Fanfiction based in the world of Harry Potter, created by JKR. Her characters are hers. Original characters are mine. No pecuniary rewards. Please see first chapter for full disclaimers and description.

I'm back!! Author page updated, story moving again, life has settled. This chapter contains mild lemon, slightly censored to meet FFN guidelines. Please email me with "lemon" in the subject line if you would like to be sent a link to the site where I post the uncensored version.

Thank you to my Beta, Elaine!

Chapter 25: Haven in the Storm

The heavy oaken door had barely closed behind Harry Potter when Severus began pacing agitatedly in Albus's office, his black robes snapping around his legs. Albus watched him over steepled fingers, the blue eyes intent and grave.

CRASH!

A small ink bottle from the Headmaster's desk was snatched up into long, pale fingers and hurled across the room to shatter spectacularly into the floo. The yellow flames sputtered and sizzled as the ink quickly bubbled and then evaporated.

"What have I done?"

The anguished tones sounded nothing like the normal baritone silk of the stoic man. Instead it sounded as though the words were ripped from his chest, rough and haggard. He stood in the center of the room, staring at the dancing flames with his shoulders hunched, the picture of pain and despair.

"Severus, you have done nothing wrong. You have gone above and beyond the call of duty time and time again..."

"Albus, SHUT UP!!!" he raged, his face contorted almost beyond recognition by violent emotions he rarely allowed anyone to see. The rapid pacing began once again, as though he could flee from the demons that pursued him. "How can you say that?!? The other things... the muggle parents of the mudblood students, we can arrange to protect."

(The Headmaster diplomatically chose not to interrupt him or correct his choice of words here, though normally he did not allow his teachers to use the term 'mudblood'.)

"The problem with Gringotts, we can work on diplomatically—I don't really think the Goblins will throw in with the Dark Lord if given viable options. Cornelius Fudge... can be... taken care of..." he said evasively.

"But the Azkaban wards—only Rowena has the key to what he wants there! We've known for months that he's been plotting ways to get at her research, yet now that we've given him the 'research', he's not satisfied—he wants the means to break it!"

A delicate glass-topped table that held one of several Wizard's chess sets in the room suddenly flew across the room in a loud clatter of broken glass and twisted metal as Severus kicked it savagely with a heavily booted foot. It hit a coat stand, sending shards of glass and chessmen flying everywhere, the indignant screams of the little pieces adding their voices to the satisfying sounds of destruction. A delicate, spindly desk-top ornament followed soon after as he picked it up and hurled it with a snarl of rage.

Through it all, Albus regarded him with benign patience over his spectacles. Eventually, there was a pause in the sounds of destruction.

"Severus," Albus said calmly, "I suggest you attempt to control yourself and approach this rationally."

Severus had stopped pacing dead in his tracks at the visible evidence of his loss of control, his chest still heaving from the exertion of his outward display of his inner turmoil. Never, since he was a very young boy, had he lost control of his temper so completely! Not even Potter's antics—either Potter—had ever made him lose control to this extent! Blatant, deliberate destruction of the Headmaster's personal effects!

The effect of this evidence and Albus's calm tone was almost instantaneous, and he did indeed FORCE his emotions back under his command. Slowly and deliberately he withdrew his wand, circling the room with uttered "Reparo"s. In short order he had repaired the damage, righted the table and replaced the chess pieces while Albus watched in silence.

"Forgive me, Headmaster. I forgot myself," he said coolly when all was restored to order.

"No, Severus," Albus said kindly, "You did not forget yourself—you have only just begun to FIND yourself. There is nothing to forgive, and I share your concern."

Fluidly, Severus sat down in the chair opposite Albus's desk and addressed him as he might have done if they were discussing an unruly student needing boundaries.

"I wish you to get Rowena out of this school at once. I want you to destroy the marriage certificate. I will release her. The Dark Lord saw her image in my mind, that much is clear. Potter's description could have come from no other source. He has heard from parents of some of our students that Potter has developed a rapport with her. The Dark Lord will now view her as a four-fold prize: A hostage to ransom for your memory of the Prophecy, a tool by which to hurt Potter, a means to break the new Azkaban wards, and a means to put my loyalty to the ultimate test.

"It was my weakness that allowed him to see her. Somehow he saw her in my thoughts; I was not shielded well enough. It is my fault she is now in danger. I will not bear that responsibility. She will be removed from these grounds at once."

The cool impassivity that he nearly always wore, and which merely deepened when he was particularly attempting to conceal stronger emotions, had become so complete that he might have been discussing the least inconvenient way to dispose of Hogwarts trash. Nothing in tone or bearing betrayed any drop of emotion.

Yet Albus inhaled sharply as though he himself was suffering great pain and his eyes became brighter than normal as he regarded the younger man.

"Severus, you do not mean that. Do not push her away. She married you with her eyes open. Nothing Voldemort could do to her would cause her as much pain and anguish as what you are suggesting. I will not send her away from the school—no where else is safer, and we need her shield work now more than ever if Voldemort truly intends to begin exterminating the Muggle parents of our students.

"It's impossible to destroy the marriage certificate, as well you know. She must sign a new certificate agreeing to annulment or divorce to end the marriage, and even then you will be Bonded to each other for life; again as you know, as YOU requested."

He watched the younger man stiffen slightly at those words, and the obsidian eyes met his with a flash of anger.

"How dare you permit that!" he hissed, and the impassivity vanished in an instant, giving way to his other familiar and comfortable defense--ANGER. "What possessed you to agree to perform the Bonding in light of the situation? How could you allow her to be placed in such danger, be tied so completely to ME??"

"Because she loves you, you love her, and even in the midst of danger there is always room for hope, time for brief moments of happiness. Every man deserves his haven from the storm—Rowena is yours. Every woman deserves to feel the love of her life's grand passion—you are hers. What you did, Severus, was an exquisite gift to both of you. Not a mistake, not a punishment, not a dangerous risk—it was a GIFT! Do not throw it away at the first sign of hardship."

Albus met the angry gaze with calm equanimity.

"You do know what Rowena believes is the only true Unforgivable by now, don't you Severus? Don't 'pull a Remus' as she says. Trust her strength and capabilities, and your love together. We will find a way to keep her safe. I will help you; you are not alone in this. Don't push her away."

It was impossible to remain angry with the one person who had seen him through every trauma of his life since arriving at Hogwarts. If he had ever viewed anyone as a 'Father Figure'—a term which he despised—it was Albus Dumbledore. For a brief moment, all pretense, all the familiar defense mechanisms melted away, and he was merely a vulnerable young man in need of comfort.

"Albus," he said brokenly, "I could not bear for something to happen to her because of me... because of her love for me... If something happens to her..."

The thought trailed off unfinished. He slumped forward, elbows on his knees; hands clasped before him and stared at the floor. His distress, for the moment was a palpable thing. He looked up at last when he felt a firm hand on his shoulder.

"I can't promise you she will be safe, Severus. No one can. I can promise to do everything I can to help protect her—to protect everyone under our charge. That is all anyone can do.

"Now. Why don't you return to your young bride and let yourself find some peace. We will have to call the Order together tomorrow evening. We have much work ahead of us. Rest while you can, Severus."

Albus grasped his hand warmly and clapped him on the shoulder as he stood.

"You are correct, Albus, of course," he said simply, and then left abruptly.

The Headmaster was not satisfied by the brief reassurance. Severus wouldn't meet his eyes at the end, and he wasn't at all sure that the young man was prepared to place that much faith in anyone or anything; not even the love of a lifetime. He had much to do and could not spare time to fret over Severus's personal decisions, but he feared that Severus was not convinced.

He woke Fawkes gently and began writing several urgent missives. Severus and Rowena would have to find their path together. He could no longer spare the time to 'meddle'.

Severus raged at the world as he made his way silently through the darkened corridors towards their quarters. "Their" quarters!! How had he allowed himself to be drawn into such an entanglement? Wasn't this precisely what he derided about 'love'? Why he would never willingly verbalize the words or admit to feeling such an attachment?

Of course the pleasant moments had been pleasant. That was a gross understatement! There were times since she had returned to his life that he actually had experienced pleasant enough sensations as to suspect that they might be strong enough to enable him to cast a Patronus at last. And not merely sensations of the flesh though those were undoubtedly wonderful, but a genuine lightness of spirit that he could not ever remember feeling in his life, even when his mother was alive.

None of that changed the material point! He was now suffering under fear and anguish the likes of which he had not experienced since he watched his father beat his mother to death. Was this the trade-off for "love"? One had to exchange brief moments of peace and pleasantness for soul-wrenching despair?

He was not at all certain that the exchange was worth it!

This was as far as he managed to get in his silent, brooding ruminations before he reached 'their' door. For a moment he almost turned and left, to return to his own quarters, chill, dark and isolated in the dungeons. But even now, in his feelings of wretchedness, he wanted to be with her. He NEEDED to be with her.

And that, perhaps, was the most frightening revelation of all.

The door opened silently, to reveal his wife curled up asleep on the sofa, plainly waiting for him. The warm wash of emotion that filled him then made him think that perhaps it WAS all worth it, after all.

"Carpe Diem", he muttered to himself under his breath. Seize the day. Was that not what Albus always tried to tell him?

Silent and graceful as a stalking panther, he moved to where she slept, her honey-brown hair fanned out beneath her like a cascade of precious silk. His body still ached from the aftermath of his 'questioning' tonight, and sleep beckoned. Neither concern held weight in the face of her soft fragrance and warm body in his arms as he lifted her easily.

"Severus?" she murmured sleepily against his neck, as she wrapped her arms around him.

"Who else would you expect to be carrying you off to your bed, wife?" he asked dryly.

"What happened? What did Harry have to say? You were so upset!" she said with concern as he laid her on the bed. Her eyes tried to scan his face in the dim light of the fire, but with little success. They glittered in the flickering light, but he revealed no emotion now, as was usual for him.

Silently he cursed himself again for his loss of control. The Bonding had apparently weakened his Occlumency in some way; or else he had not realized it would be so difficult to shield himself completely from her once Bonded. Either way, he was irritated with himself for projecting his emotions to her so clearly.

"Rowena, Albus will be holding a meeting tomorrow. I will tell you all you need to know then. For now... I would like to NOT think about it," he said wearily, laying beside her and pulling her into his arms. He had to admit that she did indeed feel like a 'haven in the storm' as Albus had said.

Sweet heavens above that had created her; she did not argue or question his weary appeal. Instead she gently twined her body with his, arms and legs tangled together so that he felt as though she was trying to meld with him. Shockingly she reached for her wand and uttered the words that instantly disrobed them both so that they were together, skin to skin, and he understood the term "bliss".

It also made him once again realize and appreciate what he would lose if he lost her, which made him fearful. Fear, for Severus, translated itself to anger, so that he lay for a long time holding her almost crushingly tight against him with a plethora of the most powerful emotions he had ever known warring within him for supremacy.

She, too, did not relax to sleep. He was certain he had closed himself from her enough now, that she should not be reading him through their bond, yet she seemed to know that he was not able to sleep. Gentle hands kneaded his shoulders and back as she lay warm and yielding against him. His body responded to her nearness in desire, even as the violent emotions swirled in a vortex inside him.

Thoughts of sleep, of aches and pains and fatigue were gone as the desire filled him, setting him afire, even with the edge of anger causing him to hover near to violence. Hungrily, almost savagely he sought and found her lips. Once before he had kissed her with the bite of savagery, and instead of recoiling away from him, she had met him with equal passion of her own.

Thus she did again! He found her honeyed lips and crushed them beneath his own, bruising, feeling as though if he could devour her completely within himself, he could somehow end this raging fear inside him and keep her safe.

The passion of his kiss excited her, even as she felt his edge of fear and desperation. These were hard and dangerous times, and he had the hardest job of all. That dark edge of danger that was as much a part of him as his billowing black robes or deep black eyes excited her, and she embraced it. So far, when he had made love to her, he had been gentle, rigidly controlled, deliberate. Delicious of course, and she loved him all the more for his tender caution as they learned to pleasure each other together.

But this... the wild, biting kisses that he left down her neck and shoulder caused her to cry out in abandon, writhing against him as her body responded primitively. He had never before allowed himself to be free of his iron control when they came together, and this change excited her further.

His groan of desire was nearly a feral growl as she dug her nails into his back in passion. She felt his need to take, to own, to conquer, and she submitted to that need willingly. His mouth found the hard pebbled surface of her nipple, and he sucked it in savagely, biting and nipping, delighting in her moans and cries.

Nothing, from either of them, was gentle or teasing. And neither of them wanted it to be so!

"Severus..." she cried his name as he left yet another bite mark on her flesh, a small red mark that in the morning would be a bruise on her breast, a love bite in evidence of his ardor. "Please!" she begged, and for an instant the still rational portion of his brain thought she was asking him to stop, that she might be protesting against the harsh attentions.

When he tried to pull away from her, however, she clutched painfully at his hair and back, parting her legs deliciously so that in a swift, savage instant they were one. It was her turn then, to leave the purple bruise on his neck, the bite of passion as he filled her.

He fitted her perfectly. When they were apart, she felt her emptiness... his body was created to fill hers, to fit with her like two pieces of a puzzle, perfectly interlocking. Her passion was increased to know that she... mousy, frigid, plain Rowena... could bring him to this state of out of control ardor!

They writhed and thrust together in hedonistic pleasure. It was too primitive, too desperate to last long, and soon they shattered into bliss together.

The savage near-violence of their union had been cathartic... a full day and more worth of fear and anxiety, doubts and anger, washed away together in their union.

Severus collapsed into her arms, burying his face into the hollow of her neck, reveling in the scent and feel of her. If Severus Snape had been of the sort to be inclined for grand emotional displays or flowery words, he might have been almost moved to tears or at least poetry at the moment. Once again she had shown him loudly in action and deed her utter and complete acceptance of him, even the Darkness within him.

However, he was not that sort, nor would she have wanted him to be so!

Instead he rolled carefully off of her and pulled her tightly, possessively into his arms. Somehow, he would keep her safe. Somehow, he would keep her...HIS He would never be able to summon the strength and unselfishness to let her go.

For the first time since they faced the school together after their secret marriage he felt at peace with the decision—had it only been Friday that they were married? Had it been only early this morning, (well, yesterday morning now that it was past midnight) since the fuss over her ring in the Great Hall? For the moment at least, he was able to believe that everything would 'work out' as Albus was fond of saying.

"Rowena?" he said gently.

"Hmmm?" she murmured sleepily against his chest.

He found himself utterly unable to say what he wished he could say... what she deserved to hear from him...

"Sleep well, my wife," he said instead.

"I love you, too, my husband," she said, grinning against his shoulder.

He snorted, but also squeezed her gently. "Enough cheek! Go to sleep."

She snuggled closer to him, if such a thing were possible, and did just that.

A/N: I want to apologize for my long absence, and assure my fans that I am once again 'on a roll'. Summer was busy with kids and it was hard to get back into the routine. Everyone send a huge hug to my beta Elaine, because without her gentle nudges, I might have procrastinated even longer! The next chapter is already nearly ready, next day or two, and others will come in quick succession. Thank you for your patience and encouragement, all of you!