/Shanti