Disclaimer: Okay, well, lets just say that….ummm… I own nothing and will never own anything if my bank continues to rip me off.

AN: Okies, first time I have ever done this without first emailing everything to my friends and getting them to do it all for me : ) Well, read on and please enjoy.

'Stop right now, thank you very much, I need somebody with a human touch.'

Legolas was singing with great mirth and gesturing with much gusto at Aragorn.

'I whish you would shut up, I really do.' Aragorn muttered through clenched teeth.

'Singing boosts troop morale you maggot! Now drop and give me twenty!' Was the response to that rather snide comment.

'Nice healthy army… songs perhaps, but the.. Spice Girls?….. Now that's just not funny unless you're… a half witted elf… prince who hasn't the slightest…. idea what a good song… sounds like.' Aragorn huffed in-between his twenty push-ups.

The two wanders continued their wandering until such a time as they wandered across a rather interesting lump of coal.

'What a rather interesting lump of coal!' Legolas exclaimed.

'Yes, it is rather isn't it? Aragorn replied.

'Why it looks just like my hair after a really windy day, all sleek and shiny, so perfect and smooth….' Legolas drifted off into a dream like state and Aragorn promptly ran off into the bushes acting like a crazed Looney. Heck, after all that time with Legolas he was a crazed Looney.

'That's odd,' said Aragorn, 'I could've sworn I just heard some one call me a crazed Looney…'

'But you are a crazed Looney you fool!' Shouted Legolas

'AHHHHHHHHHHH I THOUGHT I LEFT YOU STAREING AT SOME PRETTY COAL YOU GREAT ELEPHANT TURD!' Aragorn screamed right back at him.

'Oh, you did. I just followed the odd voice proclaiming you a crazed Looney and then it was easy to find you. Not many raving mad men live in these parts.'

'Right on brother! And may the great salmon of ponchos protect us all to the coming of the great slide and hail of the little wing nuts!' A dirty old man with a sock on his head proclaimed, rather loudly as well I might add.

'Who was that?' a quivering Aragorn asked

'Oh, just a raving mad man, not many of those in these parts…'

'Unless we count you.' Aragorn muttered unde his breath.

'We could count you as well you know.' Legolas retorted

'Damn stupid elf half wit, don't know why I even took him on this trip, he's an idiot who can't half kill an orc. And he's always fussing over his hair which is really frustrating…' Aragorn muttered under is breath.

'I can hear you, you do realise that don't you.' Legolas said. 'And why would I want to only HALF kill an orc, that's just plain stupid. Much like your red turtle neck ensemble you wore to your coronation.' Fashion tips were becoming increasingly common on this journey.

'Legolas, will you please just shut up? I mean really.' By this stage Aragorn was beginning to resemble the shade of red that the afore mentioned top was. 'In fact, I'm going home now.

Aragorn promptly turned around and started walking back to Gondor, this was before Legolas smacked him on the back of the head with a mullet, shoved him in a sack and hung him from a tree and began hitting him with a large stick shouting 'piñata, piñata' at the top of his voice. Of course at that stage Aragorn was unconscious inside a sack, hanging of a tree and been hit by an elf prince who was shouting 'piñata, piñata.' At the top of his voice.