Fanfiction based in the world of Harry Potter, created by JKR. Her characters are hers. Original characters are mine. No pecuniary rewards. Please see first chapter for full disclaimers and description.

Thank you to my Beta, Elaine! I also have to thank Elaine's hubby, though I don't know if he wants to be named—he helped me conjugate the Latin properly for the nasty bit of Dark Magic.

Chapter 31: Losing the Game

The next time she awoke, it was to bright sunshine spilling through a nearby window and the hum of activity. Aches and pains that she had expected did not wrack her body. The first face she saw was that of her father, diligently performing the "Solicify" charm she had developed. It was odd to be on the receiving end of the charm, but she was pleased to note that it was very effective.

"Where am I?" she asked him, her voice little more than a croak.

"Hogwarts love," he said with a strained smile. "Professor Snape brought you back here late last night. I working on a difficult case, I couldn't get here until just a little while ago."

"Where is Severus?"

"Hi, Rowena! You're awake I see," Remus poked his head around the dividing screen and gave her a worried smile. Tonks was at his side beaming. She looked very thin, but her violently purple hair was oddly reassuring.

"I think it was a right mistake for you not to be an Auror at that," Tonks teased, "Sounds to me like you got a good taste of the business last night."

"Where is Severus?" she asked again, trying to sit up, though her father's strong hand on her shoulder prevented it. She was beginning to feel slightly panicky when they wouldn't answer her, and instead 'probed' their Bond. It was unchanged… like trying to caress a brick wall… but at least the wall still stood!

The other three exchanged nervous glances and then John drew up chairs around her bed.

"He's here, honey, in his rooms I would guess. He wouldn't tell anyone but Albus what happened. I expect Albus will be here soon to speak with you. The important thing is, you two accomplished what you set out to accomplish last night. Tonks was able to swap places with Claire again—she is very ill and probably won't live to Christmas. Tonks has been able to give all sorts of information she heard when everyone believed 'Claire' to be unconscious or insane, so it was worth the risk in the long run. And Professor Snape "passed" whatever "test" he needed to "pass" to keep spying for Dumbledore. So it's all good, no worries, alright?"

"If it's all good and no worries, why isn't he here?" she demanded in that croaky voice that didn't sound like her own. "I was always here for him when he endured that shite. Why is he hiding from me now?"

She felt dangerously close to tears, and was relieved when Albus Dumbledore entered the ward.

"Ah, Rowena. Awake I see. I believe you have some questions for me," he said benignly. His gaze flicked lightly over her visitors, betraying nothing, but they took the hint and left the ward quickly.

"Where is Severus?" she asked for the third time since regaining consciousness, a definite edge of fear and irritation in her injured voice.

"Severus is hiding in his dungeons," Albus said succinctly. "He is very distressed by what occurred. Actually, angry might be a better word. Perhaps enraged?"

"What does he have to be angry about? Isn't that why we went in there? To pass that blasted "test" and get Tonks out? Shouldn't he be glad that we got out of there alive?"

"Rowena, surely you know by now how much Severus takes guilt onto himself for these things. I suspect he could have dealt with the treatment and ultimate death of Miss Mulciber fairly well by justifying to himself that she was a Death Eater. However, being forced to question you in the presence of Voldemort…"

"Oh, no… that part was real? He was really there? I thought I heard things, but nothing was very clear at the time. I think I was trying NOT to believe that he was there."

"Yes. Voldemort was in the room, behind an Invisibility Charm. Perhaps you should just listen while I explain Severus's side of what occurred."

"Why doesn't he come and tell me this?"

"Why don't you lie back and listen and perhaps you will know why he doesn't come and tell you this," he chided gently but firmly. Properly chagrinned, she did just that.

"Severus has been coming under increased scrutiny lately, as you know. I suspect he had a hand in Fudge's removal, though honestly I admit I'd rather not know the truth of that myself.

"I would not have condoned such an action, but to Severus's world-view, once Fudge took the Mark, he was 'fair game' so to speak. I tend to share Alastor's view on the matter: that it does not help us to defeat our enemy if we become our enemy. However, there is no denying that Cornelius Fudge had become very dangerous. A Death Eater as Minister of Magic? I was working stridently to find ways to prove his alliance and remove him from office before he could do any real damage. I was not having a great deal of success. I admit it is most convenient that he is… gone.

"The same applies to the young Miss Mulciber. She was indeed a Death Eater. She was responsible for more atrocities than I would like to think a young lady of her intelligence could possibly do. She had disobeyed some order or another of Voldemort's, and Severus received a command to 'discipline' her during the time he was away from you. Voldemort wanted to make sure he was unquestioningly obedient, and test your loyalty to Severus in the process.

"When she attempted to poison you, her life was immediately forfeit. Voldemort had ordered you uninjured so he could question you. Had Severus NOT killed her, someone else would have, and less mercifully so, and the suspicion of Severus would have increased even further. Voldemort likes to use his 'punishments' as examples to the others, so even though she was 'sentenced' to death by her own actions, the 'discipline' had to be administered first—the three minute Cruciatus you witnessed."

"Albus, I KNOW he only did what he had to do. I don't need these explanations! I just want to see him… to talk to him..," she interrupted, feeling almost frantic.

The Headmaster raised a hand to quiet her and continued as though she hadn't spoken.

"Severus suspected you might be subjected to Veritaserum—either of you over the course of the evening. He also feared that you might be subjected to Crucio if you were 'too stubborn' to Portkey away." Blue eyes twinkled slightly at her in spite of the severity of the subject, "By the way, 'too stubborn' is Severus's description, not mine. I rather think from the sounds of things you performed admirably. I fear Severus does not quite see it that way.

"At any rate, the antidote he gave you had something in it designed to interact with Veritaserum. The end result was a combined effect that would cause you to lose consciousness nearly irrevocably after 60 seconds of the Cruciatus. He intentionally applied it in short bursts to minimize the damage. Voldemort, of course, ordered that he be the one to question you, the ultimate test of his loyalty. When they were unable to revive you after the last application, Voldemort was convinced that Severus had tortured you enough to cause some level of serious damage.

"He was restored to Voldemort's 'good graces' such as they are, by that demonstration. Voldemort wanted to keep you there, to ransom you as we have mentioned in the Order meetings. Fortunately Lucius was the one to object to this, and so Severus did not have to rouse suspicion anew by inventing excuses as to why that would not be wise. Apparently one of the guests among the non-Death Eaters was a worker for the Daily Prophet. Lucius does not want to be tied to the kidnapping of a Hogwarts Professor out of his own Estate. Voldemort saw the logic of keeping Lucius out of Azkaban, and relented, and so Severus was allowed to bring you here.

"Of course, it is assumed that you were Obliviated and have no recollection of these events. Once you arrived here, he administered the antidote to the combined potions… and came to tell me of the events. After which he quite literally sealed himself in his dungeon. No one but the house elves have seen him. Fortunately, there is one that is particularly fond of him and is not afraid to take him food no matter what the state of his temper."

"He's angry with me because I wouldn't leave when he wanted me to," she said in a small, defeated voice.

"Yes."

"Even though he would have been killed!"

"Yes."

"So… what? I was just supposed to Portkey away and pretend I wasn't leaving the love of my life to be tortured to death?" she asked, her voice rising in both panic and indignation.

"I'm sure he's never endured worse torment than to have to be the one to cause you pain, Rowena. He is facing the guilt of that directed toward himself, and the anger at the people who forced him into that position—namely you, me, and Voldemort."

"So what do I do?" she asked helplessly. "He did what he had to do. I did what I had to do. This is a bloody war, not a picnic! How do we fix this?"

"I don't know, Rowena. Honestly I don't. I recommend giving him time. He is not unfamiliar with the trauma of war," he said dryly. "Get some rest. Poppy won't release you for at least a day or two. I'll try and get Severus to come and visit you before then.

"The important thing for right now is that you both survived, and Severus is no longer under the threat of suspicion. That will go far to assuring his safety in the long run. I have faith that things will work out. Love is the most powerful force in the universe, after all. Voldemort can't destroy that unless you let him."

He stood and made his way to the door.

"I'll try to get Severus to come. Rest," he repeated, and then he was gone.

Sleep was a long time in coming, and was troubled. She was in no way unaffected by what had happened, and Severus refusing to come and see her did not ease her anxiety. In the end it took a strong dose of Dreamless Sleep potion which Pomfrey had to coax her into using.

Dumbledore returned later that evening and asked her to agree to stay in the hospital wing, unseen by other residents of the castle, for several days at least. If she was to be believed 'incapacitated' by the treatment, there needed to be a believable period of time required for her recovery. Draco was not the only Death Eater child who had remained at Hogwarts. Because the request and the consequence of not following it would directly impact Severus's safety, she complied with a minimum of complaint. Her father and brother were allowed to visit her freely, as would Severus have been, had he come. But he did not.

After the third day of trying to entertain and comfort his sister who was nearly beside herself with worry, Remus decided he'd had just about enough. It was nearly Christmas, Rowena looked worse every day rather than better, and if she happened to fall asleep in the afternoon, she invariably woke up screaming. As far as Remus was concerned, Severus was more than welcome to wallow in whatever hell he chose, but damned if Remus was going to allow the git to drag his sister into it!

He had to pound on Severus's dungeon door for nearly ten minutes before it finally opened.

"Go the hell away, Lupin. You are not welcome here," Severus's harsh voice sounded more like a dry hiss as it echoed into the hallway from the darkness of the barely opened door.

Remus was not normally one to solve anything with physical confrontations, but for the moment he was very glad for the lycanthropy that enhanced his physical strength as the full moon neared. It was no great effort to force the door open, even with Snape attempting to hold it closed and swearing at him in the process. The room beyond was utter blackness the likes of which can only be obtained in a windowless dungeon.

A flick of his wand, "Lumos," and the sconces on the walls lit themselves. Remus regarded the man who seemed destined to be his brother-in-law angrily, but the tirade he had intended to deliver died before finding voice.

"You look worse than she does, Snape," he growled, though with much less anger than he felt a few moments before. "Does it mean nothing to you that she's been asking for you for three days?"

Severus indeed looked 'worse'. His hand had shot up to guard his eyes from the sudden flare of light. He clearly had not shaved in days, and the rumpled robes he wore were of expensive black satin—it appeared he had not even changed out of his 'party' clothing from three days before. His usually sallow skin looked almost translucent from fatigue, there were heavy dark circles under his eyes, and the stubble of pitch-black beard only emphasized the pallor even more.

"Get the hell out of my quarters, Lupin, and mind your own bloody business!" he snarled, his face twisted in rage.

"My sister IS my business, Snape. When you put that ring on her finger, you made your business my business too… at least when it involves her."

Snape stalked away from him and sat heavily in a dark leather chair near the empty fire. The room was only a bearable temperature because of the environmental control charms about the castle, but it was still quite chill.

"No doubt she will be remedying that as soon as she has the opportunity, so you can rest easy in your relief. We will be spared any familial ties, and your authority to meddle where you do not belong will also be gone. Get out."

Remus was rather surprised when Severus turned away from him like that. Obviously he was completely exhausted or he would not have walked away so quickly from all the makings of a good row.

"So that's what this is, is it? You think she's going to brush you off after what happened? By the Gods, Snape, for as intelligent as you like everyone to think you are, you can be a right idiot sometimes! She's done nothing less than give you her whole heart and soul, and asked nothing of you in return."

The dark wand was in his hand in the blink of an eye, aiming lazily at Remus, though the anger in his voice reverberated through the room.

"What she got in return was bloody near dead. Do not push me, Lupin, I have already proved myself adept at the Unforgivables to one member of your clan. I'm not sure that I would hesitate to do so again. I am certainly not of a humor to test my own limits. One more time, I tell you to get out of my quarters!"

"You are a fool, Snape. A bloody cursed fool. You don't deserve her!" Remus hissed, his anger easily a match for Snape's. He was fairly certain that Snape wouldn't curse him, but decided not to test that belief. He turned on his heel and left, slamming the door behind him.

Rowena stayed in the Hospital wing for most of the winter holiday. She didn't want to return to her own empty quarters, and Severus had not come to see her or even sent her any word or inquiry after her. Tonks visited her often, with debriefing exercises to help her overcome the emotional trauma of the actual event. Watching someone be killed is not something one easily forgets. She was soon able to put it in perspective, however, and was no longer needing potions to sleep. If she occasionally woke frightened and even crying, well, that was to be expected.

When her family visited, they smuggled in books and papers from her quarters that would give her something to do and prevent her from falling behind in her marking. End of term grades still needed to be sent out before the winter holiday was over.

She finally announced her intention to be 'well enough' to return to her own quarters four days after Christmas so she could finish her paperwork to get the marks out as expected. Surprisingly, it was this day that Severus chose to visit her, and then it was on 'official' business.

He swept into the room nonchalantly with the stack of student reports as he had done many times over the course of the preceding term. He barely glanced at her, and his tone was aloof.

"I understand you are leaving the hospital in the morning. It is safe then, to assume you are well enough to sign these. The Headmaster would like them to be out with the morning post."

He set the stack of papers on the small over-bed table that she had turned into a makeshift desk of sorts, next to her quill and ink. She had been so surprised to see him enter that she hadn't yet managed fully register that he was HERE. Her eyes devoured him, noting the severe pallor and gaunt look of his face. It had been only a week, yet he looked thinner even than usual. She could easily imagine that he had spent the week alternately consuming himself with guilt and railing at the rest of them involved in anger. It showed.

"Severus?" she said inquiringly, searchingly. He seemed a stranger to her! "Can't we talk about what happened?"

"There is nothing to discuss. I warned you of what might occur and prepared you to the best of my ability. You were given multiple opportunities to leave the situation and chose not to do so. I had no choice in the matter. It is fortunate that you are unharmed. End of discussion."

As might be expected, she bristled at once. However, the week in the hospital wing without seeing him had given her time to think on the matter, on their whole relationship. At every turn, she struggled to convince him of her belief in him, her love for him. At every turn, he struggled to find ways to doubt her. It reminded her of something her mother often told her, 'If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for.' Perhaps Severus could not understand the value of what they shared because it had been 'too easy' for him. Nothing in his life had ever been 'easy'.

She decided, in the long hours of solitude, that she was done fighting to prove herself to him. He either had to come and trust and believe in her on his own, or they had no future. She could not bear his constant doubting!

A thin black brow raised slightly in surprise when she inked her quill and began signing the stack of papers in silence. Clearly he had been expecting an argument. It wasn't until she finished the stack and was in the act of handing them back to him that she felt a sharp stab of something like painful longing, or perhaps even remorse through their Bond, though his face betrayed nothing.

"Very well, Lupin," he said, thumbing through the stack as though to make certain she had signed them all.

"Snape," she said stubbornly. She wasn't going to fight with him about her feelings or his worthiness anymore, but she wasn't going to let him forget that she was his wife!

A rather twisted, almost pained smirk crossed his face as he pulled two bits of parchment out of the stack in his hand. He handed one to her.

"Lupin. There is your copy of the Dissolution Decree. This," gesturing with the other that he carefully placed in his pocket, "is mine. I suggest you either burn it or keep it someplace exceedingly safe. I will be having Albus burn the original marriage certificate when I show him the Dissolution. A paper trail in these times is a dangerous thing."

She stared in disbelief at the parchment in her hand. In very Slytherin like fashion, he had concealed the document among the student papers and she had signed them all, out of habit. She trusted him and had no reason to look through the papers carefully!

White-hot anger filled her and she made no effort to subdue it.

"That's all well and good, Snape," she snarled, "but it doesn't change the Bond, does it! You were the one who wanted that! What good does a 'Dissolution of Marriage' certificate do for that? Nothing! And why all the secrecy? Do you think I would have held you to a marriage you didn't want? Why would I want to be with someone who didn't want me??"

"The Bonding ritual was an error in judgement," he said placidly, as though he had just said, 'It's a bit chill outside today'. "I believe I have found the necessary procedure to remove it, should you wish."

The diamond ring in the golden band felt heavy and cold on her finger. It was interesting to note, in that remote portion of her mind that seemed to always catalog things rationally even in the midst of distress, that the term 'heart break' was very descriptive. She had not known that emotional grief and distress of this kind would actually manifest itself in a deep aching pain just behind her breastbone. It felt as though a huge, heavy hand was crushing her chest, making breathing difficult, each heartbeat felt bruised and painful. He didn't want her, didn't want to be tied to her. By the Gods, she wasn't going to beg!

Yet even in her grief and pain, there was the anger there as well. He was 'pulling a Remus'. He had to be. He loved her! He had never said as much in words, but she had felt it… through the bond.

The bond he no longer wanted to share with her.

She pulled the ring off her finger and threw it at him with all the strength she could muster in her distress. He didn't flinch, allowing it to strike him. A savage part of her was pleased when it hit him on one fine, high cheekbone, causing a grazed scratch to appear and trickle a crimson line along his fair skin. The tinkling, clinking sound it made when it hit the floor, clattering and skidding against the stone seemed to echo in the silence.

"Should I wish? What the hell do you care what I wish now? Fine. If you can end this thing, then do it. I never asked you for it! I'll be damned if I'll spend my life tied to someone who doesn't want me!" Her words came out harsh and angry, but she was glad. She didn't want him to know how much she was hurting; the grief welling up inside of her was, for the moment, too agonizing even for tears.

He nodded once, making no comment on her tirade, and withdrew his Dark wand, a small, very shiny black bowl and several other instruments from a pocket. He cleared a space on the table next to her bed and set the bowl upon it. When he spoke, it was in the cool, detached tones of Professor to Student.

"To break the Binding requires sanguis d'cor, 'blood of the heart'. The word 'cor', in Latin means both heart and soul. Arterial blood will suffice. Your left arm, please?"

He held out his hand over the black bowl, expectantly. Too dazed and hurting to care, she placed her arm in the open palm, her wrist exposed over the bowl. In the same motion he used when collecting blood for the Rejuvenating potion, he stabbed into the artery in one swift, clean motion of the knife. She made no sound or indication of pain. Indeed, the slight discomfort was nothing compared to the aching of her heart!

The scarlet liquid that spurted forth in time with her beating heart looked even darker in the black dish. No doubt he had some specific measurement, because at some unknown signal, he placed his thumb over the cut, stopping the blood flow. He then tapped the wound with his wand and used a simple healing spell to seal it. He repeated the process with his own left wrist so that their combined blood nearly filled the small dish.

He took her left hand again in his, his right hand held the Dark wand and directed the incantation. She observed in the numb, rational silence that seemed to be in control of her body at the moment.

When Dumbledore had performed the Bonding, there had been a beautiful network of shimmery white light that seemed to weave them together, heart to heart, and then became invisible. There had been that 'hint of darkness' as Albus had called it, and their blood had been required for that as well. But this magic felt incredibly different, heavy and sinister. As soon as he started the incantations, the 'webbing' was visible again, an intricate pattern of light connecting their bodies.

The blood in the bowl seemed to become some sort of reddish-black ink, retracing the path of this 'webbing'. Yet wherever the blackness touched, the webbing beneath it vanished, as though eaten away with acid, though it left a smoky shadow of itself behind. As each line disappeared, a pain like a physical stab of a knife shot through her chest.

She was unaware of the pounding sound at the door outside the hospital wing. She hadn't noticed when he had entered the room, but apparently he had strongly warded the door against entrance, as someone was frantically trying to get inside. She couldn't even hear his voice or words clearly. All her awareness seemed clouded, fuzzy, as though she was watching the horrible scene from outside her own body, through a fog… though the pain was very real. At last the magical webbing was reduced to the thick, heavy cord that stretched from her chest to his, the largest, most important link.

"Abrupe affinitatem, Necate amorem."

There was a sudden slicing sensation, as though she had been split in two right down the middle, an agony so intense and overwhelming that she barely uttered a soft scream before the pain caused her to lose consciousness completely. It was well that she had been sitting on the bed, as she simply fell backward onto it.

The incantation was complete, and Severus staggered against the wall clutching his own chest. Yet there was a thoughtful frown on his face. A faint shadow of the original magic webbing remained, like a smoky mist. It gradually faded into invisibility, but the intense pain did not.

Still, he had expected a huge argument and battle over this solution to their problems that he had developed. In the end it had gone more easily than he had thought it would. He couldn't help feeling that perhaps he had finally 'won' a round in this terrible game.

The door burst open at last and Albus Dumbledore stormed into the room. The aura of power and command that he often tried to subdue and conceal now cloaked him so that his flashing blue eyes glittered with anger. He took in the scene at a glance—Rowena once again either asleep or unconscious on her bed, and Severus standing calmly near the door, a stack of parchment in his hand.

"Severus," Albus's voice snapped, "Tell me you did NOT just perform Dark Magic on another human being in my school!!"

The dried blood on Severus's cheek added stark contrast to the harsh pallor of his skin as he straightened his shoulders and moved the few steps closer to face the Headmaster.

"I did what was necessary," he said, without a drop of remorse in his voice. He began leafing through the papers in his hands and handing them one by one to the Headmaster. "I have released Miss Lupin from our marriage and the Bond. Here is the Dissolution. I would ask that you destroy the original Certificate of Marriage. Here is documentation of the magic I used to sever the bond in case it should be needed information to restore her to health. Here are instructions as to where to find my syllabus and curriculum notes for the rest of the year, and here is my resignation from my post. Of course I will continue in my role for the Order until it is either no longer necessary or my own death makes it impossible to continue."

He met the Headmaster's angry eyes at last, and the fear, guilt, and worry of the past days and weeks that swam in the black depths of his own were clear to the Headmaster's practiced gaze. His voice lost some of its cold impassivity, making him sound almost lost, "I cannot allow her to be used as a tool against me any more, Albus."

"Severus, you poor fool! Do you really think any magic is strong enough to kill the love you have together? 'Abrupe affinitatem, Necate amorem'? Love endures, Severus. You may have reduced your Bond to a mere shadow of it's former self, but magic fueled with love of that strength can't be destroyed."

He shook his head and frowned angrily at his Potions Master from over his half-moon spectacles. "Your resignation is refused. You performed the Darkest of Magics on another human being within my school. You have committed a very serious crime, Severus. Against me. Against Hogwarts. Against Rowena. But most importantly, against yourself. You will stay here and teach as your contract demands."

"Albus, be reasonable! Imagine how she will feel to be forced to endure my presence on a daily basis!" Severus protested angrily.

"Oh yes, I think it will be very hard for her," he agreed mildly, though his face still betrayed his own anger. "I can think of no more suitable punishment in light of the circumstance than for you to bear witness to the consequences of your actions by facing Professor Lupin each day, professionally. I will not allow you to hide from this."

He shredded the 'resignation' letter and tossed the bits carelessly into the air. "Evanesco. I will expect you at breakfast tomorrow."

When the door shut behind him, Severus stood in the defeated realization that he had not 'won' anything at all. In fact, he felt that he had actually lost something of vital importance. He also had the sudden insight that the Dark Lord held nothing at all over Albus Dumbledore when it came to knowing how to 'punish' a man!

AN: Again thank you to Elaine's hubby for repairing my Latin, which was, before, a horrible mutilation of the intent I was seeking. "Abrupe affinitatem, Necate amorem" means "Break the Bond, Kill the Love".

Poor Severus. From here on out he is going to have to work hard to try and earn back what was so freely given to him before. If he can get himself to recognize he WANTS it back.

Thank you to everyone for your patience—we had a lovely Christmas with our four little children, but as you can imagine, it was busy and hectic, so writing dropped to the wayside for a bit. Sorry to leave you such a horrid cliffhanger last chapter—I hate those myself. Next chapter coming soon.