"Mistakes"
It was ill-advised from the start. Riza knew that well. There was nothing sensible about it, nothing rational. Even if he hadn't been her commanding officer, even if he weren't so ambitious, even if they hadn't been besieged on every side by enemies hidden and overt – even then, it would have been a strange pairing, she straightforward, he roundabout, she corners and he cornerless.
And the fact that he was her commanding officer, and the fact that he strove for the top, and the fact that there were so many bent on their destruction made it madness.
It was the way he looked at her, though, the way he caressed her hair and the side of her face, the way his mouth always had a faint alcohol burn as though she could get drunk off his kisses, the way he held her to keep her warm in the winter, the way his eyes would smile when she spoke to him, that turned it into the sweetest madness of all. It was a love that made her feel as if she was falling, and though the fall might well end in her destruction, the exhilaration in the pit of her being was well worth any eventuality.
Besides, the very fact that it was madness, that it was such a mistake – that, in itself, was a sort of intoxication.